marcopollo:
■ So why telling me about culture and concluding as if you know where I stand in that matter? Have we discussed about culture before? Do you know my stance?
■ Yes, men are meant to be the head, so does that contradict what I said?

Evergreen12345:
men are no Woman's ATM if you are broke as a woman go and hustle men are also humans they have there own needs too don't call anyone broke because he didn't give you money . most women out there can only offer sex to a man and expect the man to kill himself for her that's rubbish ! what are you doing with man that can't provide for you then kill your father fess........... nonsense

jossytech:


She bring pussy senseless idiot

jossytech:


She bring pussy senseless idiot

pansophist:
op, if you mean this post in the context of marriage, then of course you made a whole lot of sense. The worth of a man is in the provision, to be able to take care of his family. But if it is in the context of a mere relationship, then no, he owes you nothing. And also, feel free to assume your duty as a woman only after marriage. So no sex, kissing, and domestic duties. It's fair that way.

In my book, a vulcanizer that has his own self-contain, who earns honorably, and who can take care of a woman reasonably is responsible in my book. Lots of men can start a family, but the expectations of women these days are very high, making men feels like they are not good enough.

If you want an iPhone 14 pro that costs over a million, then a banker earning 300k monthly won't be able to afford it for you. Does it mean he is not responsible again? The issue here is the disconnect between women's desires and the reality of things.

Women's needs are not proportional to realities on the ground, but exponential. So for example, a man earning 200k naira monthly in the context of Nigeria is above average, but lots of women will consider him poor, that he is not good enough for them. This is the lack of proportionality I mean.

If both of you live modestly, his salary should be enough, and if you are not lazy, you can make it easier if you work as well. Also, the way women analyze the financial depth of a man's pocket, the man is also analyzing if this girl is a gold digger.

There is this story in the bible where Jesus appreciated the offering of a poor widow and rejected the ones by the wealthy men simply because it came from a good heart, and it was over-proportionate to what she had. She basically gave all.

In my book, a vulcanizer that gives you 50k, but earns 100k a month is a hero, compare to a yahoo thief that buys you a phone worth millions. But in this Nigeria, many girls will choose the yahoo boy over the vulcanizer.

So it is not black and white. Men are trying. The average man wants to be loved and will do everything to get that taste of a woman's warmth who loves him purely. A bit of empathy is needed for men.

For men, the love they experience dries as they grow older. So for example, a girl of 16 years will be receiving love and attention from multiple channels, such as parents, toasters, boyfriends, brothers, and so forth.

A boy of 16 probably gets love only from his parents, no girls are lining up to take him out. If he asks a girl, then love in form of cash will go from him to her. And the older he gets, his parents will become his dependents. Meanwhile, a girl will marry and her husband continues showering her love from where everybody stopped. But of course, after she has selected the best of men in all her charity givers.

But even if a man marries his choice, he still has to spend heavily. She will probably love the kids more than him, and her love is only as valid as how long he can be useful materially. This is the reality of men. Even in these circumstances, men still accepted it. The least women can do is to match their desire with the realities on the ground, this is Nigeria, not Netherlands. We are broke in this country.

Whatever.

Kobojunkie:
Your culture extols men to take on 100% of the financial burden in marriage. OP is merely preaching your culture to you. Why does that make her a gold digger? I don't see any one here equally disavowing your culture and traditional beliefs in the same breath.

DEROX:
its actually the Nigerian culture how about being a virgin female too

Kobojunkie:
Culture does attempt to stipulate as far as virginity but even back during the days of your forefathers, it was mostly the rich men who got first pick at the virgins while poor folks were left with the rest and the non-virgins. Virginity was more about getting the greatest honor. i.e. getting the best price for the girl and not really for every man to marry only virgins or the silliness spread here on Nairaland. I remember hearing stories, from old timers back when I was young myself, of how women had many tricks with which they fooled men into believing girls they chose were virgins back then. And I recall hearing tales of how some of the virgins would sleep with their lovers and get pregnant by them right before entering the husband's house without him being none the wiser. There are a lot of the virginity tales that many on here conveniently ignore.

DEROX:
■ lol why lying the native Yoruba customs stated on virginity
■ but I can understand you guys they want all but nothing for men even at that what you mean is that once I graduate travel for my masters and get a lucrative job it implies am entitled to a pure loyal pretty virgin as long as I will take care of her while hoes are left for the poor right? in addition with the fact that am also chaste

Kobojunkie:
1. Lying about what exactly? Be specific! Also, where is this native yoruba custom stated?

2. Where is what you claim implied?

DEROX:
■ you said only rich are entitled to virgins in old times and I said OK if I have all I want I can get it and as for the Yoruba customary law you can read it up am a law student check it out

Kobojunkie:
I never said the word Yoruba.

By the way, is it that in your brain you actually believe that which applied in the Old days applies to this day?

DEROX:
exactly you should ask yourself supporting leeching attitudes please don't quote me again

EriMma1:
If you attack me, it shows you're a struggling guy or dating a struggling guy. Una eyes go soon clear. My own don clear tey tey.

Enjoy.

Babsolala:


Firstly, this is exactly how silly people end their posts. They write such senseless conclusions to blackmail people into staying mute. If you had not written this, I probably won't need to describe you as a silly person!

Secondly, there are guys or ladies that started off with the little that they had, but are doing really great for themselves today. I know quite a number of such.

Bottom line, your idea or experience is not a "one size fits all". People need to learn from others, but in the end, let people do what works for them.

EriMma1:


Do you know my age? No. So don't conclude yet.

I still maintain my stance. Don't ever be with a man that cannot meet your needs.

EriMma1:


The mere fact you're attacking me simply shows this is your reality and instead of picking the positive ones and working with it, you resorted to insults. Anyways it is expected as usual. Nigerians like to be reactive than proactive. So I understand.

