₦airaland Forum

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Before I finish reading that line you wrote that she doesn't respect you even considering your AGE DIFFERENCE, guy girls 10 years older than us are our elders. I'm surprised you don't know this fact. What a girl of twelve has known and done, her male 'mate' of 21 never even think am. Ehen, let me go back to reading your story.

Tunagee:
Sad but true. But is this what men go through in marriage? No wonder beer parlour dey full.i keep telling people 'marriage no be by force' Stay alone if it aint working

There are beautiful marriages, it's just that it's not so publicized. You get to hear of the bad ones because the victims come out to seek for advice or public opinion.

jesmond3945:
God help women in Nigeria. I have been married for 10 years and my wife worships me. You guys should learn how to treat and bring out the best in a woman. It is an assignment I gave Op to cook for a month and see how it feels like. Afterall the woman is making over a million a month

woman weh no go respect you no go respect you.

pedrilo:
Omon after reading this, I need to start worshipping my wife oh.
She cooks daily for me and my son, submits 100% of her salary to me and ask me to give her money for monthly upkeep.
My wife is gold.
Na only sex she no too like

dat sex is something

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Abeg bro what is the situation of things rn bro

rippa:
Please help me with ur wife contact let me learn side hustle from her please

I don't believe that figure, no kill yourself.

Kobojunkie:
1. First and foremost, God does not build a house because men request it from Him. Rather, God builds a house of His own choosing. Second, the one and only House that God built is the House of Jacob. That is the House that God took for Himself as His inheritance in the land of men. So, please before you run away with any soundbite that is fed to you by your pastors and mogs, make sure to take time to investigate what scripture really says so you don't end up propagating ignorant delusions as a result.

2. According to God, and Jesus Christ, the prayers of sinners are an abomination to God — their sins literally taint all their requests and make them filthy and unacceptable to God. So you have it that God does not answer the prayers of sinners, not even their petitions for the forgiveness of sins go unanswered by Him. Now, God answers all of the prayers — not some — of the righteous and according to Jesus Christ, they are those who live their lives in continuous submission and obedience to His commandments and teachings — the charge to abandon Father, mother, wife, husband, children, friends, etc., for the sake of the Kingdom of God - Matthew 10 vs 34 - 39 & Luke 14 vs 26 & Luke 18 vs 29 & Mark 10 vs 29 & Matthew 19 vs 29. So, you see, your notion of who Jesus Christ is does not align at all with that stated in Jesus Christ's own Gospel.

It is really best to leave God and His mention out of these things, particularly since what most subscribe to are instead delusions and not that which is in fact of God. Look at what OP himself has claimed. He uses scripture as his excuse to refuse his wife a divorce, completely ignoring the fact that Jesus Christ instead said in His Gospels that divorce is not a sin. OP points out his wife's religious background, as though a fault against her when his own religious activities which stare him in the face he conveniently ignores.

Lol, from your response I can tell that you're even a more religious folk or scholar than I am.. if at all I am.
But you can quote anything to counter me but you can't take away my belief that prayers work, God does miracle and I believe in Jesus, and I know Sometimes it doesn't matter your level of sins or how lost you think anyone could be. I don't condemn OP or anyone as a sinner as you have said God doesn't answer the prayers of a sinner.

Well the summary of my response to the OP is this.. "Silver or gold I have not but what I have.." is to pray for divine restoration of his marriage as he wishes.. and he has acknowledged that by saying a resounding Amen.. I have heard of more serious situations in homes that somehow got turned around and that's what I wish OP. I've prayed on things before that I know Someone must have heard and answered the prayers and coukdnt be no one else but God! No one or facts can take that away from me bro.

And lastly, when I talked about "if God doesn't build a house/home and you countered that with biblical illustrations of physical building you got it all wrong there bro..

Dennisbulkan:
In your Wildest dream.. Jesus couldn't save himself from getting nailed to a tree na loveless marriage he won come resurrect jokes on you. My advice for OP, marriage no be by force, thank the universe you're still very young & financially stable. take a break from godforsaken union, reevaluate your miserable life and may be your soulmate is out there waiting for you, if you believe in true love be that. Good luck.

Well, only if you ever got or are in the spirit will you understand certain things, that goes for your first phrase in your response bro..
and broo, little that I know is that marriage/love matters is waaaay deeper than your analysis of it and the solution you profered.
So now even if he divorces his wife and marries someone more than his soul mate does it mean they'll never have differences at some point? Even deeper ones? So what then again.. divorce and find a SOULER mate?
Ask the grown ups and we'll experienced lovers they will tell you how challenging it could be and things they passed through at some points.
Marriage nobe beans o..

