ZIMDRILL:


ok lets say he wasnt trained well
to address issues, but what do we say about the mother in law? wasnt she also trained well too, everyday visit i wouldnt like them too

The way i see, the fact she is now a mother in law, age and mature wise she should know better. The only reason i would accept for mother in law doing regular visits is when the son in law is loaded and she is coming to enjoy the life style

Lol... Two wrongs doesn't make a right.
The mother in-law is wrong for always visiting and intruding in their privacy
The husband is also wrong for talking to the mother in-law that way.

I mean, to even talk to an elder that way is bad enough how much more someone whose daughter you love and cherish so much. C'mon na.

There are many wise ways to talk to someone who did wrong and the message will be effectively passed and not only would your conscience be clear but the person who did wrong would know and accept his/her fault without feeling bad.

That's so so wrong on his part

Romanoff:
Women dey marry idiots. People no longer have regard for elderly or the marriage institution.

You did something terribly wrong and you're in a forum where children will hail you for validation. When something goes wrong with your wife that will need the intervention of your family and hers, which mouth will you use to appeal to her family since you've decided to burn the bridge that will take you there?

It's men like you that will say "your mother comes first before your wife", it's still men like you that will bring down thunder and brimstone when your wife disrespects your mother.

One thing I've learned on life is to treat people the way you'd want to be treated.

The food wey you dey cook dey front dey wait for you.

So who should come first ? Your wife ? Can your wife take a bullet for you ? When problem too heavy she go japa but your mum will always be there no matter what. You must be a simp with low IQ

superCleanworks:


that woman knew EXACTLY what she was doing. if you give them a step they will want to cover the whole road. You did well to put her in her place and don't listen to anyone trying to tell you that you were harsh. All that matters is that the message has been delivered.

We all know it’s the mother’s of the husbands that do this mostly. Question is, would he have done the same thing if it was his mother?

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

Would you have acted this way if your wife was the one having issues with your mother coming to visit regularly?

Romanoff:


He now came to Nairaland (the HQ of angry, bitter and poorly raised men) for validation.

Oya, take clap.

👏👏

Indeed but I pray the Lord help him to see the error of his actions and swiftly make amends.

MrBrownJay1:


lets not assume anything and instead stick to FACTS....
A) mama lives very close by.... expecting her NOT to come over (especially if daughter is home alone all day) is ABSURD!!!!

B) just because you allow a man to marry your daughter DOES NOT automatically make him a good man/husband/father. is it?!? his actions in that marriage will do his bidding. you dont need to tell me anything, because if you are a good man i will see it. i dont need to hear yeye fairytales while my daughter comes back home with a black eye. AGAIN: it certainly aint written on men's forehead that they are wife abuser/killers or what not



so because thats what your mother/sister does, this should be the universal norm, abi?! so you now want to bring shamelessness to this issuees, BWAAAAAAAAHH!HH! NEWSFLASH: there is no such thing as shame between parents and their children (that they may visit)

Like I said, pls stop this joke, and if you think it is proper to be going there daily to ascertain the man's capacity to keep her daughter safe I think the best thing for her is to pack her own load and be staying with them for proper monitoring instead of daily traveling.
We joke too much in this part if the world.

What you did - Right.
The words you used - Wrong.

ZIMDRILL:


i beg to differ

New married people should left alone to find their own feet, in doing things and understanding each other, understanding each based on their character and behaviour not based on what you were taught. Every man and woman differ it is important to understand each other not based on what parents says but based on what you see and do to each other

Have you ever noticed that the 1st of years of marriage is power struggle, the guy want wife to cook like his mother and the wife wants hubby to behave like her father hence usaully its power struggle indirect

Parents should visit once in while

Left alone to do what. In this life parents should never allow their children to get married to a man or woman from a dysfunctional home. Op is obviously from a dysfunctional home.

Mr Op, if this actually happened, I must say you lack Wisdom. I understand you want to take 'charge' of your new home, but taking it out on your MIL disrespectfully, is totally way off The district of Proper reasoning.

As long as she never disrespects your authority as a man, maybe she influences her daughter to do ungodly practices such as infidelity or maybe guide her into acts of fetish practices, your action when put up for survey would never get the applause of any sane and Noble audience.

This unreasonable act of yours comes with serious consequences which may not show forth now, but probably in the future.

