Enemyofpeace:
Na girls like you dey end up husbandless and begin their drivers or gatemen to sleep with them just to born childrens.Mtcheeeeeeeeew!

I don't see swearing against your culture which in fact encourages men to marry and support their wives in the manner exposed by the OP.

emmaodet:


Why do you women always switch laws from one side to the other.
Pls which law should we apply now? Religious law, traditional law or government/national law?
Nitori ofin to mu eleha na lo mu elegun - the law that holds a woman in hijab/veiled/covered person na him still hold masquerade. They are both covered.
If the bible says a man must till before he can feeds his family, the same bible orders the woman to be a virgin/untouched for her man tilling the ground seriously. So that he can have a value for his efforts.
You can't start dating and banging from secondary school days to uni to nysc to working place without remembering the law all then to just remember when it is time to settle down.
The law you quoted said we should stone to death a disvirged woman.
Have we done that? Have we taken the laws into our hands? Are men not benevolent with this law?
Secondly, I don't know why women complain about working and also not wanting to contribute into the family purse while working.
Then of what use is woman empowerment? When it is not reflecting in the farm lifestyle.
Then it is better women empowerment and give women job scrapped and let men who are ready to work and not complain to feed their own women take up these jobs because to whom much is giving, much is expected.

No need to answer her. Girls that talk like this are non virgins and hoes. They don't know what love and commitment means. It's all about money

henrybangs44:
■ This is the most useless post I've seen over the years. You are broke from your soul, spirit and body. People that think low of themselves this way digust me. You have no value at all. Useless piece of dung

1. Why curse at her when she is simply repeating what many of you already accept and do in your various lives? Yes, the average Nigerian man, even until 2023, believes it is his duty to submit to hypogamy because that is what is culturally acceptable. So why curse at OP for saying exactly the same thing?

Datedoboy:
■ No need to answer her. Girls that talk like this are non virgins and hoes. They don't know what love and commitment means. It's all about money

Are you a virgin yourself that you are busy assaulting her without taking time out to logically process what she said?

ednut1:
men and women are built differently. Men without money can manage brothel and still be happy. Women once they reach a certain age cant do same. Its hard to see a 50 years old single man frustrated at not being married vs a 50 years old woman.

Keep consoling yourself

Kobojunkie:
1. Nigerian culture and tradition imposed on even women by a patriarchal system encourage women to depend wholly on men in marriage. The same culture guarantees men who do so a seat as gods in marriage. So, it isn't the women per se wanting men to measure up and take financial responsibility but the culture that pushes such ideas on these women even as part of their upbringing.

2. Her body is all she is culturally required to bring to her marriage, so why hate her for accepting culture?

Not really, what happens to caring and loving the man even if he doesn't have money or landed properties. Body alone has never be a enough even in the olden days. Women has always be a great pillar and support even the men couldn't farm anymore as a result of old age, the women will farm to feed their husband, my dear you are nowhere close to ancient women.

EriMma1:


Keep consoling yourself

lol consoling myself Not my situation.

Kobojunkie:
Are you a virgin yourself that you are busy assaulting her without taking time out to logically process what she said?

It seems you're not that's why you are pained. I won't answer that question cos my answer might get u upset. The lady can't cater for her needs but she wants someone that is rich to do that. So what is there to process? That's how hoes reason

Isabi4lov:


They won't remember that verse in the Bible , it's really affecting most women, some men will still collect money from their wives to feed their yeye side chicks.

The mistakes our mothers made during their own time won't repeat itself again .

How can you not cater for your own household? When they see other ladies that are well taken care of , you'll see them awwnning like an ambulance .

You as a man if you're not ready to take care of somebody's daughter and the children she will birth for you ,abeg dey your dey .

LoL... @ awwnnning.. . True o. They'll be shaking like electric fish and drooling over a lady being taken care of by a man like them. Meanwhile their girlfriends who's now looking washed out due to lack of care will no longer appeal to them. No be men wen I know? Then theyll start creating threads like "she's no longer attractive, how can I tell her I'm no longer interested."

kevotek1000:
■ Not really, what happens to caring and loving the man even if he doesn't have money or landed properties.
■ Body alone has never be a enough even in the olden days.
■Women has always be a great pillar and support even the men couldn't farm anymore as a result of old age, the women will farm to feed their husband, my dear you are nowhere close to ancient women.

