₦airaland Forum

Samantha124:
There was a time I was like you, I had not lost a loved one and I used to consider myself lucky until death came knocking on the 25th of December 2009... It was my grandfather and he was laid to rest on the 31st of December, his birthday.

I loved that man so much, he was like my second father... Whenever I'd visit, he'd fill the fridge with all my favorite snacks and dairy products... He'd also cook for me whenever my grandmother wasn't around and the man was not such a bad cook.

Well, at least he was an old man and as we were moving on, my brother past away on the 2nd of February 2010 and was laid to rest on the 8th of February... It wasn't easy, I was still young then and I'd sometimes have nightmares... My parents had to move me to their bedroom for a while... The whole thing still affects me even today because whenever I hear that a loved one is sick, I'd panic.

On three occasions I suffered a panic attack in public and it was so embarrassing... First time was at the school of law, I had went there to consult with one of my lecturers when I contacted my sister to ask her about our father because I couldn't get hold of him all morning... When she told me that he was hospitalized, at first I acted calm... But immediately I hung up the phone, I started panicking and one of the lecturers who was passing by noticed that I wasn't okay.

He came to me and asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't speak... He then called the school's principal administrator and together they took me to the administrator's office... They got me a glass of water and tried to get me to calm down and after a while, I was finally able to speak and told them what was wrong... They then asked for my father's contact details so they could call him just to ensure me that everything was going to be fine... He finally picked up the call and he ensured me that he was going to be okay and that I shouldn't worry much.

The second time was back then when my sister had issues with fibroids, sometimes her condition would be so severe, I'd be afraid that I might lose her like I lost my brother... One time I was at the library when I started crying... I thought studying would keep my mind occupied, but I was wrong.

And the last time I panicked in public was at my grandmother's funeral... From the day her death was announced, I didn't cry because I thought she was old and it was her time, but I guess I was just being in denial of her death because all the emotions came crashing on the day of the funeral, I even passed out and woke up in the clinic.

Ever since my brother's death, I'm always afraid whenever someone close to me isn't feeling well... They say time heals all wounds, but as for me I don't know, I feel like I haven't gotten over my brother's death because whenever someone doesn't feel well, I always fear that the person is gonna die like he did.

Infolenka:
The thought of losing a loved one scares the shit out of me. I've been lucky not to have lost anyone close to me. Condolences to those who have.

For those that have lost loved ones in the past, I'm curious to know how you dealed with the loss, especially few days after their death.

Feel free to go into details if you want.

oluwaseyi0:
When I lost my mum in 2010 eve though I'm pained to the bone marrow I actually didn't she'd a single tear

Mum as beeen on and off sickness, she is a very senior teacher, only next to her school headteacher and couple with family support she actually has money to take care of herself

I've barely finished secondary school and waiting for admission when she died, finishing secondary school and spending more time with her (and at the hospital) opens my eyes to more, to the mental deplorable state of our government hospital

Those doctor at federal medical center, Abeokuta are unkind and unhelpful, we are giving appointment of 10am yet 2pm we're yet to b attended to, when they attend to us they are so cold, less bothered and act like if the sickness didn't cure today, it can cure next year or next 10 year like we are enough lifetime to keep coming to hospital

I've not seen my mom cry but I saw her cry that day ...she cry not because of her sickness not any pain but because of the unnecessary stress the hospital is putting her through

When I lost her, in the deepest part of my soul I felt relieved for her, I somehow console myself that any other feeling from myself is just personal selfishness and betrayal

I still miss her every day, I muster courage physical but deep down I wish she is still here

My mummy, my mummy rest on

Getting seriously sick with Nigeria comatose health services is what I don't wish on my enemy

pansophist:
How I go take answer you sef? I weak honestly.

Samantha124:
There was a time I was like you, I had not lost a loved one and I used to consider myself lucky until death came knocking on the 25th of December 2009... It was my grandfather and he was laid to rest on the 31st of December, his birthday.

I loved that man so much, he was like my second father... Whenever I'd visit, he'd fill the fridge with all my favorite snacks and dairy products... He'd also cook for me whenever my grandmother wasn't around and the man was not such a bad cook.

Well, at least he was an old man and as we were moving on, my brother past away on the 2nd of February 2010 and was laid to rest on the 8th of February... It wasn't easy, I was still young then and I'd sometimes have nightmares... My parents had to move me to their bedroom for a while... The whole thing still affects me even today because whenever I hear that a loved one is sick, I'd panic.

