₦airaland Forum

Procashtips:
Why is she feeling guilty if what she narrated is the absolute truth?

How come it was police station straight she went to?
They dont have friends?
Relatives?
Parents?
Neighbors?
Even church/mosque members (clergymen)?


She feels guilty because she's the actual oppressor in the home and used this to her advantage.

This I am 80% sure of.

It's every tendency that 80% of what she wrote here are lies.

Verokeena:
I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

Samantha124:
I'm sorry to say this, but your husband is childish.

If he was my husband and he starts emotionally blackmailing me like that by refusing to leave those police cells... I was going to leave him there until the police kick him out, or until he decides to leave.

As long as I'd have apologized to him and explained the reason why I got him arrested, I'd have left him there with his childish tantrums.

Maybe it's because I don't tolerate nonsense.

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

checky619:
The moment you locked up your “Husband” you already signed your divorce form.. I’m surprised how you’re comfortable sleeping in the same house with him… do you know things that went through his head all night in the cell?? Or you think Nigeria police station is a place where you can sleep and wake up like hotel…. Your husband is a useless man for raising his hands on you and you’ve lost a useless man so carry your kids and leave the house!

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

UnfairLife7:
if we don't believe everything she said at least you and i know some men are violence in marriage by hitting their wives.

Kobojunkie:
OP, you did nothing wrong and so have no reason to feel guilty at all. He attacked and you had to defend yourself the best way you know to. He needs to process what he did and what resulted in order to realize how far he has fallen. Will he get back up and become the husband you once loved? That all depends on how he manages his ego, and it is not for you to help him with it. He needs to grow with this experience, on his own. Else, you will continue to manage his tantrums and attitude for a long time to come. I wouldn't wish such a thing on anyone.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Verokeena:
Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

braine:
This marriage is over. Just wait till he is able to find his feet, then you'll know wassup. This is one of the many problems that men without money face. It is well.

Styluss:
Quick question
would you have arrested him if he was the breadwinner of your family even though he was drunk and asulted you?

Dennisochampa:
..... How do u know she's not telling the truth? Do you live with them?
What will friends and family do to a violent man that will make him change his ways?
Did he not see his so called friends and family to talk sense into him before he went about drinking and destroying her properties?
Like I stated, if what she said is the truth, which I think it is, then she even Bleep up as she no allow am sleep there for one month.
If he's truly depressed, he should hustle and pray hard, not frustrate the efforts of his wife to provide for the home.....

UnfairLife7:
trust me i understand what he's going through. I sincerely understand. I am not a married man but his condition isn't completely different from mine honestly. Or would you consider a graduate earning 20k with lots of dependants (old and young) gainfully employed? Did you know how unhappy and frustrated i am? I can't even had half of the money to myself. Would you expect me to hit my siblings or aged dependant because they're somewhat thorn on my flesh? Or i should be angry at them for giving birth to me in this harsh economy? Or you think they don't offend me in one way or the other? So destroying properties, getting drunk, hitting them will put an end to my worries right?

The worst that probably happened was that he returned home and met no food right? Was that the reason for all that actions? Do you know how many night I've gone to bed with empty stomach while my dependants had something to eat? Do you expect me to cut off their head for not keeping something down for me no matter how little?

I know you might want to say i am not married yet. I should get married first and all that. What makes you feel marriage will change who i am? Like marriage will suddenly make me a violence person?


I don't condole violence no matter the situation.

Gadgetmobil:
Very good advise...


That's if she'd have a Marriage to return to.

You'd have also figured that out too.

Not supporting any assault though but Wisdom is profitable to guide

braine:
Well, I guess that would be the end of the marriage.. you'd be prepared to be divorced.

UnfairLife7:
if we don't believe everything she said at least you and i know some men are violence in marriage by hitting their wives.

Persephone1:
I see some ladies claiming law, they are right but in marriage, African marriage has law ever been used to settle right? No. Law comes in when thing has gone sour and beyond redemption. Op arresting her husband simply put a nail to the coffin. In Nigeria where police station is viewed as a thing of shame and a home for criminals . Op carry her husband go there go chilax and she wants everything to go back to normal. Lol please be realistic! Even the Oyinbo people in developed countries we are emulating go through counseling and therapy before carrying themselves to court. You want to jump procedure and except good results. We are Africans, until we get to a stage where sleeping in cell means the same as being in a correctional facility please think twice before you arrest your partner. It's the reason our mothers hardly report social issues like child rape because they know doing that means it is over (I'm not supporting it just stating a cause)

Op clearly did not prepare herself for the outcome of her actions. She has done it and apologized for it but I'd advice she watches her back. A man who destroys his wife properties acts on contempt and jealousy such man with a bruised ego is dangerous. I will suggest Op threads with caution and watch her back. If I may, I will suggest separation.

Am I saying this marriage is gone? I'm not God. Miracle no dey tire Jesus.

ORIAYO70:
My dear Chief Justice I never judge, what I said in summary is, losing job is not an excuse to be tipsy or become drunk...

We can feed woman 200yrs if woman feed u 2days u r in soup. But the beating side is No.

Styluss:
Are you married?

Verokeena:
Thanks so much for this

UnfairLife7:
jobless for 2 years? He is obviously reluctant to get something doing or too selective/picky

The problem i have with some of you guys is that you know what is wrong and right. If you're in Nigeria, some of you do abnormal but the moment you get to Murtala international airport, you behave decently

Anyway only neive women tolorate you guys rubbish

wunmi590:


Aunty, I'm a man, I've no pity for your husband, he has lost his job for 2years, and he still has money to smoke and drink around, without supporting you..

That's unwise and selfish of him, and untop of that, he still beats you, because of what, he needs to stay there for 1 full month...

This present time is when he should be useful to you when he has no job, knowing fully well that you tried your best to cater for the family....

Please pick him up again and send him to police 🚔 cell for the second time...

emmeyen:
For every man that decided to attack a scared woman who probably did the only thing she thought was right after being beaten and humiliated by a drunk man, you people are simply mad! As in raving mad! May the likes of OP's husband befall your siblings or daughters. If you don't have money as a man, have good character. You cannot lack both and be shouting bruised ego. God punish that ego that will make you raise your hand on an hardworking woman who decided to take up the responsibilities of the home. And it's because she is doing it well, that's why he has the guts to go and drink. Nobody is advising that woman to run from the monster her husband has become till he is back to his senses. The he-goats are busy claiming she denied him sex. When he comes back smelling like a hippo after drinking, what is she supposed to do? Take her bath and lie down for him to climb?

Madam! Do you have male relatives? Put them in the know of who your husband has become, let them come and warn him not to raise his hands on you again. And be on the look out, if he doesn't change, biko carry your things and leave before he kills you and start blaming the devil. Stop feeling guilty. Else he will capitalise on that guilt and bring more drama. If he has ego, he should go and work! even if na to carry blocks for head. Real men work to provide for their family. Not going about sulking and beating their wives.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Beverlyjean:
Women like u give evil advice ... people should avoid women like u

darealez:
are you married?