Very saddening, if I have to come in here, seems your wife doesn't love you anymore.
Was she ever in love with you ?
Hope it wasn't an arranged marriage?

Or did you really change from what she knew or that she now compares you with her new acquaintances probably at work or so.

Forget the Church shows she puts up, might even be a cover up.

From my little knowledge in dealing with women, even my own wife, when a woman's love dies , it goes with their loyalty and commitment. Trust me, unlike men.
Try checking things out within yourself. If you were ever attractive to her in anyway, try to reenter that space .

Finally, stop begging her for sex, it further belittles you. Try to hold yourself for like 6months while rebuilding within yourself.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Be nice to her as though no problem.

Try do things that she appreciates.

Give her gifts.

Talk gently to her about these problems.

Be prayerful and tell GOD give you wisdom to endure the marriage while you try subtlely to turn things around since you don't want divorce.

Have you thought about the fact that you may have hurt her?

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

As women body make is complicated. That’s how their problem are complicated. Please apologise to her even when u are right. When the apologies, it doesn’t come from within most times, so it’s useless. Pet her like an egg. Omo!!! If you want your wife back you will surely get it. But na hard work. I choose to be single Bcus I know I can’t stay with a woman in the same room for up to a year. Even if na my blood sister I no fit. Unless we de under de watch of parents. If you know the peace of mind soso n don jazzy is getting I will know y they are still single

chatinent:
Act like there's another woman somewhere.Be out, don't disturb her for anything. If she doesn't cook, with a smile, go out and return filled. Just do whatever it is that will make her feel you aren't feeling her attitude. Do it for two months.

She'll come tracking and wanting you.


Or bro, in easy words, LET EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU BE WITH YOU GADAFCK! Gaddammnnnit!



As a man, you are the trophy!

.

She is already asking for divorce, so i think your advice will make her see a reason to get out. And people will support her on account that her husband is cheating

STARGREEN:
It's well.
Build on the good part of her, each of them comes with different packages that has to be endured if you must remain married.

Trust me some have bigger issues than yours.

Rise up and be on your feet, be happy it's just a phase and only you should control your peace in your home not your acquired assets.

Guys have nailed it on the head, I have bigger problem concerning my matrimonial and I have been trying to deal with it....

tomi4life:


No, I earn almost twice this amount

I have never advised anyone on marital issues but ill make an exception today based on what I’ll do if I were in your shoes.

I think you married her at her prime and she didn’t get to enjoy her youthful age, hence some of the habit she’s showing now, do you know her well ? What she likes, wants etc? Communication is key and I think here both of you usually nag and not communicating when sorting out issues.

You both have lotta work to do, fill the communication gap which is key and the most important, secondly, you clearly sounded boring and more of a monotonous type, with few movements, work, church and home. You need to spice things up like many have suggested, she’s still very young and would want going out, diner dates, movie night, vacation etc. Sometimes it’s good not to be available all the time, try have friends, register at the gym, go out weekends, let her miss you and call you asking where you at.

If all these works then you can discuss about finance, sex and every other things that you need to talk about.

Please you need to start acting like man of the house and be in charge know when to take your stand and when to listen. Anytime she brings up the divorce issue, pretend like you interested in going ahead with it, and would tell her parents she suggested it. Watch her reactions if she’s not showing any remorse or still all up for it , my brother then you need to start planning ahead cos she’s already out.

She is already tired of your union

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

I can relate... unfortunately, ladies do not respect good men. They love men they can pant over, men that makes their heart skip. You guys ain't friends, you married a competitor

Shokoloko:
I sense resentment from your spouse.
I don't think you are right to equate remote work with zero work. Remote work is mentally tasking.
Just so you know, when women are overwhelmed their libido DIES.
I am not at all excusing her - she needs to communicate. Both of you need professional marriage counseling (not church marriage counseling). Whichever one of you is not ready for counseling has checked out already and maybe should be left alone.
I see some people asking you to pretend to have someone else or actually have a side piece.
Before you do that, make sure your spouse is not waiting for you to do that so they can use that as a legit reason for divorce.
Gift giving will not help matters - your wife's love language is not gifting. It's acts of service and affirmations.
You did not mention this; but is there any member of your family having a health challenge? When kids have prolonged health issues, women's libidos typically DIE.

Not all women

Mine is closely related to this. In my own case I feel her parents spoilt her. I sweep,clean, cook and do other house chores.

The sex life is zero. If I don't try she wouldn't come close. Sometimes she grudgingly have the sex probably just to satisfy me.

Just like a poster said, when I can no longer take it, we will both sit down and probably dissolve the marriage.