1. You realize you all convolute ideas when you attempt to mix them up. What has "caring and loving" to do in a marriage where the man sits as a god over his woman rather than as a lover and a friend?

2. Culturally, and this is based on many traditions in that same Nigeria, all the woman needs to do is prepare her body and mind to serve her husband. So for you to now state that body alone is not enough, if for you to essentially declare that pretty much all of your culture and traditional rules need to be thrown out as they no longer make sense. Are you finally accepting that ought to have happened or are you instead still stuck wanting to blame the women for all the problems?

3. Indeed, some unlucky women occupied statuses no different from slaves during the time of your forefathers. Are you saying that is what it should be? You would give your daughter away to a man who would reduce her to nothing more than a slave in marriage?

moralex:

Don't mind am jare, na this kind of women go marry "Mr he can meet my needs " when the man loses his job or died unexpectedly , she go turn to begging .

So any rich man now must die or become poor to justify your inability to meet up with standard. Na wa for this kind reasoning. Na poor man no dey die na. Uchu.

There's something psychologically wrong with people who reason like the OP like women are like pets for men waiting to be "taken care of." Like women can't make their own money and they must look up to a man to take care of them. Even though there are truths to what the OP is saying, but that's the kinda vibe I get.

Datedoboy:
■ It seems you're not that's why you are pained. I won't answer that question cos my answer might get u upset. The lady can't cater for her needs but she wants someone that is rich to do that. So what is there to process? That's how hoes reason

1. Culturally, and following many of your traditions, a lady is allowed to desire that the man caters to all of her needs in marriage. OP did not make these rules up. She is instead echoing what remains a tradition in much of Nigeria today, a rule many Nigerians still hold to even as we speak. Insulting her for stating it only means you are unable to logically reason these things as they really are.

VeeVeeMyLuv:

Just pray you are not taught a bitter lesson in this life in the most deceptive manner.

Have you not heard of so-called rich man who allegedly rode in fleet of cars, usually open gate and enters a mansion that was later discovered by a lady to be just a common driver to the his original rich oga, after the deed has been done?

Why must the rich man always die in your illustrations? Are you an enemy of good things?

Na the struggling man e sure for say poverty no go kill am. Please snap out of it abeg! Drop this negative mindset otherwise it will become your reality. Be positive for once.

If the rich man become poor yen yen yen... Una no dey see poor man becoming rich so it can manifest in your lives. Na so so doom una dey see. Biko, charam na uzo!

marcopollo:
■ There's something psychologically wrong with people who reason like the OP like women are like pets for men waiting to be "taken care of." Like women can't make their own money and they must look up to a man to take care of them.
■ Even though there are truths to what the OP is saying, but that's the kinda vibe I get.

1. Your very culture, and traditional laws, reason the same way, and since most of you hold Culture high, it means you also reason pretty much like the OP does, only you don't openly admit it. So doesn't that then mean you are also psychologically wrong?

2. You think by accepting and opening admitting the truth of your culture, she is somehow worse than you lot who pretend you don't accept it yet pretty much every aspect of your lives is colored by it?

This is how toxic feminity uplifts toxic masculinity

Karleb:


She obviously married a lazy man. That's her choice and has nothing to do with your write up.

You lie! The man was not lazy. He was working but not financially stable and they both overlooked that part and rushed into marriage. Now the die is caste, she wants out because the heat is too much for one person to bear.

Business3600:
Its very simple, if you are a guy and your doing really well for yourself financially. Please look for a lady thats working and earning good salary or she got her own business. I support 50-50. No cheating. Bills should be split into two

Be deceiving yourself. Even if she's the CEO of a company, she can never split the responsibilities half with you. You'll still be the one carrying 90% of the whole thing. Na mouth una get. We know how we run you guys that think you're smart. No be woman I be.

EriMma1:


You're missing the point and that is why a lot of you men have become so complacent and have refused to rise up to your duties as a man; expecting what a woman will bring to the table to feed you.

Go back to ancient landmarks our forefathers set.

