₦airaland Forum

My Brother report her to our Heavenly Father!fast and pray for the restoration of your Family. Live a righteous life, avoid alcohol and smoke(if u take them) if not your prayers will not pass your ceiling.
Spirit control humans, nothing just happen; the Physical is control by spirit. Women always pray for their husbands, it works, I am a man oo. Every 12 o’clock mid night pray and make powerful declaration, say positive words about your wife; Toast her again. You remember when you use to toast her before you marry her! Assure her of your undying love for her, send powerful love quote or messages to her. Re toast her. Believe God will restore your home. Congratulations I believe we will hear good news very soon.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

She apparently feels moving back to d east is a suffering. She feels she is better off in Lagos with more opportunities esp her mother's school. She also feels you can do better in Lagos than East.
You should try to move to Lagos to restart your business.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

Bro ... you may be the one under a spell. Your wife left since February last year .... if she were no longer interested in the marriage she wouldn't be pleading with you to join her. She has good reason to go back to her mother ... 21 was rough and so was 22 worldwide because of the pandemic .... not your business only suffered. Maybe she is not the type to sit idle and now have something to do in Lagos. You sending money is not a cure for all as sooo many believe. As a man .... and husband ... it seems that it never crossed your mind that she needs sex .... and wants you to visit to fulfill that part of your duty as husband. That may be the main reason she wants you to visit... but here you are wailing you can't until you have money to set up shop. Why tempt her to seek sexual satisfaction outside? At this point.... maybe somebody put a spark in her heart and it is starting a fire .... the reason she needs a break from you .... the reason she doesn't call as often.... your time is going to someone else .... your kids are not seeing you in person... which is different than seeing you on SM. How can you want to keep your family together when you are not there ... because you choose not to be there? I'll advise you to drop whatever you're doing and dash to Lagos before it's too late. You don't have to stay indefinitely... but at least assure your wife that you'll be there at least twice a month.... you need to give her hope. Women and men don't reason the same .... you can sit and reason how you send money..... about how much you sacrificed for family. . how she knows you worked 8 days per week and bought her giftsss ..... but she will consider none of this .... she'll say to herself .... Ok .... so he is not coming (to satisfy me) then it's over ... I'll find me somebody else .... and just like that ..... you're out. Bro... go satisfy your wife.... talk after.

UmuMuhsinah:
Not if it was built on the fear of God and love. I meant pure and undiluted love, it's better u grow with your penniless man than looking for a cooked soup that can burn once tongue

I don't believe that I. Fear of God and love can only take you to an extent. If there's no money after some time even pastor's wife will start comparing him to his "mates" who are doing better

Are u a kid? Bro long distance relationship/ marriage these days fails due to compulsory needs. Men will neither let her rest (I DONT KNOW IF THEY HAVE RELEASED LIBIDO GAS EVERYWHERE) My advice to u since u have children and its her choice to move on, pls move on and find ur footing first. When u stand well again, joy will appear. Don't trust human. We all can fail at anytime

yrhuhfy113:
WOW....

Your wife is not under a spell, and you did NOTHING wrong.

what is happening is called LIFE. People's mind change when they see a better life or better people.... what is popularly known as THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE effect.

sadly they do not know that THE GRASS IS ONLY ACTUALLY GREENER WHERE IT IS WATERED. Your wife doesn't want to SUFFER with you anymore, she is wishing she was always in lagos so that she could have married someone better.... This is common when people migrate from sub-urban areas to metropolitan cities like lagos. kindly understand that its NORMAL... it is HUMAN NATURE.

I know it hurts and its not easy BUT you need to handle this matter with wisdom. Can you send someone to check on your wife's activities to be sure she is not cheating or over religious and some randy prophet is not confusing her?

Now once you have established that NO MAN is entertaining your wife... then you need to find areas in lagos according to your budget. There are places in lagos where you can pay monthly rent of between 7-11k . And there are places in lagos as high as 230k monthly... so you need not worry yourself... you can relocate to lagos based on your budget... also you need to check yourself spiritually, what could be the cause of your downward turn in business... check and solve it.

NEXT, you need to skill up sir, your current business may tie you down in the east if you do not expand your abilities mentally. THERE IS A MAJOR OPPORTUNITY SIR IN THIS ISSUE, the good news about it is that, it gives you room to reinvent yourself and grow. So don't let your wife and her mother mess up your mind sir, detach and work on yourself.... if you can learn soft skills using a laptop, it will help. If you can change your appearance and style physically, it can also help, YOU NEED TO PACKAGE YOURSELF PROGRESSIVELY.

YOU WILL COME OUT OF THIS SITUATIONS FAR BETTER SIR, but for now, for the sake of the children, this is the little wisdom you need sir to save your home. PLS VISIT LAGOS OFTEN... it is a sacrifice you will have to pay.... TRY TO MONITOR YOUR WIFE.... you can do this by cloning her whatsapp and reading all her chats or spying on her phone, so that from the east you can read all her messages, chats, get voice record of her phone calls....IT IS NECESSARY... these days, you can not just let your spouse go without some form of tracking or remote accountability .... else they will lie to your face and hurt you, then you will feel bad. So I hope these few points will help you know where to start from and what to do

Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you.

To me, I won't force anything.

People criticize woman divorcing their husband in the UK.
Common Lagos here, she don begin give husband attitude.

It's like that. I'll keep on saying it, know who you are getting married to!!! Your spouse's family need to see you as theirs!!

Imagine what he said the mother-in-law is saying.

Someone like that will encourage her daughter to divorce her husband in the UK the moment she starts earning more than him

Man don't dull, you have no problem, since you sell secondhand shoes, clothes etc, enter night bus to Lagos- Oshodi, Iyana Apaya, Ajah, Yaba, Ojota, CMS etc settle (pay a token) to area boys to give you a space to display your wears on the floor, you don't need a shop, stop self-pity, otherwise another man will take over your wife. Delay is dangerous. In 3 months from now, your wife will re-start to call you those pet names again. Wake up come to the Lagos and follow guys the hustle.

Out of site is out of mind oh … am 100 percent sure another guy is there giving her the lamba limbo lamba better travel to Lagos if you want to savage your marriage

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

"I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not loving your partner.

In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with someone else. Relationships work out mostly because of our heads not our hearts.

It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline; because, time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you. Self control will help you. Emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going.

With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married to? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do!

But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings and it is the great arsenal that destroys those unhelpful impulses.

You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it's convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there; but that can only last for just the first 3 - 6 months of the relationship in many cases.

After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped and it's now your responsibility to make the relationship work, not love's responsibility.

Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence.

On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that.

That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream.

It's always tough. At some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together. You can scale through the trying times by staying focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong, be self disciplined and above all, have the God factor that will give you the grace needed to reign you in.

God Bless.

hopeforcharles:
Pay a visit to her see things yourself, discuss about your marriage if you see that her mind is made up don't force her,
Go back to base try and improve your finances take care of your children.
She might have moved on.

A surprise visit, on a weekend and late in the evening. Things will be revealed

Simps are always learning the hard way, she can go, yes but why go with your kids? Now for years now you’ve not seen your kids(unacceptable)
What’s the end game now? She’s waiting for you to make money so she can come and cry sorry after mounting a lot of dcks
You kids are losing fatherly care and only God knows what they’re learning over there.


How can you let her go with your kids? This is a big mistake, that’s your kids man

hopeforcharles:
Pay a visit to her see things yourself, discuss about your marriage if you see that her mind is made up don't force her,
Go back to base try and improve your finances take care of your children.
She might have moved on.

I also think my brother should have taken a bit more risk and relocated to Lagos on his wife's advice. Lagos is the commercial hub of Nigeria and settling in Lagos has phases. There 'll be certainly hard times but step by step things will ease off with hard work. His in-law is in Lagos and I'm not saying this a direct debit guarantee but they are family to call on in toughest times. He will get through these phases with the support of the wife and nothing will motivate him more than doing well for his kids. If I were him, I 'll move to Lagos and deal with my issues, fresh start and a commitment to do well for the family. This is our wahala...we men! When you start having family, omo ...no excuses, you have to stick in there for your family and ensure they are ok.

@Poster, the moment she said ''I'm not coming back to the east'' thats when I no say water don pass garri.

Your wife don see another man lobatan!

Best advise, Pay her a surprise visit and have a deep discussion with her and see things for yourself bro..

TheRealOwner:
■ Hmm nice. But I must say, don't be desperate o Biko. Even if you are, don't let it show. Scammers abound on Nairaland. I'll also suggest you start praying from your heart over your wife and family. Read James 5:17. There's nothing God can't do. I pray everything works out fine for you and you are reconciled with your wife and family

Prayer can't help OP since OP is clearly an unrighteous and God does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous. Rather, what OP needs to do is look at his particular case, consider in truth, the outcome he desires in this case, and then pursue it with all his heart.

promisedwealth:
Thank you my Brother your words here are very straight to the point you toke out ur time to feel a brother pains I appreciate, I'm thinking towards relocating but I don't know the business I can start over there with my limited fund over here I sell Ok Wears shoes precisely I will also like to learn a soft skill to boast my income but I don't know which to go for that I can learn within a short period of time.

drop ur number on a dead post and mention me.

Want to help with the business angle

zakkxx:
My Brother report her to our Heavenly Father!fast and pray for the restoration of your Family. Live a righteous life, avoid alcohol and smoke(if u take them) if not your prayers will not pass your ceiling.
Spirit control humans, nothing just happen; the Physical is control by spirit. Women always pray for their husbands, it works, I am a man oo. Every 12 o’clock mid night pray and make powerful declaration, say positive words about your wife; Toast her again. You remember when you use to toast her before you marry her! Assure her of your undying love for her, send powerful love quote or messages to her. Re toast her. Believe God will restore your home. Congratulations I believe we will hear good news very soon.

Stop prescribing what amounts to meaningless solutions abeg! The last thing OP needs is to pray and wait for God to come down and fix this because it ain't gonna happen. OP can say his prayers every day sure, but not depend on them to fix this or anything for that matter— Prayer does not work that way!

You see, Scripture states that God does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous; the pleas and requests and every petition, praise, offering, work, plea, sacrifice, etc., of the unrighteous are tainted by their sins(disobedience/unholiness) and are hence an abomination to God. So, what is definite is that even your many pleas for the forgiveness of sins are not answered by God given that God made no special exemptions for that kind of plea. No amount of praying can cause God to change His mind regarding that which concerns the unrighteous by the way. So if you are thinking of prescribing more prayers that only means you really don't understand or know God at all.

God, however, openly bragged about how He only answers the prayers of the righteous; He delights in granting them the desires of their heart meaning that they are those who are loved by Him. For this very reason, Jesus Christ urged His followers to seek first the Kingdom of God and God's Righteousness in order that all things— the blessings and rewards of the Kingdom of God(holiness), answers to prayers included—shall be added on to them. And as Jesus Christ explained in His Gospel, the only way to become Holy, and then also Righteous, is by way of continuous submission and obedience to the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ, god's Truth and Law in the Kingdom of god - John 8 vs 31 - 36 & John 14 vs 15 - 23. Jesus Christ is the only way. Obedience to the Truth of God is the one and only path to righteousness. No amount of praying and other religious rituals can accomplish that.

God deals indirectly with the unrighteous, the same way He deals with the unbelievers including the wicked and the ungrateful and that is by pouring out His mercy and kindness on them daily. So every time as an unrighteous you feel that God has answered your prayer know that at that same moment, or moments before that, God also provided the same mercy or similar to someone else across the world — or maybe just across from you— who does not even believe in God, nor asked God for anything. So, if answers from God are what you seek, then do what Jesus Christ said you should, which is to seek first the Kingdom of God(holiness), and then God's righteousness, in order that all these things —the blessings and rewards of the Kingdom of God(including answers to prayers) can be added to you.

OP needs to mentally resolve his financial/work situation; that is what he needs to focus on.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

I'm not surprised 😔
My brother, the only sin you committed is allowing her to stay in lag!
Let me ask, where is for better for worse; for richer for poor;.........

This is why I hate the union called marriage.Women are selfish and they would stop loving once the going becomes rough

yrhuhfy113:
Bro, its well, we have all been hurt by women we gave our lives and our commitment to. It could have destroyed us, but it made us better NOT bitter.

Here is what to do.

WHY NOT COME ONLINE TO PLACES LIKE WHATSAPP STATUS, INSTAGRAM, JUMIA, JIJI, EVEN NAIRALAND sir.... to sell your wears and shoes.

Many ONLINE SHOPS online without physical location o....

JUST YOUR SMART PHONE and a SMART MIND.... you will SELL WELL ANYWHERE YOU ARE.... distance will no longer be a barrier sir.



Also, when you make some profit, try and buy a good laptop.... THEN YOU CAN START LEARNING THE FOLLOWING SKILLS..... ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, WEB DEVELOPMENT, MICROSOFT OFFICE, GRAPHICS DESIGN.


Sir, each one of those skills can make you financially independent for LIFE, if you really use your head or have a good mentor.

women are to be TAMED not necessarily reasoned with. They will NEVER be logical

LOVE WOMEN WITH YOUR HEAD, never with your HEART

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE DOES NOT EXIST AMONGST MANKIND, ONLY GOD OWNS THAT ABILITY

YOU NEED FAVOR WITH MEN, WITH GOD AND WITH SPIRITS

LIFE IS NOT HARD AT ALL..... the rules of life change from time to time... so it confuses us and we think it is hard.

I celebrate you sir

Bros, you are loaded with wisdom. I agree to a great extent with your quotes. Thanks man..

yrhuhfy113:
WOW....

Your wife is not under a spell, and you did NOTHING wrong.

what is happening is called LIFE. People's mind change when they see a better life or better people.... what is popularly known as THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE effect.

sadly they do not know that THE GRASS IS ONLY ACTUALLY GREENER WHERE IT IS WATERED. Your wife doesn't want to SUFFER with you anymore, she is wishing she was always in lagos so that she could have married someone better.... This is common when people migrate from sub-urban areas to metropolitan cities like lagos. kindly understand that its NORMAL... it is HUMAN NATURE.

I know it hurts and its not easy BUT you need to handle this matter with wisdom. Can you send someone to check on your wife's activities to be sure she is not cheating or over religious and some randy prophet is not confusing her?

Now once you have established that NO MAN is entertaining your wife... then you need to find areas in lagos according to your budget. There are places in lagos where you can pay monthly rent of between 7-11k . And there are places in lagos as high as 230k monthly... so you need not worry yourself... you can relocate to lagos based on your budget... also you need to check yourself spiritually, what could be the cause of your downward turn in business... check and solve it.

NEXT, you need to skill up sir, your current business may tie you down in the east if you do not expand your abilities mentally. THERE IS A MAJOR OPPORTUNITY SIR IN THIS ISSUE, the good news about it is that, it gives you room to reinvent yourself and grow. So don't let your wife and her mother mess up your mind sir, detach and work on yourself.... if you can learn soft skills using a laptop, it will help. If you can change your appearance and style physically, it can also help, YOU NEED TO PACKAGE YOURSELF PROGRESSIVELY.

YOU WILL COME OUT OF THIS SITUATIONS FAR BETTER SIR, but for now, for the sake of the children, this is the little wisdom you need sir to save your home. PLS VISIT LAGOS OFTEN... it is a sacrifice you will have to pay.... TRY TO MONITOR YOUR WIFE.... you can do this by cloning her whatsapp and reading all her chats or spying on her phone, so that from the east you can read all her messages, chats, get voice record of her phone calls....IT IS NECESSARY... these days, you can not just let your spouse go without some form of tracking or remote accountability .... else they will lie to your face and hurt you, then you will feel bad. So I hope these few points will help you know where to start from and what to do

I love this advice
Can you advise me on some marital issues too

You never mentioned ever visiting her and the kids for once, also the allures of lasgidi can be enchanting. You better gather change and join a night ride to com join your wife. I hope some Emeka dude selling spare oarts had not started shining her congo already.

I just hope when you eventually come and your hustle begins to pay, you wont join the "lagos is a no man land" bandwagon.

[quote author=yrhuhfy113 post=123160329]a lot of wisdom in your write up please can you help me with some financial advice/decision

your wife don taste LAGOS life oooo

Her current attitude is because she's missing her husband. She's wondering why you won't come and join her in Lagos because life will be easier there. Forget your excuse of no money to rent apartment and start business. If it won't be easier in Lagos why will she be suggesting you come? Your main reason for not going is because you're a man and you know what it will be like if you move to Lagos, which I don't blame you for because I'd feel the same way. She said she's not coming to the east again. I tell u, brother. She said that because you no get money. Such is life. Buy a Lexus RX350 and see if she doesn't pack her loads and kids back to you in the east. My advice is to consider joining her in Lagos. She wants her husband and her kids wants their dad. She may never return to a life of suffering in the east with you. It's not an ideal decision on her part but it's what it is.

