₦airaland Forum

Don't go ahead with all these scenarios. She will hurt you badly. She has no respect for you, she is only playing along because you are paying the bills.

madscientist88:
what is the use of a comma?what do you mean by seperate my sentences? how many of them are joined?

When you want to get a large audience in writing, try as much as possible to give lines if what you are writing is long

Derived from your own narrative,guy you have many things to work on, most essentially yourself.
You are selfish, and self-centred individual, you thinks only for yourself and wants to be in control totally.
Come on...this is 21st century stop bossing and start applying wisdom to everything. Hack that "I'm the Man attitudes. But don't be simp anyways.
For the girl she had her red flags too, she still keep in touch with her ex or exes if possible, be warned! You can be bend her, be warned! She's a liability, be warned!
For yourself you are not matured yet ,go work on your intelligence, ability, power to make strategic decisions,and be Libra.
Not this village and bush attitude of yours.

Brain full your head sir

gasparpisciotta:
Marriage is overrated and most people marry the wrong person but manage themselves till they depart either by death or other reasons

1. Never marry a girl out of pity
2. Never marry a woman who does not respect you
3. Never marry a girl you cannot control
4. Never marry a girl who threatens you
5. Never marry a lady who can illegally cohabit with the opposite sex without conscience
6. Don’t ever show your weakness to a woman
7. Don’t marry a lazy girl
8. If you cannot teach, mold, recreate and positively influence her, please let go

FanRong:
I'm sorry, this post is going to be a long one. But you're saving a soul if you read through and advice candidly.


My story
We've dated for 6months and we've lived together for the 6months.

On our 3rd month, I found her interesting and told her I'll like to marry her. She accepted but no engagement ring or anything to show. We just accepted by word of mouth.

Since then, I've worked towards it. I've told her to call her mum and eldest brother(dad is late) to relate my idea and understand their feeling since it won't be that easy to marry. (same state, but my people and her people are highly selective in marriage)

After several persuasion, and threat that I'll throw her out if she doesn't relate the circumstances to her family, she called the mum. And again I had to force her to call the eldest brother. She claimed she did. And that's enough. I'm ok.

Meanwhile, there's this guy(her ex) she claims helped her when she came to Lagos. It was when I started accommodating her that I found out in her chats that she was living with this guy, but lied to me she was living with her Aunt and the aunt's husband was harassing her sexually and she wants to leave. She later told me the guy, though provides for him but has never had sex with her, even when she was living in his house. These stories doesn't move me since everyone, who is not a virgin has an ex. So I forgave all that and we moved on.

She wasn't everything I need in a women, but I told myself I could train her the way I want. We continued adjusting to each others likes and dislikes.

I feed her this 6 months, provide comfortable shelter, buy her things she needs,(not want). Told her I'll do more and open a shop for her, if we get married, but she still confronts me asking why should I wait till after marriage? . I didn't allow the words move me cos Its my decision and my money and also, I'm used to gold diggers.

A good number of times, I see her as being selfish. If things doesn't benefit her, she'll not get bothered even if I'm involved.

Just this week, It became obvious to me that she argues everything I request her to do. From 24th Dec, we've been on holiday, we're always at home.
1. I'll wake her up at 9 and ask her to prepare breakfast for the family, she'll prefer to roll on the bed than do it. I'll finally have to do it myself so I can get things done and get busy.

2. I detest girls on eye lashes. I've repeatedly told her how I dislike it, but when she went to fix herself for the Christmas, she fixed the eyelashes, Contrary to my demand.

3. I got her some sneakers to upgrade her fashion style and look smarter, instead of the usual slippers and sandals she wears.
When we prepared to go to the beach few days ago, I requested her to put on the sneakers to look more fashionable, but she refused buttressing that she must wear what she wants, sandals.

4. Few days ago, we had a heated argument and she said that if I'm not happy that she's living with me, that she can go, afterall, she has somewhere to stay. I asked her to go and she immediately called that her ex bf to come to my house. I immediately swung into action, took all her belongings out, before the ex will arrive, at the same time, retrieving the items I gifted her.
While she was struggling to have her gifted items back, our neighbours heard the struggle and had to come and settle for us. She apologized and I forgave her. we were back into the house.

5. Just yesterday , we left home together, and I locked the door and I took the keys with me. We walked down the street together to the Busstop, I have almost no friend and seldomly greet. But there's this my ex girlfriend by the roadside, she saw me and yelled my name, I went to greet her and my Fiancée picked offence, left me without waiting for me. After that I chased her and told her it's nothing because I've told her everything about this ex.
Before we could get to the Busstop, she demanded for the house keys and I gave her since she might come back earlier than me.
We couldn't say bye. The anger was clear on her face and we parted ways.

