His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

Ha....even Mary mother of Jesus no reach this one ooo.....

Dexy4yah:
Ha....even Mary mother of Jesus no reach this one ooo.....

In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

cazchi:


In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

She is too religious.

cazchi:


In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

She is too religious

Dexy4yah:

She is too religious

Bro, I like her and actually want this to work, but I feel as though I'm being too compromising and that even after marriage, a person who isn't willing to even consider the other person will be problematic to be with.

I think she is a religious fanatic. Then again i do advice men to try to know their women sexually before marriage, unless she is a virgin and you are sure about it then she could be excused. lastly , church denomination is not my problem and when a lady sees its as one, i dont get it. Has God told us which church her members would enter heaven? Bro for now i think you woman is yet to make her mind about marriage

I usually don't do this but bro, watch your step. I believe when two people are in love, they accept eachother completely. They don't go about setting boundaries (except in issues of fidelity, etc). Religious or even family differences can and should be worked upon without even trying. Holding on to personal views shouldn't be a part the deal at all.

I think you both need sessions of loooooooong talks ( this won't happen in a day or even a month bro). Get into eachother's minds and I believe instincts will guide you both from there. All the best!

emorse:
I usually don't do this but bro, watch your step. I believe when two people are in love, they accept eachother completely. They don't go about setting boundaries (except in issues of fidelity, etc). Religious or even family differences can and should be worked upon without even trying. Holding on to personal views shouldn't be a part the deal at all.

I think you both need sessions of loooooooong talks ( this won't happen in a day or even a month bro). Get into eachother's minds and I believe instincts will guide you both from there. All the best!

I truly appreciate your response. I'll put the brakes on and really discuss and assess her to tell if she's the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was a bit hasty in my decision making and the past week has made me rethink.

Kennyprince:
I think she is a religious fanatic. Then again i do advice men to try to know their women sexually before marriage, unless she is a virgin and you are sure about it then she could be excused. lastly , church denomination is not my problem and when a lady sees its as one, i dont get it. Has God told us which church her members would enter heaven? Bro for now i think you woman is yet to make her mind about marriage

She is a virgin.

I do also believe that she hasn't made her mind up despite all that she is saying.

Marriage never start yet the religious and autocratic side of her don dey show you shege promax already, shey you won't take a break laidis?😏

On a serious note, courtship ain't supposed to be this tough and energy-draining, instead of you guys having a go at it as friends you are always arguing about one religion stuff or the other. You both need a long and never returning break, life no supox hard laidis na.🤷

The worst mistake you would ever make is to marry a religious fanatic, your hell on earth just began with such a person. Know this and know peace!!👌

cazchi:


In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

Why are you so blind?

Can't you see that she doesn't want to marry you?

JONSYN7154:
Why are you so blind?

Can't you see that she doesn't want to marry you?

It is starting to seem that way. I'm going out of my way too much and it seems like an interrogation alot.

cazchi:
His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

when I read it your first portion of the article, my first impression was, shey your own feelings don't matter?

Then was glad to see that you later mentioned that you haven't even talked about your own views.

It feels like she feels like she's the price. Like she's doing you some favour.

And honestly, that might go wrong. The more you make compromises, the more she will demand for it. It's a vicious cycle. One that's unending.

I wouldn't advise you to end the relationship abruptly. But I'll say use your head and not your heart at this point.

Continue to observe her. See if she considers you and regards your point of views. Love is great but someone that considers you empathetically is very important.

From what I see, she's the kind thar can stab you during divorce.

Please use your head and stop making compromises. You are the man. She should learn towards you and not you towards her.

Already, you guys have not married yet, but I see two churches in the same house except you are willing to follow her to hers.

Is that the kind of family you'll want to have?

Crystalom3:
when I read it your first portion of the article, my first impression was, shey your own feelings don't matter?

Then was glad to see that you later mentioned that you haven't even talked about your own views.

It feels like she feels like she's the price. Like she's doing you some favour.

And honestly, that might go wrong. The more you make compromises, the more she will demand for it. It's a vicious cycle. One that's unending.

I wouldn't advise you to end the relationship abruptly. But I'll say use your head and not your heart at this point.

