₦airaland Forum

MallamChukwudi:
I can relate to what you have written, and quite frankly, you have a solid point. Though all that you narrated are symptoms, I will focus on the cause.

You see, the life of a man is hard in a way women do not understand. Our responsibilities are non-negotiable, and our dependents won't understand why they have to suffer, and why we can't show up and meet our responsibilities.

Nigeria is a poor country, and men by default in every society are the first 'defensive shield' to soften the economical blow for others (children, partners, aged parents, etc), or in the case of war, it is the men that will put their life out there for others.

And for centuries, this has been the fate of Nigerians as a people. If you can find the oldest man in Nigeria, ask him about tales of his great-grandparents if he can remember, and it would probably be in the time of slavery, or at the earliest, colonialism.

There is an arab proverb that says ''only sunshine creates a desert''. What that proverb meant is that to create lush, green vegetation, sunshine is not enough, you need to put the seed, water the soil, do pest control, etc to make it germinate. Furthermore, only rain creates a swamp as well.

You can't give what you don't have. Nigerian men are merely a bio-product of the difficulties of life in the Sahara, something good governance can alleviate the burden men carry, which gives way for that organic, deep masculine strength to blossom.

Up to our ascendants, there has been a series of disconnects for the timeless transfer of masculine codes, and what you have right now are sissy men that at best, are tolerable, not desired. It is a shame because as women complain of real masculine men, the few masculine men also complain of little to no masculine friends. And when society is led by substandard males, everybody suffers (proverb 29.2).

Your average Nigerian man is carrying loads upon loads of responsibilities, and the majority of his earnings do not even go to him. The wholesome, refined, sophisticated male figure that women crave is deeply lacking, and the cohesive bond and seamlessly interwoven of the sexes have been foundationally thwarted.

I am a man, so I know this place very well. I am responsible for lots of people myself, and I am not even married yet. My aunt and her husband died, and they left four kids as orphans, three boys, and a girl.

It was because of our intimate understanding of these social dynamics, and the requirements it takes to raise responsible adults, that made my family adopted them all, and made sure they grow in a safe, stable, and responsible family setting in their formative years, and it is no easy task at all.

And this is where empathy comes into play. Empathy is not a spoken word, it's an action word. I know it's easy to just heap the blame on men for their robotic state, but it's equally necessary to diagnose the causes, and if you can't help, at least don't add to it.

Nigerian men are humans too. They want to live with ease, and thrive, not just exist. Men are at their happiest when they give and protect those they care about. It is a thing in males, to sacrifice themselves (either time, money, or even life) for something meaningful, and family is one.

The above paragraph is the archetype of the messiah, to die on the cross for mankind, so others could thrive. That's what a man is about. And any man that deviates from this pattern, will suffer even more than those that look up to him. The data backs it up. For a start, men die earlier.

Creativity22:
Patiently waiting for you to update us with pictures,of you and your would be mexican lover

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands 😡🤬

Kobojunkie:
1. Raised as hunters in an age where men and women are altogether out in the same field hunting/competing for the same prices?

2. Suppressed for what exact purpose and to whose advantage? Obviously not themselves so why?

Persephone1:


Mexican Men all the way ✈️✈️

Nyascobar1414:
Evening Newspapers and Nigerian men be like oil and water...

Persephone1:
And you think I am obligated to share that with you. Lol

You think too high of yourself.

Persephone1:
You mistake me for the women in your life

Divoc19:
Speak for yourself bro, you are 1 out of a thousand, broke guys hate on girls.

Creativity22:
You didn't answer my question. How has your husband or boy friend benefitted from been in a relationship with you ?

Creativity22:
When the majority are like that. If forms an opinion. You are very likely not different

Creativity22:
To prove is not audio boy friend

MallamChukwudi:
I can relate to what you have written, and quite frankly, you have a solid point. Though all that you narrated are symptoms, I will focus on the cause.

You see, the life of a man is hard in a way women do not understand. Our responsibilities are non-negotiable, and our dependents won't understand why they have to suffer, and why we can't show up and meet our responsibilities.

Nigeria is a poor country, and men by default in every society are the first 'defensive shield' to soften the economical blow for others (children, partners, aged parents, etc), or in the case of war, it is the men that will put their life out there for others.

And for centuries, this has been the fate of Nigerians as a people. If you can find the oldest man in Nigeria, ask him about tales of his great-grandparents if he can remember, and it would probably be in the time of slavery, or at the earliest, colonialism.

There is an arab proverb that says ''only sunshine creates a desert''. What that proverb meant is that to create lush, green vegetation, sunshine is not enough, you need to put the seed, water the soil, do pest control, etc to make it germinate. Furthermore, only rain creates a swamp as well.

You can't give what you don't have. Nigerian men are merely a bio-product of the difficulties of life in the Sahara, something good governance can alleviate the burden men carry, which gives way for that organic, deep masculine strength to blossom.

Up to our ascendants, there has been a series of disconnects for the timeless transfer of masculine codes, and what you have right now are sissy men that at best, are tolerable, not desired. It is a shame because as women complain of real masculine men, the few masculine men also complain of little to no masculine friends. And when society is led by substandard males, everybody suffers (proverb 29.2).

