Good day Nlanders, pls I need the wisest counsels of wise Nlanders. I have a problem which is lack of commitment to women, ive been this way since I left uni, and pls know that this isnt due to masturbation or any sorts, cause I havent done that thing since my teenage years.

I meet a woman today , we vibe, connect and all but i'm just damn too scared to commit any woman no matter how good she is. I'm scared that if I continue this way I may likely find it really difficult to get married.

Seeing and experiencing different complains of men in real life and on the forum as made my commitment issues with women only worse. I'm currently working, fair pay, got my own place, I'm doing quite well for myself. Ive met different women this year that were good women, but I fear if I give my heart to them they may switch up, women are too complicated naturally to cope with.

This fear of commitment is seriously holding me back from getting a serious relationship. My only fear is if I continue this way I may not get married. I need the counsels of wise nairalanders to advice me on what to do concerning this commitment issues cause it quite depressing no lies.

I form hard guy, but deep down I really be craving for a romantic relationship, I'm just too scared to give any woman my heart cause ive been hurt in past relationships . So hurt that even when I had a good woman I couldnt see it and I lost her.

Your Wise advice and counsels would be deeply appreciated thanks.

you never ready for relationship be that

MikeofKd:
Good day Nlanders , pls I need the wisest counsels of wise Nlanders ,I have a problem which is lack of commitment to women , ive been this way since I left uni , and pls know that this isnt due to masturbation or any sorts, cause I havent done that thing since my teenage years.
I meet a woman today , we vibe , connect and all but i'm just damn too scared to commit any woman no matter how good she is. Im scared that if I continue this way I may likely find it really difficult to get married.
Seeing and experiencing different complains of men in real life and on the forum as made my commitment issues with women only worse. Im currently working , fair pay ,got my own place ,im doing quite well for myself. Ive met different women this year that were good women , but I fear if I give my heart to them they may switch up , women are too complicated naturally to cope with.

This fear of commitment is seriously holding me back from getting a serious relationship. My only fear is if I continue this way I may not get married. I need the counsels of wise nairalanders to advice me on what to do concerning this commitment issues cause it quite depressing no lies.

I form hard guy ,but deep down I really be craving for a romantic relationship ,im just too scared to give any woman my heart cause ive been hurt in past relationships . So hurt that even when I had a good woman I couldnt see it and I lost her. Your Wise advice and counsels would be deeply appreciated thanks.

MikeofKd looks like we're kin on this. Marriage is an eye opener and reality will come flashing at you so quick and fast that it's actually not what it seem on the outside and God help you if you're not ready

As for me, ion see marriage amongst my life plan but if you happen to change ur mind, going for a girl cuz she's only good is not enough, Go for woman that has something doing and can support you financially, very important.

I no read am o cos e too long, but i agree with you

OP only you five paragraphs saying the exact same thing but using different context..

No worry you will be fine

Marriage isn't for everyone.. it's not a do or die affair...

Open your heart to true friendship 💖 and watch it lead you

We both have the same commitment issues.. but I enjoy mine cause i know how to Keep girls without giving my heart to them ...


It's very enjoyable if you do it like i do it ...


Shiit loads of advantages if you ask me ...

The Almighty Lord is about to use you bro... just listen to him when he calls you like Samuel did...

Nothing concern me ..but e dey bluddd

Don't make the mistakes most people make...

A woman should be the one doing the chasing not you chasing a person woman.

If na you dey go commitment sorry for you.

phintohlar:
I no read am o cos e too long, but i agree with you

Seems me and you dey d same..can we see behind cam?

Na the type of ladies you go for make am.. E get one wen you go jam,when go change ur settings . I pray she doesn't break you thereafter.

I am just like you but here is what helps.


Never fail to indicate interest and set the ball rolling. After that;

*Keep a distance between you and her, meaning don't let her come visiting too often maybe for just intimate times and bonding times. Then you send her on her way.

*Ensure to always reach out to her daily Chat/call or mixture of both.

*If she starts up trouble leading up to drama, withdraw your attention to protect your sanity, she will get the point.

*Talk to multiple girls, if you can't meet them in person, sign up on dating sites. Ensure you talk to lots of women; one thing I came to realize is: you only get experience with women by interacting with them, they all have stories, dark side, confessions, insecurities to reveal if patient enough to listen. Girls are open books but you need to turn the page by constant interaction.

*Always let them know you have commitment issues, they would be intended to want to fix you to keep you.

*Never let anyone of them pass a night at your place; she will begin to mark her territory and your reaction will be less commitment to her. The only one that can pass the night is the one you have chosen to wife and she has understood you in and out.

