Lolli2pop:
Hi guys, I am trying to purchase a flight to Nigeria. The prices i am seeing are really crazy.

Does anyone know any travel agents or websites with very affordable rates

Try flight bot on telegram.......

Godaloneisable:


Yes, I want to join but she said i shouldn't worry. I asked the amount but i never got response when my insistence was much she said circa 15million which is not true cos its not care work that you'd paid for COS and the coy paid our tickets.

I suggest you carry on paying those bills and rent and allow her to recovery from all the money she spent. At least you still have little left after paying bills.

She did not bother you when repaying the loan so you need to repay her now.

Godaloneisable:


Yes, I want to join but she said i shouldn't worry. I asked the amount but i never got response when my insistence was much she said circa 15million which is not true cos its not care work that you'd paid for COS and the coy paid our tickets.

She is a very wise woman....... That 70% front loaded payment, would end up costing you 70,000%..........😛🤣😜

Cunny woman die ...... Cunny man must bury am .......😛🤣

justwise:


I suggest you carry on paying those bills and rent and allow her to recovery from all the money she spent. At least you still have little left after paying bills.

She did not bother you when repaying the loan so you need to repay her now.

Haba JW ........ No time limit ...... Just keep paying..... Whilst she continually buys Gucci, Fendi and Valentino's........🤣😜

Not forgetting that mansion, she is building for her father in Nigeria..........😛🤣

justwise:


I suggest you carry on paying those bills and rent and allow her to recovery from all the money she spent. At least you still have little left after paying bills.

She did not bother you when repaying the loan so you need to repay her now.

For how long though? This is setting a dangerous precedent for the rest of their married life in the UK. The problem needs to be addressed now.

Peerielass:



For how long though? This is setting a dangerous precedent for the rest of their married life in the UK. The problem needs to be addressed now.

Exactly! That's extremely absurd actually - to say that he should just carry on as if it's normal.

The bigger issue here is not even the distribution of the bills. They are not roommates - they are married, and whether the money for rent or whatever comes from his account or hers is a very minor issue compared to the (lack of) transparency in their mutual finances.

He has no idea when the loan will be paid off and apparently she has refused to tell him. So he should just carry on for the next 10 years with no end in sight? Haba mana

Lexusgs430:



She is a very wise woman....... That 70% front loaded payment, would end up costing you 70,000%..........😛🤣😜

Cunny woman die ...... Cunny man must bury am .......😛🤣

I know but she's not wise as she claims, I'm just not doing anything because of the environment we find ourselves and my dependency on her. I really pray i get sponsorship.

koonbey:


Exactly! That's extremely absurd actually - to say that he should just carry on as if it's normal.

The bigger issue here is not even the distribution of the bills. They are not roommates - they are married, and whether the money for rent or whatever comes from his account or hers is a very minor issue compared to the (lack of) transparency in their mutual finances.

He has no idea when the loan will be paid off and apparently she has refused to tell him. So he should just carry on for the next 10 years with no end in sight? Haba mana

My brother I tire o!

koonbey:


Exactly! That's extremely absurd actually - to say that he should just carry on as if it's normal.

The bigger issue here is not even the distribution of the bills. They are not roommates - they are married, and whether the money for rent or whatever comes from his account or hers is a very minor issue compared to the (lack of) transparency in their mutual finances.

He has no idea when the loan will be paid off and apparently she has refused to tell him. So he should just carry on for the next 10 years with no end in sight? Haba mana

Till perpetuity........ Financial slavery on steroids......😭🤣

justwise:


I suggest you carry on paying those bills and rent and allow her to recovery from all the money she spent. At least you still have little left after paying bills.

She did not bother you when repaying the loan so you need to repay her now.

How long bro? This is the 7th month. Anyways, thanks

Godaloneisable:

I know but she's not wise as she claims, I'm just not doing anything because of the environment we find ourselves and my dependency on her. I really pray i get sponsorship.

So if you get sponsorship whats your plan? You go fly up, it leads to arguments? Divorce? You move out of the house?

