₦airaland Forum

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

you honestly did not marry your own wife and first stop calling that woman your wife, she's not, you must have abandoned your wife somewhere and lost after this nightmare you are calling wife, if your stories are true, do as a matter of urgency find a wife, at this time a good wife. You haven't surfer anything yet, if you wait till your old age to act thats if you even grow old with such woman, then you will understand the real meaning of woman punishment. Don't be deceived by nonsence counseling. Just act now

I don't understand why men marry. Maybe because I'm an antinatalist. I don't see any reason why I should ever get married. If my girlfriend misbehaves, I leave her and go for another - especially when I can afford to change girlfriend any number of times I want

By the way,

Pastors and religious leaders should keep hammering it to the hearings of married women in the church that they must take care of their home before coming to take care of the church.

Like, how does it make sense to leave your house on a Saturday morning without being taken care of and come to church to do church sanitation.....o wrong, let those with lesser responsibilities take care of that and sit your ass down taking care of your home

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Same story as mine but hey av moved on. We r still married but i dont disturb her for anything again. She gives sex no wahala, she cook or not no wahala. Have loads of them out there who r willing to come in as a wife.



U can drop digit for more interractiosn

Just get a lawyer good in divorce matters

chatinent:
Act like there's another woman somewhere.Be out, don't disturb her for anything. If she doesn't cook, with a smile, go out and return filled. Just do whatever it is that will make her feel you aren't feeling her attitude. Do it for two months.

She'll come tracking and wanting you.


Or bro, in easy words, LET EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU BE WITH YOU GADAFCK! Gaddammnnnit!



As a man, you are the trophy!

Best advice!

My dear brother, am atleast 5 years older than you in age and been married for for 11yrs now blessed with three beautiful boys.
Sir, when i was reading your post i thought at some point you were narrating my case. Today makes it four days that we just settled what would have turned out to be a major catastroph.
I mean almost the same ordeal to yours especialy the food part.

And when i confronted her she got aggresive and said to me, that the fact she got extra money that week and suported with food supply that i have to assume the role of a wife too. That hurts alot i said to her never to ever help again , thinking it will help but she vent rubbish the more.

What i did.,..

I then called her mum and explain to her whom in return summoned her afterwards and querried her.

Effect.

She came back a day after and first thing in the morning she came to me coddled me and softly apologized and we settled and she has since show a great deal of change. In fact as am typing this post am served breakfast already despite bein late for work thank God.

My thoughts.

My brother every body have thier mumu bottens and you should know by now what is your wife's own. Above all that nothing must tamper with the love you have for each other which in return give room for other codiments such as mutual respect, compassion, honor sacrifice and so on.
I pray you communicate effectively as a "stich in time saves nine".

You will get through these wilderness experience i pray you Amen.

women that don't contribute financially in their marriage. Na so my mother take rich pass my father. And it ended in separation. She already has an exit plan. Be doing I don't believe in divorce.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

I'm 100% certain your wife is funking another guy outside. 100% certain

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Learn to live with your choice of wife. Our experiences are the products of our choices. If anything would change for better now, you have to make a better decision. Since it's an issue of marriage, no be me go tell you wetin to do

May God guide you. Pray o. It might not be ordinary

Your wife cannot be making such money and not contributing to the running of the home. If nah me, she go dey bring half of that money towards the running of the home.

Worse of all, she is not even performing her duties, she has given up performing her duties to make that cash at your own detriment, so she has no excuse not to contribute.

I do not understand how some men take rubbish behavior from women when we not in the abroad o. Haaa!!! Me I go scatter everywhere ooooooooo....And I don't ffing care........

The annoying thing is such a wife would also poison the mind of your kids and make u the villain in their eyes and paint herself as the saint just Incase things go wrong

Man better start putting yourself first cos as others have rightly said, she didn't marry the man of her dreams, so she is pained.

Greenvaiper:
Which kain suffer head marriage you dey? Better divorce your wife and move on

Thanks for the advice sir. Nothing like "suffer-head" here, I dey alright, just sharing an experience like the OP.

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

You be bad guy. You make me feel like to marry.

Get another woman, ya turbulent emotions go dey calm.

Every marriage has its own other side.
Try to sit her down so you can talk, communication is important in any relationship.

My advice, speak to someone she listens to, maybe her pastor.

[quote author=STARGREEN post=122408787]It's well.
Build on the good part of her, each of them comes with different packages that has to be endured if you must remain married.

Trust me some have bigger issues than yours.

Rise up and be on your feet, be happy it's just a phase and only you should control your peace in your home not your acquired a
We are in a similar situation but to console myself I completely forget I have a wife,I just need to create peace for myself. Divorce is a hard decision especially when there are children in the marriage. I don't cheat on her but I am tired of telling her to change
.

This is simply ridiculous and sour experience. Wtf!

If she really said this " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" then she's indirectly telling you what she wants.
This proves that, all these attitude towards you is deliberate.

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

Hmm. Is not a small matter. Needs a PhD IQ.

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

This is the best advice…. Look for her mumu button.