My advice is you have to;
First and foremost, beg your wife and thereafter take her with you to meet your MIL and ask for her forgiveness, (not empty-handed o, with expensive gifts that costs you a lot of money). Kneel and possibly lie flat on the ground.
(Note: You need to be genuine about this)

Finally, Ask for her blessings on your marriage.
Also, drop that mentality of barring her from entering your home. Remember she's not just your wife's relative, she's her mother. Any other relative such as uncles, aunts, cousins etc could have such restrictions.

I pray you come to Wisdom and act appropriately.

God bless your new home

DrDunamis:

Indeed but I pray the Lord help him to see the error of his actions and swiftly make amends.

With the myriad of those hyping him, telling him he did the right thing?

I very much doubt it.

sweetkev:
So who should come first ? Your wife ? Can your wife take a bullet for you ? When problem too heavy she go japa but your mum will always be there no matter what. You must be a simp with low IQ

If you're not ready to put your wife first, don't marry. God that instituted marriage said a man will leave his parents to cleave to his wife. If you're not ready to leave, don't cleave to anyone's daughter. Stay with your mother and build with her, let her birth your kids and also manage your finances.

You people marry out of the need to satisfy your urges. You don't look for value or substance in a woman, you marry nonsense and then come online to cry foul and corrupt the minds of young men due to your own marital frustrations.

I dey sure say you get sisters, no worry, e go reach them.

hmmm, same here I experience almost same thing as you. Regular check ups , the phone calls annoys me most especially when her daughter doesn't pickup, she starts calling my line back to back, so annoying. In my own situation I do MY BEST to provide foodstuffs, pay bills and fully run my home. Despite my wife works , you hardly see what she does with her money, after loans she has collected to give her mum to try several businesses that FAILED. On a daily she still make sure she gives her mum daily stipend, the day she does not have she dives for the food me I provide out of my squeezing and cooks and send to her mum. In my case what do you do ?

thesilentman:

exactly and that's what i wanted to avoid.The woman loyal but her mum...be like say she get agenda.

No wonder these women keep divorcing your sorry asses the minute you manage top take them abroad to civilize climes. Your reasoning can be so backward and wayward.

superCleanworks:


that woman knew EXACTLY what she was doing. if you give them a step they will want to cover the whole road. You did well to put her in her place and don't listen to anyone trying to tell you that you were harsh. All that matters is that the message has been delivered.

Look at these jokers who thinks they own a woman because of the peanut the spent doing ceremony. When you all have your own daughters and use your teeth to calculate the total amount with love and attention you spent raising them and, in the future, when they get married their useless spouse will do the same treatment to you, because you collected peanut bride price then your eyes will be clear. All these babies getting married in Nigeria.

thesilentman:

i swear the attachment to daughter is too much.Even at times they run house chores together.

Look at how insecurity made this idiot to loose the benefits he is getting from his mother-inlaw. ladies in all you do never ever you marry a broke insecure boy.

jaeyking:


So when the woman was married was that how her husband's mother always came to check up on him

Learn to let go when your children are married, if your daughter is alone you could come

But when the husband is around try to give them privacy
Do you know how they express their love or bleeping

Why you nor go born your own wife for yourself. All these lots who think their wife are some kinds of property they own. i really pity your wife. she is just a naive coward woman with a low self-esteem.

i am very sure you did not do wedding or did you? if you did she was a pain in your neck. Apart from this two reasons you are either too broke to understand that whatever you provide should be enough for every body and must not break the bank to please her. please live your life without getting into trouble because they will remind you.most In laws are always pain in the neck you learn to live with.

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

MrBrownJay1:


lets not assume anything and instead stick to FACTS....
A) mama lives very close by.... expecting her NOT to come over (especially if daughter is home alone all day) is ABSURD!!!!

B) just because you allow a man to marry your daughter DOES NOT automatically make him a good man/husband/father. is it?!? his actions in that marriage will do his bidding. you dont need to tell me anything, because if you are a good man i will see it. i dont need to hear yeye fairytales while my daughter comes back home with a black eye. AGAIN: it certainly aint written on men's forehead that they are wife abuser/killers or what not



so because thats what your mother/sister does, this should be the universal norm, abi?! so you now want to bring shamelessness to this issuees, BWAAAAAAAAHH!HH! NEWSFLASH: there is no such thing as shame between parents and their children (that they may visit)

Well, OP shares the same school of thought with me and my mother and sister. When you get married, you can ask your mother and father in-law to pack into your house and start living there so as to ensure you don't give your wife black eye.