Now tell me why wouldn't I have a side chick outside? I have been trying to be faithful for long and I believe it certainly will get to the point I may not be able to cope anymore. It's not easy for me at all.

Na senior man u be!! 🙌 🙌

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

Black man, born polygamist chooses the monogamous Western lifestyle and turns back to be confused. Divorce and polygamy keeps women in check and makes men fulfilled! Any woman who knows that you can divorce her or marry another woman will be very careful the way they handle you.

Hello, your wife is still with you because of the children, believe me she is no longer in love, swallow your pride and ask for divorce and focus your attention on raising your children. Your wife is not religious, she is fake.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.


My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Get a very good food from outside, let her know in anyway you can that a female friend made it for you and see magic. you are probably an emotional person otherwise the issue should be addressed tactically. For the sex, stop asking for it for a period just pretend nothing bothers you again for a very long period, don't even eat at home if you can. See, some women are like that especially when they start having kids but the moment you start living like a bachelor in your own house and only provide for their needs she will sit-up bet me. I pray God give your home stability.

2dice01:
Suffering and smiling 🤩

¹ Once a week sex 🤔
² She has no Respect for you
³ Won't cook for you
⁴ She even told you if the marriage ain't working you should divorce

Yet divorce isn't an option for you 😂☺️
What exactly are you enjoying in your marriage?

I wonder o

purpleicious:
Have you thought about the fact that you may have hurt her?

She never liked him from day one. Since they got married 6 years ago, she ALWAYS complained about the sex. She is not into him.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

welcome to Normal Nigeria Marriage

The only tin i can tell is You are not alone

sorry

Shams4real76:
Bros, you are living with a competitor and not a life partner.

Stop playing a support role, instead of a leading role.

Report her to someone so people should know what you're going through.

Real men don't report their wife oga. We just handle it. Let OP ignore this woman like a shit for a month and live like a complete bachelor, f**k her and her crazy lifestyle even employing a maid to accommodate her yeye attitude. Some of this ladies thinks they can eat their cake and have it. No, as a man that did all full rite to marry a woman she must do what I want not what she wants to do.... OP is just being emotional finish, cut her off let her begin to see you are learning to live without her again.. that's what they do if Dem don dey see raba.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum.

I'm facing this issue also. But I believe distance can solve the issue. Go to work on Monday, come on Friday. That is my own point of view. I may wrong. Some women believe they can survive on their own without a man since they are working and henceforth the respect for that man dwindles

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

The problem
1)she has been able to save so much money that she feels she can take care of herself and her kids without any support from you.
2)she might be upset with you and hasn't forgiven you about something.
3)it's clear she doesn't love you anymore..
Now who does she loves ?
Solutions
1) use that church against her report her to pastor's wife make they use her preach one day or make pastor talk to her.
2)don't ask her for sex don't initiate sex wait untill she comes to you for it.
3)if she starts to give you problem don't say anything just enter your room lock door , if she greets you don't answer her untill she comes and kneel down to beg you anyday she comes instruct her to sleep in your room but don't initiate sex if she does Yiu can decline her after turning her on .
4)don't eat her food or the maids food again until she comes to her senses.....
You need to take your place as the head of the house.

BloomingDale:


Did you read my Soln? All the bills and fees? Well, the wife is paying for some stuff like gas, baby diapers etc and I’m pretty sure he is not paying for his wife ‘s personal maintenance like clothes, etc The husband is just paying for the things he still has to pay for even if he was still single like a roof over his head, the food he eats etc, so it’s not like he’s even going out of his way too much with the bills. I’m pretty sure the wife supplements the money she is given without even letting him know. Imagine bringing out just 75k to feed a family of five for a month.


Well, the wife is now stressed and the household is unhappy. She is already running after 2 children. Can’t add another one. She has left the big child aka the husband to take care of himself. Whaddaya gonna do about it except come to Nairaland to complain. Lol.

Good someone sees the bolded, I do find it a bit funny that the guys here are pushing the OP that the wife should be spending more of her finances that the guy shouldn't take majority of the house expenses while watering down advices that this lady is stressed and he should do somethings to relieve her.

She has a job, she has a side hustle that brings in 200-300k and according to him she only pays maid fees, buy diapers and cooking gas, if the woman tells her story you will be surprised how much more she spends on the house.



I have been reading OPs responses and one thing I can see that is glaring to all who care to see it is that he is not comfortable with his wife earning that much even though he also says he earns twice that amount. Just look at how he's mentioned her income on this thread. Maybe he might be more comfortable if she was in the 100-150k earning bracket and I feel her earning that much is the genesis of their problem.
He is trying to compare the ratio of what he thinks she's spending to her income and he thinks the percentage is not enough that's his major problem. If she was earning 150k and spends about 120k on the home he would not be complaining about her income.