Your cup of tea and no man cares about your muthafucking ass, I pity men that allow women to intimidate them. Go to Churches, half of the congregation are women seeking for husband by all means, who cares? Men who knows their worth don't give a Bleep about any goddamn entitled women. Many are even begging to use their money and pay their bride prize and even feed the man provided the man will just cover their shame of being single. Keep deceiving yourself, time wait for not man. Ladies far more beautiful, educated and richer than you are out there begging God to give them a husband, you are irrelevant dude

Kobojunkie:
1. Culturally, and following many of your traditions, a lady is allowed to desire that the man caters to all of her needs in marriage. OP did not make these rules up. She is instead echoing what remains a tradition in much of Nigeria today, a rule many Nigerians still hold to even as we speak. Insulting her for stating it only means you are unable to logically reason these things as they really are.

Going by traditions, op is not qualified to talk cos I'm sure, she isn't a virgin. I will agree with her on one condition, if she is a virgin cos she brings the value of purity while i bring the value of resources. Anything else, i see it as a biiiig scam to manipulate men which i can't fall for

EriMma1:


Why must the rich man always die in your illustrations? Are you an enemy of good things?

Na the struggling man e sure for say poverty no go kill am. Please snap out of it abeg! Drop this negative mindset otherwise it will become your reality. Be positive for once.

If the rich man become poor yen yen yen... Una no dey see poor man becoming rich so it can manifest in your lives. Na so so doom una dey see. Biko, charam na uzo!

U still don't get me
And you are missing the point

If you later found out that a guy that you started developing feelings for, falling for or giving green light, all along na borrow pose, everything he was using down to boxer and toothbrush is someone else's own probably his boss or friend! How would you feel?

are you aware that some Broke guys or guys that look broke have rich friends and powerful connect?

There was a time, I was broke while in university, there's this rich friend I usually hang out with... We were really close, luxury apartment, some expensive toys

U need to be discrete, use your discretion. Be reasonable.

I leave you with this question, realistically speaking, is it possible for every lady to get rich men each for themselves in this hardship economically battered Nigeria?

biyiwyle:


So you dont even have yet? Best of luck.

Yes because I don't want to stress somebody's son who's still struggling to find his feet in the name of relationship. If peradventure impromptu marriage happens, na everybody, including innocent children go suffer am a d me I don't want to suffer my kids by marrying a broke husband.

Datedoboy:
Going by traditions, op is not qualified to talk cos I'm sure, she isn't a virgin. I will agree with her on one condition, if she is a virgin cos she brings the value of purity while i bring the value of resources. Anything else, i see it as a biiiig scam to manipulate men which i can't fall for

1. Tradition does not actually stipulate that only virgins need apply, so I suggest you find out where your virgin requirement in fact came from.

Ehinjuola:
To my own best of knowledge, as far as human being is concerns, we are all live for betterment of our generation.

As a lady if you're not a vision and ambition pursue-er, I doubt what you need a man in your life for in the first place.

Having a man means you're psychologically and emotionally buoyant to carry whatever it comes with it.

The burden and everything should also go the same way with your partner.

Finding a partner to support and help grow together is what a lady should be seeking for except all this parasite leaching we have nowadays.

Hypothetically, men are meant to support you, not that you should now depend solely on them.

Men do not want liability has a partner I mean responsible men. Know this n know peace.

You now saying you can't date a man who can't meet your needs simply means, you yourself can't fend for your needs technically, yet you're looking for innocent man to depend on, how does it sound to you?

You remind me of one my lecturers in school which normally says "A LAZY WOMAN IS THE ONE THAT WILL BE LOOKING FOR A MAN THAT WILL CARRY HER BURDEN FOR HER."

Ppl are making wave nowadays, we hardly distinguish gender different in labour market.

So adjust your thinking n align your thought to evolve with reality nowadays.

Bless you.

Thank you brother! If you're looking for a man who will be your boy, boy,my dear, you will melt.Gone are those days when men would be carrying unnecessary responsibilities.! Marriage is give and take.

Datedoboy:


No need to answer her. Girls that talk like this are non virgins and hoes. They don't know what love and commitment means. It's all about money

Love and commitment that has destroyed many homes and lives due to lack of the basic needs of life,? Na love go pay your medical bills. Just tell her I love you and she'll be well.

Na love and commitment to poverty go feed your wife and children. Sorry onyen love. Don't work hard to become a man. Be looking for excuses where there's none.

