₦airaland Forum

Don't worry yourself too much he would come by. He probably went into drinking and smoking out of frustration. Believe me no man is happy knowing fully well that he can't provide for his family. At this point so many thoughts runs through his head and hence he takes wisdom grass to clear off lol.

I won't say that you did a bad thing by arresting him because he really went too far by spoiling things in the house which will cost money to fix, knowing fully well that he has no source of income at the moment. He even went as far as hitting you in the presence of the children I assume and that's very bad of him.

If this happened in the western world the woman wouldn't waste any time to charge him to court.

I will advice you to persevere a little, take care of your home. It's normal for you to feel bad after the whole thing but don't let it weigh you down. Still try to let him understand that you are a human too and he has no right as to assault you the way he did. You are presently the bread winner of the family so please keep it going and continue to put him in prayers. If you see better job opportunities or connections please link him in it.

I pray for strength in this trying time for you. It's not easy. May God bless your home.

Thank you.

darealez:
Lastborn will always be lastborn. Keep rocking!

Persephone1:
Women really do not have it easy in Nigerian marriages. They have to prioritize their marriages over their values, truths ,identities etc. It's just too much and when a woman ends up with a bad man? Hell!
What op is going through now is "Justice versus Culture" believe me it can be really crazy.

It hurts me that a virtuous woman whohad tried all to make her marriage work has to lose it all because she decided to stand up for herself in the right way.

Of course what her husband did was bad, if he were to be just an ordinary man out there or that she is no longer interested in the marriage, I'd be rooting for her. But she still wants the marriage, that's where the issue is. Pulling the stunt she pulled is one of the 1000 ways to end a marriage in Nigeria. I hope and pray her husband has a change of heart.

I couldn't agree more! As for the marriage? It would've been easier if he wasn't a drunk... She just pulled up a big puzzle... He keeps going to the bar!! He comes home drunk... Wahala have gas!!

I'm hoping for the best tho.

darealez:
Lastborn will always be lastborn. Keep rocking!

the earlier you know domestic violence shouldn't be tolerated in marriage or friendship the better for you.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

For richer or poorer

Samantha124:
Thank you.

Oh you ain't Nigerian. My bad! In fact, you could've arrested your siblings over and over without issues. Same won't fly in Nigeria.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

You did right ma..

You are not wrong op. Let him deal with his issues. Watch your back. He will be back with more violence. Violent people don't change, they get worse.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Please stop apologizing.You did no wrong.
He needs to shape up!!!! Give him time,he'll come around.
If he does the same s#it again,call the cops!

UnfairLife7:
the earlier you know domestic violence shouldn't be tolerated in marriage or friendship the better for you.

I'm aware it shouldn't be tolerated. Now if you still want that home, you don't act like you don't. In fact, separation is welcomed.

If you don't want the home anymore, then you don't need wisdom at all. In fact, I'll volunteer to call the police everytime.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

blv me you actually did well. No matter what the situation, your husband needs to understand that certain behaviour won't do the family right. Your action afterwards shows you really did felt bad about the whole stuff. I hope he listens to wise counsel and desists from drinking.

You did no wrong, he is very lucky he is still staying under same roof with you. If its here where the system is very active, they would have given him perimeters until he proves otherwise.....he should be the one apologising to you for his irresponsible behaviour. I have gone through hardship and depression and my wife was the one providing, I appreciated her everyday and took life one step at a time then. Luckily I was able to paddle through and got back to my feet. Her deficiencies in temperament in those days doesn't not count, cos she is human first of all and also a woman whose indurance limit is not built to last long. What matters is that am back 100% stronger financially. I appreciate her for covering my unclothedness in those days despite her shortcoming...we must learn to live and let live.

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

Bro thanks..
I initially wanted to take her side but you opened my mind.

Verokeena:
It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

Come to me. I'll treat you like a princess you are 😘

Verokeena:
I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

I am sure you saw your husband's red flags before you married him. After ignoring the red flags you went ahead and still married him.

Madam if you're tired of the marriage, kindly divorced that man in peace. It's obvious he is depressed. The fact he couldn't get his ass up and work or look for another job is weird. He is worst than an infidel. Divorced him and let peace reign.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Forget him. Focus on you and your kids.

