BrighterThanDay:


Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

Don't mind the adviser I bet she is single and doesn't understand how and what it feels like to be rejected by in-laws after putting much positive efforts, your only mistake I see is losing your job over this, just try and get a Job then focus on your Family, my sister has same issues. She minds her job and keeps her distance. She really struggled to get along until she found out some people are just impossible to relate with.

BrighterThanDay:


The truth is my husband is a good man. He chose me, I chose him, and we are happy together. Aside from the current financial issues and law problems we don't have any other problem.
He stood up for me countless times against his sister and asked her to leave me alone. But whenever he does this, the sister gets so mad and says I've come to scatter their family and she begins to report to elders, who now turn on my husband and ask him to draw his sister close as the father of the house after the demise of his father. If he doesn't oblige, he'll be totally isolated from the family, even if his mother is sick or God forbid dies, he won't be informed, nobody picks up his calls or when they answer they sound so cold. The worse part was when my daughter was born, aside my family, none of them congratulated him. This is what they use to get to him and it hurts him so bad, and he ends up blaming me. I hate seeing him in this mood and I'll always encourage him to go back to them. I'm sincerely tired of this vicious cycle, I don't know how long I can continue living like this. This his sister is married, but she doesn't want any of her brothers to be.

Hahaha. Internet advice can be quite overwhelming, your Husband is not weak he is just trying to balance the whole situation the both parties in contest are important to him. Try and get a Job before financial crises tires your family totally part.

falcon01:
It's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy

Most people whom are not happily married were never happy while being single.

People think marriage will just solve your misery. Nah it wont.

For one to be happy, you take actions. You engage in things that gives you joy. Like learning a skill, going for physical activities like yoga, gym. People also feel elated after solving problems in their lives, all around their environment.

So after marriage, you wanna stop all these? No, you continue doing things that make you happy. That's your sole responsibility. You don't put it on someone else!

After all, happiness is a choice.

There are two sides to every story

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

My sister you need prayers, serious prayers, not only for your hubby but your children as well. I sense your sister in-law is not an ordinary person. It is well

The dream of an average Nigerian teenagers: get a degree at very early age, get a nice paying job, get married to Mr QED Right, bear children and be a grandmother at 35, but suddenly divorce come knocking and all dreams shattered. Marriage as an Achievement is killing our ladies. In advance countries people want to have patent of inventions to their names in Japan they are not even thinking marriage at all, but for naija successful families are rated by how many of them are married, and they keep taunting others with their marriages.

falcon01:
It's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

if you are able to see my advice, pack and leave,love is many, plenty out there. leave your mumu hubby. i hate the fact that you made some low life makes you loose your job. Get therapist and leave

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

this is rubbish you wrote here.
I rather die brave than live like a coward each day&nite.

If my conscience is clear over an issue, I would rather face the heat &hate from every damn person.
Being ignorant or stupid isn't an excuse to be extended to any of my enemies.

You saw the red flag and still went ahead with the wedding. That's your first mistake.

It's better to marry bad husband in a good family than marry a good husband in a bad family.

For the records, I don't trust your husband. He either is a weak man or he was involved in this somehow. His recent lovey dovey with his sister when you are clearly hurting is questionable. I don't mean his sister should be his enemy but a good man should try to resolve your issues with his sister before doing what he is currently doing. I personally see it like they are both mocking you, I could be wrong.

Right now, the ball is in your court. If you can survive the emotional torture, then enjoy your marriage but if you can't, well...

This one na small thing.
Please focus on your husband and your daughter.
Go get another job please,,
Put your body and soul together.
You see all these once worrying your peace of mind, they are just passing times... one by one they will grow old and die. And it will just be a memory

BrighterThanDay:


Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

Please it’s not good to marry a bad husband 😂

JeffreyJunior:
You saw the red flag and still went ahead with the wedding. That's your first mistake.

It's better to marry bad husband in a good family than marry a good husband in a bad family.

For the records, I don't trust your husband. He either is a weak man or he was involved in this somehow. His recent lovey dovey with his sister when you are clearly hurting is questionable. I don't mean his sister should be his enemy but a good man should try to resolve your issues with his sister before doing what he is currently doing. I personally see it like they are both mocking you, I could be wrong.

Right now, the ball is in your court. If you can survive the emotional torture, then enjoy your marriage but if you can't, well...

nairamaniac:
this is rubbish you wrote here.
I rather die brave than live like a coward each day&nite.

If my conscience is clear over an issue, I would rather face the heat &hate from every damn person.
Being ignorant or stupid isn't an excuse to be extended to any of my enemies.

The rubbish you wrote is cheap on talk

Pray to marry into such family then put your words into action

caesymore:


I can bet my balls you are not yet married, just shut the Bleep up

By the time you are set for marriage, I doubt if you will stand the marriage rights

So start now to prepare

I am happily married and even when there is issues in the marriage, I register my displeasure and relax that's how we all do till we understood each other

Besides marriage is not bye force

Neither is it do or die affair

ladej:
how will peace reign ?