Darkerberry:
■ Lol, from your response I can tell that you're even a more religious folk or scholar than I am.. if at all I am.
■ But you can quote anything to counter me but you can't take away my belief that prayers work, God does miracle and I believe in Jesus, and I know Sometimes it doesn't matter your level of sins or how lost you think anyone could be. I don't condemn OP or anyone as a sinner as you have said God doesn't answer the prayers of a sinner.
■ Well the summary of my response to the OP is this.. "Silver or gold I have not but what I have.." is to pray for divine restoration of his marriage as he wishes.. and he has acknowledged that by saying a resounding Amen.. I have heard of more serious situations in homes that somehow got turned around and that's what I wish OP. I've prayed on things before that I know Someone must have heard and answered the prayers and coukdnt be no one else but God! No one or facts can take that away from me bro.
■ And lastly, when I talked about "if God doesn't build a house/home and you countered that with biblical illustrations of physical building you got it all wrong there bro..

1. I am absolutely none of those. I am just a follower of Jesus Christ — no religion here since I instead bow only to His Law and Constitution in the Kingdom of God.

2. If truly you believed in Jesus Christ then you would also believe that God, as He said, and Jesus Christ confirmed, does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous as He vividly explained that their sins taint their every request making them an abomination to Him. Jesus Christ made it known in His Gospel that those who in fact love Him are those who not only accept His teachings and commandments but also obey them - John 14 vs 15 - 23 & John 15 vs 9 - 11 - so these audio declarations are nothing but intangible declarations.

Yes, miracles are real. Even the unbelievers — those who don't even give a flying fk about God in their daily lives — also experience God's miracles in their lives. Do a google search to see how wonders and signs are not limited to only those who claim by mouth to believe in God. As God said, and Jesus Christ confirmed by way of His teachings, God does pour out His mercy daily on even the wicked and ungrateful in the world. So saying you believe in miracles is meaningless because miracles are everywhere and for everyone.

3. You still don't get it. You can pray for OP until you are black and blue in the face, it will amount all amount to meaningless drivel if you are not first righteous. OP can say his "amens", another soundbite that really means nothing all day long, and will still not gain anything by it all — they are all meaningless rituals. That is what God Himself said and Jesus Christ confirmed it by way of His teachings.

4. I didn't say anything about a physical building. The House of Jacob isn't really a physical people but a reference to the people of Israel whom God chose from among men as His only inheritance.

You should stop giving her that 75k every month. Let it be part of her contribution to the family.

[/b]

Kobojunkie:
1. I am absolutely none of those. I am just a follower of Jesus Christ — no religion here since I instead bow only to His Law and Constitution in the Kingdom of God.

2. If truly you believed in Jesus Christ then you would also believe that God, as He said, and Jesus Christ confirmed, does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous as He vividly explained that their sins taint their every request making them an abomination to Him. Jesus Christ made it known in His Gospel that those who in fact love Him are those who not only accept His teachings and commandments but also obey them - [b]John 14 vs 15 - 23 & John 15 vs 9 - 11 - so these audio declarations are nothing but intangible declarations.

Yes, miracles are real. Even the unbelievers — those who don't even give a flying fk about God in their daily lives — also experience God's miracles in their lives. Do a google search to see how wonders and signs are not limited to only those who claim by mouth to believe in God. As God said, and Jesus Christ confirmed by way of His teachings, God does pour out His mercy daily on even the wicked and ungrateful in the world. So saying you believe in miracles is meaningless because miracles are everywhere and for everyone.

3. You still don't get it. You can pray for OP until you are black and blue in the face, it will amount all amount to meaningless drivel if you are not first righteous. OP can say his "amens", another soundbite that really means nothing all day long, and will still not gain anything by it all — they are all meaningless rituals. That is what God Himself said and Jesus Christ confirmed it by way of His teachings.

4. I didn't say anything about a physical building. The House of Jacob isn't really a physical people but a reference to the people of Israel whom God chose from among men as His only inheritance.

I still don't get your idea of OP being a sinner and thusnhis prayers can't be answered..
Bro if you truly believe in Jesus and the essence of His coming to earth, His death and resurrection, you should know better of His grace and forgiveness even on the poorest sinner who believes.

And again you say miracles happen to anyone and everyone.. so why is it hard for you that it could happen in OPs marriage?

