It depends ...

If her mother left her father and raised them till they became adults, BE CAREFUL. In fact be very very very careful.
Only by the grace of God can such a girl be a good wife; i.e someone that can do necessary things to stay married.

Thing is that, she would hold her mother as her role model, because her mother raised her "successfully".
To her, everything her mother did (including leaving her father) was right.

She would always be ready to leave you too, because her role model did it "successfully.

The only caveat (or exception) to this conclusion is situation where the girl blamed her mother for leaving her father, and quarreled with her mother about it. In that instance the mother is NOT her role model, and she would be fine.

[quote author=pleasureosondu post=120102069][/quote]

You can only love someone/something that's valuable. A lady with good qualities is easily lovable but the issue is, she needs to be taught. Who should be her teachers?? Definitely the parents. Of course, each parent has unique qualities so if any of the parent is absent via separation, the effects is the increase in divorce we see today.
[color=#550000][/color]

This thing you said is not as true and accurate as you think it is.

Children will eventually grow up and make a decision for themselves. So no matter our best efforts, we can only hope and pray they turn out well.

pleasureosondu:
I'm not a victim?? You really don't have an idea of what kids(adults) from separated homes go through. Parents don't understand the mental effects of their separation on their kids. With my experience, it's a huge risk marrying a lady from a Separated Home

But would you have preferred they stay together even though it's toxic for all of you?

Naira20:
It's not me.
It's what marriage should be.

Anything can be abusive to people nowadays.

You chose the lady or man out of many other people. Why marry him/her when you are not ready to make things work?

It's better to stay single and intolerable than bring kids who won't enjoy the love of both parents.

What has caused separation in some marriages were successfully managed by others.

People like you are the reason women like Osinachi die in abusive marriages.

That woman stayed and also damaged her kids in the process. Her husband made her children also beat her. You think those children will still be normal?

It will take the grace of God for her son's to not be wife beaters.

It's easy to spew things like this when you've never experienced the situation or had people who have.

It's best to choose life and peace of mind over what people like you will say or think about them or their children.

Romanoff:


But would you have preferred they stay together even though it's toxic for all of you?

To be honest, staying isn't nice but believe me, separation is worse especially for the kids. The disaster isn't printable from their perspective.

And seperation solves one challenge but opens up many more, both for the couples and their kids. Abeg, parents must find a way to deoxidize their problems. Seperation only escalates the issues.

pleasureosondu:
To be honest, staying isn't nice but believe me, separation is worse especially for the kids. The disaster isn't printable from their perspective.

And seperation solves one challenge but opens up many more, both for the couples and their kids. Abeg, parents must find a way to deoxidize their problems. Seperation only escalates the issues.

Separation is not worse. Separation is better than staying and ruining not just the lives of the parents but that of the kids.

It takes courage to separate from a bad marriage.

Until you've been there or experienced it with people you care about, it's easy to judge from the outside.

Truth is there's a likelihood of a pattern repeating.

If you have a choice, don't marry from a separated home.

Check out the book" Things I'd Wish I had Known Before Marriage"
Lots of insight on this matter there.

What about the man that was raised by this type of single mother who didn't teach her son anything?

Do you think the man will be good for marriage too?

What advice would you give a close female relative if she brings home a man brought up by a 'supposedly irresponsible single mother'?

Fiscus105:




If a man marries a lady from single mum, I will advise him to have big endurance, because, ladies that usually brought up from single mum, normally lack experience of how wife do take care of husband and submissive in marriage.

....... she might not know, how "not" to welcome different visitors at home, male inclusive (cos her single mum she knew, normally do it)

She might not know, how to buy good/replace husband dishes that they used to serve food (cos she never experienced that her mother served her dad food before)

She might go out and come back home whenever she wants (her experience from her mother,who is not under any man)etc

Romanoff:


People like you are the reason women like Osinachi die in abusive marriages.

That woman stayed and also damaged her kids in the process. Her husband made her children also beat her. You think those children will still be normal?

It will take the grace of God for her son's to not be wife beaters.

It's easy to spew things like this when you've never experienced the situation or had people who have.

It's best to choose life and peace of mind over what people like you will say or think about them or their children.

I'll address the bolded statement in a civil manner.

Your statements reveals that you must've experienced seperation either as a first (parent) or second (kid)subject. The point of this thread is the effects of separation on kids and the society at large.