Bro, solve this now whether you are depending on her visa or not, that's the not the problem. The issue is with your finances. If you get sponsored, the finanace issue still continues or are you afraid she may divorce you first?

justwise:


I suggest you carry on paying those bills and rent and allow her to recovery from all the money she spent. At least you still have little left after paying bills.

She did not bother you when repaying the loan so you need to repay her now.

I agree with jw here. Pay all the bills for the next 3 - 4 months. Don't argue or complain or nag or grumble, then bring the bills sharing discussion to her afterwards.

@Godaloneisable

AirBay:


So if you get sponsorship whats your plan? You go fly up, it leads to arguments? Divorce? You move out of the house?

Bro, solve this now whether you are depending on her visa or not, that's the not the problem. The issue is with your finances. If you get sponsored, the finanace issue still continues or are you afraid she may divorce you first?

Trust me I've had this discussion but not leading to anything good, we talked today and i had to beg her again that this is much. Her responsewas I'lltake energy and council tax when im done with the loan, and i asked when is that "she said i dont know for now but by december or next year February". I created this new account to speak it out of a heavy heart. You won't really understand how worried i am. I'm even looking for weekend shift in care home or factory to get more funds. It's funny and this is the only avenue to share the worries

Godaloneisable:

Trust me I've had his discussion but not leading to anything good, we talked today and i had to beg her again that this is much. Her responsewas I'lltake energy and council tax when im done with the loan and i asked when she said i dont know for now but by december or next year February.. I created this new account to speak it out of a heavy heart. You won't really understand how worried i am. I'm even looking for weekend shift in care home or factory to get more funds. It's funny and this is the only avenue to share the worries

Damn... All is well bro

Godaloneisable:

Trust me I've had this discussion but not leading to anything good, we talked today and i had to beg her again that this is much. Her responsewas I'lltake energy and council tax when im done with the loan, and i asked when is that "she said i dont know for now but by december or next year February". I created this new account to speak it out of a heavy heart. You won't really understand how worried i am. I'm even looking for weekend shift in care home or factory to get more funds. It's funny and this is the only avenue to share the worries

If i was in you position, I would hit the nuclear button........ Make we dey look ourselves...... No bills are getting paid........ Till this lacuna is fully and finally dealt with.....

Godaloneisable:


Yes, I want to join but she said i shouldn't worry. I asked the amount but i never got response when my insistence was much she said circa 15million which is not true cos its not care work that you'd paid for COS and the coy paid our tickets.

As I read through the post and responses, I kept changing what I want to comment. Apparently she has taken a lot of front roles in the family that she now assumes control. After all you 'depend' on her.

You guys need a lot of communication at this time, she needs to understand its no longer business as usual where the man alone is financially responsible for the family. She still thinks she did you a favour bringing you here, make her understand it wasn't a favour because you guys are family so the rlnship should not be transactional (don't sound ungrateful though).

Above all, you need to assume control and authority back. Unfortunately, to do this, your residency will not have to depend on hers. So it's up to you to be patient or get your own sponsorship.

In the meantime, you guys can start with a joint account, all bills, debts and family expenditure is done from the joint account so that there won't be the issue of who is responsible for what. At month end, 80% of your incomes goes into the joint account, 20% is left for personal use.

Godaloneisable:

Trust me I've had this discussion but not leading to anything good, we talked today and i had to beg her again that this is much. Her responsewas I'lltake energy and council tax when im done with the loan, and i asked when is that "she said i dont know for now but by december or next year February". I created this new account to speak it out of a heavy heart. You won't really understand how worried i am. I'm even looking for weekend shift in care home or factory to get more funds. It's funny and this is the only avenue to share the worries

My Candid Opinion, I don't think it's out of place because she has given you a time frame of complete loan repayment which in your words is December or February next year. For starts, non-care skilled work visa is more expensive than the Care visa where according to you, COS is usually bought. While you don't pay health surcharge for care visa, you have to pay for non care visa.

She has also agreed to share bills with you at the end of the loan repayment period. Do not hit the nuclear button like someone suggested because of the MAD consequences. Your marriage doesn't have to hit the rocks for this reason whether you change sponsor or not.