All.you want is for him to act woke and move on from his marriage cos all hope is lost? Or take his problems to mere men like him in the name of counsellors or pastors?
Cos God wouldnt/shouldn't listen to the kind of prayer/wishes I have for him that his marriage works miraculously again??

Darkerberry:
■ I still don't get your idea of OP being a sinner and thus his prayers can't be answered..
■ Bro if you truly believe in Jesus and the essence of His coming to earth, His death and resurrection, you should know better of His grace and forgiveness even on the poorest sinner who believes.
■ And again you say miracles happen to anyone and everyone.. so why is it hard for you that it could happen in OPs marriage?
■ All. you want is for him to act woke and move on from his marriage cos all hope is lost? Or take his problems to mere men like him in the name of counsellors or pastors?
■ Cos God wouldnt/shouldn't listen to the kind of prayer/wishes I have for him that his marriage works miraculously again??

1. What part of what Jesus Christ said about those who love Him obeying His every teaching and commandment do you not understand then?

2.
a) Grace simply refers to Eternal life — demons also have it too!
b) As for forgiveness of sins, God said He does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous meaning that so long as you remain unrighteous,
He will not answer even your prayers requesting forgiveness of sins. You need to really begin to take God at His Word to understand His
Truth from all the lies out there.

3. Marriage is not sustained by miracles but by hard work. The prophets of God could do many miracles but most of them could not keep a good marriage or good relationships with those around them. Why? Mostly because relationships require more than miracles to work. 4

4. Since when did taking God at His Word equate to acting woke abeg? Jesus Christ said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - means that any person who claims to be of God yet counseling marriages using the name of God is not only a liar but a deceiver as well.

5. God said unless you are already righteous, He will not hear your prayer meaning that if you are not already righteous, whatever kind of prayer or wishes you have, God will not hear them at all. So, shouldn't your priority be then to first attain righteousness by the standard set by God before making false promises to OP using God's name?

millionboi2:
dat sex is something

To you yes.

You don't understand marriage really, and am sure you aren't married yet

Kobojunkie:
If you have to resort to manipulating ego's in relationship, you move from having a healthy relationship to what amounts to a competitiive one likely with someone whom you already perceive as your enemy that needs to be subdued by you. That is an imprisonment not a marriage.

SunderJosh1234:
You don't understand marriage really, and am sure you aren't married yet

Even a 4-year-old can tell you lots about marriage. Only an unserious, even devious mind assumes a mere relationship between two ordinary human beings becomes a complicated one simply by the assignment of a special title and ceremony to it.

Kobojunkie:
1. What part of what Jesus Christ said about those who love Him obeying His every teaching and commandment do you not understand then?

2.
a) Grace simply refers to Eternal life — demons also have it too!
b) As for forgiveness of sins, God said He does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous meaning that so long as you remain unrighteous,
He will not answer even your prayers requesting forgiveness of sins. You need to really begin to take God at His Word to understand His
Truth from all the lies out there.

3. Marriage is not sustained by miracles but by hard work. The prophets of God could do many miracles but most of them could not keep a good marriage or good relationships with those around them. Why? Mostly because relationships require more than miracles to work. 4

4. Since when did taking God at His Word equate to acting woke abeg? Jesus Christ said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - means that any person who claims to be of God yet counseling marriages using the name of God is not only a liar but a deceiver as well.

5. God said unless you are already righteous, He will not hear your prayer meaning that if you are not already righteous, whatever kind of prayer or wishes you have, God will not hear them at all. So, shouldn't your priority be then to first attain righteousness by the standard set by God before making false promises to OP using God's name?

Well bro, I think we might be derailing if not already deriled OPs thread and the advise he's sorting for on here.. lol

Afterall I don't think we will ever come to an agreement.. I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe, good luck to u.

...till His kingdom come, I still wish OP what I wish him which is God's intervention and restoration of his marriage.

Thank God man nobe God!

Akalia:
I am married sir and I can tell you from experience that marriage favors women more than men.
Women are mysterious, they can't be totally understood. Their motives are deeply concealed in marriage, they only show you what they want you to see.

Women are NOT mysterious. 💯

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance


Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

One thing is certain. YOU ARE A SIMP. Cure yourself of simpy behaviour and the respect will come looking for you. Thank me later

laluski:
Chai... I thank God for my wife o.. see me dey complain small small about her.. she's spoilt me rotten.. your wife and I can't last a week... Most especially the sex part... I for don throw her off 3rd mainland the very following day.. chai.. inside life

🤣🤣🤣🤣

ben1daEbiri:
In all of these what you could point out was that her job is hectic? Jesus Christ!! I can't believe someone in God's green earth thinks like you. I hope you maintain the same energy if your brother's wife treat him this way.

