₦airaland Forum

Babe1994:
not really.. I guess I just feel ashamed of the situation I’m in. But then I ask myself how hard will it be to find someone else.. especially with a child?

Lol 🤣 you will definitely find knackademus men but might take sometime to find that 'someone' as it can be so elusive.

Na body go tell you.

If the relationship is not working then you guys should consider going your separate ways

Look at how everyone is advising her to leave him...not even trying to advise her to work things out using family or pastor or counselor. Yet when she does and becomes a single mom with kids, they will still abuse her and says no man deserves a single mother.

It's funny how the first solution to these issues from women on NL is to 'LEAVE HIM'. Yet many of these women have worse relationships offline and they never leave their men.

Make I just Waka dey go jejely.

Dshocker:
After the man has extracted all her nutrient, you are talking of another man falling in love with her...

Yes... Never underestimate the power of attraction....
Girls falling in love with old men ....
Matured men rushing very young girls...
Guys lusting after married women with kids...

omooba969:
@bolded,
Delusion at its finest.

Will you give the same advice if the man were your blood brother or biological son?

Honest answer please!

My blood brother of son can't treat another woman this way... If they do, yes I'll give thesame advice...
Spare the rod and spoil the child ....

luminouz:
Look at how everyone is advising her to leave him...not even trying to advise her to work things out using family or pastor or counselor. Yet when she does and becomes a single mom with kids, they will still abuse her and says no man deserves a single mother.

It's funny how the first solution to these issues from women on NL is to 'LEAVE HIM'. Yet many of these women have worse relationships offline and they never leave their men.

Make I just Waka dey go jejely.

Hahahaha 😂😂🤣🤣 It's their way baba... it's their way!

legba1:
File for divorce bi ti bawo.. they are not even married..

Then she pack out ... But have a police order speculating when and how the man comes to visit his kid....
You can't knock on my door anyhow because you want to visit your child for house wey u no pay rent for me...

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Let's start from where you stated that you don't know who to run to to express yourself... Where are your parents and other family members?

It's even more difficult when he doesn't see his wrongs and his family is not supportive.
You don't expect him to change without realising that he's on the wrong path.

If you've tried talking things through with him, his family members and they're not sensible or coming through, I'll advise you to walk away from that relationship and stop letting him draw you back.

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Wow wow wow

Well, I wish I could meet you in person, it’s good you brought this in public but it’s also not good. Like in most of my posts on NL I try to be brief so find the pony.

First, in all your talks, I noticed you didn’t mention your own family and parents, where are they, why are they not fully involved in your matter, for you to come here, you must have exhausted all options.

Secondly, my dear I read a few comments and those advising you to pack up and leave etc, you’re 29 right? And you’re a mother, you’ve so much autonomy and can decide for yourself.

Lastly, they say first things first reduces…what to what again? You should know what I’m saying you claimed you schooled overseas. Well, I suggest you leave everything you’re doing right now and go to your Maker in prayer and ask for guidance, ask God what his purpose and will is for your life don’t get up from your knees until you get directions and answers, people who are even in worst situations than you will come on here to advise you but pls be careful.

If you care pls send me a dm, maybe I or since you’re a woman, probably my team will help with counselling.

mozona:
Since you live in abroad before, I guess you still have your papers, and friends and family there.

Abeg find money comot for house leave am and and move aboard asap.

Change your life change your destiny.

Am telling from experience and the experience is from father and son, the guy has to leave cos he has friends and family there without his father knowing.

SILVERLINES:
If you have a proper finance relocate to another state and start ur life afresh. You life is not safe there niether ur future is guaranteed.
If you have money relocate to Port Harcourt, that's where you can start life with a little financial plan. Here houses are easier affordable.

Tajbol4splend:
Why did you marry him in the first place?

gard9ner:
There was no tangible attraction, it was probably about the money, she mentioned that it was an arranged marriage, probably the guy used her for citizenship by marriage

Can’t you folks read??
SHE LIVES ABROAD!!!

