₦airaland Forum

chidiokay:
Imagination indeed ! so for your mind OP is passing through what nobody as pass through, seen or heard before some of you guyz online whu raised una sef, Na Op go 1st go thru divorce or marry bad wife

Do you know how many parent call there children "omo ale ni e" i.e bastard ... growing up i lost count the number of time my mom called me omo ale, does it mean she affirming she is not my mother

Dis the man say he is doubting the paternity of his children, why cry more than the bereaved what do you stand to gain pushing a man to abandon is children all for meaningless rant

Nothing concern me with the husband & wife madness , But the children must not be dragged into it, A responsible man will never abandon his children no matter what, there is No justification except DNA shows they are not his.

think whatever you like, i don't blame you i blame the yeye kind of Men we have now

Talking about men if b4 and now? U re very funny what of women I b4 and now. No man should abandon his kids but my dear, circumstances nor be anyone mate. He wants to be involved in the kids life but not on her terms. She dragged the kids into it. She need mental help believe me. Everything she did is abnormal

waleolaniyan:
Many people passing comments here don't know nothing. Many undefined variables that the separated spouses will have to grapple with. Blames, regrets, rejections, social stigma, inner pains, confusions, health issues, financial issues, loneliness, sexual depravity, induced addictions, etc.

My prime advice to the man is: Your health, life and well-being must be your unconditionally and absolutely taken care of. No compromise with this before your life gets cut short. Do gym, look nice.

Rule 2: Never jump into any relationship immediately. Take your time. Avoid hangouts that could lead into new wife and unwanted pregnancy from a hook. Preferably, stay alone or thread with utmost caution.

Rule 3. Decide what to do with the old relationship or draw conclusion. This will determine your next line of action. Don't follow cacophony of advice, follow your heart based on your experience in that matter.

Rule 4. Do what pleases you and will not harm your well-being on the issue of your children. Most women are selfish and will turn the children against their father by every means. This is the majority of instances. Do to your children as your pocket can afford and never regret it, or feel inadequate.

Rule 5. Get involved in meaningful social or spiritual activities that would make your connect with people.

Rule 6. Never keep your experience secret. Let people that matters in your circle, workplace, neighbourhood, colleagues know about it. It brings you relief.

Rule 7. Decide your future and let bygone begone.

Pray regularly over your situation.

Absolutely!

as a man,

u allowed one woman to take u down emotionally..

u nor well oo...

so u dont really know ur worth.

if its a woman with little options, i can understand not for a man

Adam get up, dust urself up and add value to ur life..

even better than your ex will chase u like mad oo

responsible men are very hard to find but responsible ladies are everywhere in this generation

Fearyourcreator:
The children fit no be his sef

Then let him do a DNA test, instead of making assumptions.

The fact is, men tend to translate how they feel about their woman onto their kids.

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

Am a man and I can comprehend what u are saying ..

I guess we need to have d spirit of forgiveness because if we do it women can forgive us all in the name of polygamouse nature of men ..

But for men 🤔.I guess this can solve his problem

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

Let me tell you d fact u see those marriages that last for 40years and d likes has many of this kind of happening and generous but they won't disclose it ...

Catching ur wife all in the name of cheating sometimes doesn't guarantee sending her out of the house because u will loose ur love and companionship what I see to this is for u to either punish her and also make sure u resolve the issue so such won't happen again..

because your happiness with then will make u live longer on earth but sometimes without ur love ones around you will lead to high BP and indirectly leading to early grave 🤔.


Call her and her family and your family to resolve things because u dont want to loose your happiness ..

My 2cent

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

May God bless your generation that's what am telling the OP too I never knew u have posted something similar or same as I have done..

Many marriages that lasted 40years has more senecios than this but they won't say it ..

I have a personal experience with my elder brother and till date they are together but it's worst than what this OP is saying

You have finished the OP with 101% evidence to stay in the marriage and that's exactly what have written before seeing this
..

I made him understand marriages that lasted for 40years and everlasting are always like this too but separation isn't the answer instead he should punish her in one way or the other just because he wants the marriage to work and he don't want to lose his emotion and love for the children and family ..


And now he had done it and he is not finding it easy to move on for life 🤔

So why doing the act initially??

pocohantas:
1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

I guess she is doing all this all because her feelings or love for you has vanished and likely u are d one in love and loved her and not the other way round 😢 or rather she didn't love u ..

Rather she married u all because of ur money or something else because a woman that loves u will always do things to make sure u guys are always together from being supportive financially, spiritually even morally just to make sure there is peace at home..