Please what country are you? Who paid the bail for your husband? I guess your no longer having sex with him which you refused to state here. I will advice you to give him your monthly salary and respect. You can remove your transport from it.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

darealez:
I'm aware it shouldn't be tolerated. Now if you still want that home, you don't act like you don't. In fact, separation is welcomed.

If you don't want the home anymore, then you don't need wisdom at all. In fact, I'll volunteer to call the police everytime.

if paradventure you found a friend or sister in Op situation willing to sacrifice everything all in the name of marriage to an irresponsible man. I expected you to talk her out of it. She doesn't deserve to be in that mess called marriage

God i just don’t want to be bad husband

Personally speaking, I think gender based violence is very high in your country, but the law there doesn't take it seriously.

Even most of your women no longer bother to report it because you guys see it as a normal thing... You don't see anything wrong with a man beating up his wife or girlfriend.

darealez:
Oh you ain't Nigerian. My bad! In fact, you could've arrested your siblings over and over without issues. Same won't fly in Nigeria.

OP, you are a BAD WIFE and Mother too.

A Man that wedded you and married to you for Years
You called Police to Arrest him.

Because he is Poor. If he was a Millionaire, would you Arrest him? 😏

We have Lots of Bad Wives These days. 😒

You apologised for what ma?

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

I don't interfere in family matters.

Verokeena:
Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Hahaha

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Eyaa so you haven't hear the latest update, whenever he get drunk , organize with some guys that work in the morgue to take him there, when he wakes up , trust me his brain will reset .

UnfairLife7:
you think all men reason like you or act childishly? You think the fact that Op hubby is irresponsible then that makes all Nigerian men same?

You're very funny

Critical thinking skills is actually endangered currently.

Why didn't you dscern that I commented only based on the bolded statement above where she said she doesn't tolerate nonsense as an addendum to her earlier assertion.

Let me school you since you have decided to use your emotions to think rather than your brain.

What my response meant is that in a relationship between spouses no one is perfect, everyone exude one triat or the other which the other partner may find offensive in one way or the other , if one isn't able to exude tolerance it will be difficult to even live with non sexual partners of same sex talk more of sexual of opposite sex.

I really don't know where you fetched that interretation from but my advice for you is that before asserting yourself especially in a public forum bring your critical thinking skills to the fore rather than going to the gutters.

Have a great day


Edit: looking at your comment again proved that you actually didn't read through my comment to understand that my comment was based solely on that bolded statement and nothing to do with the OP marital issues and what the husband is experiencing. I commented based on what one Samantha asserted

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

I wish you forsake that your friend who advised you to lock him up. From your story your husband is not even a trouble maker. You failed to understand the fact that he's depressed.

I don't even know what to say but in a sane or civilized society, he won't just be arrested, he will be given a restraining order....
No man should use lack of job as an excuse to make his wife and kids feel uncomfortable or unsafe....
A woman who provides for the home and still carries out her duties as a wife should be loved and respected and not the other way round...
Now he came home drunk and destroyed your phone...
What will he do the next time he's drunk??
I understand times are hard but since he started drinking and smoking, have things improved?
If all that you have said is all that has happened, then I don't feel sorry for him.
What example is he setting for the kids coming home drunk and battering his wife and destroying things every now and then??
U sef wen dey apologize suppose chop slap...
If na Yankee e dey where e no dey take 2 seconds for a woman providing for the home to render an irresponsible man homeless, he for no do wetin he do.

But welcome to Africa where people expect women to act like zombies even if they are been dehumanized....

Madam, if all u have said is all that happened, u have not done anything wrong...
If e no talk to you, focus on your kids..
When he's ready to talk, he will come to you....

So u locked him up and still took food to him

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

UnfairLife7:
The man deserves more than that. He has been without job for 2 years and all he could do was to drink, smoke, destroy his wife stuff and even went as far as hitting her.

I am a man and i will keep saying it, we men can't take half of what we dish out to women.

These same men cannot try all these nonesense in developed countries. Naija na shithole truly. Too many things wrong about the country

Don't believe in women stories.. They usually claim victim of any circumstance.

Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

Women have always been known for giving their fellow women advise that would destroy their homes....

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

How can u go lock ur husband up...u have used ur hand to kill ur marriage....he will never see u the same way... damn, u 4kd up bad.... things will never b the same... and the truth is ur life will never b the same , and divorcing will even make it worse .... whoever advised u 4kd u up...be careful of the type of advice u take...and if he gets back on his feet , u will even hate urself more