On three occasions I suffered a panic attack in public and it was so embarrassing... First time was at the school of law, I had went there to consult with one of my lecturers when I contacted my sister to ask her about our father because I couldn't get hold of him all morning... When she told me that he was hospitalized, at first I acted calm... But immediately I hung up the phone, I started panicking and one of the lecturers who was passing by noticed that I wasn't okay.

He came to me and asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't speak... He then called the school's principal administrator and together they took me to the administrator's office... They got me a glass of water and tried to get me to calm down and after a while, I was finally able to speak and told them what was wrong... They then asked for my father's contact details so they could call him just to ensure me that everything was going to be fine... He finally picked up the call and he ensured me that he was going to be okay and that I shouldn't worry much.

The second time was back then when my sister had issues with fibroids, sometimes her condition would be so severe, I'd be afraid that I might lose her like I lost my brother... One time I was at the library when I started crying... I thought studying would keep my mind occupied, but I was wrong.

And the last time I panicked in public was at my grandmother's funeral... From the day her death was announced, I didn't cry because I thought she was old and it was her time, but I guess I was just being in denial of her death because all the emotions came crashing on the day of the funeral, I even passed out and woke up in the clinic.

Ever since my brother's death, I'm always afraid whenever someone close to me isn't feeling well... They say time heals all wounds, but as for me I don't know, I feel like I haven't gotten over my brother's death because whenever someone doesn't feel well, I always fear that the person is gonna die like he did.

captainking:
Just lost my dad this morning
Slipped and hit head on the floor..did brain surgery but still did not make it.
Such sad day for me..

Samantha124:
There was a time I was like you, I had not lost a loved one and I used to consider myself lucky until death came knocking on the 25th of December 2009... It was my grandfather and he was laid to rest on the 31st of December, his birthday.

I loved that man so much, he was like my second father... Whenever I'd visit, he'd fill the fridge with all my favorite snacks and dairy products... He'd also cook for me whenever my grandmother wasn't around and the man was not such a bad cook.

Well, at least he was an old man and as we were moving on, my brother past away on the 2nd of February 2010 and was laid to rest on the 8th of February... It wasn't easy, I was still young then and I'd sometimes have nightmares... My parents had to move me to their bedroom for a while... The whole thing still affects me even today because whenever I hear that a loved one is sick, I'd panic.

On three occasions I suffered a panic attack in public and it was so embarrassing... First time was at the school of law, I had went there to consult with one of my lecturers when I contacted my sister to ask her about our father because I couldn't get hold of him all morning... When she told me that he was hospitalized, at first I acted calm... But immediately I hung up the phone, I started panicking and one of the lecturers who was passing by noticed that I wasn't okay.

He came to me and asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't speak... He then called the school's principal administrator and together they took me to the administrator's office... They got me a glass of water and tried to get me to calm down and after a while, I was finally able to speak and told them what was wrong... They then asked for my father's contact details so they could call him just to ensure me that everything was going to be fine... He finally picked up the call and he ensured me that he was going to be okay and that I shouldn't worry much.

The second time was back then when my sister had issues with fibroids, sometimes her condition would be so severe, I'd be afraid that I might lose her like I lost my brother... One time I was at the library when I started crying... I thought studying would keep my mind occupied, but I was wrong.

And the last time I panicked in public was at my grandmother's funeral... From the day her death was announced, I didn't cry because I thought she was old and it was her time, but I guess I was just being in denial of her death because all the emotions came crashing on the day of the funeral, I even passed out and woke up in the clinic.

Ever since my brother's death, I'm always afraid whenever someone close to me isn't feeling well... They say time heals all wounds, but as for me I don't know, I feel like I haven't gotten over my brother's death because whenever someone doesn't feel well, I always fear that the person is gonna die like he did.

Johncuppa:
I do not know may be this will make sense to you though.
Losing love one to me will be worse than dieing myself.
To avoid this I became spiritual, I learned the art of praying, prayer has become my life style. Since then, I use to have a dream of any of my relatieve that is going to die, so I quickly pray to avert it.
It was the price I paid, trained to wake at midnight and fasting, almost on a daily basis now I pray to keep at it.

I've only lost my grandmother. And yes I knew when she was about going, before then, I visited her she told me things that have saved my life and helped me unde stood secrets I I may not have thought of.

As in, if this thing has not being, my family members would have been grounded.

