Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling - Family (6)

Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling - Family (6) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling (44136 Views)

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Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by CosmicDust(op): 11:21pm On Mar 31, 2023

Ashawoman82:
guy rest..I'm sure u are not a first born...look Las Las we no go kill ourselves, we must face our own life too...make God just bless us so we can Carter for everyone conveniently,e no easy...at some point I had to reduce the aid I render home so I could plan my life, cos I discovered that time is flying these days...dude, there are things that if u try to force, it could lead u to depression and u will definitely be overwhelmed.....don't be stagnant all in the name of trying to Carter for your parents, invest try and grow yourself so that u would be better and finally give your parents the best life has to offer....a young man paying more than 50% of his meagre income every month to.parent how do u except such person to expand and grow in future without savings or investments..

Did you read about an health issue involved? Please if your loved ones are ill, don't raise a finger. Seems tragic stories gives you orgasms. I was brought up with love and will reciprocate it. I didn't come here to complain to you. Just felt like airing my views. Thank you

3 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by akube34: 11:22pm On Mar 31, 2023

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by CosmicDust(op): 11:24pm On Mar 31, 2023

Gloriagee:
The thing is the Op is not rich for Gods sake. Hes hustling honestly. You might feel hes entitled but hes just venting. Most of his giving is sacrificial in nature and sometimes he might actually feel that his own sister is ENTITLED, cos who does she think is bearing the brunt of the financial expenses?

@ op, don't get worked up. Life happens everytime.

Thanks

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by akube34: 11:25pm On Mar 31, 2023

Wawelexy:
You took the word out of my mouth.... OP will be shocke to discover he is actually doing better here in Nigeria than the so called sister living abroad...

I wanted to talk like dis but bro, I Dey Canada too. 40k is less dan $100. Even if u no Dey do well, u fit send $150 for dem

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by akube34: 11:29pm On Mar 31, 2023

Praisepriest:
Oga calm down, abroad no be as you see am here. Calculate the 40k for a year. Parents must have something to fall back on after retirement. I be man e no easy. Me too get sister there she lost her job last year.i dey pity. No carry your life put into one person. E go crash. I have kids and am working on my retirement despite giving them the best. God bless you all in your family.

let me tell you something. Yes e no easy here and bills plenty here, but common, I buy hoodies for $60 bro. 40000 a month for both of them too small. If na each of dem, no wahala. For the parents to send am with their money, na to help dem later na

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by pman06(m): 11:31pm On Mar 31, 2023

CosmicDust:
She was partly sponsored there to do a Masters Programme. Few months later she got a job in a financial company and has been doing that for 5 years. Please tell me how I will be doing better than her.
I am here. I have a barbing saloon with 2 barbers, I have my own car that I use for cab hailing. And every month I bring out at least 70k to support my parents from my earnings because of their condition. I still have a wife at home. And I am not complaining. Please the situation you may considering isn't what it is.

God will bless you beyond measures boss.

2 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Asour: 11:33pm On Mar 31, 2023*

LikeAking:
Naso life be..

Many of our parents will suffer.

The world don woke, every body don Sabi him rights.

It's not the right of children to Carter for their parents...

Awon woke generation...

It's not wokeness.

Nigeria is a largely poor country.
But the weight on children in some families can be crushing. Often before one even starts to find feet in life.

2 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Nobody: 11:33pm On Mar 31, 2023

CosmicDust:
Thanks for the messages. I am sharing my story here is to air out a piece of my mind and also I believe many people also do have stories of sibling rivalries.
For those who told me to call and discuss issues with, anytime I do that is a reason for a fight. Infact I have been exhaustive on that. She has left the family whatsapp group and claims we all use it to extort her. 2 of us are doing well for ourselves.

Even if I dey wipe nyansh for Canada, e no go reach situation wey I no fit send at least $150 back home to my parents. This girl sends 40k. $55 a month for your parents that trained you. That is unthinkable.

What she sends is over $100 dollars oga. Remember it’s Canadian dollar and not US. 100 Canadian dollar is N31,700

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by CosmicDust(op): 11:35pm On Mar 31, 2023

akube34:
I wanted to talk like dis but bro, I Dey Canada too. 40k is less dan $100. Even if u no Dey do well, u fit send $150 for dem

Guy forget those people.
Bad people will never admit they are bad.
They will try and give you every reason to show they are not.

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by JustcallmeFavou(f): 11:35pm On Mar 31, 2023

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Someone once told me that, if you have a trait of being a tightfisted person. That when you go abroad, you will learn their way of minding your business, and also not spending your money unless it concerns you or the thing would benefit you.

Well, I don't know if your elder sister is,naturally a tightfisted person. But the best thing to do is to, have a heart to heart talk/video call with her. You don't know how she is paying bills over there, or if she is one of those buying, or building secret properties here in Nigeria while abroad.