That's why all this debate has been going on

Kelechi009:


You’re absolutely right honestly, this type of family, if I am the wife in question, I will prepare different types soups Oha and Ofensala, after eating it, so they can all die and let me and my husband be. The husband’s sister is obvious a witch and what is better than a small witch? Answer is a bigger witch.

Yes she is a witch
So she needs prayers and I mean aggressive prayers to handle a witch

She doesn't need to poison them

Her prayers will be the poison

BrighterThanDay

Is this what you call a problem?

You are killing yourself over his idiot of a sister? She wants to prove say she own her brother? She wan pocket your husband? Does she or does it have sense?

Is she not chasing after the wind? Don't throw pearls before swine by making her your headache. There are far worse problems in marriage.

If she slaps you on one side, give her the second side.. People like her are actually very insecure and have low self esteem. Just don't play into her hands. Keep her at arms length.

Your husband still loves and cares for you. That's what's important for now.

If you can perhaps, try and join the japa train overseas. Make sure you go legally.

I suspect the economy would start picking up quite fast when Tinubu takes over. He will revert some of Buhari's bad economic policies.

koolaid87:


Most people whom are not happily married were never happy while being single.

People think marriage will just solve your misery. Nah it wont.

For one to be happy, you take actions. You engage in things that gives you joy. Like learning a skill, going for physical activities like yoga, gym. People also feel elated after solving problems in their lives, all around their environment.

So after marriage, you wanna stop all these? No, you continue doing things that make you happy. That's your sole responsibility. You don't put it on someone else!

After all, happiness is a choice.

You are Absolutely Right, but happiness is not a choice. Some people can't experience it They jump from one activity to another hoping it would make them feel happy but it doesn't regardless of The decision they make they just can't find it. But if certain things give you joy be glad you are one of the lucky ones for some Marriage do it I.e finding love, for some it's Music, Art, sport or Just Helping people.

Singlenhappy:
The dream of an average Nigerian teenagers: get a degree at very early age, get a nice paying job, get married to Mr QED Right, bear children and be a grandmother at 35, but suddenly divorce come knocking and all dreams shattered. Marriage as an Achievement is killing our ladies. In advance countries people want to have patent of inventions to their names in Japan they are not even thinking marriage at all, but for naija successful families are rated by how many of them are married, and they keep taunting others with their marriages.

it's not their Dream, it's what they think their dream is, it's what has been engraved in their minds and what they grow up with. A lot of people have been busy focusing on what People want them to be and never get the time to pause for a moment and ask themselves is this actually what I want? Is this what will make me happy? They've been following this generic lath for long and when it doesn't workout they start blaming other people around them. We'll I don't see their fault.

lilyheaven:
Please it’s not good to marry a bad husband 😂

You're right but when faced with two evils, it's safe to choose the lesser one.

The lady in question here is married to a family full of manipulations and if care is not taken, she may lose her sanity.

Her husband is neither here nor there which is why she is currently going through emotional trauma.

When family members treat their son right and treat his wife wrong, there is monkey hand in the soup. I don't trust her husband, that's my point.

zicoraads:

I prefer to run for cover, when my life is at risk. My own happiness trumps everything. Once I've tried and it's not working, I walk.

I'm not a believer in for better for worse, till death do us part.

Why should your safety and happiness be tied to other people?

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

The fact that u hav a supportive husband is all you need. I think you are giving these people too much credit. If a family doesnt like u my Sister face front and face your husband. Infact stay very far away from them before the physical hatred turns spiritual. How can a SIL tell caterer not to serve your family at their father's burial? Irrespective of what you hav done, thats witchcraft of the highest order. U sef no try, knowing the kind of people they are, you shd hav made Provision for your guests cos same people would hav complained if u didnt invite anyone. Abeg avoid them and face your husband and kids o. You guys should should live within ur means and stop meeting them for help, that's the height of 'see finish'. Try and get a job or business so you can be financially independent. The Sis will come around with time if she wants to but if she doesnt want to abeg avoid them. Who wicked and nasty SIL epp? Its ur husband you are married to and if after a child they still dont want to accept biko bone them and face ur husband and ur marriage. Just stay very far away from them till they come around. They hav seen u as very soft hence all these nonsense. They wont try it with you if u are mean like them so better avoid them and stop trying to force friend where it doesn't exist with them if they wont accept u. Bettomline make money my Sister and build love and peace in ur marriage, thats all u need for now not bitter souls around u. Imagine resigning from a well paying job cos of extended family issues. U no try at all

BrighterThanDay:


The truth is my husband is a good man. He chose me, I chose him, and we are happy together. Aside from the current financial issues and law problems we don't have any other problem.
He stood up for me countless times against his sister and asked her to leave me alone. But whenever he does this, the sister gets so mad and says I've come to scatter their family and she begins to report to elders, who now turn on my husband and ask him to draw his sister close as the father of the house after the demise of his father. If he doesn't oblige, he'll be totally isolated from the family, even if his mother is sick or God forbid dies, he won't be informed, nobody picks up his calls or when they answer they sound so cold. The worse part was when my daughter was born, aside my family, none of them congratulated him. This is what they use to get to him and it hurts him so bad, and he ends up blaming me. I hate seeing him in this mood and I'll always encourage him to go back to them. I'm sincerely tired of this vicious cycle, I don't know how long I can continue living like this. This his sister is married, but she doesn't want any of her brothers to be.

