₦airaland Forum

It's okay to be single at 42. However, the reasons you have given do not justify your relationship status.

Some of the reasons you've given:

1. You don't love a guy enough.

2. He is "stingy"? You met a "stinkingly rich" young pastor in this same Nigeria? (probably an exaggeration unless you're referring to Apostle Selman or Pastor "What God cannot do does not exist" ). Going to ask a man you have only met for a short time money to fund your aso ebi is not how to find husband. Man probably distanced himself but I may be wrong. This is someone you said you don't love according to you, but he's expected to fund your lifestyle. Isn't? Also, your relationship with him was ongoing while you were still dating the broke guy, isn't? Did you just admit to double dating or did I read wrong?

3. You had an impression your guy was cheating. An impression not even fact. In response, you started coming home with other guys. Really? Lol. You met another guy again, slept over at his place and broke up the next day because of shower cap? And also because a lady came visiting and they talked for 30 minutes? Really?

Overall, you have to admit that you have your own flaws. Do some self diagnosis, please. You don't have to marry if you truly don't want to. But truth must be said. You haven't really done much to prove that you want marriage based on the little info you have here. The perfection you are looking for, you need to have and earn it.

Lamas2012:
Would have loved marrying you but from your statement and description we are alike and I can sense you're the kinda person that pay attention to details very well and hope you're not born in November 😂

Lol.. I'm July.

Aaaaarghmed:
..but this your last born wey dey always come tell you say dem see woman with your guy.na security she be .i dey joke o

LoL... She's late o. Please don't let me cry now. Really miss her.

Jewessgratitud3:
E pain am. Kikikikiiiiiiii 😂😂😂

No be me ruin your life, carry your madness go meet ya papa.

Tohsynetita1:
This was the same woman bashing me some days ago. Is it bad for telling you the truth, You don't know ladies fade in beauty when they are leaving 30s, also medically, it's not easy to give birth at that age. Rita Dominic wedded at 47 and gave birth some weeks ago. But did know how they did that? and are you rich as she is? Am not mocking your condition for asking such question, am just concerned but you feel pained till the extent of cursing me. it's well.

What is your condition? Please speak for yourself cos I'm not in any condition you're picturing for yourself.

Give that advice to your sisters. They need it not me.

Jewessgratitud3:
What is your condition? Please speak for yourself cos I'm not in any condition you're picturing for yourself.

Give that advice to your sisters. They need it not me.

Anyone can give one another advice , if someone give you an advice you don't like, the next is not to abuse or curse that individual, the response from you showed major reason you are still unmarried till now. What you cooked up there is fallacy.

Jman06:
Even at your age you still haven't learnt the code of marriage. That is why you're still saying "I must like the person first".

Let me enlighten you a bit..... there's a reason the scripture says "Men LOVE your wives and Wives SUBMIT to your husband.

Love as we know it can never be mutual! And like you even alluded in your post, men are expected to be the one to carry the bulk of the family's responsibilities (financially and otherwise). Since most women will not agree to carry the family's responsibilities even when they have the means, and since humans tend to take advantage of the one who loves and desires them especially men, it is wise for women to suppress their own feelings and follow the man who desires them. You're only required to submit to them. Besides, most women end up liking the men on the long run

That way, the man would gladly shoulder his responsibilities as the man of the house! It is easier that way! Women who insist that they must marry the one they have feelings for should be ready to go after the men they desire, woo them, withstand all the time he'll be playing "hard to get", marry him and cater for him and the family! If you cannot do all these, then follow the age-long method or remain single for life.

Even in biology, males are represented with the diagram bent towards the direction of the female which stands straight.


This generation of ladies will want to eat their cakes and still have it.

should a man go after a girl who doesn't love him?

Let the single breathe.

BigBashiru:
Well said. I modified one of my posts and wanted to make sure you saw the modification:

It is not a bad thing for a woman not to be inclined to be a mother... The problem we have in Nigeria is we try to force motherhood on every woman... Some women are meant to be career women who have no or little interest in men, some are meant to be nuns in the convent, some are meant to be mistresses and concubines, some female players, etc... its not a bad thing....

women are meant to reproduce or we go into extinction

Tohsynetita1:
Anyone can give one another advice , if someone give you an advice you don't like, the next is not to abuse or curse that individual, the response from you showed major reason you are still unmarried till now. What you cooked up there is fallacy.