It's well, it seems the love was not really there when you met her at first and before marrying her, you people didn't bond well as to know each other to some certain level, just keep talking to her and let her know that being a Christian, divorce is not an option, one can't say there is a perfect marriage, one will surely have issues, but the ability to solve the issues will determine if the marriage will stand the test of time, it's seems maybe you wanted marrying a woman is a working class and you met her, but nevertheless, keep praying for her and keep talking to her.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

I think you should open up to her parents and yours.

One thing to understand is when you married her both parents sat and became a part of the story.

Call her, sit her down and tell her if she wants to dissolve the marriage you want to inform your parents and her pastor. If she agrees know the marriage may have no redemption if she refuses, then go straight to the parents and spill it all. Emotional abuse is a real thing. Do not loose yourself trying to portray a perfect home.

BloomingDale:
Let me ask you a question? What does it signify by the wife getting a maid and the husband telling the wife to pay the maids fees?

Her work schedule might be hectic but reading through the thread you can see through her sheer unwillingness to make the marriage work. The effort is too one-sided. It's only a matter of time before OP passes breaking point. She makes good money (~800k/month) so he can afford to pay a maid since she's failed to do the basic things a woman should in her marriage. She's also depriving the husband of sex; see there are too many of these kind of movie script in nollywood and we all know how most of them end. If the OP starts engaging the made for sex then she's doomed. I'll give you one little advice: Never outsource cooking for your husband to a maid! You job might me demanding and all that but make out to time to cook for your husband as much as you can even if you have a made. These little things increases the bind and synergy in marriage. If a maid that cooks food your husband eats has an eye for your husband she can do it with so much ease either my making very delicious meals or use juju and in some cases both. There's so much already to end the marriage and you can see the OP is thr one holding onto it. Please don't try defending this nonsense again!

Connected1:
Rest Mr. Man you are capping.

She's not a good woman and she needs strict handling, who cares about the status of a woman, whether she supports in the home or not, if she behaves like a lunatic she will be handled like one.

I believe Op will ignore you.

I figured out that you are a Christian from your story, and I can tell you that you have serious work to do. One thing about women is that, some of them often take things for granted, and you really need to stand against that. Don't fight with her, pretend as if you are not moved by her actions, and if she refuses to change after all, get a marriage counselor involved. Like my late dad always say, "women hate intelligence in men" and so, you must know how to deal with her without her thinking that you are playing smart on her.

iInjureHerYansh:
He should cook for one month? Abi I no dey read well ni.

OK they will say I'm not married so bla bla bla. OK o
But don't forget if this is how you behave around your woman just to be cool with her then I am afraid your own case go worst pass op o. Continue cooking. Good husband

God help women in Nigeria. I have been married for 10 years and my wife worships me. You guys should learn how to treat and bring out the best in a woman. It is an assignment I gave Op to cook for a month and see how it feels like. Afterall the woman is making over a million a month

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Since she love going to church and love her church perhaps God. Take the issue to her pastor. Start from there and be patient with her as you have being. Take the issue up to her pastor and be praying for her. The Bible says all things are possible including her changing for the woman you want her to be. We most realize that there is nothing, no situation that God cannot change, the absent of this believe had led to the collapse of many marriages. The just shall live by faith. Have faith then it will be as you want it. Shalom.

SIRTee15:
Then let her leave and see how easy it is to raise kids all by herself. Let's stop giving excuse for rubbish. That woman is killing that marriage.
All this modern woman thing is not helping marriage in anyway and that's why people like Andrew Tate got huge followership on social media.
Get it right, a man wants RESPECT in his home. It doesn't matter if the women earn and supports the house. If she doesn't respect her husband, she puts that marriage at risk. Lack of respect from his wife kills the dignity of a man and makes him naked.
Modern woman in marriage only exist in western marriage and that's why their values are falling apart. Their women are shamelessly into only fans while the men are into same sex union.
Women should understand this, a marriage will only work when the woman is submissive to the man, in return the husband loves the wife.
The op marriage is only a matter of time, the rain will eventually gall. Meanwhile, the children are growing up and will notice how the mum treats their dad. Do u think they will respect him?

you dont ask for respect, you earn it.
Op doesnt buy gift for his wife
He doesnt help in the house except to surprise the wife
He doesnt Bleep her real good
Common no woman will respect you. Women respect actions you take to make her happy and not your earning power.

This case is similar to mine....
I am really frustrated, you're even lucky to have sex once in a week, the last time I had sex with my wife is early January..

But in conclusion, marriage doesn't worth the hype.
Noticed all these why courting though but I never took it serious because I see her as the lady of my dream....
In my car own case, my 2 kids are still the reason why I go home....

Neverlookback:
You didn't answer the question. What does she contribute to the running of the household?

She makes 800k per month. Yet, the husband takes care of 98% of the financial needs of the household. It would have been great if she contributes about 40-50% of the finances, but she doesn't. So, of what use is she to the husband?

Such a woman would have been better off being a single mother and focus on her career and not have to worry about demands of a husband.

read his post you would see it. Besides you dont live with them to know what she is doing. My mum gave me 5 million when I graduated from Uni. My dad doesnt know about it up till today.

I'll rather be alone than be in an abusive marriage