Mark 10: 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

Your husband needs to read the above verses again and again. You and his child are now his family, he should be prepared to walk away from those who do not wish that family well, including his sister.

frozen70:


By the time you are set for marriage, I doubt if you will stand the marriage rights

So start now to prepare

I am happily married and even when there is issues in the marriage, I register my displeasure and relax that's how we all do till we understood each other

Besides marriage is not bye force

Neither is it do or die affair

My Dear, most mistakes people make in marriage is forgetting that you are not only getting married to just your spouse but the entire family. Hence, need for you to marry someone whose family is really in acceptance of you.
I'm happy that you are happily married, meaning you must have done something right, and I wish it continues so for you, a marriage is meant to be a small heaven on earth, with two people committed to making each others life pleasurable.
On the other hand respect is never served without demanding for it in most cases, I didn't support her sucking it all in and dying in silence sometimes you just let it out in a polite way so everyone will know their wings and respect go dey, most wicked in-laws will continue pushing you to the wall till you call it a quit. I only blame her for not keeping her Job which might cause a great hardship to her home.

Sorry I sounded rude before, was just pissed in regards to previous experiences I have encountered while counseling young couples in regards to keeping silent when being treated like thrash by in-laws.

My simple advice....get another job,focus on your marriage and shame the devil.....also prayers my friend

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

Let me guess you married an igbo man. Better be single than marry an igbo man..know this and know peace

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

Whats the family setting..she has no fault at all. They don't just like her simple. How can a man tell his child that he must care for his parents than he cares for his children. What nonsense

BrighterThanDay:


Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

You better go and get a means of livelihood. This one that he is close to his family again may spell doom for you as you may be left in the high and dry end if anything happens to him. Protect yourself and expect anything. Leave emotions and sentiments for now. Again get something doing soon as possible. Don't rely on him and every documents should be in your name ooooo

falcon01:
It's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy

The sister is the problem of the entire family.
They are the ones allowing the hubby's sister to always come inbetween them.

The sister is also married and her hubby's sister is not interfering in their marriage.

And she made a very big mistake by resigning from her job even as she was stressed.

I believe she should work things out with her husband maybe by getting another job outside state and leave, no problem they can be talking with the both in-laws on phone

wildikeman:



Whats the family setting..she has no fault at all. They don't just like her simple. How can a man tell his child that he must care for his parents than he cares for his children. What nonsense

Do you know what he already promised his family before he couldn't put up amd went to marry
That's what part of family settings are

Is because his family is another set of crazy humans

How can a dad tell his son to face him ans his family before his

That's part of what we don't know

frozen70:


Do you know what he already promised his family before he couldn't put up amd went to marry
That's what part of family settings are

Is because his family is another set of crazy humans

How can a dad tell his son to face him ans his family before his

That's part of what we don't know

That's nuts. I wish she had seen the signs and not even ventured into the marriage. No ine should have a say in a mans family once he is married . It should be between the man and his wife primarily

caesymore:


My Dear, most mistakes people make in marriage is forgetting that you are not only getting married to just your spouse but the entire family. Hence, need for you to marry someone whose family is really in acceptance of you.
I'm happy that you are happily married, meaning you must have done something right, and I wish it continues so for you, a marriage is meant to be a small heaven on earth, with two people committed to making each others life pleasurable.
On the other hand respect is never served without demanding for it in most cases, I didn't support her sucking it all in and dying in silence sometimes you just let it out in a polite way so everyone will know their wings and respect go dey, most wicked in-laws will continue pushing you to the wall till you call it a quit. I only blame her for not keeping her Job which might cause a great hardship to her home.

Sorry I sounded rude before, was just pissed in regards to previous experiences I have encountered while counseling young couples in regards to keeping silent when being treated like thrash by in-laws.

Thanks dear, I appreciate your feedback response

Like you rightly said, you don't marry your husband and neglect his family, you marry all at ago because they are the ones you will still stay with till the end of life

May God direct them all

wildikeman:



That's nuts. I wish she had seen the signs and not even ventured into the marriage. No ine should have a say in a mans family once he is married . It should be between the man and his wife primarily

For the fact that they never wanted her in the first place, she should have turned back but she went on

Now they are doing everything to frustrate her

But if she calms down they will make up for all of them