Your average Nigerian man is carrying loads upon loads of responsibilities, and the majority of his earnings do not even go to him. The wholesome, refined, sophisticated male figure that women crave is deeply lacking, and the cohesive bond and seamlessly interwoven of the sexes have been foundationally thwarted.

I am a man, so I know this place very well. I am responsible for lots of people myself, and I am not even married yet. My aunt and her husband died, and they left four kids as orphans, three boys, and a girl.

It was because of our intimate understanding of these social dynamics, and the requirements it takes to raise responsible adults, that made my family adopted them all, and made sure they grow in a safe, stable, and responsible family setting in their formative years, and it is no easy task at all.

And this is where empathy comes into play. Empathy is not a spoken word, it's an action word. I know it's easy to just heap the blame on men for their robotic state, but it's equally necessary to diagnose the causes, and if you can't help, at least don't add to it.

Nigerian men are humans too. They want to live with ease, and thrive, not just exist. Men are at their happiest when they give and protect those they care about. It is a thing in males, to sacrifice themselves (either time, money, or even life) for something meaningful, and family is one.

Nyascobar1414:
Evening Newspapers and big leaky nyash Monkee like me be like oil and water...

0neal:
This is a classic! 👏

Reminds me of a renowned Heart Surgeon who resigned from the profession when he was at the peak of his career to become a nutritionist, because he discovered he had been dealing with the SYMPTOMS and not addressing the underlying CAUSES.

To add to your valid points, Responsibility without Authority is slavery

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands 😡🤬

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy, and kindness.

Persephone1:
Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Persephone1:
Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately, they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko file eko ni" (Your husband's house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavorable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for a young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange, unknown,wn, and possibly unfavorable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons? Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either? To understand another person there must be a certain level of self-awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believes all she needs to be is a good cook and good kanji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.

Persephone1:
Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to possess is the Financial ability to provide.

Persephone1:
The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy, kindness, self-care, sense of belonging, or self-love

Persephone1:
but burdened with a sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic-minded, unable to connect emotionally without aid

Persephone1:
yet these men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, society (Men and Women) mocks them. Aside from this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by society.

Persephone1:
We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections bring liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, and he gets to do with her what he seems best and not what is good for her. We have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horse bands [/i] 😡🤬

Persephone1:


Mexican Men all the way ✈️✈️

Creativity22:
You made a great point. But it still baffles me, when these ladies open there mouth to complain that nigeria men lack empathy and love. Is quite shocking and possibly the biggest lie of the century. Men here try to provide everything for these ingrates. They protect them. They give them absolutely everything they can possibly provide, yet they complain of lack of love, care and empathy towards. Nigerian men demonstrate love, and empathy towards there women regularly. Yes i agree that men here, do cheat alot. But you can never take away the fact that most men are the reason why majority of women are able to even feed today. That is possibly the best way to demonstrate love to your significant half(who may not deserve this title).
Honestly, i strongly encourage these women to try other men. Travel to other countries and try other men, lets see how it goes.
Bunch of worthless ingrates

shaybebaby:
Any nationality except naij, I dey your back gidigba!
#teaminterracial😁

With your backing i have nothing to fear

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands 😡🤬

Dshocker:
So in one sentence; you are looking for love and equal right ? Must you copy everything that the west does? Soap operas has messed with your mind so much, Ndi Zee World

Persephone1:
I love your contribution and I am pleased you try to make others see from men's perspective. Believe me, i understand your points as well. I am not one to throw allegations or speak ill of people without trying to understand what made them who they are. From my write up, i insult no one but rather blame the society for raising both genders the wrong way.

Most Nigerian marriages do not last anymore, they are not standing the test of time. The modern marriage is nothing to write home about due to evolution i.e changes in our ways of lives. There is a shift but Men want to retain traditional benefits of being Men.

Women are taking just as much as financial responsibilities men take, you will hardly see a home where Men provides all in this Nigeria economy yet women are expected to continue with traditional homes. You all play this providing card so much that one is left to wonder if women don't also share responsibilities in the homes anymore. How may Men can successfully run a home singlehandedly?

Most Men lose interest in Marriage because they can't keep up, they have lost the bargaining power and are yet to understand or conform to the new dating norms. Thats where their issues lies, they don't know how to be in "control" because things have changed. They suffer reality shock because contrary to what they were raised with, they need more that having a manhood to thrive in the society.

The truth is Most men weren't raised with love in the Nigerian culture, that is why it is found wanting in typical Nigerian Man.

unmask:
I have always asked what exactly is the benefit of getting married?

I for one I am happy with the divorce rate which just shows that people are realizing the need to live free and not just exist in a contraption that serves no purpose.

I hope one day our society gets to the point where men don't feel the need to be responsible for everything around them, where women also share the same responsibilities as men and vice versa.

At that point everyone gets their wish. Women will learn to be providers and protectors, Men will share the responsibilities at home, concept of her money is her money and his money is our money no longer exists, girls get to woo men just as much as men do women.

We also get the same number of women and men in the military.

pocohantas:
Hahahahaha. Truly you are in the mood to look for trouble. I feel the same way. That is why I looked towards Cambodia.