Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility afterall those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure.

Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Yes you are right and made a valid point, but it's easily said than done until you found yourself in such scenario, even if you begin being there for the kids after divorce or separation, in the long run, you might start defaulting because we are human and it's more complicated when you move on as a man and have another family to care, your new family will be your focus cos they are with you and around you and might not give you the chance to care for your outside kids and be responsible for them

EreluRoz:
Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility after all those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure.

Well I don't know you and you are entitled to your comment, am sure if you went through half of what I went through in my marriage, you would have exited earlier than I did, it's not all marriages you fight for cos some are just destined to crash-land. If you are in a situation where you gave your all for a marriage, work hard to cater for your family and go extra mile to be sure everyone is comfortable and what you get from your wife is for her to be having an affair with another man, even if you fight for such marriage and continue as a man, you can never have peace in that marriage again, even the bible gave infidelity as a ground for divorce and mind you, I never said am finding it difficult to move on, even if the feeling was like that at the beginning of the separation, it's not the same again now, I have healed and moved on since, I brought this discussion up cos I believe so many divorced men are going through same and I think if you are in such scenario, you will definitely understand better

pocohantas:


Exactly. He left his wife and now he can't heal. When we tell them to fight for their marriages, they won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. They should go learn from their fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Afodot0022:
Well I don't know you and you are entitled to your comment, am sure if you went through half of what I went through in my marriage, you would have exited earlier than I did, it's not all marriages you fight for cos some are just destined to crash-land. If you are in a situation where you gave your all for a marriage, work hard to cater for your family and go extra mile to be sure everyone is comfortable and what you get from your wife is for her to be having an affair with another man, even if you fight for such marriage and continue as a man, you can never have peace in that marriage again, even the bible gave infidelity as a ground for divorce and mind you, I never said am finding it difficult to move on, even if the feeling was like that at the beginning of the separation, it's not the same again now, I have healed and moved on since, I brought this discussion up cos I believe so many divorced men are going through same and I think if you are in such scenario, you will definitely understand better

1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

Thanks for your words Poco, your comment is embedded with knowledge and wisdom. True there is no perfect marriage out there but attimes taking a break is just necessary. Cheating from her was even the least of what she does, for me to back out, have already out way the negative and positive and realize leaving will be more advantageous to me.she is not supportive, she is disrespectful, she belittle me to every tom dick and harry, she doesn't cover her family affairs but rather expose to the public, she is more loyal to her family than her own immediate family,to crown it up, she added infidelity to it, this is just too much to take from a woman as a man, even though there is no perfect person,some people are more better than the others. The reason why I don't get bothered about this new babe am with now despite discovering some trait in her, I don't see myself getting into marriage again cos I don't see any advantage marriage is to a man except just responsibility and bills. Anyways thanks Poco.

pocohantas:


1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

Imagine thinking of ending any sort of provision for your kids.

What do your kids have to do with your wife's infidelity ?

Ok

Divorce doesn’t affect men a bit, in fact, it’s more of a relief, only when kids are involved their heart/mind is always on their kids….
That’s why jezebels always use visitation denial and custody battle to hunt them….

If not for children, a divorced man is like a bird freed from a cage. 😎

Okay

Very very free.

I'm speaking for the friends I know.

Na enjoyment levels dem go dey so. Not divorced or separated.

I'm just a single mingle nicca.

Forget marriage wit nigerian women ita a waste to men

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

the day you know dat men and women are not the same, the better fr u...fr now keep talking

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

Why do you always come off like this most times? Why? What is the matter actually?
For your information no man who was breastfed by his mother will take back a cheating woman, so if she likes she can compare how men cheat to all day it won't change anything

Same way they survived before getting married.

things they happen ooh

when streets is full of tiny, orobo,okpeke,even secondary skol girls of nowadays dey collect sweet🌽 with flowing milk.NO DULL ⏲️ for single/divorced dad oo.Nah steady

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

Very uncouth fellow. You are driven by emotion.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

this one no get problem aswear.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.





Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

You divorced your wife not the kids, why won't you continue to care for your children? You can ask for joint custody of the children so you can also feel how easy it is for her to be sorting child care.

breaking up is never easy
it's only with discipline and help that both couples can navigate the musky waters

Adaptation is the superpower of human beings. Whether you like it or not, you must adapt to situations. You had a life before marriage, you will slowly go back into it. The loneliness is painful coupled with the feeling that you failed as a human being. That will pass in years to come. A few small girls will find their way into warming your bed. It is your decision to keep them around or not.

All in all, face the important things in your life. Bills will never take a break because you did. Why not spend all the extra time buried in work.

forget about her and focus on the kids. Even if the marriage ended through other means.

As a man discipline is all u need. Sex,love and attention from a woman can wait. Give yourself a reason to keep the move on.

Cope with what?

It may also depend if there are children involved

Perform your duty. That is my advice.

A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest. DO NOT FREAKING GO INTO MARRIAGE WITH CINDERELLA DREAMS, FANTASIES AND SELF DELUSION. Marriage is Work! Marriage is responsibility! Marriage is Duty. Especially when there are KIDS IN IT!

As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.

There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.

No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note also that God doesn’t choose shit!!!!! It even goes against his principle of free will. GOD NEVER CHOSE A WIFE FOR ANY OTHER MAN after he made Eve!!! And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that:

a. the marriage is the meal ticket for most women;

b. societal and religious shame and stigma of divorce. AKA what will the world say!;

c. personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting hard enough for what is yours;

d. maintaining the marriage to “pepper” friends and show off fake marital bliss.

e. finally the fear that the kids might suffer during separation.

NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:

1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.

2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.

3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.

4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.

5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father.

I read through twice... And the truth is ...if u dont provide for them ....someone will provide for them.... and give them more evidence to tanish your name which i am sure they could do....
For your pain....i knw u r hurt wen u remember d past... but dont let it stop u from helping your children even when they dont appreciate it....( this is from experience) And very important.... make sure u spend quality time with them ...mayb durin holidays...they can come ova....children cherish that alot... Remain strong