One thing I have also learnt in this life is that, don't assume things about why someone behaves in a certain way. Without fully knowing the reason(s) why they act the way they do?

2 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by ogwumgbe: 11:41pm On Mar 31, 2023

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Brother, your problem is the belief among many Nigerians that as soon as you go abroad, then you life becomes so rosy, If that you elder sister tells you how much she saves a month after paying series of bills, you will pity her. some hardly even save up to $100 a month, but sometimes, those abroad are to blame for not telling the truth and show off as one abroad to be worshipped like demigods where as they are no bodies,

3 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Sultannayef: 11:42pm On Mar 31, 2023

RenegadeX:
What she sends is over $100 dollars oga. Remember it’s Canadian dollar and not US. 100 Canadian dollar is N31,700

My friend 100 CAD is at least N50,000

4 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Fidelarinze9(m): 11:44pm On Mar 31, 2023

CosmicDust:
Thanks for the messages. I am sharing my story here is to air out a piece of my mind and also I believe many people also do have stories of sibling rivalries.
For those who told me to call and discuss issues with, anytime I do that is a reason for a fight. Infact I have been exhaustive on that. She has left the family whatsapp group and claims we all use it to extort her. 2 of us are doing well for ourselves.

Even if I dey wipe nyansh for Canada, e no go reach situation wey I no fit send at least $150 back home to my parents. This girl sends 40k. $55 a month for your parents that trained you. That is unthinkable.

Bros Easy with this your entitlement mentality, do what you can and leave your sister to do what she can.

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by marvy7: 11:46pm On Mar 31, 2023

Op, u are trying ur best please don't relent, just do ur best and leave the rest, ur parents life is in God's hands not your elder sister's .... If not talking to her will make u sane, please take that step and give her space Nigeria is hard enough, ( I will only advice don't cut her off)
I wonder why pple keep saying it might be difficult for her over there.... I don't think the OP is mad ... If there is any chance it's difficult for her there this OP with what he said will know or else she should communicate it. .. Nobody will kill her .... In 2021 I was borrowing a friend in Germany 250k for three fu*king months to add to whatever the siblings raised for their dads chemotherapy in Lagos.... He didn't have it he was still a student ... Bt that's sacrifice....
Then again OP u can judge also by her attitude before she left the country there are some sibling who don't give a hoot about their parents or mayb she has be frugal all along then this wouldn't surprise u.....

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Olowosaudi(m): 11:46pm On Mar 31, 2023

Hmm. Parents should learn to have the number of children they can cater for and also save for their own retirement rather than depend on their children for their survival. At least she sends some money back home and it's not your right to be expecting her to send certain amount because she has her own life and family to cater for as well. Have a brother with such entitlement mind set and today she is paying dearly for it. No one owes anybody anything except their children whom they brought into the world and should look after. Grow up man. Your sister is a woman. You are a man. Go and hussle for your own money and life.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Nobody: 11:48pm On Mar 31, 2023

LikeAking:
Naso life be..

Many of our parents will suffer.

The world don woke, every body don Sabi him rights.

It's not the right of children to Carter for their parents...

Awon woke generation...

That is the honest truth.
Who force you born pikin?

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Olowosaudi(m): 11:49pm On Mar 31, 2023

ZIMDRILL:
in my workd you got a wrong mindset when it comes to raising kids

there is nothing called Sacrifice when it comes to raising your own children, its your duty both by nature and law, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to be doing aka raising your own kids

the only people who deserve to use that word is those looking after othet people's kids yes they sacrifice there time and money becoz it wasnt there responsiblility

Kids are not investment why becoz they can have their own mind, your money and properties are the right investment they can
never have their own mind hence they will work according to your wish

Saying parents sacrificed is like giving yourself a medal for breathing, if you want to live you must breath so u can not give yoself a medal

Same with kids we bear, its our duty and responsibility no one else so dont congrats your self for something you are meant to be doing

the moment we accept that it is our duty to look after we children the better we dont see them as investments but just raising a human being and hoping that they will be better than you in achievement

We are poor becoz we confuse investment and responsibility of raising children. The two are totally different but most africans make them one thing

what If all your kids die before you? when u viewed them as investment, a property will look after same with shares etc

Having the mindset of investment is wrong you will end up thinking that you are doing a favour to your children when in reality it is actually your duty and no one else

You spoke my mind

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by paris7968: 11:50pm On Mar 31, 2023

Even if I dey wipe nyansh for Canada, e no go reach situation wey I no fit send at least $150 back home to my parents. This girl sends 40k. $55 a month for your parents that trained you. That is unthinkable.

I don't blame you, until you travel you won't know abroad is not what you guys think it is.