Continue to observe her. See if she considers you and regards your point of views. Love is great but someone that considers you empathetically is very important.

From what I see, she's the kind thar can stab you during divorce.

Please use your head and stop making compromises. You are the man. She should learn towards you and not you towards her.

Already, you guys have not married yet, but I see two churches in the same house except you are willing to follow her to hers.

Is that the kind of family you'll want to have?

Yes, moving forward, I'm going to be very objective in my approach. This is definitely not how I want my family to be. This comment 9f yours might have just saved my life! Thank you!

cazchi:


It is starting to seem that way. I'm going out of my way too much and it seems like an interrogation alot.

use your sense my brother.

Is She Religious? NO.
Cause if she is religious she would accept you and Atleast visit your Church.

You are in Love with Her but She is not in Love with You. It's because of the Love you have you are making Alot of compromise but She is not ready to make any.

Have you heard/read the quote "If You Love Me; You will Love of Dog"?

If She truly, Love you she would Love You and listen to you like Mumu.

You Love her and you're already doing like Mumu for Her.

I urge you to Pray and reevaluate the relationship.

#Shalom.

Bro, I think your girl is not into you. I will be honest with you.

Firstly, If she won't accept your faith at this stage, what makes you think she will accept it when you take it further? If you are not sacrilegious, then stop wasting your time around her.

Secondly, a 26 years old lady tells you "No sex before Marriage". You didn't reveal if she is a virgin or not which does not make any sense to those reading through your thread. As a man, you need to let her know that you can only be willing to keep up with that if only she is a virgin. So find out for yourself if she is a virgin or not. If she disagree to let you know, then stop wasting your time around a girl's used body which's passed it's prime only to start feeling like a virgin.

Thirdly, I have a feeling that your girl is into someone else. Someone who believes in her faith, and someone she is offering her body to as well(if she is not a virgin). A 26 years old girl in that part of civilized world shouldn't be so daft as to allow inter-religion(same christian but different doctrine) problem come in between her relationship. At that age, any girl becomes desperate to have a life partner that she won't have much choices. She probably has someone(main guy) and you are probably 2nd or 3rd or 4th.

Take this with a strong mind and be a Man. You are a King, the price, no lady should give you headache for no damn reason.

cazchi:


Bro, I like her and actually want this to work, but I feel as though I'm being too compromising and that even after marriage, a person who isn't willing to even consider the other person will be problematic to be with.

The truth is that you have started on the wrong footing. She has taken control, she won't let go...to her, you are the one that wants the relationship, you must must do eveything to keep it. Everything about you would seem to have issues. She will continue treating you that, even making people you are better than llook better until you better to have low self exteem...

My advise, going forward, let her chase you...stop talking about relationship with that girl, your discussion should be centered around your accomplishments and pursuits. Make sure that you are searching for a reasonable girl by the side...and ensure that this new person wants you. This one belongs to a dating site...matched your flatmate, she could not say it immediately, them FIT done do the do, hence, her attitude to you.

cazchi:


In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

She no love you. Run for your dear nife.

Scream:


The truth is that you have started on the wrong footing. She has taken control, she won't let go...to her, you are the one that wants the relationship, you must must do eveything to keep it. Everything about you would seem to have issues. She will continue treating you that, even making people you are better than llook better until you better to have low self exteem...

My advise, going forward, let her chase you...stop talking about relationship with that girl, your discussion should be centered around your accomplishments and pursuits. Make sure that you are searching for a reasonable girl by the side...and ensure that this new person wants you. This one belongs to a dating site...matched your flatmate, she could not say it immediately, them FIT done do the do, hence, her attitude to you.

I understand. Perhaps I did start on the wrong foot by being to forward about my intentions too early and also bending over backwards to be reasonable.

No more will I tolerate this. I feel sick because I can see clearly now that I've been a sucker!

Omo, screw this dating world. I don tire.

She does not want premarital sex? And you accepted the condition after a deep thought.

Do you even have to think about it? Don't you have your own personal values before you met her?

There is nothing like compromise on her condition. If you know you can't abstain, leave the girl. Not abstaining from her and doing it with another girl.