And they’re NOT married

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Sorry
What attracted you to him initially?
Sit him down talk to him. To know his reaction

One thing is not clear. Divorce is a legalistic term and I cannot see in the write up where you are married. So I can't understand how 'the process is taking a long time'.

And if you are not married you are effectively courting. There are no obligations in a relationship not consumated.

The issues observed of your partner and how it affects a future marraige are typical products of courtship save for the child you have together (and that is why it is recommended not to have sexual contact during courtship/before marriage).

So in summary, move on. The warning signs of future challenges have been presented and you are the wiser for it. The steep price for such tutelage is the child.

gard9ner:
Wow wow wow

Well, I wish I could meet you in person, it’s good you brought this in public but it’s also not good. Like in most of my posts on NL I try to be brief so find the pony.

First, in all your talks, I noticed you didn’t mention your own family and parents, where are they, why are they not fully involved in your matter, for you to come here, you must have exhausted all options.

Secondly, my dear I read a few comments and those advising you to pack up and leave etc, you’re 29 right? And you’re a mother, you’ve so much autonomy and can decide for yourself.

Lastly, they say first things first reduces…what to what again? You should know what I’m saying you claimed you schooled overseas. Well, I suggest you leave everything you’re doing right now and go to your Maker in prayer and ask for guidance, ask God what his purpose and will is for your life don’t get up from your knees until you get directions and answers, people who are even in worst situations than you will come on here to advise you but pls be careful.

If you care pls send me a dm, maybe I or since you’re a woman, probably my team will help with counselling.

they are involved but what can they do? They can’t force this man to change.. they can’t force him to do anything. They’ve tried talking to him but he has a lot of pride and ego. What can they do?

fyzaila:
What are sill doing with him? Force him to marry you or what? You made the mistake of cohabiting with him without marriage already. And with that he and his has no regard for you.

Pack up your things, take your kid and move far away from him and start your life afresh. This time around be more disciplined and don't allow any man ride you for free like this one.

You said "Don't allow any man ride her for free" 🤣🤣🤣

My sister ride is present tense, while ridden is past tense... She has been ridden, and all her condiments and nutrients has been extracted.

You don't want to tell her the truth ba; She should join seminary school to become a rev sister 🤣🤣🤣

fyzaila:
Don't worry about that, you will find someone trust me. Put yourself, get fit and embrace yourself. They're lots of responsible men out there who will accept you wholeheartedly.

she is not in Nigeria where you find lots of simps. She lives abroad. You can't comprehend the whole situation using your Nigerian mentality. A Nigerian woman stop loving her husband once she earns more. White men are not interested in throwing their money on every woman just to access a vagina the way Nigerian men do. So you need to live outside this country before you can counsel someone out there on marriage issues. You can't comprehend the issue using Nigerian mentality

fyzaila:
What are sill doing with him? Force him to marry you or what? You made the mistake of cohabiting with him without marriage already. And with that he and his has no regard for you.

Pack up your things, take your kid and move far away from him and start your life afresh. This time around be more disciplined and don't allow any man ride you for free like this one.

What if I pay her, can I ride her?

fyzaila:
Don't worry about that, you will find someone trust me. Put yourself, get fit and embrace yourself. They're lots of responsible men out there who will accept you wholeheartedly.

You have no idea really bcoz if it's that easy I don't think Op would express any worries.

So easy to advise...so easy!

See finish na very bad thing honestly.

Emmacy001:
Sorry
What attracted you to him initially?
Sit him down talk to him. To know his reaction

There was no tangible attraction, it was probably about the money, she mentioned that it was an arranged marriage, probably the guy used her for citizenship by marriage since she claimed to have been birthed there, so a citizen by birth (though she didn’t mention the country but I presume somewhere in Europe from her statement about divorce protocols).

They used her so how will they value her, well, there is always a way in every situation. This is a small case, I’ve met worse

gard9ner:
There was no tangible attraction, it was probably about the money, she mentioned that it was an arranged marriage, probably the guy man used her for citizenship by marriage since she claimed to be a citizen by birth (though she didn’t mention the country by I assume somewhere in Europe from her statement about divorce protocols).

