frozen70:


May God direct her accordingly

ChybuzzDD:


You seem to be giving excuses for this evidently weak husband.

How's it possible for your family members to send your wife out, and ''you will just be confused'' Nawaoo

If the guy had stood up like a man from the beginning when every family member was testing his/her 'superpower' status on his wife, things wouldn't have reached this ugly stage.

The guy didn't protect his wife/nuclear family enough and i must say that.

randymirrors:


Which gra gra did she display? If this is gra gra to you then it means you use a dummy/doormat approach in handling difficult situations. Somebody that I see as being weak and lacking self confidence. If she had a strong personality, no woman born of man will try such nonsense with her. In- law or not.

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

Juliearth:




She should leave because her in-laws do not like her? Whatever happened to "for better or worse"

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding.

After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down.

1. saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them.

2. Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids.

3. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

PrimadonnaO:


You sound like an unhappy person.

falcon01:
It's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

ChybuzzDD:


You seem to be giving excuses for this evidently weak husband.

How's it possible for your family members to send your wife out, and ''you will just be confused'' Nawaoo

If the guy had stood up like a man from the beginning when every family member was testing his/her 'superpower' status on his wife, things wouldn't have reached this ugly stage.

The guy didn't protect his wife/nuclear family enough and i must say that.

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

Reminderz:
hope you wrote everything about what happened? because what you wrote now, I didn't notice a single fault from your side.. I just hope you're telling the truth and you're not trying to portray yourself good and his family bad... because how come almost all his family have the same impression about you??

if I will advice you BASED ON WHAT YOU WROTE... from your write-up, I didn't see a single fault from your side, his family probably didn't like you and I always advice women against settling down into a family where they are not welcomed, and same for men. it is like living in hell... but it is much worse for the women...

and I also use to tell women that chasing their career shouldn't stop them from having a serious relationship... you don't need to be in a sexual relationship, I'm not saying you should keep sleeping around with men, pls note the difference, but have a serious relationship and keep your options open... a time is coming where career won't mean anything to you again, there are so many important things in life than that... you should set your priorities straight... your job can sack you anytime...

you ignored the red flags in your relationship and it came back to haunt you... this is why you shouldn't let love blind you from taking the right decisions... the men you rejected in the past might have been the right men for you but because of your feelings that ain't temporary, you let it override your logicality... Now you only have yourself to blame... you can either endure your marriage and try to get things right because there's a kid involved already and starting all over might prove very difficult for you or divorce which might also not lead to a happy ending for you... pick your poison carefully.

Do not fight with his family members, but avoid those that wants to fight with you... respect who respects you and ignore those who wants to quarrel with you like they don't exist and this shouldn't stop you from doing what you still have to do in your marriage... face your husband, na the man you marry nor be her sister... let your home be your major concern... talk to him, and I'm sure he's also willing to make things work... so you guys should work through it together... you're not the first person this would happen to and you won't be the last person as well... many marriages even faced issues greater than this and they survived.. you can make it work also.. divorce isn't everything, don't let what you see on social media decieve you... unless domestic violence is involved or threat to life, divorce is not an option... most divorcees regretted their actions later on... all problems have solution.. you and your husband should make things work and God be with you both...

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

CaveAdullam:
1. Number one rule before getting married: check if your in-laws are also "in love" with you. If they are, you'll experience peace from them in that union, if not, trouble galore - don't get married.

2. No matter the degree of love you and your partner share, if it doesn't extend to both families, either of you will be used to fight a proxy war.

Many intending couples do think they are the exceptions, hence, they go ahead with the marriage rites even though the main family members are not at peace with the union.

3. Love conquers. But you see family, they are the foundation of every person you see out there. They share blood. They share a bond. They share secrets. If they perceive you aren't worthy to become one of them, just leave. There are many other men/women you can have a good and sweet relationship with, and that have lovely families.

4. Your husband isn't bold enough to put a period in many absurd sentences in the family. As the eldest and as a married man he ought to be your protector. Although, a contributing reason is that he isn't wealthy. Only poor husbands or men are being tossed like a table tennis ball in every family.

5. If your in-laws are not threatening your life, you must encourage boldness in your husband. Open yourself before him and let him see your vulnerabilities and how frightened you're in the marriage. He must defend and protect his family. Even if he's not a millionaire, there are masculine virtues he must imbue himself. He must call the shot in his family and let them accord you your respect.

6. You must also build your confidence. Be brave and bold. Don't allow any family member to treat you as a doormat. Stand firm. You have a home to keep and a beautiful daughter to protect. Be strong for yourself and your family. Know when to apply peace. Know how to deliver violence. This will make obstinate and troublesome people stay aloof from you.

7. Nigeria's economy/world economy is as useless and hopeless as ever before, however, both of you should hold each other tight and walk through the storm together. Look for possible trades to do.
It doesn't get easy as you move further. It gets tougher, but more strength, experience, wisdom, and liberation.

8. If your marriage becomes life-threatening and unable for you to catch little molecules of oxygen after you must have tried all notable things to aid the marriage, please, divorce.
A divorce is never a good option. But at least it will save your life rather than allowing that life to grow weaker and eventually die in the end with no peace and joy.

Thanks.

BrighterThanDay:


The truth is my husband is a good man. He chose me, I chose him, and we are happy together. Aside from the current financial issues and law problems we don't have any other problem.
He stood up for me countless times against his sister and asked her to leave me alone. But whenever he does this, the sister gets so mad and says I've come to scatter their family and she begins to report to elders, who now turn on my husband and ask him to draw his sister close as the father of the house after the demise of his father. If he doesn't oblige, he'll be totally isolated from the family, even if his mother is sick or God forbid dies, he won't be informed, nobody picks up his calls or when they answer they sound so cold. The worse part was when my daughter was born, aside my family, none of them congratulated him. This is what they use to get to him and it hurts him so bad, and he ends up blaming me. I hate seeing him in this mood and I'll always encourage him to go back to them. I'm sincerely tired of this vicious cycle, I don't know how long I can continue living like this. This his sister is married, but she doesn't want any of her brothers to be.

Karleb:
Yoruba people will say, you can marry a bad spouse but never have a bad in-law.

BrighterThanDay:


Thank you for the advice. I'm in the process of getting another job, though not as high paying as the previous one.
You are right, I saw the red flags from the onset, I have never really been in a lot of relationships, and just as someone pointed out here, I think I'm also suffering from inexperience and the lack of a mother to guide me.
I really wanted to have a happy home, void of pretense and undue tension. Just pure honesty and true love. But I guess not everyone gets what they wish for. I'm smart and hardworking. I'll build my career again and console myself with my daughter. I'll let him do whatever he chooses with his family and not let it get to me. But I won't take any of their insults because I don't deserve them. I don't want my daughter to grow up without both parents. I'll try to stay for her sake, but for my sanity and happiness, I won't give it my all.

falcon01:
It's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy