IamAsiri:


And he wasn't trained well enough to know the best way to address such an issue? He couldn't make light of it and laugh it off while passing the same message to his MIL?

He has definitely put his mum into trouble - that's if she's still alive though. If she is, he'd better involve her in the reconciliation process.

MrBrownJay1:


many parents who also "waited" are now mourning their dead children, thanks to abusive husband etc.... you dont need no invitation to come check up on your married child, and if you aint secure that she is ok in her new marriage, go there as often as you need.

MrBrownJay1:


so let me understand what you are saying:" a mother who lives next door to her daughter AND who visits her daughter who is alone during the day (or go to market with her) IS A NUISANCE TO YOU and/or is a nuisance to your marriage?!?!?!? how exactly? you are not even there? so mother being in contact with her daughter everyday, since they live close by, is wrong in your world i guess?!?!

are you claiming that you would rather your wife be home by herself than spending the day going to the market etc with her mother?!!?!? may i ask: how old are you again?

RhodaNelly:
Oga poster you just disrespected your poor mother inlaw because she's not handy. If she was wealthy and influential, I don't think you'd have the balls to shun her from your home the way you did.

Chai... This is indeed a message to all mothers/ fathers. Build your castle, make hay while the sun shines so that one son in-law/ daughter in-law will not see you as thrash in your old age.

Anybody tell my mom that shit, we die there.

PROPEACE:

My mother lives close to my sister's matrimonial home, she seldom ever goes there! And they are quite close. They chat on phone and my sister visits them, most times with her husband! It is a sign of shamelessness for a parent to be frequently found in their daughter's matrimonial home, only irresponsible mother's do that and if they are lucky enough to have bold men like OP as sons-in-law, they will certainly hear the truth! And in answer to your last question about my age, I am old enough to knock common sense into your impervious brain!

thesilentman:

I agree i lack tact but am glad my freedom is now restored.Every good thing comes at a price-hope you know.

Ingocof:
She wants to check if the guy is a good husband?
Assuming they are thousand of miles apart immediately after the wedding she will be going there daily too?
Pls stop the joke, and like I said earlier, you don't give out your daughter to a man you are not sire if your daughter's safety.

NB. I said it to the OP himself, even though he was understandably upset yet his words were too harsh, should the words were said to him or his momma will he find it amusing?

PROPEACE:
My mother lives close to my sister's matrimonial home, she seldom ever goes there! And they are quite close. They chat on phone and my sister visits them, most times with her husband! It is a sign of shamelessness for a parent to be frequently found in their daughter's matrimonial home, only irresponsible mother's do that and if they are lucky enough to have bold men like OP as sons-in-law, they will certainly hear the truth! And in answer to your last question about my age, I am old enough to knock common sense into your impervious brain!

King2305:
Bruhh.
From what you did, these are things I deduced;
It's either;
1. You are a poor man
2. You are selfish or a greedy fellow
3. You don't have basic home training
4. You talk too much or
5. You are another SIMP wanting to be Alpha useless male

How did u even summon d stvpid gut to talk to your in law in that way!!
Bruhh, u fvck'd up big time.

Your wife may be the first daughter and we know the bonds between mum and first daughters.
The woman might be lonely.
She visiting her own daughter is not too much except you one of the above I listed esp number 1 and 2.

ZIMDRILL:


you are missing the point the fact that the guy noticed the regular visits and talked to her it means to him that he is not happy, simple

so yes mother in law is stopping him to enjoy his wife

sharone21:


Op may not be helping wifey with house chores and Mama wants to lessen her baby girl's work load, so her frequent visits which Op may not understand.

If they want to make out in the day time, they can still shift it to night time naw when Mama is in her own house or even go into their room for it and lock the door, with time Mama will understand the handwriting on the wall.

Wisdom is profitable.

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

Jovialjune1:



You didn't know of the attachment before you married her? Were you daft ab initio?

ZIMDRILL:


lets not try to do the reverse thing lets focus on the issue at hand

was the mother in law correct? let me enjoy my wife

Skyview01:


A lot of the shit my MIl tried in my house, my own mum could not have tried that because she knows me.

Always set boundaries in your home as early as possible. You are married to her daughter not MIL.

MrBrownJay1:


so you believe it is wrong for a parent to not trust you and check up on their daughters? there is no such thing as "intrusion of your privacy".... just because you marry someone, doesnt mean you got the right to stop parents from checking on their children.
Please checking on their daughter everyday? Haba,if they don't trust him why giving her in marriage to him. I won't tolerate such too.

what have you got to hide? why are you so afraid of parents coming to check up on their daughters? what so wrong in the act? what privacy are you even talking about? if these parents trusted you as a man and/or the wellbeing of their daughter, probably they wouldnt check on their daughter so often.

