₦airaland Forum

Smartguyboy:
She don’t want sex in the relationship but she want to adopt a baby hmmm 🤔
Are you sure she’s not a baby mama who will adopt her own child just to deceive you ?

Before you agree to date someone without sex try and confirm if the hymen is still intact.

She was referring to adopting 1 child along with her own biological children after marriage. No be the virgin matter bn dey worry me. I think the other posters have exposed me to things I couldn't see earlier.

cazchi:
I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

I summarized all your problems by highlighting the above words from you.
Take it or leave it, you are in a wrong relationship.
There are other problems there too. For example, I smell a rat that she and your friend did not come fully clean on the extent of their relationship. The whole thing smells fishy.
Some of us can be considered "old kites" in the women department.
An Igbo proverb goes thus: "A kite with tattered wings is not a young kite, and so it knows the difference between a chick and a duckling".
If you know, you know.
Move on from this woman, or cry later.

Dump her.
Date me
Or else get lost.
Y'all look for advice when it's plain that you will do what you want to do regardless

Chee59:
Dump her.
Date me
Or else get lost.
Y'all look for advice when it's plain that you will do what you want to do regardless

Na u sabi.

Our people say that "onye rere nkita, gote enwe, ihe ntukwu ka no be ya".

I'm leaving this woman and the dating scene for now. When I meet the kind, submissive, feminine woman for me, I'll know!

cazchi:
Na u sabi.

Our people say that "onye rere nkita, gote enwe, ihe ntukwu ka no be ya".

I'm leaving this woman and the dating scene for now. When I meet the kind, submissive, feminine woman for me, I'll know!

in support 💯

cazchi:
His guys,

I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

A Man Must Manned His Woman & If Her Womanhood is Beyond What Your Manhood can Manned then She is Above Your League ....

Two Options:

Develop Your Manliness Beyond Her Womanliness !

Or

Go & Find Your League

Because if You eventually married Her & You don't have the Manly Maturities to tame Her, She Would continue to Shitshenanigans test You until You Lose Sanity & Go Violent ..... Which Most Men Result to when they Can't Can Anymore!

You are Surely Running on Feminine Energies & She is Your Domino !

A Man Must Foresee 100years ahead of his solid relationship then Maximise the Pros & Combat the Cons Right from Now ....

Know Your Spouse, Maximise Her Maturities with Your Own Advanced Maturities & Minimise Her Shi.tests ....

You are the One to define the frame But Impeded By your Catholicism your Bound is The beginning of Her Worlds ... She is Smart so She Knows ... & She already placed Calculations On Your Head ...

She won't move into Your world Easily Except You Can Redraft Her Mental Faculties Which You seems to also lack the Wherewithal to Do..

Incompatibility Here, She Pass You Except she tame Herself for You because she wan marry or love You Either way .. you Gat work to do On Your Manhood !

Make Una Run On Masculinity Energies Not Redpilling, Alpha-Males Nor MGTOW ... Raw Man like Our Forefathers... Wisdoms Maturities, Lamba !

cazchi:
His guys,

I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

I'm also facing this same issue....
1. Strong views of what she doesn't understand
2. She rarely wants to be corrected
3. The way she berates her father's advice....I am always correcting her as regards this

DonroxyII:
A Man Must Manned His Woman & If Her Womanhood is Beyond What Your Manhood can Manned then She is Above Your League ....

Two Options:

Develop Your Manliness Beyond Her Womanliness !

Or

Go & Find Your League

Because if You eventually married Her & You don't have the Manly Maturities to tame Her, She Would continue to Shitshenanigans test You until You Lose Sanity & Go Violent ..... Which Most Men Result to when they Can't Can Anymore!

You are Surely Running on Feminine Energies & She is Your Domino !

A Man Must Foresee 100years ahead of his solid relationship then Maximise the Pros & Combat the Cons Right from Now ....

Know Your Spouse, Maximise Her Maturities with Your Own Advanced Maturities & Minimise Her Shi.tests ....

You are the One to define the frame But Impeded By your Catholicism your Bound is The beginning of Her Worlds ... She is Smart so She Knows ... & She already placed Calculations On Your Head ...