Cheers.

EriMma1:
No no no... You tell me?

A man who cannot meet your needs should not be anywhere around you because he'll only be a stumbling block to your progress and cause you to miss out on great opportunities that would have come your way through those who understand the assignment. Don't ever let such men around you.

I've never been an advocate for starting small with a man after my past experiences even before the economy got this bad not to talk of now that it has plunged deep into meltdown.

A lot of ladies who went into such mess in the early 2000s are still carrying the family till today while the men are struggling to meet up with no headways or hopes in sight. This takes me to the next point.

As a single man still struggling, don't ever brainwash or be brainwashed by any girl to go into marriage and manage with you until things get better. Y'all have seen that e go better has become the prayer of a poor man. So run away from such trap. Make it to a reasonable level first before going for a woman.

I don't want to begin to go into details of the eventualities that may likely occur and become very grave due to inability to tackle them financially. Use your tongue to count your teeth.

I remember a long time ago when I was dating one struggling guy. The aunty asked him a very good question I'll never forget in my life and that taught me a lesson I've been applying in life's situations.

He invited me to come spend the weekend with him that the aunt was around so I could feel relaxed. When I got there and the aunty saw me, she called him aside and asked him the following.
You know we are struggling to eat in this house. Your salary is not enough and you brought in a young girl. What if there's an emergency in the course of her stay, what will you do? How will you go about it? When he told me, I became scared and thought the aunt was right. I now remembered one certain time I visited a friend. So that night we strolled out to buy suya. I don't know if it was from the suya paper or the unhygienic environment it was prepared that gave me food poison. That night, I didn't know where I was. Serious stomach cramps and I was just coiling up in the room that day holding my stomach. Again this lawyer guy no get shishi to even take me to the nearest clinic. In his confusion he gave me garlic to chew. That seemed to help a little but omor, I broke up with him.

So, with this few points of mine, I believe iv been able to convince and not confuse you on the need to stay away from a man that cannot cater for your needs.

If you attack me, it shows you're a struggling guy or dating a struggling guy. Una eyes go soon clear. My own don clear tey tey.

Enjoy.

EriMma1:


Leave that feminist bullshit! That's what you men are using as excuse to dodge responsibilities these days.

By the way, feminism is widely misunderstood. It doesn't mean equality with men in the area of financial responsibilities but equality of rights to work, earn and occupy certain office and political positions. You are just being ridiculous to think feminism is all about sharing financial responsibilities equally. No!

To your question, a womans duty is to make sure the home is in order and the children and husband are well fed and cared for. Manages the husbands finance very well. Proper Home and financial management are what we bring to the table.

EriMma1:


Leave that feminist bullshit! That's what you men are using as excuse to dodge responsibilities these days.

By the way, feminism is widely misunderstood. It doesn't mean equality with men in the area of financial responsibilities but equality of rights to work, earn and occupy certain office and political positions. You are just being ridiculous to think feminism is all about sharing financial responsibilities equally. No!

To your question, a womans duty is to make sure the home is in order and the children and husband are well fed and cared for. Manages the husbands finance very well. Proper Home and financial management are what we bring to the table.

Zedoo:
■ Are you a Christian? Did you read the golden rule? Of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you? As long as you keep deceiving yourself whether man or woman you will never find fulfillment in any companionship until you do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
■ All this male role and female role bullshit is the way of the world. A world of selfish people who want to leech off another person’s sweat.
Men feel when they pay for everything they get a slave, women feel a man should pay for everything but still shouldn’t tell her what she can or cannot do. How about everybody make their own money and then meet at the table with equal duties.
Y’all are funny.

EriMma1:


Tell them. The mention of responsibilities makes them lose their sense of reasoning making them irresponsible indeed. I'm talking about the men who believe it's not their duty to cater for their wife and children cos I know we still have some responble ones among us.

Last night, I saw a MAN bargaining with the Mallams that sell yams and pleading with them to accept transfer. He stood there for hours trying to talk this Mallam into accepting. I was just looking at him in admiration. You know... It was his persistence for me. If it were some men here, they won't even bother if their family ate or go hungry. In fact they will use this no cash crises as an excuse to starve their family to death.

Majority of the men here are highly irresponsible with exception to the sensible ones amongst us who live up to their responsibilities.

Kobojunkie:
1. Do your yourself adhere to the golden rule? If you did, you would never consider marrying a woman in order to have her submit to you in marriage nor would you consider sitting as a god over her in your relationships.

2. Are you willing to disavow your custom and traditional laws and Torituals which fuel all you have tabled there?

Zedoo:
■ I adhere to the golden rule to the best of my ability and will never demand from you that which I cannot do for you. I’m not a sitting god, you can do whatever you like with your as long as it doesn’t jeopardize our relationship. You must be not be naive or gullible falling for cheap tricks men play especially when I’ve given you all the secrets. If you do, it’ll just reduce your status in my eye and I’ll end things. I do not obey any traditional or customary laws/rituals, what we do for us is what we AGREE should be done as serves us. I won’t make you a slave, I don’t need you to cook, clean or wash anything for me. Just don’t be a dirt piler yourself or a food conscious person. I’ve loved people that left me and I never regretted or reduced how much love I gave to the next person because there is only one way to love. You cannot be a bad boyfriend/girlfriend and be a wonderful husband/wife or father/mother. The way you handle 1 shows how you will treat 3 or 4 . You can only play how you train.

EriMma1:


No.. I mean men should learn to be men. Man up to their responsibilities and stop expecting a woman to bring to their empty table.

Make una dey look up to people like Ned Nwoko, Tinubu and the odogwus wey know how to be a man.