😂😂

@ bolded:

They'll rather sit on the fence, than take sides, since it involves the Sisterhood & their blood.

Without taking side.

After reading the long story.

I can only say,

I understand what you are going through bro.

And I can tell you, yoh are not alone. Many married men out there are going through the same, if not worse.


Luckily for you, you finance is still STABLE.

If mistakenly your finances collapsed as mine did. Or lost your job.

You would experience other side of a woman. As most dont have the patience to endure. And one thing woman are good with is, forgetting the Good old days.


Abeg woman get heart. Men are still learners.

I am saying these.


I wish I can tell my story.

But God will help us.



Having said that. I and my finances are currently in a sorry situation.

I am soliciting for a financial help. LOAN (60K). I will pay with interest.

Please chat me up we discuss.

Thank you.

Well, any lady below 30 is a no for me.....

Seek counseling.... Lots of men marries under 30s that are yet to discover themselves, by the time she discovers who she is compatibility issues sets in, stories like this will come up.

If you are yet to discover yourself, marriage should be far from your plans.

Mimicle101:
Without taking side.

After reading the long story.

I can only say,

I understand what you are going through bro.

And I can tell you, yoh are not alone. Many married men out there are going through the same, if not worse.


Luckily for you, you finance is still STABLE.

If mistakenly your finances collapsed as mine did. Or lost your job.

You would experience other side of a woman. As most dont have the patience to endure. And one thing woman are good with is, forgetting the Good old days.


Abeg woman get heart. Men are still learners.

I am saying these.


I wish I can tell my story.

But God will help us.



Having said that. I and my finances are currently in a sorry situation.

I am soliciting for a financial help. LOAN (60K). I will pay with interest.

Please chat me up we discuss.

Thank you.

This isn't far from my condition before God help me.
I refuse to endure a bad relationship.

candygist:
You married men should not come here and cry. On your wedding day you danced like you've made it in life. Enjoy your wedding abeg.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

pedrilo:
Omon after reading this, I need to start worshipping my wife oh.
She cooks daily for me and my son, submits 100% of her salary to me and ask me to give her money for monthly upkeep.
My wife is gold.
Na only sex she no too like

You want to worship a human

When she becomes haughty in spirit, don't run to Nairaland & start opening unending threads.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

...and you cannot enter market buy food stuff and prepare your meals by yourself??if na sex,u find sex go outside case closed

She has a maid and she has to instruct her to cook for you..... ! Or, herself doing the cooking for you that is not hets to take seriously.... And you mean you cannot order the maid to cook to you if only occasionally. I believe you must be weak....

Catch up. Get to be man enough to own ur home. Not orders but decisions and instrucions she must take to..... When you have done it many times and it is rebuffed, then you know. No fight. No violence. No shouting order. No enforcement of your order. BUT PLEAD YOUR ORDER(S) BE TAKEN TO as simply as possible. And dont be provoked when not taken to; but take note.

You just confirm my thoughts about you.

Come back and comment when you are married for 2 years.

Kobojunkie:
Even a 4-year-old can tell you a lot about marriage. Only an unserious, even devious mind assumes a mere relationship between two ordinary human beings becomes a complicated one simply by the assignment of a special title and ceremony to it.

SunderJosh1234:
■You just confirm my thoughts about you. Come back and comment when you are married for 2 years.

1. The problem with a lot of folks is they think the world and its definition is wrapped around their personal hiccups.

10- years from today, I will still tell you the same thing I learned as a child, lessons that have served me up to even this day in my life. There are no special rules that apply only as far as some human Relationships unless defined by law. If you pay attention to even a 4-year-old, you will learn lessons that will benefit you if you carefully apply them in your marriage or even your interactions with business associates.

Will repeat myself,

Come back and comment when you are married for 2 years.

Kobojunkie:
If you have to resort to manipulating ego's in relationship, you move from having a healthy relationship to what amounts to a competitiive one likely with someone whom you already perceive as your enemy that needs to be subdued by you. That is an imprisonment not a marriage.

SunderJosh1234:
Will repeat myself,Come back and comment when you are married for 2 years.

Stop lying to yourself that your case is somehow more complicated abeg!

.