*Reward them with attention and sweet talk and punish them with a pull back when she acts foul. Just ignore her. To make this efficient — put off the read receipt and last seen on your WhatsApp when dealing with multiple women at once.

*Women are very manipulative, you need to understand that and the best way to combat that if you perceive being manipulated is do nothing, just watch her reveal her play book/tactics, don't react rashly and in the end call her out on it.

*Don't raise you voice at a woman, basically don't let her get a rise out of you.

Speak calmly and confidently, if you feel she's outdo-ing you at it. Start pointing out her flaws in life and her personality, she would loose composure. If that don't work. Remain silent. The silent method always works. Let her seek your words.

*Don't shy away from them, they are wonderful to deal with but from a distance. The distance creates power. This is the one secret you should know. And that distance is usually eliminated when you get married to her; so at that point, your power begins to deteriorate except you have strong frame as a man.

--------------------------------------
OPTIONAL but if you want to bang every chick on the first visit — simple but there are steps to follow from the very moment she step foot in your apartment till you escalate. I won't recommend but practice the above first to get over your commitment issues. Not really get rid of it but learn to manage it.

Girls are not special at all. Just imagine her like you taking in another man waste when you try to pedestalize her (because some other guy has dumped her before you met her). And treat her like a kid when she begins to throw tantrum with words.

@ MikeofKd
Lemme give you one of these pieces of advice as an older man.

Know one thing for sure. There will always be something you can't have.

For some it will be money.
For some, they won't ever conceive.
For some they won't ever have a good relationship.

Most times our instincts are always right and this nose never lies.
If you're having a cold feet going into a relationship with any lady. It may be a result of the past trauma or just your instincts playing out here.

You see human beings get into a whole lot of trouble when they believe they can have it all.

You necessarily do not need a romantic relationship.
What you need is a relationship.
If you need to feel loved, look into your own family or get a baby mama and have kids.
You will still be very fufilled regardless.

MikeofKd:
Seeing and experiencing different complains of men in real life and on the forum as made my commitment issues with women only worse.

O ri e pe.

You're on the right path, please. Keep it up.


Why exactly do you need a marriage?

Why? Apart from it generally not being useful to men, what do YOU need it for?

You, a man, craving romantic connection? There must have been a glitch in your DNA makeup, because how do you have a neuron that produces emotions? Please, check well if you have the male sex organs. I don't believe you can possess XY chromosomes and still experience emotions at the same time- it ain't possible.


Naturally, I am glad your own beliefs and perceptions and convictions are acting as a deterrent to you being with any woman. No woman deserves to put up with such. And I sincerely hope you do not repress your "fear" and inclinations about a woman enough, and just push through to being with her for the sake of it. Or to physically be with her without fully loving her as some are suggesting up there.


Until you throughly work through your issues or at least the most of it, stay single. E nor dey kee persin.

Everytime I see you people coming up with hypothetical scenarios of how feminists are this and that, and how they brainwash and lie to young women and destroy marriages and shxt, I just laugh. 😂


If there is anybody doing any destruction and damage, to relationships, to men's psyches, to family life, it is y'all. Because the average guy is patriarchal in nature. He grew up hearing, "You're a boy. You're a man. Do this. Don't ever do this," and so he's more malleable to misogynistic preaching. Redpill only waters a seed that is already there to flowering.

But for women? Most of them are naturally aversed to feminism.


It is you people doing the 'recruitment' and it is spilling into real life. From Sneako to Andrew Tate. I have never heard or seen a young girl of 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 say "men are scum," or "men are potential rapists" or "broke boys deserve no pùssies" but aimoye "women are beeches and slxts" I've heard young boys say. "I am a boy, I don't have to do this. Only girls do this."

Serial, mass shooting incels, too, are not left out.

Then on this forum, not one, not two, not three, not even more than five topics have I not seen about men complaining of how Nairaland is affecting their real life relationships.


Yet I have not seen a woman come here to create a topic that what women like me and others say is negatively impacting her relationship. E nor dey happen.


You bring your matter come platform that is partly responsible for your woes. I am sure you will get a better, quality advice than they used to give before. 🤣🤣


Just dey play.

A305:
I am just like you but here is what helps.



*Always let them know you have commitment issues, they would be intended to want to fix you to keep you.

Please throw more light on how to use this tactics effectively, because i have previously chipped in my lack of commitment and she kinda make me gain her trust.

The thread just got contaminated with bad energy...


Holy hell.. Someone needs thorough deliverance.. has to be cleansed...