MrBrownJay1:


if i raised my child for +20yrs, fed, clothe, sheltered and educated her all this time... i think i have the right to see her even every hr if i wish to do so. if she just got married then i want to make sure that she is good in her new life. a parent visiting his child once a day is not wrong (maybe just a bit excessive), and unless the visit would hinder their r/ship, i dont see anything wrong here....thus the above question.

Sholaco:
you are such a useless and uncultured swine

SeriouslySense:
That's true, people should be free to be with their families. Especially healthy relationships between mother and her daughter.

viodemus:
I hope say if your wife ambush your mama like that, you no go craze.

one day, we will get older, and might even be incapable, hope that people understand.


You could have tried multiple conversations with her and later her and her daughter first,

ZIMDRILL:


there is nothing to use brains for here

lets notr try to protect bad behaviour irregardless how he talked to his mother in law, who should be more matured here ? the mother in law should know better to stay away from the new married

the same applies to my mom, if my mum is regular visiting me my wife will feel abit of an outsider or she being regulary monitored

mother in law should respect the marriage by letting them free

ZIMDRILL:


ok lets say he wasnt trained well
to address issues, but what do we say about the mother in law? wasnt she also trained well too, everyday visit i wouldnt like them too

The way i see, the fact she is now a mother in law, age and mature wise she should know better. The only reason i would accept for mother in law doing regular visits is when the son in law is loaded and she is coming to enjoy the life style

Skyview01:


Did she raise, clothe and shelter the man too.

That house belongs to both the husband and the wife.

I will never live in close proximity with mu in-laws to encourage regular visit.

Na tojubole most of em be.

The dude did nothing wrong by setting boundaries in his home.

The man must have been showing signs of discomfort about the mil's vists which the wife overlooked.

If the wife had observed the mood around the home and cautioned the MIL in the first place, situations wouldn't have escalated.

Imagine my mil wants to sit and talk with my wife for more than 6 hours non stop after the talk, we would go to bed and she would still come knock bedroom door around 11pm.

She will never have access to my home again.

IamAsiri:


You are obviously not married and definitely still young. I am surprised at these things I am reading on Nairaland. An elderly person is not trained well because she is regularly visiting her daughter?

Zimdrill, regular visitation does not indicate training; it only shows one's level of attachment. Being clingy (if at all that's the case here) does not even prove insensitivity. I apologize beforehand but you really need to learn more about wisdom.

IamAsiri:


So, you wouldn't mind if your wife talked this way to your mum if she did not "respect" the marriage?

IamAsiri:


Yes, I agree with you that the man did no wrong setting boundaries for his home. It is however the way he has chosen to set these boundaries that is a very big issue here. I am at a loss for words at the way he spoke to not just an elderly person but his own MIL. Some of these young men of nowadays just keep getting dumber and dumber in the name of forming alpha male and redpiller, forgetting where their boundaries lie (I pity the young wife though while still hoping that he is faulted in just few areas sha).

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

Skyview01:


What kind of mumu question be that,

if they are so attached, why don't they marry each other and spare the poor guy.

My MIL cannot pass the night in my house and my wife knows that.

Jovialjune1:



Na you wey get mumu understanding

When the mumu Op saw that they are so attached, why didn't he spare his poor self headache by not marrying her? E no see single ladies everywhere? E no get sense to know he cannot cope with their attachment? Was he forced to marry his wife?

I talk am say na immature goats dey marry these days, if your MIL eventually spend the night in your house, what will you do? Kill her abi? But your mother can spend the night in your house right? You are a mistake of a man who lacks wisdom and sense, na only your unfortunate wife fit agree to something like that, iranu.

Skyview01:


You possibly know nothing about marriage and relationships. The op is now enjoying his home and marriage because he put his feet on the ground in his home and set some basic boundaries while you are here ranting aimlessly.

kid!

Jovialjune1:



You know nothing about marriage, you are a novice who lacks wisdom, a slow one at that, Op knows and is aware of his error that's why he came here to report himself, his heart is troubled. He is not at peace, because he knows of the repercussion of what he did to his MIL, you on the other hand that lacks tact and sense, seems to think aggressively achieving results at the detriment of another person is right, go and learn basic requirements of wisdom, especially wisdom in spoken words, it will help you go far in life, instead of quoting me first, ranting, and yapping spittle about with no aim.

Skyview01:


The only thing you are good at is abuse, insults, and nothing else. No logic, reasoning abilities, home training, only abuse, yelling, cursing, and insults, and foaming in the mouth.

You must be very proud of yourself.

Surprise me and make a meaningful contribution to the thread.

Typical!