₦airaland Forum

sonofthunder:
So what's the connection between virginity and your current predicament? Or you are in search of a pity party to encourage you to go and cheat?

Typically, when we have a problem, we need the best solution and not the best solution we can come up with.


Moving back to your parents is not a bad solution but do you think there could be better solutions you need to explore?

As per your first question or statement, she is trying to say she did it all by the book, ie the proper way.

He's basically living like a single man (he's not helping you take care of the kids and is all about himself in the house) while married. If you move out to your parents' house, he will be free to live that single life that he so craves. It's better you stay put and don't let him get away any further with being irresponsible towards your children. He's their father and needs to step up.

Have you seen what some men go through, some men fend for the family and the wife for the rest of their lives and to old age or get assisted with their childeren grow up.
No noise or alarm is ever heard anywhere but if a woman should do that for just 5years, it becomes world news. There are alot of good women who do that without publicity or ill maltreating the man but alot of women cannot and do not try it and at the same time claim equality or pro feminism. Your hubby should dudt his ass and go and work fast, he should be able to fend for the family and at the same time dont nagg him to hell or depression

Nwodosis:
So she should do away with the infidel and move to parent's house?

No. Focus on the man and the financial issues in the house Oga

Do you have the money to pay for this current rent? if yes then Pay it, you can use it as a bait for him to be serious, ask him for the rent and see his reactions, ask him where does he wants to stay if the landlord boots you out? he will surely come to his senses and look for some work to do. it is this type of mentalities that makes some ladies to be promiscuous. if you dont have the money to pay for the rent then you dont have anoption than to move to your parents house. though it should be a last resort.

Moving to your parents house is a NO for me. If you must move, move to his parent's house. When you married him, he became your number one family and his origin became yours too. You husband is simply irresponsible or playing an expensive game to prove a point but as for moving back to parents is a NO for me.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

First of all, the assumption that you married a perfect man was wrong. Nobody is perfect and you didnt see his flaws. Its a lesson so take it as such

Secondly, as long as he is not violent. You must continue to appeal to his sense of reasoning so he can change. Try a little more, dont give up yet.

Finally, you must note that no marriage is perfect. I have been married for close to 20yrs I can tell you that from experience. Do all you can to find a solution before giving it a quit. Unless you have a violent home, raising kids alone is definitely a no no

I must add this, dont be jealous by those you see. There is no way your sacrifices wont pay off. Just your ideals growing up that kept you without flirting could have a positive impact on your kids
Success in marriage is not how large you live but what you make out the kids you have.

yeldey:
Similar scenerio happened to someone I know.

He lost his job during Covid.

Wife left him to go back to her parent house.

He got another job same day the wife left.

Wife came back but the marriage never remained the same.

He abandoned the wife and left for Canada lol.

Sweet revenge.

WOW

aameyah:
That is life (and men) for you.
When you saw that he was exhibiting these behaviours, first action would have been to halt childbearing (so that your load will be lighter). As it is now, don't make that mistake of a 4th child (because I know such a man will be running around with erect missile, because there is no other work to do than to be offloading surplus akamu).

Then again, stop covering up for him. Stop it at once. Again, do not cover up for him. Do what you can for yourself and children, but he is not your responsibility. Let him keep looking for multinational.

I was like you (good girl and a virgin). But I discovered people like us become preys in the hands of the ones who know how to choose their naiive victims. I was in the midst of money but I was deprived. Looking older, with tears as food and insulted and oppressed by inlaws.

My life turned around when I detached emotionally. I started taking decisions that would favour my life, rather than constraining my life to a guy who doesnt love, or cherish or protect me.

It would do you good to be logical and selfish with these set that betrays. How many of these men truly love and respect us? They only want women for the social relevance that comes with being married, free labour like clean house, cooked food, washed cloths and free nurse for their parents, free sex and free womb to perpetuate their lineages. The day you women tell yourselves the truth is the day you are set free.

These nigs don't give a fvc and why should you?

I'm sorry about that sis. The Op is right, being a virgin, being chaste doesn't guarantee more than not contracting STD.
I have learned that life is a game, success is a game you have to play to win,it doesn't mean you should be bad but you must be wise.
As a woman, you should always make a man understand you are spoilt and lazy, don't give them the hardworking vibe and weak. Show them they are dispensable,work on yourself and don't do a thing in the house. Use your money to look good and beautiful,use their money for the house upkeep. Show your inlaws from the beginning that you are lazy and not nice,don't be unnecessarily friendly and let them know you can leave their son at any time if they frustrate you. Be educated, have your own money. This works for all the ladies I know

Hold family meeting again and again and again.

