₦airaland Forum

mariahAngel:
He dishonored his father.

That is not dishonour.
We are applying stat here darling.
Oyibo man is not using such words to rule us by proxy.
They use empirical research by renowned psychologists.
We are still babies in this world. That's why they are still guiding us. Now, somebody is doing the right thing and we are saying dishonour. Who has that helped?
Guy was triggered. Read his post.
His dad brought out his demon. He has been battling this same emptiness as a child courtesy of his dad( psychological trauma). Nobody saw that here except one guy. Everybody was on about his dad, his dad. What about him.
He will take over from his dad but as what?
His dad said he don't want him to be like him but he is doing exactly that!

That guy is a man at 18. (Some 30 something yrs old are here from mor till night begging.
Some are already calling him yahoo boy.
Yet they are here 247)
He reminded his dad he paid the house rent cos he want the dad to see him as a man with responsibility.

"Children of nowadays..."

SeriouslySense:
at least you agreed that he is under the roof of his father and should adhere to the values of his dad, until he can move out.

As long as the values don't impinge on his very humanity vis-à-vis constantly hearing he should live his life entirely on the basis of what people may think

SeriouslySense:
He should apologies because he said he is paying the house rent.


I know it seems wrong to do so, but he should if he can.

Let me use this analogy, if let say your wife is paying the house rent, and you asked her that question, maybe you will have to apologize to your wife. I am just saying.

What i am weighing here is not the money, it is the relationship or the person he is talking to. It is no way to talk to your father or parents because you pay the bills.

These are concepts we embraced from western culture, and if its okay with us, then its fine. I am not interested in who is right or wrong, but how we can function in a healthy way in the family or society.

Maybe next time, your ten year old child will say the same to you, because these days, children are getting good jobs too. .

What matters on the post which made me to contribute is where he said this reminded him of when he was a child and it made him shy and timid.
My dear, in a developed country, this is very weighty and he will be assigned a psychologist.

And this triggered his outburst.
You guys should read and comprehend.

I love that guy already cos at 18, he already know what caused psychological problem to him while many of us still don't know why we hate ourselves so much and are always very aggressive.

His intelligence quotient is high.

FOLLISH SON

YOU HAVE BROUGHT CURSE UPON YOURSELF

i am not disregarding his arguments, i am simply pointing his mistakes.

Rebelling is not always intelligence.

Assertion is not always what it seems.

Is it something to brag about, is it something to emphasize because its trending.

If he is growing and he is becoming confident as a man, that's applaudable, yes he should, but if he feels he cannot follow the rules in the house, he can move out and quietly and respectful thank and appreciate his father and go in peace.

he made a good points, but is about just sounding right.

descarado:
What matters on the post which made me to contribute is where he said this reminded him of when he was a child and it made him shy and timid.
My dear, in a developed country, this is very weighty and he will be assigned a psychologist.

And this triggered his outburst.
You guys should read and comprehend.

I love that guy already cos at 18, he already know what caused psychological problem to him while many of us still don't know why we hate ourselves so much and are always very aggressive.

His intelligence quotient is high.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

I don't know what those encouraging are up to but you are very wrong and you need to meet him and knee and apologize. A lot is running through his mind and bigger than all these things you wrote.

You can make your point by not disrespecting him the more( as if coming late to a house headed by a responsible man is not disrespectful enought).

I am way older than you(twice older than you) but any time I visit home, I don't go home late. If I know I would be late, I would rather inform my dad that I would be staying over at a friend's place.

SeriouslySense:
i am not disregarding his arguments, i am simply pointing his mistakes.

He didn't make any mistake at all
His father will learn to talk respectfully around him.
The boy is now a man.

Read his post again but this time, apply simple reasoning without emotions and see he did the right thing there.

He started by saying he love his dad and he is a good man.
Common, give this guy his due respect and applaud him.
He knew what he did was wrong and was avoiding his father.
Has never been out late before.
He eventually went to dad and explained why he was late and apologised.

Dad wasn't even afraid he may have been kidnapped or had an accident BUT, what nebors will say.
That was when he lost it cos it TRIGGERED something.

After what happened, he started feeling remorseful.