Magnoliaa:
Everytime I see you people coming up with hypothetical scenarios of how feminists are this and that, and how they brainwash and lie to young women and destroy marriages and shxt, I just laugh. 😂


If there is anybody doing any destruction and damages, to relationships, to men's psyches, to family life, it is y'all. Because the average guy is patriarchal in nature. He grew up hearing, "You're a boy. You're a man. Do this. Don't ever do this," and so he's more malleable to misogynistic preaching. Redpill only waters a seed that is already there to flowering.

But for women? Most of them are naturally aversed to feminism.


It is you people doing the 'recruitment' and it is spilling into real life. From Sneako to Andrew Tate. I have never heard or seen a young girl of 10, 11, 13, 14, 15 say "men are scum," or "men are potential rapists" or "broke boys deserve no pùssies" but aimoye "women are beeches and slxts" I've heard young boys say. "I am a boy, I don't have to do this. Only girls do this."

Serial, mass shooting incels, too, are not left out.

Then on this forum, not one, not two, not three, not even more than five topics have I not seen about men complaining of how Nairaland is affecting their real life relationships.


Yet I have not seen a woman come here to create a topic that what women like me and others say is negatively impacting her relationship. E nor dey happen.


You bring your matter come platform that is partly responsible for your woes. I am sure you will get a better, quality advice than the used to give before. 🤣🤣


Just dey play o.

You think you're anonymous on nairaland, one day you go collect woto woto from a redpiller

Magnoliaa:
Everytime I see you people coming up with hypothetical scenarios of how feminists are this and that, and how they brainwash and lie to young women and destroy marriages and shxt, I just laugh. 😂


If there is anybody doing any destruction and damages, to relationships, to men's psyches, to family life, it is y'all. Because the average guy is patriarchal in nature. He grew up hearing, "You're a boy. You're a man. Do this. Don't ever do this," and so he's more malleable to misogynistic preaching. Redpill only waters a seed that is already there to flowering.

But for women? Most of them are naturally aversed to feminism.


It is you people doing the 'recruitment' and it is spilling into real life. From Sneako to Andrew Tate. I have never heard or seen a young girl of 10, 11, 13, 14, 15 say "men are scum," or "men are potential rapists" or "broke boys deserve no pùssies" but aimoye "women are beeches and slxts" I've heard young boys say. "I am a boy, I don't have to do this. Only girls do this."

Serial, mass shooting incels, too, are not left out.

Then on this forum, not one, not two, not three, not even more than five topics have I not seen about men complaining of how Nairaland is affecting their real life relationships.


Yet I have not seen a woman come here to create a topic that what women like me and others say is negatively impacting her relationship. E nor dey happen.


You bring your matter come platform that is partly responsible for your woes. I am sure you will get a better, quality advice than the used to give before. 🤣🤣


Just dey play o.

Calm down miss pepeye ... you can keep hallucinating for all i care BUt OP problem is clearly a commitment issue

Some day you will grow up to understand that "Commitment issue" is a personal glitch that stems from "experience" and not peer pressure or influence
Perhaps what he saw & read on NL corroborated is mindset but NL is definitely not the source of his problem.

Op won't make headway until he looks into his past and identify the "Source" of his problem and open up about it

reddingtonblack:
Calm down miss pepeye ... you can keep hallucinating for all i care BUt OP problem is clearly a commitment issue

Some day you will grow up to understand that "Commitment issue" is a personal glitch that stems from "experience" and not peer pressure or influence
Perhaps what he saw & read on NL corroborated is mindset but NL is definitely not the source of his problem.

Op won't make headway until he looks into his past and identify the "Source" of his problem and open up about it

I will engage you for the fact you were mostly civil with this response and tried to be reasonable.


• Did I deny that OP's problem isn't "clearly a commitment issue?"

I also don't care for your reasons why you think commitment issues are a thing.

The part of the OP's narration I quoted said that he has commitment issues because of things he has heard from men, online AND offline. And that they made his experience worse.

• He's a self-confessed redpiller and an "ashawo man," so yes, swallowing things he read on Nairaland is partly responsible for his woes now. I never said NL is the main or sole source of his problems(s).


And finally, I generalized that comment you quoted. I was speaking in reference to the other instances of threads I've seen by NL guys, complaining on how the redpill is hindering them in some way or how it's pushing them to treating their girlfriends badly.

MikeofKd,

Are you a Gemini ♊ or a Sagittarius ♐


Let's start from there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6ruL46jo_Q?feature=shared

You are not scared of commitment, you are just scared of being vulnerable. For example, you probably will have no problem with a woman spending the weekend at your place since it's temporary and non-committing.