Give her the benefit of doubt and continue paying till the agreed time. After then, you can work things out together. I understand you seem you are losing your authority. but do not be too quick to hit the switch to get back your authority. Whether we like it or not, a man's authority isn't defined by the dangling balls on his waist but his financial strength, if you think otherwise, ask some men whose wives are the bread winners.

Try and calm down and see it through the remaining months and then you can always have a defence whenever she say I brought you here cause you have paid back with your full chest.

Like @bigtt said. You can also reset her brain with some good sexual healing. Enjoy your home and stay blessed

Viruses:
Does the free version of testi app give notifications. The notification button is disabled and requesting for upgrade to premium.

Don't bother upgrading. Paid version hasn't given anything notification wise in months and only showed a test date that is weeks after the original far date (Manual search and not notification)

On the flipside, Friends in other cities have gotten closer dates with the free version. So it's more a question of city size and rate of cancellation than free vs paid version.

Godaloneisable:
Elders and dependants especially male I need your advice please.

I'm a dependant who is also working in uk. I appreciate my wife cos she spent over 70% of the funds we used while coming to uk and also took care of home for 2 months before i got a job. I was lucky to get a good job in Manchester 2 months after I got to uk which is a midlevel role in my career path as a systems engineer. My wife has refused to do anything at home cos she claims she wants to rest and I should be grateful that she brought me here. This is leading to serious arguments cos after paying rent, bills and food I'm left with almost nothing infact I had to borrow in the last 2 months because I bought some home appliances in our newly rented apartment.
Right now, I'm so confused because it's more like I am just working to spend and her money belongs to her strictly and she means it. I am careful cos I'm bound to her visa and I am even begging her to take just bills but she refused. This has been on for over 7 months and i can not boast of 2k savings even with 49k salary.

How do I manage this? Just confused tbh cos she's also working full time even grossing more than i

Dear Godaloneisable,

From your writeup, I can confidently reach the conclusion that the issue you have tabled here is simply one symptom of much deeper problems in your marriage.

Your marriage appears to be suffering from a chronic lack of the following;

•trust
•love
•understanding/communication
•mutual respect
•unity
•empathy (not the same as sympathy)

Until both of you resolve these issues between yourselves, standoffs such as the one you have highlighted will remain unresolved, & may even get worse. This may in turn put your matrimony in jeopardy.

The fact that you didn't know (or she didn't tell you) how she financed this expensive relocation to the UK in the first place is another indication of previous troubles.

Because I don't want to write an epistle, I will advise you to act like a LEADER by honestly LOOKING INWARDS FIRST in admitting, acknowledging, addressing and correcting the role that you personally have played, that has led to the current state of things in the relationship. Then you can SUBSEQUENTLY reach out to your wife in good faith. Own up like a leader & apologize to her for your long-term and short-term faults/wrongs, BEFORE pointing out her own shortcomings as well (again in good faith). Also, let her know that you truly appreciate her sacrifices. Then patiently allow her explain things from her own perspective, & make sure that you genuinely LISTEN to her (so as to understand her point of view). This approach may help both of you reach a WIN/WIN solution to the issue at hand (and to other deep-rooted ones as well).

This may not be an overnight cure (because the problems are not "overnight problems" either), so a holistic, patient, effective & continuous medication/communication is what is needed for resolving these deep-seated troubles. I'm afraid to tell you that there are no short-cuts at this stage.

Your post seems to suggest that you may have already logged out of the marriage, but only bidding your time. I hope I'm wrong.

I'm sorry if I haven't been able to give you a magical & fast-track solution that you may have been expecting.

PS: Find time to take your wife out on a date. If you still truly love her, let her know by your words and actions on a regular basis. Rediscover her love language.

Cheers.

justwise:
[b]

No reminder, just a habit.

I don't really do 25%, 30% and even 70% thing, i spend and pay back

Boss... what do you mean? You spend and pay back instantly or you exhaust the limit then pay back...

