maasoap:

Yes, that's very simple and it is easier but some things are to be frown upon. This is one of them

He should've asked his wife, whom they live together for better clarifications, not online in-laws that knows little to nothing about their marital life.

YOUR WIFE IS A CONFAM ASHAWO

Trouble mongering husband. If she had ulterior motive, would she have asked that your brother accompanied her? Dey play

IamMobisola:

You better rest and don't develop HBP.
What is the fuss about attending an event? What's with the PERMISSION she has to take from you before she attends an event? Is she a kid? She informed you, that's already enough!

Please marry oyinbo or a Nigerian raised abroad.
Better still, marry a simp/weak man that doesn't know about leadership in the home or use juju to tie him.

You mean a spouse cannot express displeasure over the attendance the SO to an event/trip?

maasoap:
■ Yes, that's very simple and it is easier but some things are to be frown upon. This is one of them

According to OP, the wife is on a trip to Kenya with his kids while OP himself in back in the states. Do you know the funny of all of this is that OP doesn't even seem concerned about the welfare of his kids in all of this? His one focus seems to be that his wife wishes to attend a party. I thought his reason would be that the kids would not have a parent with them in the absence of the wife but nothing at all like that. Doesn't that strike you as a bit odd for a man who lives in the United States?

sisisioge:
Trouble mongering husband. If she had ulterior motive, would she have asked that your brother accompanied her? Dey play

Maybe the brother is going to join the wife and that old classmate in a 3 some, who knows?

Albertone:
■ Please marry oyinbo or a Nigerian raised abroad.
Better still, marry a simp/weak man that doesn't know about leadership in the home or use juju to tie him. You mean a spouse cannot express displeasure over the attendance the SO to an event/trip?

Well, make sure you stay back in Nigeria where this leadership nonsense flies as well.

madridguy:
Threads like this always break my heart into pieces. Do you mean you cannot command your own wife? Is she too big for you to tell her straight to cancel the program?

African men are fast loosing their right as husband just like the Europeans.

I am sure you're among the men " Me and my wife share equal right in our marriage " This is the result of the equal right with your wife.

Na c finish be dat if u carry sift leg follow woman they go c u finish. If na me tell her to from dere go her papa house. She go do runs period. Let her be runnin nd busy

Albertone:


If he tells her not to go and she still went, what then should happen?

call her on phone to returned back to her father house on her way coming from the party, then u both met their to explained better to her father and Mother.

cococandy:


Does not need to command his wife

Go and read on leadership. I guess you need it like urgently. I already told you that in extreme cases like the op's situation, that is what is needed.

Meanwhile any woman who finds her husband's command irritating is a rebellious woman... And that is called witchcraft.

Your boss command you at the office, if you're a police woman or military woaman or even a teacher, they command you and you say yes sir, but it's only at home that your husband becomes a weakling and loose his voice and authority. Is that not witchcraft?

Ladies don't marry if you're not very submissive. Or marry a weakling like the op.

If your husband cannot command you, then he is a SIMPson.

IamMobisola:

Pele, commander-in-chief of the armed forces? As per Na dog you dey command

Madam, so far she is under him as a wife, she must follow his command.
Real African man command. I don't know your cultural background, but where I am from, husband commands their wife.

cococandy:

Again he’s not her father to “allow” her to do anything. She’s a grown woman and can do what she likes. Ideally with his blessing. But without his blessing and If it comes with consequences such as a fallout with her husband, then I hope she’s ready and mature enough to accept whatever the outcome is.

I’m going to need you to modify your language if you really want to have this conversation with me. You and I are not having a conversation where a man is allowing or commanding anything of his wife. That’s not the world I live in. Get somebody else to do it.


As for going with his brother, I think that suggestion was her offering him peace of mind (so to say) in case he’s having some mistrust. The mistrust is a topic for another day. Something they’d have to address on its own. The elephant in the room.

Kobojunkie:
Op, I noticed how you carefully refused to answer many of the concerns expressed on the other thread. But it seems here that at the core of all of this is a lack of trust on your part for your wife. Is there a particular reason this? Op, why do you not trust your wife enough to accept, even when she offered to go with your brother, that she may just be wanting to attend an event?

You mention culture, and I must say that I have never read of any Kenyan culture that required women to spill entire details or their movements and dealings in marriage. Most cultures simply expect that couples would do so out of courtesy but no culture mandates it. This makes me wonder what it is you wish to hide behind the culture card.

I don't know why I so much hates your comments when it's regards women.... You don't live in Africa, this is African and as such you should understand that what the woman did is wrong in every ramifications. Even in the Western world cheating is taken seriously.


How can my wife wake-up one day to tell me she's attending an old classmate wedding without permission?

Never mentioned such classmate to me before?
And you think it's normal?


Clearly the woman have been sleeping with the guy all these years.



Be real please.

Toktee:
■ I don't know why I so much hates your comments when it's regards women.... You don't live in Africa, this is African and as such you should understand that what the woman did is wrong in every ramifications. Even in the Western world cheating is taken seriously.
■ How can my wife wake-up one day to tell me she's attending an old classmate wedding without permission? Never mentioned such classmate to me before? And you think it's normal?
■ Clearly the woman have been sleeping with the guy all these years. Be real please.

1. Op and his wife live in the States. His wife is visiting in Kenya, that is what he said.

2. The reason you treat your wife as subhuman -- not your equal --- has to do with your upbringing, and nothing else. Once you leave the shores of Nigeria, you quickly get into trouble exhibiting such foolishness elsewhere particularly in the States.

3. Problem is many who reason as you do think the world of marriage begins and ends with their dick space.

madridguy:
If your husband cannot command you, then he is a SIMPson.