No go find work keep looking for SIMPS

VeeVeeMyLuv:

U still don't get me
And you are missing the point

If you later found out that a guy that you started developing feelings for, falling for or giving green light, all along na borrow pose, everything he was using down to boxer and toothbrush is someone else's own probably his boss or friend! How would you feel?

Some Broke guys or guys that look broke have rich friends and powerful connect o

There was a time, I was broke while in university, there's this rich friend I usually hang out with... We were really close, luxury apartment, some expensive toys

U need to be discrete, use your discretion. Be reasonable.

I leave you with this question, realistically speaking, is it possible for every lady to get rich men each for themselves in this hardship economically battered Nigeria?

Again, why should the rich man always have comma in the instances you're giving?

EriMma1:
No no no... You tell me?

A man who cannot meet your needs should not be anywhere around you because he'll only be a stumbling block to your progress and cause you to miss out on great opportunities that would have come your way through those who understand the assignment. Don't ever let such men around you.

I've never been an advocate for starting small with a man after my past experiences even before the economy got this bad not to talk of now that it has plunged deep into meltdown.

A lot of ladies who went into such mess in the early 2000s are still carrying the family till today while the men are struggling to meet up with no headways or hopes in sight. This takes me to the next point.

As a single man still struggling, don't ever brainwash or be brainwashed by any girl to go into marriage and manage with you until things get better. Y'all have seen that e go better has become the prayer of a poor man. So run away from such trap. Make it to a reasonable level first before going for a woman.

I don't want to begin to go into details of the eventualities that may likely occur and become very grave due to inability to tackle them financially. Use your tongue to count your teeth.

I remember a long time ago when I was dating one struggling guy. The aunty asked him a very good question I'll never forget in my life and that taught me a lesson I've been applying in life's situations.

He invited me to come spend the weekend with him that the aunt was around so I could feel relaxed. When I got there and the aunty saw me, she called him aside and asked him the following.
You know we are struggling to eat in this house. Your salary is not enough and you brought in a young girl. What if there's an emergency in the course of her stay, what will you do? How will you go about it? When he told me, I became scared and thought the aunt was right. I now remembered one certain time I visited a friend. So that night we strolled out to buy suya. I don't know if it was from the suya paper or the unhygienic environment it was prepared that gave me food poison. That night, I didn't know where I was. Serious stomach cramps and I was just coiling up in the room that day holding my stomach. Again this lawyer guy no get shishi to even take me to the nearest clinic. In his confusion he gave me garlic to chew. That seemed to help a little but omor, I broke up with him.

So, with this few points of mine, I believe iv been able to convince and not confuse you on the need to stay away from a man that cannot cater for your needs.

If you attack me, it shows you're a struggling guy or dating a struggling guy. Una eyes go soon clear. My own don clear tey tey.

Enjoy.

OP, the first part of your post is actually very true... A man should actually be financially stable upto certain extents before having a serious partner... Money is very vital to life... Simple and short.
But the part where I'd say you're wrong and also why alot of people commenting are attacking you is when you put it that the man's earnings should be to "meet a woman's needs" (woman way no be him wife, kai)... A guy can assist a girl in several ways, but it is never a guy's calling in life to meet your needs.
The girl in question also has to be useful to the guy's life in ways other than just being useful in bed.

You've mentioned the Bible when responding to some people's comments; but even in the same Bible, there are hundreds of instances where a woman played a vital role in a man's success story.

It's as simple as that. If you want a man to be useful to you, you too have to be useful to the man. Life is always give and take.

That's my take on this. I don't see the need to throw insults at anybody. I believe we're here to reason together.

Your advice still remains true though; as a young man coming up, it's very important to find all means to stand on your feet financially. Very importanta!
So much can not be achieved without money.

op, if you mean this post in the context of marriage, then of course you made a whole lot of sense. The worth of a man is in the provision, to be able to take care of his family. But if it is in the context of a mere relationship, then no, he owes you nothing. And also, feel free to assume your duty as a woman only after marriage. So no sex, kissing, and domestic duties. It's fair that way.

In my book, a vulcanizer that has his own self-contain, who earns honorably, and who can take care of a woman reasonably is responsible in my book. Lots of men can start a family, but the expectations of women these days are very high, making men feels like they are not good enough.