3 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Nobody: 11:51pm On Mar 31, 2023

Sultannayef:
My friend 100 CAD is at least N50,000

Oga I no fit follow you argue rubbish
Na my work be this Canadian banks login and co

Normally black market na 340 but if you go change am na 317. Stop arguing unnecessarily ok

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Nobody: 11:52pm On Mar 31, 2023*

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Nobody: 11:59pm On Mar 31, 2023

deewhydoski:
I don't know how training a child has become an investment that u must get a return. A child that will help you at old age will do so even if u no train ham go school. In a family children can never be the same, you will see one that cares alot and u will see one that care less.

Thank you o
See how op dey reason like bush man. That if his sister knows she won’t help then they could have channeled the money elsewhere. Very stupid reasoning. Did she bring herself to the world. If you use clear eye to have sex that you know the consequences is a baby. You should know that part of the consequences is to Chanel part of your resources to make the child grow into an adult. The child owes u nothing not even a thank

2 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Sultannayef: 12:00am On Apr 01, 2023

RenegadeX:
Oga I no fit follow you argue rubbish
Na my work be this Canadian banks login and co

Normally black market na 340 but if you go change am na 317. Stop arguing unnecessarily ok

I don’t like arguments. I don’t know what you are talking about. 100 CAD black market in Nigeria is N50,000.

Let me give you 80k Naira so you give me CAD 200.

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by bigiyaro(m): 12:01am On Apr 01, 2023

She is addicted to some very strong d.ick rite there in Canada, the guy is sucking both her punna and pocket.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by akube34: 12:09am On Apr 01, 2023

like1:
If this is not entitlement mentality I don't know what is it. OP do what you can do for your parents without complaining. No dey look your older sister. If you no fit too, lock up too and stop being a baby.

Your sister sends 40k monthly, she is already trying. You re calculating how much is 40k in Canadian dollars. You are even expecting your sister who has spent only 5 years in Canada to be able to have enough money to bring you abroad. If your sister id actually who you say she is, it is obvious entitlement mentality from your side is a major factor to the way she behaves.

Because there is nothing she ever does that will be appreciated.

Moreover, do you know her burdens in Canada, have you tried to inquire? Does she work as a student? 20 hours a week? Has she overstayed her visa and not able to renew and now staying illegally? What is her status in Canada.

bro I Dey Canada too. Even if you Dey earn minimum wage, $80 a month is too small too send to your parents a month. Forget this entitlement mentality, let’s call a spade a spade, she is stingy

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by akube34: 12:10am On Apr 01, 2023

Sultannayef:
I don’t like arguments. I don’t know what you are talking about. 100 CAD black market in Nigeria is N50,000.

Let me give you 80k Naira so you give me CAD 200.

as at today, if you use lemonade app, na 55000

2 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Moonraker007: 12:28am On Apr 01, 2023

There are 2 sides to a story. Secondly, y'all are soul deep in your entitlement mentality.. Have you ever wondered how she is surviving especially bills.. Your entitlement mentality is eating you deep. SHE OWES YOU NOTHING.. It is even shameful to use the word invest for your parents training her.. A parent trains their child out of true love not investing. You sound really pathetic and need to snap out of it before it ruins you. Let God bless you for all your commitments to the family not this trash talk. Do you think if you stop talking to her she will not continue to exist. WAKE UP MY FRIEND

6 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by akube34: 12:35am On Apr 01, 2023

InvertedHammer:
/

Lol. I can bet money that you can't afford to send the N40k if you face the challenges abroad. It is not only about income and bills. There are things the lady will not dare explain to family members because they will never understand. The OP has high expectations and could be one of those quick to punch in numbers using exchange rates.

Like I always say, if it pains him, the Embassy is close by. He can travel and show the sister how it should be done.

/

make una stop ds talk. No be d same Canada we Dey? If u plan your sec well, u will handle ur bills accordingly. You shouldn’t take more dan u can handle. I av a friend here dat barely gives his pple anything. The day I tell am say I wan go send my mama Bleep amount, him surprised. This is a guy dat works two jobs and has much savings. He is even stingy to himself to feed well.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by ibinaboonline: 12:42am On Apr 01, 2023

Everybody remember: we haven't heard from the abroad sis.

1 Like

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Applekay9776: 12:49am On Apr 01, 2023

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

You should be grateful that you have a sis who sends 40k per month,sometimes sends money for hospital bills,for me,I have a brother,who stay in US,he calls my dad once in a while to send him money,he hardly come home and when he do,my dad will be the one to pay for his flight back to US,cus if dad doesn’t give him money,nobody will rest in this house,over 30 years in the United States,nothing to show for it….my brother be grateful,manage the little she sends and take care of ur family…moreover if nah land dem Dey share,nah you go get more of the land…so smile and move on.

2 Likes

Re: Why I Chose To Distance Myself From A Sibling by Trojan8(m): 12:58am On Apr 01, 2023

Every comments that does not support what you said about your sister is either ignored or attacked. You claim she consistently send 40k every month, how much do you give your parents every month?

She may be stingy but the way you feel entitled is making me laugh. No where in your post did you try to find out her living conditions there.

1 Like

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