Am speaking from my present marriage experience 🙏

Afodot0022:
Thanks for your words Poco, your comment is embedded with knowledge and wisdom. True there is no perfect marriage out there but attimes taking a break is just necessary. Cheating from her was even the least of what she does, for me to back out, have already out way the negative and positive and realize leaving will be more advantageous to me.she is not supportive, she is disrespectful, she belittle me to every tom dick and harry, she doesn't cover her family affairs but rather expose to the public, she is more loyal to her family than her own immediate family,to crown it up, she added infidelity to it, this is just too much to take from a woman as a man, even though there is no perfect person,some people are more better than the others. The reason why I don't get bothered about this new babe am with now despite discovering some trait in her, I don't see myself getting into marriage again cos I don't see any advantage marriage is to a man except just responsibility and bills. Anyways thanks Poco.

Resetinc:
Divorce doesn’t affect men a bit, in fact, it’s more of a relief, only when kids are involved their heart/mind is always on their kids….
That’s why jezebels always use visitation denial and custody battle to hunt them….

If not for children, a divorced man is like a bird freed from a cage. 😎

No loud am abeg 😆

If not for children too ehn kai

Now that have tested marriage I realize it's a total bondage ..

Like d man just go put himself for cage and limit his scope to enjoy or flex well 😂😆

finallybusy:
Adaptation is the superpower of human beings. Whether you like it or not, you must adapt to situations. You had a life before marriage, you will slowly go back into it. The loneliness is painful coupled with the feeling that you failed as a human being. That will pass in years to come. A few small girls will find their way into warming your bed. It is your decision to keep them around or not.

All in all, face the important things in your life. Bills will never take a break because you did. Why not spend all the extra time buried in work.

Bad guy 😂

Afodot0022:
Honestly you can say that again, with my experience I don't think I can reason marriage again cos with what my eyes have seen, it's not just worth it especially for the man, it's nothing like a cage for the man,

That's just the epilogue of all the matter and over hyped word called MARRIAGE

Oshokhai69:
No matter your experience, it is plain stupid to send money to a 13 year old for upkeep. How do you just put thousands of Naira in a bank account of a 13 year old and expect that person to turn out right? In this age of social media. Are you not even concerned about security of the child? There are so many foolish people on this Nairaland walahi!

Pls don't get him wrong, I think what he is saying or should I say what I meant is that the money can get to the mother through the child(depends on how well you brought up the child), and at the same time, call the mother and inform her about it, though it won't go down well with the mother, but who cares...

We see things from different angles.... Ilu gangan ni, iwaju lo ko si e, eyin lo ko si elomi

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Stop it

Same way they coped before marriage.

Were they born married?

If I ever divorce, I will remain single.

Kingrshd3:
Let me tell you d fact u see those marriages that last for 40years and d likes has many of this kind of happening and generous but they won't disclose it ...

Catching ur wife all in the name of cheating sometimes doesn't guarantee sending her out of the house because u will loose ur love and companionship what I see to this is for u to either punish her and also make sure u resolve the issue so such won't happen again..

because your happiness with then will make u live longer on earth but sometimes without ur love ones around you will lead to high BP and indirectly leading to early grave 🤔.


Call her and her family and your family to resolve things because u dont want to loose your happiness ..

My 2cent

One of the easiest things is 'to advise', more so, your 2cent is an indication that you're out of touch with reality.

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Osheeey! 🙌
Special adviser on Cheating matters.

A wife cheated, and you're advising the poor man 'to fight for his marriage'...looollll 🤣

Darling, you have no idea what a MAN is?

Westerhoffe:
Please, choose right by allowing GOD choose the right partner for you.

That way, you'll have no reason for divorce.

Was it the devil 👿 that chose for Pastor Oyakhilome?

You people sef. 😏

omooba969:
Osheeey! 🙌
Special adviser on Cheating matters.

A wife cheated, and you're advising the poor man 'to fight for his marriage'...looollll 🤣

Darling, you have no idea what a MAN is?

The advice you quoted is what many women whose husbands are cheating, are been told..... 'fight for your marriage".

A MAN is first and foremost HUMAN, no mystery to it.

Mindlog:
The advice you quoted is what many women whose husbands are cheating, are been told..... 'fight for your marriage".

A MAN is first and foremost HUMAN, no mystery to it.

@bolded- I know that already. What most people fail to realise is that the MAN is different from the WOMAN. It's well known that a family man could cheat and still keep his wife/home (this is not to say it's right), but it's quite different for a woman as she may struggle to pull this off over time. She's more likely to lose interest in her husband and go with whom she's cheating with. Most times the man would want to keep his wife and side chick.