If you want an iPhone 14 pro that costs over a million, then a banker earning 300k monthly won't be able to afford it for you. Does it mean he is not responsible again? The issue here is the disconnect between women's desires and the reality of things.

Women's needs are not proportional to realities on the ground, but exponential. So for example, a man earning 200k naira monthly in the context of Nigeria is above average, but lots of women will consider him poor, that he is not good enough for them. This is the lack of proportionality I mean.

If both of you live modestly, his salary should be enough, and if you are not lazy, you can make it easier if you work as well. Also, the way women analyze the financial depth of a man's pocket, the man is also analyzing if this girl is a gold digger.

There is this story in the bible where Jesus appreciated the offering of a poor widow and rejected the ones by the wealthy men simply because it came from a good heart, and it was over-proportionate to what she had. She basically gave all.

In my book, a vulcanizer that gives you 50k, but earns 100k a month is a hero, compare to a yahoo thief that buys you a phone worth millions. But in this Nigeria, many girls will choose the yahoo boy over the vulcanizer.

So it is not black and white. Men are trying. The average man wants to be loved and will do everything to get that taste of a woman's warmth who loves him purely. A bit of empathy is needed for men.

For men, the love they experience dries as they grow older. So for example, a girl of 16 years will be receiving love and attention from multiple channels, such as parents, toasters, boyfriends, brothers, and so forth.

A boy of 16 probably gets love only from his parents, no girls are lining up to take him out. If he asks a girl, then love in form of cash will go from him to her. And the older he gets, his parents will become his dependents. Meanwhile, a girl will marry and her husband continues showering her love from where everybody stopped. But of course, after she has selected the best of men in all her charity givers.

But even if a man marries his choice, he still has to spend heavily. She will probably love the kids more than him, and her love is only as valid as how long he can be useful materially. This is the reality of men. Even in these circumstances, men still accepted it. The least women can do is to match their desire with the realities on the ground, this is Nigeria, not Netherlands. We are broke in this country.

Whatever.

EriMma1:


Again, why should the rich man always have comma in the instances you're giving?

It's not possible oh my brother.

tochuukwu:


OP, the first part of your post is actually very true... A man should actually be financially stable upto certain extents before having a serious partner... Money is very vital to life... Simple and short.
But the part where I'd say you're wrong and also why alot of people commenting are attacking you is when you put it that the man's earnings should be to "meet a woman's needs" (woman way no be him wife, kai)... A guy can assist a girl in several ways, but it is never a guy's calling in life to meet your needs.
The girl in question also has to be useful to the guy's life in ways other than just being useful in bed.

You've mentioned the Bible when responding to some people's comments; but even in the same Bible, there are hundreds of instances where a woman played a vital role in a man's success story.

It's as simple as that. If you want a man to be useful to you, you too have to be useful to the man. Life is always give and take.

That's my take on this. I don't see the need to throw insults at anybody. I believe we're here to reason together.

Your advice still remains true though; as a young man coming up, it's very important to find all means to stand on your feet financially. Very importanta!
So much can not be achieved without money.

Shebi na from relationship she'll turn wife. I'm not talking about a flirting girlfriend. Someone you intend to marry and the wifes too.

EriMma1:


Answer him what exactly? His question does not aligned with the post cos I'm not talking about body count here. Let him read the post again and come up with a more correlative question. Then will I be obliged to answer him.

You guys have deviated from the original context of this post.

As if the men are saints themselves.

Actually, it does. I perfectly agree with you that a man must be a provider. In fact, it is better to be dead than be alive as a man who has no money. Of what use is a man without money? I have seen the disrespect men get when they have no money from their wives, wives' family members, society and even their friends. So, the rants on the first page are ignorant of how the world works. However, as much as you want a man who works and provide, you need to bring something to the table which are your feminine values and character. I find it odd for a lady to expect the top 1% man yet she is not also a top 1% lady. It is a merger of unequals. Most men, especially traditional men since you referenced men of those days, are not interested in a woman's money. At the same time, these men need you to be chaste and have high feminine values.

But then, I can't blame young ladies who desire the top 1% yet are in the bottom 20% since the average Nigerian man lacks standards. If I was a Nigerian lady, I would do the same. Flirt around and do unimaginable things then turn around and get a rich man. Honestly, I hail una. The strategy has been working for donkey years, notwithstanding the alfa meil chants (most of whom are very poor).