Face to face.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

Move back to your parents house please. Men are usually unserious because they know women will do anything to maintain the facade of a happy marriage and retain the Mrs title.

It's so unfortunate that you have three children for this man and you are now financially responsible for all of them. God will strengthen you.

Marriage is a scam. Everyone reveals their true colours after wedding is concluded.

Reminderz:
he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

dey grind dey go bro ur head dey there with this ur comment

Brokeness:
Be deceiving yourself. Times have changed and Men have wisen up. So they must provide by force.

Let me know when you wake up from the dream🤨

Reminderz:
he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

Bro this is highly appreciated, thank you for your kind words.
You've made a lot of sense and this advice is for everyone..
Life in a nutshell 🙏

most sensible point. it's not fair if the woman is doing all the work. a woman that's late in this situation then, eventually divorced the husband or so, since it resulted in quarrels and violence. very hardworking woman and the children didn't seem to appreciate her by the time she passed.

XXCASH:
First of all, the assumption that you married a perfect man was wrong. Nobody is perfect and you didnt see his flaws. Its a lesson so take it as such

Secondly, as long as he is not violent. You must continue to appeal to his sense of reasoning so he can change. Try a little more, dont give up yet.

Finally, you must note that no marriage is perfect. I have been married for close to 20yrs I can tell you that from experience. Do all you can to find a solution before giving it a quit. Unless you have a violent home, raising kids alone is definitely a no no

I must add this, dont be jealous by those you see. There is no way your sacrifices wont pay off. Just your ideals growing up that kept you without flirting could have a positive impact on your kids
Success in marriage is not how large you live but what you make out the kids you have.

sheeda995:
I'm sorry about that sis. The Op is right, being a virgin, being chaste doesn't guarantee more than not contracting STD.
I have learned that life is a game, success is a game you have to play to win,it doesn't mean you should be bad but you must be wise.
As a woman, you should always make a man understand you are spoilt and lazy, don't give them the hardworking vibe and weak. Show them they are dispensable,work on yourself and don't do a thing in the house. Use your money to look good and beautiful,use their money for the house upkeep. Show your inlaws from the beginning that you are lazy and not nice,don't be unnecessarily friendly and let them know you can leave their son at any time if they frustrate you. Be educated, have your own money. This works for all the ladies I know

Lol, 🤣🤣. You aren't lying jare. They get the hardworking one and still frustrate them.

Ladies who settle for the baby girl lifestyle know what they are doing, be feminine so they say so they can be masculine.

yeldey:
Similar scenerio happened to someone I know.

He lost his job during Covid.

Wife left him to go back to her parent house.

He got another job same day the wife left.

Wife came back but the marriage never remained the same.

He abandoned the wife and left for Canada lol.

Sweet revenge.

Lol. That's why it is advisable women are financially independent before and during marriage. It is only when the woman no get money the man go feel say going to Canada na revenge.

you see this issue mostly with those so called christians. church hide all this problem. you are told to forgive and forget when infact a real problem is still growing behind the scenes. they will never tell you it takes 2 to tango !!

r

Reminderz:
he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

First, your mindset on a lot of things are so so wrong. The worst is you're raising kids and will impart them with such tainted philosophies of life.

I will take time to give you some examples.

1. Believing you deserve a smooth and happy life simply because you kept your virginity and lived a boring life in uni. You're probably one of the religiously overzealous Christians who completely have the concept of Christianity upside-down, thinking they will not suffer or go through hardship because they are "born again".

Wake up and smell the coffee. As it is said in the book of Ecclesiastes, the race is not for the swift, nor is the battle won by the mighty...Time and chance happens to them all...

2. The fact that you mentioned drinking, smoking and womanising as your major criteria in selecting a life partner shows your mentality is so backwards.

What happened to kindness, steadfastness, integrity, tenacity, mental and emotional maturity, inspirational and other more noble qualities to look out for when choosing a partner?

You have a lot of work to do to change your mindset and orientation!

3. Last but not the least, you were comparing your lives with people's pictures on social media?

That is madness at its peak!

In summary, maybe you and the guy deserve each other cos your level of thinking is way too low.

I'm only sorry for the kids who will have you and the other guy as parents, life is already leading them 5-0 as it stands.