Every action has a corresponding reac6ion.
Had the dad not trigger him, he wouldn't have made that statement.

If you go to the court of law, who throw the first stone matters, this time, the dad. That he is the dad doesn't count.
Dad disrespected him first.
His nebors are more important to him.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

You make 50-300k monthly? Pls I won't mind you showing me the way, you are a man 💪

If you say so, everybody is right nowadays, and they cannot see any mistake in what they do, i really dont' even care these days, this is why i love animals. . And i care seriously for animals.

At this point, i concede, you have won the argument. Very good debater.

It is simple, lets not complicate it, if he cannot adhere to the rules, he can move out. He is still under his fathers roof
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descarado:
He didn't make any mistake at all
His father will learn to talk respectfully around him.
The boy is now a man.

Read his post again but this time, apply simple reasoning without emotions and see he did the right thing there.

He started by saying he love his dad and he is a good man.
Common, give this guy his due respect and applaud him.
He knew what he did was wrong and was avoiding his father.
Has never been out late before.
He eventually went to dad and explained why he was late and apologised.

Dad wasn't even afraid he may have been kidnapped or had an accident BUT, what nebors will say.
That was when he lost it cos it TRIGGERED something.

After what happened, he started feeling remorseful.

Every action has a corresponding reac6ion.
Had the dad not trigger him, he wouldn't have made that statement.

If you go to the court of law, who throw the first stone matters, this time, the dad. That he is the dad doesn't count.
Dad disrespected him first.
His nebors are more important to him.

Your dad was just being a typical African dad, you were supposed to act like the son he know you to be but deep down na you know the man you be.

DamianDd:
What pissed me off asides from things he said was the fact that he was putting himself down and the family down with his words all because of what other people will think. God! I hate it so much because he's been doing that for years always comparing us to other people, wanting us to behave in a way that won't upset people, to be seen as perfect and likable by everybody and when I realized this fact I start working on myself till this day, i still get that feeling of timidity but I always push through because really who gives a Bleep what people think of me that's why I was so timid when younger that I hated myself. Coming home late was wrong and I told him that yes it's true but those things he was saying is where we had the issue.

Please NEVER say it is wrong to come home late . It wasn’t like you went to drink . Work made you come home late . Some life changing deals are made in the dead of the night .

It is good that you stood up to your dad on that issue . That kind of mentality is very limiting and people who are manipulative will use it against you .

LikeAking:
He wants to condition you..

You have to mingle, na norms..

This not 1960, were they get things for free.

baba you know say we done first get banter before sha.
even if you are 40 years old man and you are under your father's roof if you come home by 12 midnight every father have the right to question you not to talk of a teenager wey never know anythng for life sef.
not that the father was even harsh to him with words, what the dad even said to him were the kindest words any man can use to caution his teen child.
why my teenage son go come home 12 midnight i go come dey use mouth tell am about what neighbors will think, the action i go take againt am is better left unsaid. no be say na work you go, no be say dem send you message, no be say you even call home say you go come late.
i swear this kind yeye pikin cannot look directly into the eyes of his age mates o.
na your papa you wan take practice confidence, mugu.
i just a teenager with a bloated ego because of small small money wey he don dey see, the way he stated how much he earns and had to even mention that he paid for packing join house rent tells much about him, the one wey pain me pass na the packing wey he still go mention join.
for your info, an 18 year old in my neigborhood in benin city spent 6 million naira in treating his mum of cancer, had to fly her outside nigeria.
18 year olds don dey buy cars and build houses and you dey here dey talk nonsense.
the thing just pain me for body like say na me be him papa.

PoliteActivist:
He is 18. You are assuming his dad can physically beat him up.
I'm not surprised his dad is poor. That's exactly what his type of attitude leads to and he's trying to pass it on to his son and the poor kid instinctively knows it's wrong and resisting.
OP, my advice, be very respectful towards your dad but be away from him as much as you can. Move out of his house as soon as you can afford it. The greatest gift you can give yourself is freedom from what people think. He is unfortunate to have the opposite and he's doing his best to pass it on to you!

Thank you.