Hm... See who dey advise person. 😂 😂...
Miserable humans everywhere.

Primusinterpares:
What were your preparation for being alone?
Are you desirable yourself? Before getting into marriage or dating relationship, always ask yourself if you can marry you. Answer in all sincerity.
See life is not designed to live it in isolation. Fulfilling life's purpose it's supposed to be done together, happily. Giving and nurturing life in raising children is supposed to be done with joy and seeing them grow up and succeed is one of life fulfilments.
Do you know why God himself said it's not good for the man to be alone? It's because life purpose needs synergy which is why marriage was instituted.
Although these days the marriage institution is built on faulty foundation that's why we hear about husband beating wife, wife killing husband etc ...
Many a time many people don't know themselves yet and they just want to get married for one selfish reason or the other.

Seems we're not on the same page. Nothing I raised has been addressed in your post.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hm... See who dey advise person. 😂 😂... Miserable humans everywhere.

Thank you Mama 42.

Jewessgratitud3:
author=Newborn27 post=126658739]Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.


At this point, if it comes fine, if not, fine. I'm not the one to make such plans. If I get what I want, oh.. why not but if not, men e go hard o. Like I said... In this year alone, I've had two suitors. A very responsible guy and a man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, it will be very difficult. These two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage all because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it.



Like I told you before, what tickles every one's fancy is different likewise what bothers them.
You may fancy all the bolded and I may not. What you want out of marriage is different from what I want. So it's not a one size fits all" thingy or compulsory that we all must like to do or have things the same way. That is why you will never see me envy married people or people with children because to me it's really nothing. Now, my Mom married at the age of 10 . Had all of us before 30 but died in her Early 40s. So of what use was her early marriage and child-bearing to her? Fine they use us to remember her but she as person, what did she enjoy in her life for achieving those? Just suffered to raise children that she didn't live to see even one grandchild? Abeg abeg.


Why? That's like saying I regret.. I have saidvit countless times that I've never regretted it for once . Ok let me even pause for a moment and try to remember if I ever wished I did.......... 🤔 🤔 🤔.... Ogbeni nothing like that o. Rather I've always thought that if I had married maybe by now I would have left the marriage cos e for don taya me and that's the truth. In fact.. sometimes I used to silently thank my stars that I'm not married with kids in this economy because I can't endure suffering and hardship with children. Not like Im wishing myself hardship but men in this present economy, everyone is facing it and someone like me can't take the heat with such responsibilities even when shared.
There's a friend of mine that always wish to switch places with me saying I'm enjoying because I don't have anything bothering me and I'll tell her I'm glad I don't have those bukata.



Stigmatization? LoL.. see so far e no affect my pocket, whatever anyone says in that regards does not bother me. it's when you listen or go close to people they'll stigmatize you. I don't keep companies. I'm a loner and it helps a lot to stay away from such. No be if I smile with you you come know wether I don marry or not. I feel free saying it here because no body knows me in person and it all ends here. Of course some people in the past have said some things like your twin is married you're here forming oge, but I didn't give a damn because when I look at their lives im doing far better than them and living life to the fullest. Abi What is life about? No be enjoyment? See it's all in your head o.life no hard reach like that




I love my family. They will never pressure you. My dad before he died would be like, if you do anyhow I'll take my daughter back ( referring to my in-laws.) So all his inlaws are pals with him. They'll be like ogor, oya make we go chill. He will tell you, don't stress them for me o. As for the single ones he'll make sure he provides our needs so we don't look outside. Even as a working class lady, my dad when he collects his pension, he will buy a bag of rice and share to every one of us in our various houses. He was still giving me money till his death in 2012 ( miss you pop). My dad na guy man. Him no send o.