Is there hope? Maybe.

It depends on whether you and your partner are willing to put in the work.

I wish you both the best anyhow.

sorry, you just thrashed the person. no real advice on the situation.

church hides all these qualities you mention, so you end up marrying the wrong person, they tell you God will fix the problem.
the other problem is those night virgil warriors that like to sleep in church everytime.

TheRealestGuy:
First, your mindset on a lot of things are so so wrong. The worst is you're raising kids and will impart them with such tainted philosophies of life.

I will take time to give you some examples.

1. Believing you deserve a smooth and happy life simply because you kept your virginity and lived a boring life in uni. You're probably one of the religiously overzealous Christians who completely have the concept of Christianity upside-down, thinking they will not suffer or go through hardship because they are "born again".

Wake up and smell the coffee. As it is said in the book of Ecclesiastes, the race is not for the swift, nor is the battle won by the mighty...Time and chance happens to them all...

2. The fact that you mentioned drinking, smoking and womanising as your major criteria in selecting a life partner shows your mentality is so backwards.

What happened to kindness, steadfastness, integrity, tenacity, mental and emotional maturity, inspirational and other more noble qualities to look out for when choosing a partner?

You have a lot of work to do to change your mindset and orientation!

3. Last but not the least, you were comparing your lives with people's pictures on social media?

That is madness at its peak!

In summary, maybe you and the guy deserve each other cos your level of thinking is way too low.

I'm only sorry for the kids who will have you and the other guy as parents, life is already leading them 5-0 as it stands.

Is there hope? Maybe.

It depends on whether you and your partner are willing to put in the work.

I wish you both the best anyhow.

frog12:
sorry, you just thrashed the person. no real advice on the situation.

church hides all these qualities you mention, so you end up marrying the wrong person, they tell you God will fix the problem.

Don't read to respond.

Read in-between the lines and you'll find the advice which is aimed at tackling the root cause of the issue.

Her mindset, values and outlook need major overhaul and reorientation.

sonofthunder:
So what's the connection between virginity and your current predicament? Or you are in search of a pity party to encourage you to go and cheat?

Typically, when we have a problem, we need the best solution and not the best solution we can come up with.


Moving back to your parents is not a bad solution but do you think there could be better solutions you need to explore?

the thing tire me for here..what is the connection between virgin and being a LovePeddler.you married a yeye man and you are here screaming virgin up and down.i wud av insulted you.but I will pity you

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

A man’s role is to provide. A woman’s role is to support and build the home. Once in a while both parties might switch roles but it comes at a cost.

In as much as your Husband has a goal and dream of multinationals, he shouldn’t be idle. When God anointed David, he still went back to tend to his Fathers flock before he became King.


You can’t sit your ass down just waiting and praying…


Talk to him… Tell him you can no longer take it. The load is much. Tell him how much you do love him but you guys need to live on before God perfects his plans.


If he still sticks to gambling and being unproductive. You could confide in his Mom or something. That would be your last option before leaving to your fathers house.

I also hope you are moving out not because one dude someone is flirting with you. The street na Jungle oh. 90% of men won’t marry someone that has been married with kids oh! Don’t be deceived.

preshpraiz:
It's 2.47 am here but I can't sleep, I hardly sleep these days.

My whole world is crumbling.
I have been a regular guest here for awhile now but had to register this morning, I need somewhere to pour out my heart, somewhere to dump my frustrations.

I came from a good, not so rich home but my parents were so hardworking.I had a good moral upbringing, went to tertiary institution and graduated with good grades.

While in school, I never had a boy friend though I had a lot of "chykers", never went clubbing, didn't socialize much.

Few months to the end of my NYSC, I met my husband. We got talking and boom, I fell in love with him. He is my ideal man....he doesn't drink nor smoke, gentle and soft spoken.

He wasn't earning much but it didn't bother me. I believe in working hard and growing with my man.

Now my regrets...
* The "angel" I married has refused to get a job after losing the last one during COVID 19.

He said he can never work in a private company again. His target is multinationals.

I encouraged him to pick up a job with private company while hoping for a bigger fish at least to support in taking care of the needs at home but he said no.

I'm left with taking care of our 3 kids, feeding, school fees and virtually every need at home. All he does is press phone, gamble and sleep.

Now our rent is due, no money.
I married as a virgin, married for love and not money, work my ass off, doing so many side hustle to shoulder the expenses at home. I'm tired. I regret all these.