Man up
Save money and run to Lagos and meet your family
Do this as a Man
You're the head
You're the Man
Not your wife or in-law can dictate for your own family

Why will you remain in Imo and be making calls
Things are getting worse and you still make calls and you coke here for advice
Be strong
Be firm
Be calm and don't fight

If you were building a house and you see some people trying to besiege it foundation, will you stand and cry or you handle it like a man?
Once the foundation is destroyed, your house is gone

Your in-law seem to be the one distrubing the foundation of your marriage
You know the result
You came to nairaland to ask what you should do.
You'll know what to do if your marriage is really valuable to you

onumadu:
OP, you are lucky that you have someone like your mother-in-law who could accommodate your kids.
Take your mind off your wife for now because "ground no balance" for you, for now.
In any case, two children are enough for you (considering your economic situation).
Thank God for your mother in law.
Forget your wife, for now.
Being alone allows you the opportunity to think, plan, and execute your hustle (assuming you are not a lazy and irresponsible man).
A lot of men in your economic situation don't have where to keep their kids. Think about that for a second.
As long as they are your kids, they will be yours las las.
As for your madam, I wouldn't bet my smart money that she will still be there by the time you find your feet,
but then again, it may all be God's will.
Good luck!

I agree with you. If you relocate, hustle alone. That will make your success come faster. You don't need the added stress from children and a wife who is no longer into you. If possible, relocate secretly. Only make contact when you have some bars to your account. In this case, your wife needs to be convinced, not loved or begged.

I will do everything to keep my marriage but if my wife say no de do again e don end be that.

becuase even if i beg her and she agree i cant forgive her for not wanting me at a point.

Adexgentle005:
Money is the bedrock of an healthy marriage. Don’t get married if you are not financially stable. Have multiple stream of income. E get why!

i believe you read the story, didn’t you? They started well financially but challenges came up . There is no script for life bro

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

Do you now have something doing in the east? If no, why ask her to come back. If yes, then go over, discuss and sort things out with her.

Permission to copy and paste on LinkedIn? Maybe Twitter too.

Psoul:
"I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not loving your partner.

In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with someone else. Relationships work out mostly because of our heads not our hearts.

It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline; because, time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you. Self control will help you. Emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going.

With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married to? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do!

But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings and it is the great arsenal that destroys those unhelpful impulses.

You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it's convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there; but that can only last for just the first 3 - 6 months of the relationship in many cases.

After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped and it's now your responsibility to make the relationship work, not love's responsibility.

Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence.

On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that.

That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream.

It's always tough. At some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together. You can scale through the trying times by staying focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong, be self disciplined and above all, have the God factor that will give you the grace needed to reign you in.

God Bless.

Victor2707:
Lessons for men:

Your In-laws are not your relatives.

Your wife is not your relative too. She is the mother of your children.

Stay away from your mother in-law. Leave your familiarity to greetings. The moment she encroaches your boundary, she will terrorise you and scatter your marriage.

For OP:
Leave your wife alone.

There is nothing you can do to bring her back.

Her mother is poisoning her mind.

Her mother should never have allowed her to stay.

Her mother has not business in her daughter's martial issue. She is probably divorced or not staying with her husband.

Open a bank account for your children where you save for them.

Only call them to communicate with your children and pay your children's bills (school fees and the likes). Don't ever call to your bring wife back again.

When your children are old enough, your children will look for their father.

Right now, you need to focus on yourself only.

Ignore your wife.

Stay away from alcohol and smoking.

Don't move to Lagos, if it is not part of your plan.

Be a man.

*Don't worry about your children grow up in a broke home, Just focus only on building your business.*

You mean the mother-in-law should allow the daughter to starve to death?

They asked him to relocate to Lagos he refused. He wants somebody's daughter to come back home and die of hunger?

TheRealOwner:
You are very informed. This is why women dump men that sponsored their education or brought them overseas after the deed is done. Those women simply fell for the man at a point where they didn't know any better due to environment and upbringing. Once the environment changes, the same woman now sees that there are potentially better options as their level has changed

The same thing happens with men who were faithful when broke and struggling but are now sugar daddies and have 2 sugar babies per campus in their regions

@promisedwealth, interesting username. What is the story behind it?

Like hopeforcharles has said, you need to reinvent yourself and up your game financially, mentally, emotionally and physically. If you can successfully do this, within the next 3 years, you will see how both her and her mom will become so friendly and submissive and claim they don't know what came over them during this trying period. I have read a story here of a woman who separated from her husband due to his condition, and after he levelled up, wrote a thread on how she misses him so much, how she was the one that was there during his struggle phase (both of them were now remarried to different people at this point), how his new wife did nothing to build him, that people should advise how she can reconcile with him. You can imagine .

Massive success is the best revenge bro. Money indeed stops nonsense

I love this!