Honestly their problem is not much (except he has done something to hurt her and she's reacting) very resolvable, he has to do the work since he wants the marriage. Women are generally not that hard to win over, male ego is always the problem.

Rokiat:


I am so but this is really funny. Lol beaten by her mother lol this can’t be real.

it's real I swear down

GboyegaD:


They could have been communicating about it and their communications are not centered around how she sees herself in the marriage, i.e. a partner or just a wife etc.

oh chim. People! Oya go and intervene.

GboyegaD:


They could have been communicating about it and their communications are not centered around how she sees herself in the marriage, i.e. a partner or just a wife etc.

oh chim. People! Oya go and intervene since you know it all.

[color=#000099][/color]
My brother, the marriage you are in is not what your wife plans for, it is either she has someone she is eyeing or she needs a husband that earns three times what you earn. This is one phase of your marriage. She doesn't love you she only stays with you as a wife.
Sit her down and talk to her but don't let her threaten you that she wants to leave if she says she wants to leave. Tell her to pack her bags and leave that very day. ( my brother she will not leave)
Continue to give her the rules of what you want that if she can't abide by them she should leave.
It might be hard my brother but she will expose herself to the family and at the end of the day she will come back to her senses.


I see the reason why our fathers enjoy their lives better than we are today. We throw away our African style and embrace Western life. How fathers, then had many wives and enjoy their life. But now we embrace one man, one wife and the wife will now become a problem at home. How will you have a husband and you won't do you necessary things at home?

My brother, the marriage you are in is not what your wife plans for, it is either she has someone she is eyeing or she needs a husband that earns three times what you earn. This is one phase of your marriage. She doesn't love you she only stays with you as a wife.
Sit her down and talk to her but don't let her threaten you that she wants to leave if she says she wants to leave. Tell her to pack her bags and leave that very day. ( my brother she will not leave)
Continue to give her the rules of what you want that if she can't abide by them she should leave.
It might be hard my brother but she will expose herself to the family and at the end of the day she will come back to her senses.


I see the reason why our fathers enjoy their lives better than we are today. We throw away our African style and embrace Western life. How fathers, then had many wives and enjoy their life. But now we embrace one man, one wife and the wife will now become a problem at home. How will you have a husband and you won't do you necessary things at home?

I am not a professional therapist, but I can offer you some suggestions that might help you address the issues you're facing in your relationship:

Communication: Open and honest communication is vital for a healthy marriage. Schedule regular times for you and your wife to discuss your feelings, concerns, and needs. This can help both of you understand each other better and work together to address any issues that arise.

Counseling: Consider seeking couples counseling to help you both work through your issues with the guidance of a professional. A trained therapist can help you identify the root causes of your problems and provide tailored advice and support for improving your relationship.

Shared responsibilities: Discuss the distribution of responsibilities in your household and try to come up with a fair arrangement that works for both of you. If you're both contributing equally, it can help prevent resentment from building up.

Intimacy: Make an effort to increase emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage. Spend quality time together, engage in activities you both enjoy, and explore ways to improve your sexual relationship. This can help strengthen your connection and make it easier to navigate through challenging times.

Empathy: Try to put yourself in your wife's shoes and consider her feelings and perspectives. Understand that she may also be struggling with the current state of your relationship and may need your support and understanding.

Patience: Change takes time, and it's important to be patient as you both work on improving your relationship. Recognize that progress may be slow, but as long as you're both committed to working together, you can overcome the challenges you're facing.

Support network: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can offer advice and encouragement. Talking to others who have gone through similar experiences can provide valuable insights and help you feel less alone in your struggles.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs. The key is to stay committed to working together and be willing to make changes in order to create a healthier, happier marriage.

Many of us suffer the same thing. You're not alone.

2dice01:
Suffering and smiling 🤩

¹ Once a week sex 🤔
² She has no Respect for you
³ Won't cook for you
⁴ She even told you if the marriage ain't working you should divorce

Yet divorce isn't an option for you 😂☺️
What exactly are you enjoying in your marriage?

Very pitiable. Both of them are just there for the kids. Simple!
Truth is, there is no love. Dont deceive yourself

EriMma1:
Settle it on your knees in prayers. At least you should be grateful you didn't marry an olosho.

If possible, you both should visit a marriage counselor. There's still room for adjustments and amendment.

Who told u she no dey do olosho?