When I see my "unserious" classmates on social media and sometimes offline, I weep. See them living large. I thought all the sacrifices I made way back will pay off now.
I have made up my mind that if he doesn't fix the rent, I will move back to my parent's house.

Kindly feel free to advise or bash me. Tankio

I met my wife a virgin. I was also a virgin. I dated othe people before we got hitched. I met and broke off with other virgins.

My experience with virgins is that they always delude themselves thinking virginity is a gift that will ensure them a perfect partner. They seem to think there is a reward for their chastity.

Madam, there is no reward for virginity in our current world, The fact that you are still mentioning it means you are still hoping for the reward. You expect God or your husband to reward you with everything your heart desires. Life isn't that straight forward.

I have been in your husband's shoes and have refused to do a job my friends are doing and making money from.

It is obvious you are not contented with what life has given you and feel you deserve more.

My advice; your chastity is in the past, contentment should be your present, prayer and hope is what your future needs. Your husband needs a loving home and a caring wife to encourage him.

U have 3kids, I am sure you know someone that has tried but doesn't have kids. You have a husband, even as a broke guy, another woman would love to have him. Count your blessings and pray for more. Continue to be the foundation your husband stands on.

What if he gets money today and start womanising or marries another wife. What if you get money and lose your home. God knows what we don't. Maybe these challenges are to make your home solid and stable before success.

so if you overhaul the mindset, she must DIVORCE the husband immediately, right?

TheRealestGuy:
Don't read to respond.

Read in-between the lines and you'll find the advice which is aimed at tackling the root cause of the issue.

Her mindset, values and outlook need major overhaul and reorientation.

Reminderz:
he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

Well said Ajeh!!

.

I understand you dear.

It is well.

Report him to his Parents. Your Pastor. Somebody Elderly to talk to him.

Give your life to Jesus and He will help you bear the burden and end the burden. He is called the Burden bearer for nothing.

Beloved,
I know it's not easy playing the role of a man. I hate lazy men, people who despise little beginning.
1. Your husband is a lazy type
2. He is a proud type. He doesn't want to submit and work for someone
3. I was an agent in a gambling company. It drains life and Money out of any addict.
Take things step by step with him, strategise how to help him come out of gambling. Back it up with prayers. Even if he works in government or private business, his addict will still bring him down. I know not compromising in life to do what others do is not a guarantee to end with the best partner. Leaving your marriage should be the last thing to do. Fight it and come out victorious. If there is no improvement, just give him space. Work and take care of your children till you sort things out

Reminderz:
he might have been facing a lot of pressure of getting cash, you know how the economy is now... he might be frustrated, this is why he resorted to gambling, but unfortunately, it's like going from frying pan to fire... gambling will crush him totally, he should take up available work for now while aiming bigger, not just sitting idle doing nothing hoping for a bigger contract, he must get working... but trust, no man will ever feel happy not being able to provide for his family, you might never know what he's going through or planning secretly... life is not even easy for the singles let alone the married ones, so please cut him some slack... talk to him, and you guys can discuss how money can be made, and I hope he really listens.. but one quick question, was there any red flags you noticed when you were dating?

and secondly, life is not a bed of roses, you have to get off the fantasy of happily ever after, there's nothing like that... there will be challenges you'll face in life... you just have to fight through it... yes, you might love him, but love is not what hold marriages, it's commitment... even the couples you admire online, have their own worst stages which they will never talk about but since they keep feeding you guys with fantasies, y'll believe that's what marriage is all about... if you base your marriage only on love, it will fail..

thirdly, why re you comparing your situation with others? do you know the kind of environment and connections they have? do you know if they had help? do you know what they did to get to where they are? why are you putting unnecessary pressure unto yourself because you wanna impress? see ehn, there's so much pains and struggles people hide from the world, we only share the good part of it on media, this is why social media is a place of lies, where hypocrites relate with each other... face your own struggles, be your own competition...

you married as a virgin as you should, but life doesn't end there... someone can be good but still experience some bad things, that's life for you... there are some circumstances that will be beyond your control, and you just have to live through it, this is a phase everyone will pass through whether you're good or bad... the only thing is that, your experiences shouldn't make you stumble but makes you stronger...

May this wisdom that God has given you never depart from you. Great advise you gave there.
The bolded fact got me thinking....

I jus logged in to reply this, if he refuses to pay for rent, please moves to your parents house, don't waste time before he runs you down, he's a stupid fellow