Yeah right, coming from someone who doesn't know the meaning of the word he just used. Misusing words here and there.
Your mates dey military Barack dey command themselves to war, you dey there dey look for woman to command.
Mtchww

Albertone:


Please marry oyinbo or a Nigerian raised abroad.
Better still, marry a simp/weak man that doesn't know about leadership in the home or use juju to tie him.

You mean a spouse cannot express displeasure over the attendance the SO to an event/trip?

You can express displeasure, nothing wrong with that. The issue is COMMANDING her to sit her ass down and not attend is the PROBLEM here and I am wondering why some of you don't see anything wrong there.

So if you are attending an event with your pals and your wife says she doesn't want you to go, hope you will stay put?

IamMobisola:

You can express displeasure, nothing wrong with that. The issue is COMMANDING her to sit her ass down and not attend is the PROBLEM here and I am wondering why some of you don't see anything wrong there.

So if you are attending an event with your pals and your wife says she doesn't want you to go, hope you will stay put?

Can your father command you? If yes, why not your husband?
Can you tell your father not to go to an event? If no, why do that to your husband?

GreatAchiever1:


Can your father command you? If yes, why not your husband?
Can you tell your father not to go to an event? If no, why do that to your husband?

Lol, no wonder. E show

E pain you enter marrow. If you're too big to follow your husband command, then I leave you to your cucumber and other gadget

IamMobisola:

Yeah right, coming from someone who doesn't know the meaning of the word he just used. Misusing words here and there.
Your mates dey military Barack dey command themselves to war, you dey there dey look for woman to command.
Mtchww

Anything outside work is discussed 'very' clearly. The OP made a previous post and a lot of people downplayed his worries. This update shows he's still concerned. As the husband, he tells her not to go, she stays back. That's it.

Kobojunkie:
So, if you outright tell your husband not to go somewhere, he will never go there?

Juoflife1:
Tell her not to go. It's that simple. Like someone said, expressing your concerns alone should make her not to attend that occasion. I don't live in the same country with my husband, he's not even Nigerian but if I want to go somewhere and he objects to it after much explaining, I don't go. Why will she even suggest to go with your brother? To prove what? What concerns her with the marriage of a younger sibling to an old school mate? Do they know her personally in the family? Where will she sleep and where will your brother sleep? Too many questions to ask lol.

You are one of the wise women here compared to those unmarried girls here who think they know what marriage without practical experience.

The man in this situation should be bold enough to tell his wife not to go

Juoflife1:
Anything outside work is discussed 'very' clearly. The OP made a previous post and a lot of people downplayed his worries. This update shows he's still concerned. As the husband, he tells her not to go, she stays back. That's it

Ofcourse, he is still concerned since the issue is his ego being bruised and not even the safety of his kids whom he did stated traveled with his wife back to Kenya.

Anyways, unless the agreement between both is that they each get to decide these things for each other, I see no reason why he should believe his wife must do as he says simply because. I don't believe adults are meant to "command" or make decisions on behalf of other adults, unless the one is a ward of the other.

IamMobisola:

You can express displeasure, nothing wrong with that. The issue is COMMANDING her to sit her ass down and not attend is the PROBLEM here and I am wondering why some of you don't see anything wrong there.

So if you are attending an event with your pals and your wife says she doesn't want you to go, hope you will stay put?

I don't subscribe to the commanding term used.

You need to understand that this event is not with OP's wife's pals. The situation is a suspicious one.
If my wife deems a non compulsory event suspicious and isn't pleased with me going, I'll not go.

Now same question to you, If your husband deems a non compulsory event suspicious and isn't pleased with you going, are you still going?

mukthar2000:
call her on phone to returned back to her father house on her way coming from the party, then u both met their to explained better to her father and Mother.

You can't be doing that all the time. If not, you'll be sending her to her father's house every week.

Kobojunkie:
Well, make sure you stay back in Nigeria where this leadership nonsense flies as well.

Only an unwise African man will bring his wife abroad with him.

I stay abroad, she stays in Nigeria or we both stay in Nigeria.

Albertone:
■ Only an unwise African man will bring his wife abroad with him.
I stay abroad, she stays in Nigeria or we both stay in Nigeria.

Lol... yet people like you wonder how you end up raising kids that belong to other men. Na wa oo!

Kobojunkie:
Lol... yet people like you wonder how you end up raising kids that belong to other men. Na wa oo!

Is distance an excuse to cheat?
If so, then all soldiers wives must be chronic cheats.

Albertone:
■ Is distance an excuse to cheat?
If so, then all soldiers wives must be chronic cheats.

Does anyone really need an "excuse" to cheat? Who said anything about that?

Albertone:


You can't be doing that all the time. If not, you'll be sending her to her father's house every week.

meaning she has being going out for long time without ur concept, but be a strong man to settled ur home, or u call both families for intervention b4 things get out of hands.

Albertone:


I don't subscribe to the commanding term used.

You need to understand that this event is not with OP's wife's pals. The situation is a suspicious one.
If my wife deems a non compulsory event suspicious and isn't pleased with me going, I'll not go.

Now same question to you, If your husband deems a non compulsory event suspicious and isn't pleased with you going, are you still going?

How exactly is it suspicious? What if she got the invite late? I still don't get where the suspicion is coming from.
My friend is having an event(whether male or female, it shouldn't matter)

IamMobisola:

How exactly is it suspicious? What if she got the invite late? I still don't get where the suspicion is coming from.
My friend is having an event(whether male or female, it shouldn't matter)

Indirectly, you've showed that you don't care whether your man is pleased with you going or not.

I maintain my earlier stand, don't marry a typical African man. Peace!