I got monzo flex... chooses to pay in 3 installments in most cases besides I am almost at 45% of my limit...
Please advise @gurus

Godaloneisable:

Trust me I've had this discussion but not leading to anything good, we talked today and i had to beg her again that this is much. Her responsewas I'lltake energy and council tax when im done with the loan, and i asked when is that "she said i dont know for now but by december or next year February". I created this new account to speak it out of a heavy heart. You won't really understand how worried i am. I'm even looking for weekend shift in care home or factory to get more funds. It's funny and this is the only avenue to share the worries

The biggest problem lies in you not knowing how she was able to finance your moving over. She probably holds a grudge over the fact that you didn't bother to know or care about how she made things happen. At the very least, when you were planning to move, you two should have discussed the funding, the loan, the type of loan, the duration, etc. to fully analyze the risks and rewards. That it's now that you're trying to find out about all of that only points to a much deeper communication problem between you two. Heck, she's even telling you not to worry about it or helping her to pay back. That would be worrying for me.

She's wrong for holding that "assistance" over your head but there's a lot of retracing of steps to be done here. You have to go back in time, talk about it and find out if she holds any grudges over that.

I don't subscribe to being in the dark about this other than taking her word for it, while you continue to pay for everything with no definite end in sight.

In my opinion, retrace your steps and sort out the communication problem in your relationship with her. Keep eating the humble pie like you are while you continue to search for your own empowerment (sponsorship), not for malicious reasons but to be sensibly protected in case she refuses to budge. You should not be at her mercy in that relationship. So, do everything to get that out of the way.

All of these aside and included, Una dey fok?

Please for expierenced parents
My EDD is fast approaching.... much as I am excited for an obodo oyibo pikin

Please I need to be proactively informed especially on the baby's data registrationa and stuffs... are we expected to register the baby at the Nigeria High commission? The NIN thing blabla

How soon is this supposed to happen? Please any vital info as regards to this journey will be highly appreciated
Note I am on tier 2 visa (dem go give my baby ILR? )

Progressivegee:


My Candid Opinion, I don't think it's out of place because she has given you a time frame of complete loan repayment which in your words is December or February next year. For starts, non-care skilled work visa is more expensive than the Care visa where according to you, COS is usually bought. While you don't pay health surcharge for care visa, you have to pay for non care visa.

She has also agreed to share bills with you at the end of the loan repayment period. Do not hit the nuclear button like someone suggested because of the MAD consequences. Your marriage doesn't have to hit the rocks for this reason whether you change sponsor or not.

Give her the benefit of doubt and continue paying till the agreed time. After then, you can work things out together. I understand you seem you are losing your authority. but do not be too quick to hit the switch to get back your authority. Whether we like it or not, a man's authority isn't defined by the dangling balls on his waist but his financial strength, if you think otherwise, ask some men whose wives are the bread winners.

Try and calm down and see it through the remaining months and then you can always have a defence whenever she say I brought you here cause you have paid back with your full chest.

Like @bigtt said. You can also reset her brain with some good sexual healing. Enjoy your home and stay blessed

It's not a care job, we are both professionals and when she got the job she told but I just finished a project. I tried all I could to get funds and I even borrowed.. I still owe some of my friends till date.

The main thing we paid was IHS and Visa fees which I closed all my account and borrowed to be able to contribute. She was never the breadwinner and that's been her mentality from Nigeria because I was doing well in Nigeria. It was just unfortunate that when she got the job I was really broke cos of the project I just finished which she's aware of. It's just her mentality that man must take care of everything and that's why she's being using that as a leverage.

I came here also and I got my first job within 2 months with a pay of 49k thinking all will be well. As everyone suggested, I will continue till next year February hoping there will be a change.

Thanks everyone.

Cc. Jlaw1
Justwise
Dygeasy

Lexusgs430:



Your choice...... But if you pass in an automatic vehicle....... You can only automatically drive, automatic vehicles in the UK .......🤣😜

Attempting to drive a manual vehicle, is illegal and is deemed as you not having a driving licence.........

I go manage my auto like that

Sorry bro, just a quick question Are you Muslims? As it's more of a Muslim thing that the husband bares all if the financial burden. Mind you am a a Muslim.

Like one frequent question asked above that you have been ignoring. Are you guys having good sex. Good sex makes women compassionate towards you and would willingly assist you and aftersex is always an opportunity for heart to heart communication.

Godaloneisable:


It's not a care job, we are both professionals and when she got the job she told but I just finished a project. I tried all I could to get funds and I even borrowed.. I still owe some of my friends till date.