Children of nowadays, where are you seeing #50 - #300k per month at 18 years old if not 419.
Better do quick and pack your load. After following yansh till 11pm you'll now be raising voice for your father.

descarado:
It is you who is digging your own grave.
Ewu

YOU SEE WHAT WE ARE SAYING!!,
A SILLY BRAT WHO KNOWS LITTLE OR NOTHING ABOUT LIFE, I SEE, YOU ARE FULL OF EGO AND LACK RESPECT TO ANY ONE, LITTLE WONDER YOU CAN CONDESCEND AGAINST YOUR FATHER WHO GAVE YOU LIFE, IF YOU LIKE INSULT ME, I WONT TAKE IT SERIOUS, BECAUSE IT'S IN YOU, IS AN INBUILT THING.

GRACIAS.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

No worry, you go soon get your own children. Mr rich boy......

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

You want freedom bc u have started making money right? Even though you are upto 18 and makes money, bros you are still young and needs fatherly advise. I am sure from the way your post sounds, even if your dad had not mentioned anything about what people will say, you would have had something to hold your hand and revolt. afterall , you didnt say what you were outside till that time doing.

My brother that freedom you are looking for i hope you dont get and later start regreting.

What fathers sometimes sit down and see, young children climbing storey building cant see it.

Whether born in in the 30s, 40s, 50s and earlier, a father's good avise is helpful. Everything is not about i am old enough and i make my own money. Forget what most people here on nairaland are encouraging you supporting how you stood against his advise. If you one day go out and return late and (God forbid) something bad happens, this people gingering you here wont be there to support but your father . Be wise. Rethink.

Respect your father and pick the corrections he what he told you.
Small money enter your hand, you dey buga your father.
When you son do it to you, you go understand.

SeriouslySense:
If you say so, everybody is right nowadays, and they cannot see any mistake in what they do, i really dont' even care these days, this is why i love animals. . And i care seriously for animals.

At this point, i concede, you have won the argument. Very good debater.

It is simple, lets not complicate it, if he cannot adhere to the rules, he can move out.
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It is not an argument dear. I give out facts as its obtainable everywhere except countries with low iq like us. I am a parent and live in a civilised society. Do not all in the name of discipline make your child lack confidence. The best gift you give your child is not education or money but confidence. With that, the sky is beneath him.
That is what separates us with the West or developed countries.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

Young man make you sha no die young ooh...
Regardless of what he said or what happened you were in no right to talk to your father that way. Honour your father and mother that your days maybe long. This was gross dishonour and disrespect.
Yes, most of what he said and how he said it was wrong but two wrongs does not make a right. What you said in itself isn't actually wrong but you said it with the wrong attitude and the wrong way so it makes it all wrong.
Firstly, apologise to your dad for your outburst and promise never to try it a again.
Secondly,with all diligence and humility explain to your dad that the opinions of the neighbours don't count in your lives and ensure you don't say it in such a way like you are trying to teach him. Let it be suggestive.

Okay fine, I agree, to some extent what you say, but, won't you be concerned for you child, if they are in Nigeria, and they are coming home so late. I would be concerned if I am the father, but if we are in safe country in the western world, I probably would not be bothered.

Is not like the people in Nigeria, are sane or have high IQ, like in the west of other countries, some believe in rituals, others believe in extreme beliefs, some depend on kidnapping and some believe its okay to kill others in the name of religion and other ideologies.

I would be concerned, and you don't know the dangers in that environment.

I myself i like walking out anytime of the day, but i cannot try that in Nigeria seriously, and when i walk out at nights, its because its a beautiful thing not because i am looking to rape or rob someone, and i understand what he is saying as a Son. But , sometimes, we just have to listen more.

descarado:
It is not an argument dear. I give out facts as its obtainable everywhere except countries with low iq like us. I am a parent and live in a civilised society. Do not all in the name of discipline make your child lack confidence. The best gift you give your child is not education or money but confidence. With that, the sky is beneath him.
That is what separates us with the West or developed countries.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

Small Bro. You did wrong. You don't talk back at your father in that condition.
If you have a different opinion, you go back later and talk about it in a father and son discussion.
You don't because you helped out with the rent, talk back at him. Don't let your father bear pain in his heart about you.
Know that he's from a different generation and you have to put that into consideration.
Go back to him and kneel and apologize. That's the right thing to do.
Don't follow this generation of people that don't regard anything sacred or noble.
Go back and make it right.