Like I said, I cannot say whether this make sense at all. But if there is anything that gives me sleepless night, death is not there, but at a price of consistent prayer lifestyle.

saintbillion:
Same question I use to ask.
Until I lost My dad Last month. He's still lying in the morgue.
I'm still hurt and pained, I do think and have sleepless night from the very first day the news was broke to me. His demise has really affected me all way round.
Wanted to create a thread on how to move on after loosing a love one.
I wish I died first b4 my love one. I was always scared of loosing a love one. Now I'm trapped in my fears. What's life, if we live to die? Each time I remember me seeing my dad lying naked in the morgue, I begin the share tears without my knowing, I wish I died first. Pray not to loose ur love ones untimely. It creates a vacuum in your heart which can never filled.

I just have to stay strong for my lovely mother. If I the son could be going through this, what more about her the wife?

frank317:
its really tough bro... only time can heal, not even heal, but make the whole situation manageable

Samantha124:
Whether you pray or fast, it doesn't change that we're all gonna die... We might not know who's gonna die first, but we're all gonna die.

Even some spiritual leaders have lost some of their loved ones.

You're just lucky that you've only lost a grandmother because prayers can't prevent deaths from happening when it's time for someone to die, but what they'll do is comfort you spiritually.

But if you believe that prayers and fasting are the reason most of your loved ones are still alive, then you're entitled to your own opinion.

kkins25:
Can't relate fortunately, haven't lost a love one. There've been instances, where we thought this person was going, but thankfully, they are alive today. I didn't even know what to feel the night my mom called me and said, I should take care of my siblings. I was a bit shaky hearing her struggle to put words together.

Last month, i got a text from sibling No.3 showing me a screenshot of a message he got from some guy telling him to check on sibling No.2. The message showed Sibling No. 2 thanking this guy for his support and their time together. And that, he, the guy, might not hear from him again. Sibling No.2 told the guy he had ingested about 2000 grams of drugs.

I looked behind me.... No signs of drugs on his bed. He is breathing.

How could this be possible? Sibling No.2 had been asleep for hours just behind me. No.2 hadn't showed signs of discomfort and slept very soundly. He had changed positions several times, so, I doubted the information at first. I told No.3 to verify the identity of the guy who sent him the message. He confirmed the connection. I gently began to call No. 2s name, I noticed movements. I was mostly angry. Took a lot of strength to not insult that malafacker!

saintbillion:
Same question I use to ask.
Until I lost My dad Last month. He's still lying in the morgue.
I'm still hurt and pained, I do think and have sleepless night from the very first day the news was broke to me. His demise has really affected me all way round.
Wanted to create a thread on how to move on after loosing a love one.
I wish I died first b4 my love one. I was always scared of loosing a love one. Now I'm trapped in my fears. What's life, if we live to die? Each time I remember me seeing my dad lying naked in the morgue, I begin the share tears without my knowing, I wish I died first. Pray not to loose ur love ones untimely. It creates a vacuum in your heart which can never filled.

I just have to stay strong for my lovely mother. If I the son could be going through this, what more about her the wife?

pansophist:
I have lost a loved one. How did I cope?

Time my friend, time, it heals. You can't fast-track it, you only have to be patient. And by being patient, I don't mean just waiting for the pains to fade. It is about what you do during those periods.

It is mostly about clearing the fog surrounding the issues of death and letting logic prevail. It is about having an interest in death, study it, and not fear it.

It is the understanding that every single life will die, and there are more dead people than those who are alive. Also, being dead has its advantages. It's saying goodbye to this sorrowful thing called life.

There are folks whose only time they know anything close to peace is when they sleep. As soon as they wake, this life is nothing but sorrows and tragedy. It is for this reason that many countries make it legal to kill yourself (eg The Netherlands).

Where there is light, there is darkness, and where there is life, there is death.

When you mourn the deceased, what you are actually mourning is not their departure, but their earlier departure date. But again, if they died later, would life be fun all through without sorrows for them?

The living are a disgraceful minority to the dead. Of all the humans that have lived on this earth, the living are less than 0.000001 percent of them. If you are religious, philosophical, or even diabolical, all your icons from Jesus to Plato, and Mohammed, are all dead.

You that is still alive, is your life without troubles? It might shock you to even know that many people are just scared to end their lives, and if they die naturally, then the burden of suicide is alleviated.

Your death warrant was signed when you were born, and it is only a matter of time before that day will come. We only hope it is a glorious day, and when death smiles at us, we can also look at it and smile back.

TheBillyonaire:
This is the feeling OP. No one can learn it by reading about it. We are plagued with it, each person's time will come to experience it. I am used to that feeling now having lost many people and having faced death myself.