She won't move into Your world Easily Except You Can Redraft Her Mental Faculties Which You seems to also lack the Wherewithal to Do..

Incompatibility Here, She Pass You Except she tame Herself for You because she wan marry or love You Either way .. you Gat work to do On Your Manhood !

Make Una Run On Masculinity Energies Not Redpilling, Alpha-Males Nor MGTOW ... Raw Man like Our Forefathers... Wisdoms Maturities, Lamba !

My guy, na you know. I was observing her to see where she'd take it. Reached a point that I new she might not be for me.
Not everyone is for you and that's fine.

Lemken:
I'm also facing this same issue....
1. Strong views of what she doesn't understand
2. She rarely wants to be corrected
3. The way she berates her father's advice....I am always correcting her as regards this

Good luck man. If you're dating for dating sake, then enjoy the ride. If you're looking to find a wife, think long and hard about the woman you choose. Remember, YOU CHOOSE!

cazchi:
My guy, na you know. I was observing her to see where she'd take it. Reached a point that I new she might not be for me.
Not everyone is for you and that's fine.

I already Posited that Above !

There's a reason we say don't just marry a virgin lady?? Marry a submissive feminine lady
I mean, you're not even married yet, she's wanting things her way and her way alone
And you're here talkin bout feeelings!!!?

I've nothin to say fam
Lemme call em experts
Pansophist
CaveAdullam
Martinez39


Food don done

Una never wise

Your babe is a religious fanatic, with an attitude of self-righteousness, close-mindesness, her way or the highway, and will hardly submit. Being a virgin doesn't justify bad behaviors.

You won't be able to lead that woman. It's one thing to be a good leader, it's another thing to have a good follower. Just ordinary dating, conditions you must bow to are emerging here and there.

Your babe will impose her will on you, and will do it under the assurance that she is a Christian, and her ways are pure. Religious fanatics are usually mad, it's difficult dealing with them.

pansophist:
Your babe is a religious fanatic, with an attitude of self-righteousness, close-mindesness, her way or the highway, and will hardly submit. Being a virgin doesn't justify bad behaviors.

You won't be able to lead that woman. It's one thing to be a good leader, it's another thing to have a good follower. Just ordinary dating, conditions you must bow to are emerging here and there.

Your babe will impose her will on you, and will do it under the assurance that she is a Christian, and her ways are pure. Religious fanatics are usually mad, it's difficult dealing with them.

Man, this describes my thoughts so well. I kept wondering how the relationship would work seeing as the dynamic was already off.

I spoke with her and broke it off. I started out gently and stated the reasons I.e. her uncompromising attitude, how her apologising when wrong was akin to drawing water from rock, how she always had something to say etc. Omo, madam started raising her voice and that's when I lost it. Spoke to her like I would my subordinate troops on Base.
Man, she was so mellow after that and started apologising.
I despise the fact that i had to get to that stage for her to realise the issue. I had told her earlier to differentiate between her work environment, friend environment and me.

Unfortunately, after she apologised, I stuck to my guns and still called it off.

I don't want a slave. don't want a dog, I want a feminine woman.

.

JDistribute:
Una never wise

Baba, what could I have done differently?

cazchi:
Baba, what could I have done differently?

Still allowing organized religion determine your fate and happiness?

JDistribute:
Still allowing organized religion determine your fate and happiness?

Religion has its place on society.
My feeling of awkwardness comes when people put it at the forefront of everything.

"My pastor said" "my deacon said.
Imagine liking someone, but holding yourself back because of the Church they go to.

As a man though, do you think I couldve handled that differently?

You people are not compatible.

They are a lot of them, always wanting the "fire brand" Brothers.

cazchi:
Religion has its place on society.
My feeling of awkwardness comes when people put it at the forefront of everything.

"My pastor said" "my deacon said.
Imagine liking someone, but holding yourself back because of the Church they go to.

As a man though, do you think I couldve handled that differently?