ZIMDRILL:


most people are being biased simply becoz of attachment to parents and fear of telling parents the truth. Except for those who live with their fathers and mothers, the rest how often does your maternal grandmother visits your mother? is it everyday ? am most would say not everyday

The one of the reason why grandmother doesbt visit your mum everyday, is letting her live het own life while granny live hers while regular visit are there NOT everyday visits

Don't mind these weird people.

thesilentman po Jesusst=123197272:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

Bro , you are asking if you bleep up?

You don't know how to talk to elderly person. You did that to your mother in law. Can you say that to your own mom.

I am very sure you can do that to your own mother telling her to stay in where she rented.

You should have said it in the ears of her daughter and her daughter would have known a way of doing that without hurting her feelings.

That is the way many people created problem to their family.

Romanoff:


With the myriad of those hyping him, telling him he did the right thing?

I very much doubt it.

God cares for him so let's hope for the best

One day you will grow old your sons and daughters will be married too and they will all have their own privacy,may be you stays in the same town and you will always like to storm in and say hi,yours is that you will be pushed inside a lagoon and warned not to cross in that house again. Think before acting!

PROPEACE:
Well, OP shares the same school of thought with me and my mother and sister. When you get married, you can ask your mother and father in-law to pack into your house and start living there so as to ensure you don't give your wife black eye.

well me and the 58 people who understood my point (and liked my initial post) think otherwise. i guess TO EACH THEIR OWN OPINION!

Ingocof:
Like I said, pls stop this joke, and if you think it is proper to be going there daily to ascertain the man's capacity to keep her daughter safe I think the best thing for her is to pack her own load and be staying with them for proper monitoring instead of daily traveling.
We joke too much in this part if the world.

i know you are very young and immature believing that because you marry a woman, thats it, game over and now she is yours to do what you pls....but to me as a parent, i will have to make sure that you QUALIFY for my "responsible man" good book before i can allow you to just disappear scott-free with my daughter. if you (as a parent) believe that you will just disappear from your daughter's life the minute she says "i do" then so be it. i certainly wouldnt.
just look around you and see all the battered women, the abused women, the dead women at the hands of their partner, and realize that IF THEIR PARENTS HAD PUT MORE EFFORT ON MAKING SURE THEIR DAUGHTER WAS OK, IT WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED!

as a parent, i am just making sure my life investment is safe, thats all! and if you (as her husband) cant UNDERSTAND that, then thats all on you to deal with it. i am not there to question your authority, i am not there to change your marriage, i am just there to check up on MY LIFE INVESTMENT!!!

fxexperts:
Left alone to do what. In this life parents should never allow their children to get married to a man or woman from a dysfunctional home. Op is obviously from a dysfunctional home.

dont jump into conclusion, its called giving space

why most people are rushing o conclude that he doesnt not want them at his house, he want them but not everyday

Jodera:
Lol... Two wrongs doesn't make a right.
The mother in-law is wrong for always visiting and intruding in their privacy
The husband is also wrong for talking to the mother in-law that way.

I mean, to even talk to an elder that way is bad enough how much more someone whose daughter you love and cherish so much. C'mon na.

There are many wise ways to talk to someone who did wrong and the message will be effectively passed and not only would your conscience be clear but the person who did wrong would know and accept his/her fault without feeling bad.

That's so so wrong on his part

i agree with you that both are wrong

the problem am having with most people is their busy bashing the guy without also addressing the bad habit of the mum

some are busy putting attachment issues, the your own mum theory etc

Reality here based on common general rule whos should be wiser here ? the hubby or mother in law ? if the question is answered TRUTHFULLY then we know who is the problem

Were i came from we say, "if you play too long with children, they end seeing you as one of them (a child) and when they start to call you by name dont cry foul"

That's a very bad thing you have done
Go and apologise to her
She won't sleep well for mire than a week after you warned her.