What you are going through is not rare. Modern men largely are scared of marriage, especially in the West. But you don't have to let that fear of commitment cripple you when there is a way out.

What you should do is identify exactly the reason for your fear, and lessen the risk. Everybody/company/agencies etc does it, just in a different formula. For example, the Canadian visa that Nigerians struggle to get, in many countries don't need to enter Canada. The embassy will scrutinize Nigerian applicants to make sure they won't abuse or harm Canada and leave.

Or like how Dangote instead of employing a Nigerian manager, will go import a foreign one instead, since foreign employees have no local allegiance and know-how, and is in their best interest to not disappoint Dangote, who has the power to finish him in Nigeria (I wrote about Dangote and foreign employees in the link below)

https://www.nairaland.com/7393700/there-reason#120843523

Or how employers will scrutinize an applicant, and make him sign many papers and bring references before giving him a job. It is the duty of someone who has value to give, to make sure that the recipient is worthy. Scrutinize women, it is a must.

All these are attempts to lessen the risk of being exploited due to your vulnerabilities. You don't boycott cars because of accidents, instead, you use seatbelts, do not drink and drive, use a sound car, etc.

So in your case, what you should do is to strategise yourself in such a way that if a woman later shows her true color which turns out to be bad, then you are strong enough to withstand it and move on without her.

Observe a bird. If a pigeon rests on a tree branch, the pigeon's strength is in its wings, and not on the tree. If the branch breaks, the pigeons will fly away. So marrying a woman is not surrendering, but a corporation based on strength.

Lots of men lessen the risk by marrying women of the same class since such women are less likely to marry the man just for money. Western men for example will go to Asian countries with more feminine women, marry them, and live there with them. Not bringing her to the West. Some go to the village to pick a wife, while some do prenup, etc.

If you truly desire a woman's companionship, boycotting women is not the answer. There are good women, who are also looking for you. Find those, and make sure your strength is not in any paper you are signing. Signed documents are worthless, what gives such documents any effect is the strength of those who signed them.

So as you are getting married, keep retaining strength, just like how a soldier retains his violence, and only brings it out when shit hit the fan. Your strength is a deterrence, and in most cases, is the single reason why the hyenas of the world will avoid you, and respect you.

Part 2 -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnhdNmuHJvo?feature=shared

Part 3 -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwEKzjjdHms?feature=shared

FRANCISTOWN:
@ MikeofKd
Lemme give you one of these pieces of advice as an older man.

Know one thing for sure. There will always be something you can't have.

For some it will be money.
For some, they won't ever conceive.
For some they won't ever have a good relationship.

Most times our instincts are always right and this nose never lies.
If you're having a cold feet going into a relationship with any lady. It may be a result of the past trauma or just your instincts playing out here.

You see human beings get into a whole lot of trouble when they believe they can have it all.

You necessarily do not need a romantic relationship.
What you need is a relationship.
If you need to feel loved, look into your own family or get a baby mama and have kids.
You will still be very fufilled regardless.

This touched me. I usually excell at most things but there are some things i dont have and i keep beating myself up on those things to the point i become ungrateful for the things i have. I guess i have to let go of those things

MikeofKd:
Good day Nlanders , pls I need the wisest counsels of wise Nlanders ,I have a problem which is lack of commitment to women , ive been this way since I left uni , and pls know that this isnt due to masturbation or any sorts, cause I havent done that thing since my teenage years.
I meet a woman today , we vibe , connect and all but i'm just damn too scared to commit any woman no matter how good she is. Im scared that if I continue this way I may likely find it really difficult to get married.
Seeing and experiencing different complains of men in real life and on the forum as made my commitment issues with women only worse. Im currently working , fair pay ,got my own place ,im doing quite well for myself. Ive met different women this year that were good women , but I fear if I give my heart to them they may switch up , women are too complicated naturally to cope with.

This fear of commitment is seriously holding me back from getting a serious relationship. My only fear is if I continue this way I may not get married. I need the counsels of wise nairalanders to advice me on what to do concerning this commitment issues cause it quite depressing no lies.

I form hard guy ,but deep down I really be craving for a romantic relationship ,im just too scared to give any woman my heart cause ive been hurt in past relationships . So hurt that even when I had a good woman I couldnt see it and I lost her. Your Wise advice and counsels would be deeply appreciated thanks.

Who cares

If you feel that way about women, just go your own way. Marraige isn't compulsory.

Sorry

Hmmmmmm

Then Die slow... Nigga