You see, I really didn't want to talk about why separation occurs but I'm an optimistic person, so I'd say there's no toxic marriage that can't be detoxified if the both of you are willing to let go of selfish interest. Your last paragraph shows selfish interest and honestly, if you still remarry, separation won't depart cos you don't have what it takes (qualities) to hold it. You think separation doesn't have it's problems? You must be a lady

Romanoff:


Separation is not worse. Separation is better than staying and ruining not just the lives of the parents but that of the kids.

It takes courage to separate from a bad marriage.

Until you've been there or experienced it with people you care about, it's easy to judge from the outside.

there's nothing like bad marriage. You've not done the right things for the right reasons, that's why you ain't getting the right results. If you're a lady, you must learn the do's and don'ts of your husband and vice versa. And there must be a courteous intent to sick to them. Selfish interest must be relegated, especially for the ladies. No lady from a separated home can understand these points cos they think seperation is the easy way out of toxic marriage which in most cases, they're the guilty party.

pleasureosondu:
I'll address the bolded statement in a civil manner.

Your statements reveals that you must've experienced seperation either as a first (parent) or second (kid)subject. The point of this thread is the effects of separation on kids and the society at large.

You see, I really didn't want to talk about why separation occurs but I'm an optimistic person, so I'd say there's no toxic marriage that can't be detoxified if the both of you are willing to let go of selfish interest. Your last paragraph shows selfish interest and honestly, if you still remarry, separation won't depart cos you don't have what it takes (qualities) to hold it. You think separation doesn't have it's problems? You must be a lady

Falsehood.

There are some toxic marriages beyond detoxification, it is to the best interest of all that it ends.

pleasureosondu:
there's nothing like bad marriage. You've not done the right things for the right reasons, that's why you ain't getting the right results. If you're a lady, you must learn the do's and don'ts of your husband and vice versa. And there must be a courteous intent to sick to them. Selfish interest must be relegated, especially for the ladies. No lady from a separated home can understand these points cos they think seperation is the easy way out of toxic marriage which in most cases, they're the guilty party.

Like I said, it's easy to judge from the outside till it hits close to home.

pleasureosondu:
I'll address the bolded statement in a civil manner.

Your statements reveals that you must've experienced seperation either as a first (parent) or second (kid)subject. The point of this thread is the effects of separation on kids and the society at large.

You see, I really didn't want to talk about why separation occurs but I'm an optimistic person, so I'd say there's no toxic marriage that can't be detoxified if the both of you are willing to let go of selfish interest. Your last paragraph shows selfish interest and honestly, if you still remarry, separation won't depart cos you don't have what it takes (qualities) to hold it. You think separation doesn't have it's problems? You must be a lady

You think if both party are willing to make it work, that people will just up and leave their marriage?

I am not a product of a separated home. My mum's parents are still alive and very much married.

My dad was the only child of his parents before they both died.

So if one party is not willing to make the marriage work, the other person should die in the marriage.

I get your optimism, I am strongly against divorce, you can go through my posts to see that.

But I'm also realistic enough to know these things are inevitable in case of domestic abuse, gross irresponsibility and infidelity.

Let's be saying the truth. Will you stay married to a wife who cheats blatantly and refuses to change?

Talk true before Ogun go kill you.

Mindlog:


Falsehood.

There are some toxic marriages beyond detoxification, it is to the best interest of all that it ends.

So ask yourself, why will a normal guy/girl initiate a toxic relationship in the beginning? Why Will someone be attracted to a toxic person in the first place? Or was there an action or actions that occurred in the marriage which tilt a once happy marriage to a toxic one?

Romanoff:


You think if both party are willing to make it work, that people will just up and leave their marriage?

I am not a product of a separated home. My mum's parents are still alive and very much married.

My dad was the only child of his parents before they both died.

So if one party is not willing to make the marriage work, the other person should die in the marriage.

I get your optimism, I am strongly against divorce, you can go through my posts to see that.

But I'm also realistic enough to know these things are inevitable in case of domestic abuse, gross irresponsibility and infidelity.

Let's be saying the truth. Will you stay married to a wife who cheats blatantly and refuses to change?

Talk true before Ogun go kill you.

At the bolded statement .