MrBrownJay1:


well me and the 58 people who understood my point (and liked my initial post) think otherwise. i guess TO EACH THEIR OWN OPINION!



i know you are very young and immature believing that because you marry a woman, thats it, game over and now she is yours to do what you pls....but to me as a parent, i will have to make sure that you QUALIFY for my "responsible man" good book before i can allow you to just disappear scott-free with my daughter. if you (as a parent) believe that you will just disappear from your daughter's life the minute she says "i do" then so be it. i certainly wouldnt.
just look around you and see all the battered women, the abused women, the dead women at the hands of their partner, and realize that IF THEIR PARENTS HAD PUT MORE EFFORT ON MAKING SURE THEIR DAUGHTER WAS OK, IT WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED!

as a parent, i am just making sure my life investment is safe, thats all! and if you (as her husband) cant UNDERSTAND that, then thats all on you to deal with it. i am not there to question your authority, i am not there to change your marriage, i am just there to check up on MY LIFE INVESTMENT!!!

You are even saying he is very young. If you who is ancient of days think this way the it shows your many years have not earned you wisdom.

ZIMDRILL:


dont jump into conclusion, its called giving space

why most people are rushing o conclude that he doesnt not want them at his house, he want them but not everyday

Don't mind them. Maybe that was how their maternal grandmothers moved into to their father's house.

kodix:
One day you will grow old your sons and daughters will be married too and they will all have their own privacy,may be you stays in the same town and you will always like to storm in and say hi,yours is that you will be pushed inside a lagoon and warned not to cross in that house again. Think before acting!

OP did not say his mother in law isan old woman. If her daughter's are married, she should get friends to relate with. Was that how her mother moved into her house when she got married. This is proving to be an irresponsible generation.

fxexperts:
No wonder these women keep divorcing your sorry asses the minute you manage top take them abroad to civilize climes. Your reasoning can be so backward and wayward

Funny enough, it is your type that they divorce anyhow. The stories are all over nairaland by simpletons of how the interference of their mothers in law broke up their homes.

PROPEACE:
You are even saying he is very young. If you who is ancient of days think this way the it shows your many years have not earned you wisdom.

AGAIN: i am not out for wisdom, i am simply out to make sure my kids (aka my life investment) are safe, and so far my technique never failed me.

IamAsiri:


You are calling someone a weak soul but you don't mind speaking ill of OP's MIL. And the OP exclaiming "that's harsh" did not know that his so-called outburst/insult meted out on the poor woman was harsh.

hello ma, what is bad will always be bad, despite your generation seem to be upturning evil for good. W all need be well cultured and mannered on in the public pls.For the fact you do not have direct contact with a person shouldn't make you mannerless and careless with words.Words are powerful you sure know that,and the way and manner you manage them depict who you truely are, whatever you have not counting .

IamMobisola:

We all know it’s the mother’s of the husbands that do this mostly. Question is, would he have done the same thing if it was his mother?

His mother didn't do that, it's his wife's mum. Besides, how well do you women tolerate having your mother in-laws intruding that way?

MrBrownJay1:


well me and the 58 people who understood my point (and liked my initial post) think otherwise. i guess TO EACH THEIR OWN OPINION!



i know you are very young and immature believing that because you marry a woman, thats it, game over and now she is yours to do what you pls....but to me as a parent, i will have to make sure that you QUALIFY for my "responsible man" good book before i can allow you to just disappear scott-free with my daughter. if you (as a parent) believe that you will just disappear from your daughter's life the minute she says "i do" then so be it. i certainly wouldnt.
just look around you and see all the battered women, the abused women, the dead women at the hands of their partner, and realize that IF THEIR PARENTS HAD PUT MORE EFFORT ON MAKING SURE THEIR DAUGHTER WAS OK, IT WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED!

as a parent, i am just making sure my life investment is safe, thats all! and if you (as her husband) cant UNDERSTAND that, then thats all on you to deal with it. i am not there to question your authority, i am not there to change your marriage, i am just there to check up on MY LIFE INVESTMENT!!!

To say am young and immature to someone you know nothing about speaks volume about your level if reasoning.
When you give your daughter(s) to the spous(es) you can pack your load and be staying with them.

Moreover, I asked you a question that if they were to be living in different States or nations will she be there daily visiting in the name of trying to check if the man is good enough?

MrBrownJay1:


AGAIN: i am not out for wisdom, i am simply out to make sure my kids (aka my life investment) are safe, and so far my technique never failed me.

Well, OP's Mother in law will have to watch her investment from her husband's house, uncultured lot!