So, why did you come home late?

Silly child. 18 forming man...

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

Your dad respect you and he has every right to talk to you the way he feels inside his house whether you pay the rent or not
If your conscience isn't pricking you I don't think you will be here seeking others opinion
You are a good chap but learn to avoid putting yourself in this kind of position again, always do and say to your father what you would like your kids do and say to you

You just hurt your father's pride and ego. He won't forget this and might never advice you again

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

you disrespected and insulted your own father or is he your step dad? And you came here to ask me my thought! Ok since you ask me, let me give you answer, you said you are 18, let's assume you are 30, anyone who disrespect his/her father, is will never be well with such child. That's my thought. So go back to your dad and beg him to forgive you and bless you back again maybe you will find favour

LikeAking:
Nice!

You are a real man..

Aren't you a lost case?

DrDunamis:
Young man make you sha no die young ooh...
Regardless of what he said or what happened you were in no right to talk to your father that way. Honour your father and mother that your days maybe long. This was gross dishonour and disrespect.
Yes, most of what he said and how he said it was wrong but two wrongs does not make a right. What you said in itself isn't actually wrong but you said it with the wrong attitude and the wrong way so it makes it all wrong.
Firstly, apologise to your dad for your outburst and promise never to try it a again.
Secondly,with all diligence and humility explain to your dad that the opinions of the neighbours don't count in your lives and ensure you don't say it in such a way like you are trying to teach him. Let it be suggestive.

Are you afraid of death?
Why will he apologise?
Cos he is the father.
We keep on allowing parents box us into corners and see that as acceptable.
It is not.
Parents ought to know their limit.
Heck, my parents never boxed me into corners neither will I do that to my kids.
He came late and apologised.
This man will push him into the hands of what he was afraid of.
He the father should apologise.
Oh, we live in a country where parents never apologise.
Mine always apologise cos nobody is above mistake.
I apologise to my kids.

In fact, I don't hesitate to apologise for the littlest thing.
That is how it should be.
Parents act like mini God in Nigeria. So entitled.

Please bro, what's the job fetching you the money? Thanks

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

PoliteActivist:
He is 18. You are assuming his dad can physically beat him up.
I'm not surprised his dad is poor. That's exactly what his type of attitude leads to and he's trying to pass it on to his son and the poor kid instinctively knows it's wrong and resisting.
OP, my advice, be very respectful towards your dad but be away from him as much as you can. Move out of his house as soon as you can afford it. The greatest gift you can give yourself is freedom from what people think. He is unfortunate to have the opposite and he's doing his best to pass it on to you!

So he is immune to gunshot at 18. When I said I was amputate that son, did you think I was talking about fighting? Who fights with punches in 2023?

Oh! So because his dad is poor, that’s why he has a right to stand-up to his dad? If his dad was rich, he shouldn’t have done that? Not surprised, that’s the world where we find ourselves today, money over values! Why I am always an advocate of flogging! It sets boundaries right before that age!

@Op You are a nice person for recognizing you hurt your dad by bruising his ego. Whatever we do for family should exempt you from your parents' guide. I understand your position very well because I'm equally a young generation like you but older than you are sha. I know exactly what you are going through. Don't transfer the aggression on your dad. It's a passing stage. You will certainly find a common ground between your family values and the societal value. You're in conflict. The good values our parents instilled in us is not stereotypical of the conventional society. The reason some good children go haywire because when they try to apply their home principle in life, it's in contrast with societal fast life. You're reforming your self trying to break through in the society. You're a man already but be a good man. Don't dispel your home values. Apply wisdom in navigating through life. The reason you're an adult now, you're now making use of your reasoning abilities.
Nevertheless, find a private time to apologise to your dad. As long as you are with them, they will always correct you. My younger brother will sneak into the house whenever he's late because he's trying to avoid parent's usual advice. Sometimes it's just inevitable.
Don't talk back at him again whenever you're home late