As a Christian, the legal basis for seperation or divorce is adultery. And the fact that she doesn't want to change is worrisome. This is the only basis I support separation. But I hold your kids understands this and you're doing your best to be a firm dad to them, especially your daughter(s)? They are innocent and will be scared for life, man. Talking from experience.

pleasureosondu:
So ask yourself, why will a normal guy/girl initiate a toxic relationship in the beginning? Why Will someone be attracted to a toxic person in the first place? Or was there an action or actions that occurred in the marriage which tilt a once happy marriage to a toxic one?

I don't need to ask myself as it is my daily 9-5 job.

Overwhelming majority of toxic people who intend getting involved in romantic relationship , don't carry their badge around

Some of them are the coolest people you can think about....jovial, wellspoken, sauve, friendly etc but the personality disorder simmering beneath is mind-blowing.

Mindlog:


I don't need to ask myself as it is my daily 9-5 job.

Overwhelming majority of toxic people who intend getting involved in romantic relationship , don't carry their badge around

Some of them are the coolest people you can think about....jovial, wellspoken, sauve, friendly etc but the personality disorder simmering beneath is mind-blowing.

Then, people should learn not to do things that triggers it. You think they love to lose their friendly disposition? Problem exist when these boundaries ain't respected.

pleasureosondu:
At the bolded statement .

As a Christian, the legal basis for seperation or divorce is adultery. And the fact that she doesn't want to change is worrisome. This is the only basis I support separation. But I hold your kids understands this and you're doing your best to be a firm dad to them, especially your daughter(s)? They are innocent and will be scared for life, man. Talking from experience.

I've seen kids resent their mother for staying with their abusive father.

Domestic violence in the civil sense is grounds for separation. Marriage is for the living, not for the dead.

If your kids are seeing what's going on, trust me, they will understand why it's best that you both separate.

Sweet right up.
You come go spoil am with ogun.
Wetin concern ogun with this matter?
ogun softly dey e own, you dey disturb am ?

Romanoff:


You think if both party are willing to make it work, that people will just up and leave their marriage?

I am not a product of a separated home. My mum's parents are still alive and very much married.

My dad was the only child of his parents before they both died.

So if one party is not willing to make the marriage work, the other person should die in the marriage.

I get your optimism, I am strongly against divorce, you can go through my posts to see that.

But I'm also realistic enough to know these things are inevitable in case of domestic abuse, gross irresponsibility and infidelity.

Let's be saying the truth. Will you stay married to a wife who cheats blatantly and refuses to change?

Talk true before Ogun go kill you.

LLSAINT:
Sweet right up.
You come go spoil am with ogun.
Wetin concern ogun with this matter?
ogun softly dey e own, you dey disturb am ?

I just wan make e talk true na.

I dey your side Sweetie

Romanoff:


I just wan make e talk true na.

pleasureosondu:
I'll address the bolded statement in a civil manner.

Your statements reveals that you must've experienced seperation either as a first (parent) or second (kid)subject. The point of this thread is the effects of separation on kids and the society at large.

You see, I really didn't want to talk about why separation occurs but I'm an optimistic person, so I'd say there's no toxic marriage that can't be detoxified if the both of you are willing to let go of selfish interest. Your last paragraph shows selfish interest and honestly, if you still remarry, separation won't depart cos you don't have what it takes (qualities) to hold it. You think separation doesn't have it's problems? You must be a lady

As per the bolded, explain how to detoxify a toxic marriage where the man beats the wife, then makes the children beat their mother, let's learn something new from you today.

pleasureosondu:
Then, people should learn not to do things that triggers it. You think they love to lose their friendly disposition? Problem exist when these boundaries ain't respected.

Make out time to study Personality Psychology and if you have to tip-toe around an intimate partner, you are busy wasting your time

Amopeekun:
What about the man that was raised by this type of single mother who didn't teach her son anything?

Do you think the man will be good for marriage too?

What advice would you give a close female relative if she brings home a man brought up by a 'supposedly irresponsible single mother'?

The same things will play out, but dnt forget the post is about a lady from single parent.

Meanwhile, some single mothers teach their daughters about marital issues, even more that married woman, but if the lady experiences it from angle of practical experience from married parents that would have better off, than advice from single parent.

Romanoff:


Separation is not worse. Separation is better than staying and ruining not just the lives of the parents but that of the kids.

It takes courage to separate from a bad marriage.

Until you've been there or experienced it with people you care about, it's easy to judge from the outside.