After about 15mins, I got to where I wanted to make payment for the items I picked only to notice I am not with my transaction phone. I was confused where could I have kept it, the seller insisted I may not have come to his shop with the phone, and the phone rang as I called with my second phone. so I had to call my Fiancée for assistance since she's with the keys.
At first, she said she was still around the Busstop but when I told her I needed her to go home and confirm my phones whereabout, she said she can't go back that she has gone far, shouted on me and hung the phone.

I called and called and called, but she didn't pick. Many thoughts ran into me. Who took this phone? My money? , my phone? , my sim card? . I had to find my way and trekked back about 4km to the house since I had no cash with me. And finally saw the phone ringing in my house. I was relieved.

The way she shouted to me on the phone got me unbalanced, I felt she would be fire if I get this girl as a wife.

We finally traveled to our home state today and I paid the bills for the traveling. My major plan of traveling was to see her people and do the needful before I mistakenly get her pregnant. But I'm seriously contemplating of canceling this plan and throw her out come January. I need peace.

Dear nairalanders, I'm really in the middle of the deep blue sea and the devil.

I need mature and candid advice please.
Should I continue with the marriage plans or the redflags are obvious?

You are not a good person yourself and I suspect you aren’t very confident about yourself.
You are the one that really needs the girl more and you are trying to woo her by with your financial power. Your type do not allow girls work.
It’s bad people that try to retrieve what they gifted a lady when they feel the lady is leaving them

During my NYSC days in Ondo State 2009/2010. We went to visit the House of Assembly Member representing our LGA. While waiting for the Hon. his PA (who was an elderly man as at then) started giving us advise being young guys then.
He said as a man growing up and with a future, we shouldn't say " I want to be this or that in future" until you get a wife and marry.
He said who you marry will determine if what you want to become will be a reality of illusion.
Some women will help you in achieving your dreams while some will destroy your future and happiness because of wrong choice

shortgun:
It's logical to tell you to leave the girl or run for your life....but to who?
The experience you are having is just how women behave, you won't find a better one anywhere!
The only ones who will appear to be better are those who will pretend but will later show their true colours.
Any man who has made up his mind to get involved with a woman must be ready to put up with their nature and illogical dramas or just stay single.
You are even lucky she doesn't get angry with you cos you are cheating on her in her dreams.

The areas where I see you lacking is in dominance and assertiveness; you need to dominate her to conquer her.

I disagree with you because he can and will find someone better,we still have alot of wife materials around but not easy to find,that does not mean he should settle with someone he is clearly seeing trouble ahead with.That mind set of i cant find someone better is false and has caused alot of pain and tragedy.

4reala:
Please, are you married?

Does it make any difference?

Women are wired differently this I know both from personal interactions and other witnesses

Fxbu:
All this to an adult female hmmm, better get an under age girl.

Adult females can be positively influenced and molded. The man must be a real man

Pinkyposh:
When you want to get a large audience in writing, try as much as possible to give lines if what you are writing is long

excellent,but idont target lazy readers, people should work for what they want, people who would find the write-up useful would do so, besides my response was for the op,he got the message with no stress.
talk about a large audience,im sure you have come across the Gideons international small bible,you could barely read any text in that bible yet it has a large audience because of its contents.i am aware of everything you said its the right thing to do if i was writing a book.

gasparpisciotta:
Does it make any difference?

Women are wired differently this I know both from personal interactions and other witnesses

It does really make a lot of difference. Supposed you are married, you won't use that word overrated. Abi na cohabitation dey underrated?

madscientist88:
excellent,but idont target lazy readers, people should work for what they want, people who would find the write-up useful would do so, besides my response was for the op,he got the message with no stress.
talk about a large audience,im sure you have come across the Gideons international small bible,you could barely read any text in that bible yet it has a large audience because of its contents.i am aware of everything you said its the right thing to do if i was writing a book.

Please take correction and stop being defensive
Have a good life

Pinkyposh:
Please take correction and stop being defensive
Have a good life

sounds like you are my mum or something,i edited it few mins into new year,but still got roasted anyways,you could drag me for your suggestions and not look up if i made corrections or not,what you suggested isnt a necessary in prose just know this only drama.i figured it was actually easier for people to read it when i space it up,but it took a lot of space and makes it appear lengthy, since the update ive not gotten any reaction to it. dont try such feminine manipulative move at me again,you are not forced to read everything on a forum,so keep your opinions to yourself,i like being original.have a nice life.

shobusag:
This helped me as well man!!! My girl of 19 months is almost what this guy described here but one thing is that she loves me so much. But she likes doing what makes her happy without minding my reaction. But I am trying my best to let her know that am in charge. I have been 60% successful in that though. But my fear is about what will happen after marriage. Because the only thing that resets her to being 100% loyal is whenever I threaten to break up with her [she knows I can easily change my mind] apart from that she is just between 55 to 60% loyal. And that attitude alone has delayed me from getting married to her. I am as confused as this brother. But ur opinion helped me a little

He did not help you, instead he wants you to be totally finished, the day you start thinking instead of feeling in your situation the better for you