They used her so how will they value her, well, there is always a way in every situation. This is a small case, I’ve met worse

we didn’t do an arangee marriage.

Babe1994:
I’m working, I’m doing averagely okay. I can do better which I’m striving towards at the moment. Having a child really set me back but I’m getting there. The most important thing is that I have money coming in every month and I have a very supportive family.

Babe, thank God you've got something doing which brings in money monthly...

Take a decision to get your own apartment and move in with your son. That man will not change!!

Puss360:
Wahala.. if all these are present, then what actually attracted you to him?? I'm very sure it's not money... Is it sex?? What exactly?

Just file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences....
Rent a small apartment, and go with the child...
Move on...
Don't involve his family or your family...as the case is, you don't need dialogue, you don't need "To exercise patience", you need space!!!
Move on...
He can come visit his kid...
But you move on... There are other men out there who are better than him in everything including the Sex aspect... Check well

Case Dismissed...
Next Case Please...

File divorce ke? no marriage nah.

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Ask yourself if you're ready to spend your entire life with such a person...if NO then what are you still doing with him, pack your bags you're still young start afreash, it will not be easy but at the long run you'll be grateful

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Sadly, here's not a place to air your concerns. Wait and hear the kind of trash which indomie generations would haul at you. You should have shared this with elderly people instead.

@ seun and NLFPMode, kindly create a family thread which will require strict access and permission for commenting. You may deny members of some age groups access to it. 99% of the time, those who genuinely seek family pieces of advice don't end up getting one here. You may create a profile where you'd ask people of their age and stuff.

Family marter is a serious matter.
Cheers!

Another one again.

Omo, this kind of matters will coming up on a daily until both parties (the intending ones outside) sit their ass down, observe, ask important questions before putting up with anything they see in their so called relationships/marriages.

Somebody will repeat the same mistake this new week and one will wonder what's wrong with some people.

Aunty is never too late to find your way, expecially as you stay abroad. You seem independent and probably earn more. That bros will likely not marry you or commit any more which will tie him down, rather he will make you have more kids, then later label you his baby mama. A lady told me that was how her hubby of over 12 years refered to her as his baby mama when police was invited over a quarrel.

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Save your money and move out
Separation makes people think and come back to their senses. Forces them to make good changes or spiral. Close ya legs and ask your family for forgiveness. Let him know u are alive and baby is fine from time to time

Dshocker:
After the man has extracted all her nutrient, you are talking of another man falling in love with her...

One just did - without even meeting her, or seeing even a photo😆. See below

Apple2:
Come let me pay you brideprice. I'm working, I'm not just working, I own my firm. I make comfortable money, I look good and I work hard. I have a daughter but I lost her mom. I'm an Easterner. I reside Lagos State, Nigeria. I'm very very nice, trust me I'm nice. Msg me pls. Thank you

Puss360:
Wahala.. if all these are present, then what actually attracted you to him?? I'm very sure it's not money... Is it sex?? What exactly?

Just file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences....
Rent a small apartment, and go with the child...
Move on...
Don't involve his family or your family...as the case is, you don't need dialogue, you don't need "To exercise patience", you need space!!!
Move on...
He can come visit his kid...
But you move on... There are other men out there who are better than him in everything including the Sex aspect... Check well

Case Dismissed...
Next Case Please...

Divorce from which marriage, biko?

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Babe, when you got hooked to that guy, you were still immature and you allowed him to get the better part of you.

Anyway, maturity has set in and the scales have fallen off your eyes and it's time to move on because the guy won't marry you because he's undecided about his future and that other yours.

I would suggest that you send me a private mail and let's reason together.

Babe1994:
we didn’t do an arangee marriage.

Ok dear, I didn’t get that part, you can better elucidate yourself, maybe you meant that he had an arranged marriage with a third party ok!
What is the gender of your up-spring?