Forget, this life is what you make of it. I try as much as I can to enjoy myself and make every minute of it count

Now I know why you are still single, you lost your Mum at a young age, an African mum cannot allow you reject suitors at 42, if you do, you will tell her if you are the one that gave birth to her😂

PoliteActivist:
Well, you happen to be wrong. You assume the way you experience life is how every one else experiences it. Just because one is not married does not mean one is alone. Also, for your information, some people actually enjoy being "alone". Everyone is not the same. So people should stop assuming that everyone is just ike them!

are you anti marriage

3ice9ce:
Those men you dated were lucky they didn't end up with you. The fights wouldn't have been funny. You are not mentally and emotionally prepared, it's better you stay alone.

Your brain correct sir/ma. God bless you.

42-yo almost 43 Calidora n one of her other monikers is back again wit her stories . from her other threads u know she has slept around n been ran thru by men buh she go still dey form innocence until 50. I laugh in swahili

Puss360:
To have a child is easy....To see to the needs of that child is the problem..
Try and go out and be exposed and see that there are actually some people living good lives who are aren't bothered about kids...
Some people are actually living for today.. they don't think about anything like future or tomorrow...
So having a child is not a life achievement...
It's just a common option for those who are Sexually Mature to procreate...

are you single

Jewessgratitud3:
Says a beggar.
I couldn't finish reading your tales of woe because it's obvious you're bitter and depressed from life's storms tossing you back and forth. Me, I will feed you.

Get a life!

42 years old woman that is breaking up with men because they didn't give her money to make her hair and transport herself home for Christmas.

A 42 years old woman that fancies men she's older than because no sane man above her age will fancy her slacky ass.

You know what they say about a fool at 40 right? Cos that's what you are

Liposure:
are you anti marriage

No, I'm anti generations like "to be alone is not good", as the guy put it. He ought speak for himself. Also, marriage, children, even relationships are not for everybody

Karlifate:
The bolded aforementioned is an isolated case.


An isolated case can't be used to draw up conclusion in critical matters. 💯

Isolated you say?
I laugh
You are wrong dear

There are tons of ladies in their 50's and even in their 60's who are still getting married on a daily basis in Nigeria.

Becos you don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

From your post deep down inside I know you regrets some certain things but then life happens to us all.

Atleast try born pikin if marriage no sure for you like this. Try born e get why.

Jewessgratitud3:
Point of correction, we were not the same. I didn't have a miserable life. My childhood was fun. My teenage years was great. My adulthood has been fantastic!
The only time I was down was in 2008 when I lost all my shares to a bearish market.

So stop confusing your case for mine.

ema binu ma, e pele

77up:
Firstly ma, your choice is your choice as long as it makes you happy but yet I will still say this....Deep down , you are not totally happy like you are struggling to depicts and that's the truth. I knew this because those things that should make one happy is not there, you are lonely. Humble yourself madam and stop been too picky as there's no perfection in human .


All these money money account account happy happy you are saying can never complete without watching your own child growing because in this life kids is greater than money (My Yoruba people will say Omoyajowo) and it's a whole bundle of happiness.

You may not jealous your friends with kids now because they are passing through the phase of nurturing them which you are not but soon when those kids has grown to become men and women and are nurturing their parents which are your friends, I hope you won't still jealous then at old age...think am !

You said your mom married and died so early and people are seeing you all her children in her. Ma , what did you want people to see to remember you?

May you find love and happiness.
Thank you for sharing though.

You are a liar. I will want to marry and have kids. but saying kids take care of their parents in their old age is a big fat lie. What about those wayward kids and prostitutes that forgot they have a parent

jaksmillioniar:
I think like u wen I was young wen not married. U have a baby brain.wen I born I knew dat dat was my biggest achivement in life d best thing dat happen to me.wen u marry u will understand children are gift

children are gift yet people are disposing new born babies in the dustbin. Almajiri beggar kids everywhere with no one to take care of them. You are the problem of this country. My kids will never think like you

Peace

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

I have an immediate younger sister who died last year, she was around your age and desperate to marry. I will post her story when I have the time on a different page.

A lot of married people are living through hell. A lot of single people are in hell of a existence as well.

You can be single and very happy and fulfilled and same in marriage. We have to do away with these societal expectations that everybody must be married.

I have a Christian lady who married as a virgin and presently, I have advised her to run away from the marriage with the three kids and she listened to my advice. The husband, a big worker in the church is an occultist and tried to use her and the kids for rituals.