Not your fault, any woman or man that can not think independent of his or church, pastor or church leaders is still a learner, these people are not perfect, and being religious leaders don't make them the wisest or most righteous. Don't take the issue too serious, consider other aspects of her, just open up to her about how you feel and how you don't like how she condemns your religious following or church. You must enlighten her.

cazchi:
She is a virgin.

I do also believe that she hasn't made her mind up despite all that she is saying.

If you struggle to get a woman, you will surely struggle all your life to keep her. My lil advice

cazchi:
Man, this describes my thoughts so well. I kept wondering how the relationship would work seeing as the dynamic was already off.

I spoke with her and broke it off. I started out gently and stated the reasons I.e. her uncompromising attitude, how her apologising when wrong was akin to drawing water from rock, how she always had something to say etc. Omo, madam started raising her voice and that's when I lost it. Spoke to her like I would my subordinate troops on Base.
Man, she was so mellow after that and started apologising.
I despise the fact that i had to get to that stage for her to realise the issue. I had told her earlier to differentiate between her work environment, friend environment and me.

Unfortunately, after she apologised, I stuck to my guns and still called it off.

I don't want a slave. don't want a dog, I want a feminine woman.

You've done well. The problems were too much for a new relationship.

I hate relationships where one gender is giving rules upon rules, be it man or woman, the fact that she didn't acknowledge your views after seeking God's face is a big red flag.

Who leaves her man for 3 days without reaching out in a new relationship?

I am very sure she's in tears now, that's what they do when they loose something good due to shenanigans.

A lot of our sisters in church are damaged, they see themselves as queens because they've not had many previous relationships and had a lot of sex but there should be more to life than what's between our legs and how frequently we've used it.

The so called elders and pastors are not even helping matters.

Are you sure she even likes you as much as you like her? She's setting so many boundaries for you without allowing you to set any for her. What kind of relationship is that? She's acting like being in a relationship with you is doing you a favour, bros find another lady, you're still a young man, so no need to rush.

cazchi:
His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

You're playing with fire....and it will burn you so bad.......... you'll question why you were born

There’s 🔥 on the mountain…
Run Run Run 🎼 🎵 🎶

cazchi:
In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

How are you sure this lady in question is prepared for marriage

Are you sure she loves you or you are just the one in the relationship

Her type has her own principles, can you cope with it because she is the type that is not really willing to bend

I think you need more time

cazchi:
His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

She's not being a devoted Sister Mary bro, she's just an unrepentant, domineering and overbearing sis. Leave her now and run while you still can. This one will still grow wings later and tell you when to breathe and when not to!

eniolorunfe:
There’s 🔥 on the mountain…
Run Run Run 🎼 🎵 🎶

kazyhm:
You're playing with fire....and it will burn you so bad.......... you'll question why you were born

I've never seen so many people agree on the same thing together on nairaland before. Thanks fellas!

frozen70:
How are you sure this lady in question is prepared for marriage

Are you sure she loves you or you are just the one in the relationship

Her type has her own principles, can you cope with it because she is the type that is not really willing to bend

I think you need more time

I no too send am before, but once I showed interest, she started talking long term. I think she does want it in her head, but doesn't truly understand what it means.
This attitude she has shown me isn't one that shows she's willing to allow a man lead. Merely thinking about it makes me uncomfortable.

placeofallure:
She's not being a devoted Sister Mary bro, she's just an unrepentant, domineering and overbearing sis. Leave her now and run while you still can. This one will still grow wings later and tell you when to breathe and when not to!

Last month, we had a discussion about boundaries and dynamics. After, we went for lunch, then were on our way to my friend's place with 2 cars. She was following me and it was raining and dark. I took the wrong exit on the highway which added 5 mins to our arrival time. When we finally arrived, I joked about it. Madam said she was very close to leaving me and driving there herself when that happened, but because she wanted peace, she chose to continue.
Omo, I just laughed. My own friend's place as well, after I invited you.

bati007:
Hmmmm.
On a flip note, I have a very high level discerning spirit. I also went through your old topics and posts.
Well truth is you're not as "cool" as you potray yourself to be and obviously will attract same behavioral pattern in the opposite sex

She dodged a bullet too.

I won't say more than that

Cool. We tried and it didn't work out. Called it off. Best for the both of us.