Hemeshemeheru:


She no love you. Run for your dear nife.

Guy, na small thing remain I for tell am sey I love am yesterday when we dey inside car. Smh this is unlike me. No idea what is going on. I need to snap our of this quickly!

MasterJayJay:
She does not want premarital sex? And you accepted the condition after a deep thought.

Do you even have to think about it? Don't you have your own personal values before you met her?

There is nothing like compromise on her condition

I don't understand.

BigDickProblems:
Bro, I think your girl is not into you. I will be honest with you.

Firstly, If she won't accept your faith at this stage, what makes you think she will accept it when you take it further? If you are not sacrilegious, then stop wasting your time around her.

Secondly, a 26 years old lady tells you "No sex before Marriage". You didn't reveal if she is a virgin or not which does not make any sense to those reading through your thread. As a man, you need to let her know that you can only be willing to keep up with that if only she is a virgin. So find out for yourself if she is a virgin or not. If she disagree to let you know, then stop wasting your time around a girl's used body which's passed it's prime only to start feeling like a virgin.

Thirdly, I have a feeling that your girl is into someone else. Someone who believes in her faith, and someone she is offering her body to as well(if she is not a virgin). A 26 years old girl in that part of civilized world shouldn't be so daft as to allow inter-religion(same christian but different doctrine) problem come in between her relationship. At that age, any girl becomes desperate to have a life partner that she won't have much choices. She probably has someone(main guy) and you are probably 2nd or 3rd or 4th.

Take this with a strong mind and be a Man. You are a King, the price, no lady should give you headache for no damn reason.

Man, I didn't even bother to ask her because her being a virgin isn't important to me. I guess I haven't fully assessed the situation.

This whole thing annoys me.

I think she is a very firm lady when it comes to decision making. Don't entirely judge her believe for now,she may not be fully into you yet,rather,check how the family she is coming from is structured,that is,if the mum has come qualities you desire in a wife. If you have a discussion with her,you can conclude if truly if is a religious fanatics.

I am during dating a firm lady,we went apart for good 2months and she had no choice than just to correct herself. The difference in yours and mine is that we are both Catholics. Give her a break for now and see her reaction. Don't rush into a marriage yet with the situation on ground.

Anyone that struggles with giving apologies when they are wrong will give you hell in marriage. You and your potential wife are Africans firstly and moreso, their is a peculiar dynamic that governs marriage that the Bible advises. I understand that you and her are still trying to get to know each other. But you must not on any ground compromise on her willingness to submit to you as her head.

I'm not sure your potential fiancee really wants to be married. She's comfortable in her space. If you have both sought the face of God like you say and then she is still putting up the behavior you narrated above then i don't see the reason why you should continue.

cazchi:


Guy, na small thing remain I for tell am sey I love am yesterday when we dey inside car. Smh this is unlike me. No idea what is going on. I need to snap our of this quickly!

My bloda run and run.

That babe no love you. It may be like she is looking for already made guy. But truth be told, the babe no lo ve you.

Run as fast as you can. If not, you will regret it.

Run run run.

cazchi:


In your opinion, is she simply being a religious, virtuous person or an unreasonable, uncompromising woman?

I'll stick to the third option.

She's unyielding. You can't walk/move with such a strong-headed character.

cazchi:
His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

Oga there is a cloud of hypocrisy around your woman. If I should put it to you, you don't know her at all. All you know is the conversation and replies that comes from it. See run away from a woman with high opinion points that sound holier than you. She will not be good for you.

Thank you all. It seems as though 99% are saying the same thing. I can't work with this woman. I asked some of my guys about it today and he said the same thing.

Biblically and culturally, the man marries the woman and the woman comes over to the man. I'm breaking my back here trying to please this one and it not only seems as though she's not sure, it also feels like I need to prove worthy. Seeing as all of this is happening so early, it is the most telling sign that the dynamic will not change. I'll pass!

Thank you again my guys! Una don save me!

She don’t want sex in the relationship but she want to adopt a baby hmmm 🤔
Are you sure she’s not a baby mama who will adopt her own child just to deceive you ?

Before you agree to date someone without sex try and confirm if the hymen is still intact.