Do you still wonder why the man is more territorial in nature?

omooba969:
@bolded- I know that already. What most people fail to realise is that the MAN is different from the WOMAN. It's well known that a family man could cheat and still keep his wife/home (this is not to say it's right), but it's quite different for a woman as she may struggle to pull this off over time. She's more likely to lose interest in her husband and go with whom she's cheating with. Most times the man would want to keep his wife and side chick.

Do you still wonder why the man is more territorial in nature?

The bolded is not universal. Can you as an African man living in the West and married to a Caucasian, after cheating have the same chance of keeping your Caucasian wife and home as you would with a Nigerian wife living in Nigeria?

A man or woman who cheats on their spouse has diminished feelings for the spouse.

Many men who are in social settings that affords them to keep wife and side chicks at the same time, keeps the wife to project stability and "family man" image and side chicks for his sexual fantasies.

Mindlog:
The bolded is not universal. Can you as an African man living in the West and married to a Caucasian, after cheating have the same chance of keeping your Caucasian wife and home as you would with a Nigerian wife living in Nigeria?

A man or woman who cheats on their spouse has diminished feelings for the spouse.

Many men who are in social settings that affords them to keep wife and side chicks at the same time, keeps the wife to project stability and "family man" image and side chicks for his sexual fantasies.

I didn't mention it's universal and this discourse is actually within the Nigerian context you know. At the same time, my submission is a possibility with reference to the westerners, that is, it's more likely for a man to keep his wife and side chick than for a woman to do so.

Do you agree that a MAN is more territorial than a woman?

omooba969:
I didn't mention it's universal and this discourse is actually within the Nigerian context you know. At the same time, my submission is a possibility with reference to the westerners, that is, it's more likely for a man to keep his wife and side chick than for a woman to do so.

Do you agree that a MAN is more territorial than a woman?

Men and women have areas in life, each is more territorial than the other and influenced by personality type and social settings.

Mindlog:
Men and women have areas in life, each is more territorial than the other and influenced by personality type and social settings.

🙂 Well, I want to believe you know the answer to my question but you have chosen to stick to your guns.

There's something I have noticed in some threads about marriage and infidelity that amuses me. When a man is guilt tripped to ignore his wife's unfaithfulness for the sake of keeping a marriage. Why should I care about something she wasn't scared of destroying? And the threat that my own kids would be used against me so I better comply. Of course I believe in maintaining a family, but at what cost? Try oyinbo women and see, them no dey forgive cheating, in fact na wetin dem dey pray make u do make them show you shege. E be like this single wey I dey na enjoyment I dey ooo I no know. I swear if I put babe Belle, na just to lock up be that, because at the end na bullshit just dey everywhere. It's seems it's unmarried people that over idealize marriage, make I just dey my own, I no get wife sef wey pesin go bleep. If no be societal pressure sef, and to get pikin, why would I expose myself to nonsense wey go con make my head dey shake.

Father254:
Nigeria women are better than Kenya women are next to the devil. When they sting you take grace to recover.

What about Kenyan women, abeg throw more light on the matter if you don't mind.

omooba969:
🙂 Well, I want to believe you know the answer to my question but you have chosen to stick to your guns.

That is the same answer, I have written/spoken in answer to related questions right through my undergraduate psychology days to my postgraduate psychology studies.......personality traits and social settings are strong influencers.

Orlu13:
mumu...u will learn in a hard way....u guys can try everything to be like a man but a man is a man...I can cheat on my wife if I want to but if she tries d same, I will send her home...she can be testing other dishes but not in my house okay....It's my world and I will run it d way I want to

You too dey PARA !

Mindlog:
That is the same answer, I have written/spoken in answer to related questions right through my undergraduate psychology days to my postgraduate psychology studies.......personality traits and social settings are strong influencers.

No one is disputing the fact that we're of different personalities and the external greatly influences our attitude/character.

However, my question is basic and easy to understand.

abike12:
your responsibility as a father has nothing to do with your relationship with your ex-wife and the infidelity you keep mentioning is not useful information in the context of taking care of your children. the reason for divorce does not excuse you from your responsibility to your children. do not discuss this with your children in an attempt to get back at your ex, it will backfire on you and your children will view you as a bitter and frustrated person. move on with your life and hopefully you have better luck next time.

Manipulation 101

@bolded is like trying to shade a man who's frugal by saying 'he's not a real man'....lol 😂

omooba969:
No one is disputing the fact that we're of different personalities and the external greatly influences our attitude/character.

However, my question is basic and easy to understand.

However, my answer is basic and easy to understand.