.


Though, I hardly pity many of you ladies that latter become single mothers o, majority of you(ladies) usually run after outward rather than good characters when u re about to choose life partners.

That's raw fact ok

Fiscus105:
.


Though, I hardly pity many of you ladies that latter become, single mothers o, majority of you(ladies) usually run after outward rather than good characters when u re about to choose life partners.

The way some of you just conclude that single mothers chose wrong is shocking.

You think you can know someone 100%? You've not heard of how people pretend till you marry them and see that they are monsters?

There's nothing wrong with being a single mother. For every single mother, there's a man like you who led to her being single.

Let's be kind, no one knows tomorrow. Even your daughter fit be single mother tomorrow.

If you never marry, just pray make you know marry person wey go deceive you with "good character",cause many will put up a good front till you marry them and see that they are monsters. Na when you enter your eye go clear.

Romanoff:


The way some of you just conclude that single mothers chose wrong is shocking.

You think you can know someone 100%? You've not heard of how people pretend till you marry them and see that they are monsters?

There's nothing wrong with being a single mother. For every single mother, there's a man like you who led to her being single.

Let's be kind, no one knows tomorrow. Even your daughter fit be single mother tomorrow.

If you never marry, just pray make you know marry person wey go deceive you with "good character",cause many will put up a good front till you marry them and see that they are monsters. Na when you enter your eye go clear.

I have married for years.


I repeat, majority (not all) of single mothers caused it upon themselves, and its mainly because of pure outward assessment of a guy (hypergamy) when choosing partner.


I want to ask you a question and I want you to answer it sincerely, "in ur mind o"

If you are into serious relationship with a guy who is a teacher in public school and of a sudden, another guys just arrived and he is a medical doctor in teaching hospital.

Won't you forget Mr teacher?


How many girls will still stick to Mr teacher in this situation?

Fiscus105:



I have married for years.


I repeat, majority (not all) of single mothers caused it upon themselves, and its mainly because of pure outward assessment of a guy (hypergamy) when choosing partner.


I want to ask you a question and I want you to answer it sincerely, "in ur mind o"

If you are into serious relationship with a guy who is a teacher in public school and of a sudden, another guys just arrived and he is a medical doctor in teaching hospital.

Won't you forget Mr teacher?


How many girls will still stick to Mr teacher in this situation?

I am also married.

Now let me shock you, I dated a senator's son once. Why did I break up with the clown? Dude could never apologize to save his life. Rather than apologize, he'd ask "where do you want to go to, let me spoil you".

I saw right through it and ran away for my life.

Another one, rich but would insult my life and family during any disagreement, that was the point I decided it was better to marry an average guy than a rich dude.

Only hungry and lazy women are impressed by money.

If money was always the case, what happened to the rich women who are also being abused?

Or the abuse that goes on in the ghettos?

Romanoff:


I am also married.

Now let me shock you, I dated a senator's son once. Why did I break up with the clown? Dude could never apologize to save his life. Rather than apologize, he'd ask "where do you want to go to, let me spoil you".

I saw right through it and ran away for my life.

Another one, rich but would insult my life and family during any disagreement, that was the point I decided it was better to marry an average guy than a rich dude.

Only hungry and lazy women are impressed by money.

If money was always the case, what happened to the rich women who are also being abused?

Or the abuse that goes on in the ghettos?

My second question.

If girl has relationship with public school teacher and medical doctor came from nowhere to has her hand in marriage.

Out of 10 girls how many will still stick to Mr teacher?

Fiscus105:



My second question.

If girl has relationship with public school teacher and medical doctor came from nowhere to has her hand in marriage.

Out of 10 girls how many will still stick to Mr teacher?

I can't tell but my generation is different from what we have these days.

In my circle of friends, I have an almost equal number of women who earn more than their husband.

So you're asking the wrong person bro.

Romanoff:


I can't tell but my generation is different from what we have these days.

In my circle of friends, I have an almost equal number of women who earn more than their husband.

So you're asking the wrong person bro.

U re not truthful to urself

Bye.

Fiscus105:



U re not truthful to urself

Bye.

No. You're trying to get me to tell you that women are generally materialistic in their choices of spouses but I can't relate cause i might not have a lot of friends but the ones I have are sensible.

So if you attract lazy and vain females or if that's what you see around, that's all on you and not for me to validate.

Bye sir.