The main thing we paid was IHS and Visa fees which I closed all my account and borrowed to be able to contribute. She was never the breadwinner and that's been her mentality from Nigeria because I was doing well in Nigeria. It was just unfortunate that when she got the job I was really broke cos of the project I just finished which she's aware of. It's just her mentality that man must take care of everything and that's why she's being using that as a leverage.

I came here also and I got my first job within 2 months with a pay of 49k thinking all will be well. As everyone suggested, I will continue till next year February hoping there will be a change.

Thanks everyone.

Cc. Jlaw1
Justwise
Dygeasy

eniola1010:


I go manage my auto like that

I no blame you .....😭

AgentXxx:
Sorry bro, just a quick question Are you Muslims? As it's more of a Muslim thing that the husband bares all if the financial burden. Mind you am a a Muslim.

Like one frequent question asked above that you have been ignoring. Are you guys having good sex. Good sex makes women compassionate towards you and would willingly assist you and aftersex is always an opportunity for heart to heart communication.

Where does this reasoning come from, that good sex heals all wounds.......... The Koko is what happens after good sex........🤣

Godaloneisable:


It's not a care job, we are both professionals and when she got the job she told but I just finished a project. I tried all I could to get funds and I even borrowed.. I still owe some of my friends till date.

The main thing we paid was IHS and Visa fees which I closed all my account and borrowed to be able to contribute. She was never the breadwinner and that's been her mentality from Nigeria because I was doing well in Nigeria. It was just unfortunate that when she got the job I was really broke cos of the project I just finished which she's aware of. It's just her mentality that man must take care of everything and that's why she's being using that as a leverage.

I came here also and I got my first job within 2 months with a pay of 49k thinking all will be well. As everyone suggested, I will continue till next year February hoping there will be a change.

Thanks everyone.

Cc. Jlaw1
Justwise
Dygeasy

After February, she pushes it to August....... I don talk my own .........😛

Noworries11:
Please for expierenced parents
My EDD is fast approaching.... much as I am excited for an obodo oyibo pikin

Please I need to be proactively informed especially on the baby's data registrationa and stuffs... are we expected to register the baby at the Nigeria High commission? The NIN thing blabla

How soon is this supposed to happen? Please any vital info as regards to this journey will be highly appreciated
Note I am on tier 2 visa (dem go give my baby ILR? )

The hospital will give you some documents which you will use for the registration. You will need to register the baby at your local authority within a specified time. In Scotland, the registration needs to be done within 21 days of birth. If you are in England/Wales, it’s 42 days. The LA will issue two birth certificates for your baby - a long and short version.

You can then apply for baby’s first Nigeria passport using the birth certificate. I’d probably wait till baby is about 6 months old before embarking on that journey. Baby will need their own NIN before passport application.

I don’t know anything about the process for baby Visa and ILR so can’t help you with that bit.

Congratulations and hope everything goes well.

Godaloneisable:


Yes, I want to join but she said i shouldn't worry. I asked the amount but i never got response when my insistence was much she said circa 15million which is not true cos its not care work that you'd paid for COS and the coy paid our tickets.

It's very possible to spend that amount on relocating a family. Do the calculation yourself with black market rate you will be shocked.

From your writeup, your wife seems to be a responsible woman, she does not disturb you when she knows you don't have.

Noworries11:


Boss... what do you mean? You spend and pay back instantly or you exhaust the limit then pay back...

I got monzo flex... chooses to pay in 3 installments in most cases besides I am almost at 45% of my limit...
Please advise @gurus

Yes sometimes i buy and payback immediately and sometimes i payback weeks later, i have £10,000 balance limit and sometimes i spend £1000-1500 before paying back

Noworries11:
Please for expierenced parents
My EDD is fast approaching.... much as I am excited for an obodo oyibo pikin

Please I need to be proactively informed especially on the baby's data registrationa and stuffs... are we expected to register the baby at the Nigeria High commission? The NIN thing blabla

How soon is this supposed to happen? Please any vital info as regards to this journey will be highly appreciated
Note I am on tier 2 visa (dem go give my baby ILR? )

.