She miscarried four times and each time the husband will take away the dead babies to unknown locations for burial. He even tried to use their firstborn for ritual and told the wife he was sending the 8yr old abroad. She had countless veneral diseases, the husband went to the company where she was working and lied against the lady and she lost her =N=6million/pa job.

She had to run into hiding and start from square zero after abuses. If I tell you real life examples about marriages of others I have been involved in, you will be scared to marry.

Be yourself and do what makes you happy, go back to school if you can, travel once every year within Nigeria and other African countries. create a hobby and possibly adopt a child if you can.

Jewessgratitud3:
author=Newborn27 post=126658739]Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.


At this point, if it comes fine, if not, fine. I'm not the one to make such plans. If I get what I want, oh.. why not but if not, men e go hard o. Like I said... In this year alone, I've had two suitors. A very responsible guy and a man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, it will be very difficult. These two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage all because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it.



Like I told you before, what tickles every one's fancy is different likewise what bothers them.
You may fancy all the bolded and I may not. What you want out of marriage is different from what I want. So it's not a one size fits all" thingy or compulsory that we all must like to do or have things the same way. That is why you will never see me envy married people or people with children because to me it's really nothing. Now, my Mom married at the age of 10 . Had all of us before 30 but died in her Early 40s. So of what use was her early marriage and child-bearing to her? Fine they use us to remember her but she as person, what did she enjoy in her life for achieving those? Just suffered to raise children that she didn't live to see even one grandchild? Abeg abeg.


Why? That's like saying I regret.. I have saidvit countless times that I've never regretted it for once . Ok let me even pause for a moment and try to remember if I ever wished I did.......... 🤔 🤔 🤔.... Ogbeni nothing like that o. Rather I've always thought that if I had married maybe by now I would have left the marriage cos e for don taya me and that's the truth. In fact.. sometimes I used to silently thank my stars that I'm not married with kids in this economy because I can't endure suffering and hardship with children. Not like Im wishing myself hardship but men in this present economy, everyone is facing it and someone like me can't take the heat with such responsibilities even when shared.
There's a friend of mine that always wish to switch places with me saying I'm enjoying because I don't have anything bothering me and I'll tell her I'm glad I don't have those bukata.



Stigmatization? LoL.. see so far e no affect my pocket, whatever anyone says in that regards does not bother me. it's when you listen or go close to people they'll stigmatize you. I don't keep companies. I'm a loner and it helps a lot to stay away from such. No be if I smile with you you come know wether I don marry or not. I feel free saying it here because no body knows me in person and it all ends here. Of course some people in the past have said some things like your twin is married you're here forming oge, but I didn't give a damn because when I look at their lives im doing far better than them and living life to the fullest. Abi What is life about? No be enjoyment? See it's all in your head o.life no hard reach like that




I love my family. They will never pressure you. My dad before he died would be like, if you do anyhow I'll take my daughter back ( referring to my in-laws.) So all his inlaws are pals with him. They'll be like ogor, oya make we go chill. He will tell you, don't stress them for me o. As for the single ones he'll make sure he provides our needs so we don't look outside. Even as a working class lady, my dad when he collects his pension, he will buy a bag of rice and share to every one of us in our various houses. He was still giving me money till his death in 2012 ( miss you pop). My dad na guy man. Him no send o.

Forget, this life is what you make of it. I try as much as I can to enjoy myself and make every minute of it count

Please, ma'am, are you still a virgin? No vex o

Puss360:
If you define having a child as life achievement, then those poor families with 10 children have attained the highest level of achievement

How does this answer any of the questions ?

Those without life experience shouldn't have an opinion...........especially someone with shabby and myopic sentiments.

It seems you can't differentiated values from quantity.........

i easily get amused each time i see youths claiming their partners not yet married to are cheating on them!

I admire you very much!.
You did a great thing, Men are not too be worried about. Just live you life.

Though i see your courage and strength in the write up, but it is strongly a rhetorics of regret.

And there are too many red flags 🚩 with you… and i was disappointed that you are vindicating yourself instead of identifying your pattern from childhood till now and ensure to break it.

Reading through, the pattern is so glaring to me. I pray that you remove the glass of ego from your eyes so that you can easily spot these red flags and patterns of your life and correct them quickly.