At Afodot0022

Why don't you have any form of custody like weekends or two days in a week sort of? How old are the kids?

Afodot0022:
Well I don't know you and you are entitled to your comment, am sure if you went through half of what I went through in my marriage, you would have exited earlier than I did, it's not all marriages you fight for cos some are just destined to crash-land. If you are in a situation where you gave your all for a marriage, work hard to cater for your family and go extra mile to be sure everyone is comfortable and what you get from your wife is for her to be having an affair with another man, even if you fight for such marriage and continue as a man, you can never have peace in that marriage again, even the bible gave infidelity as a ground for divorce and mind you, I never said am finding it difficult to move on, even if the feeling was like that at the beginning of the separation, it's not the same again now, I have healed and moved on since, I brought this discussion up cos I believe so many divorced men are going through same and I think if you are in such scenario, you will definitely understand better

With the infidelity, how are you sure the kids are yours? Have you done a DNA test? There have been several reports but I remember one (statistics) about how promiscuous the women in this country are. Very alarming.

The op directed the question to divorce and separated men. Are you one of those?
OP you get energy to waste on irrelevant response.
Just wait and let others share their experiences.

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

Seriously? Endure infidelity from a woman?

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

pocohantas:


1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

she will get tired and retire with you... Can you even hear yourself Your papa!!!!!


Sorry to say, this right here is the reason I will always advice Nigerian men if you can, pls marry from another country.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.


To marry self is scary.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

To marry self is getting more scarier than i thought.

You better carry out a DNA test on those kids.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

EreluRoz:
Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility after all those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure.

How sure are you that the kid are his, has he done a DNA test to affirm this claim...?. Wetin I Sabi🥴

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

The guy weh break your heart do u strong thing

Honestly you can say that again, with my experience I don't think I can reason marriage again cos with what my eyes have seen, it's not just worth it especially for the man, it's nothing like a cage for the man,

Resetinc:
Divorce doesn’t affect men a bit, in fact, it’s more of a relief, only when kids are involved their heart/mind is always on their kids….
That’s why jezebels always use visitation denial and custody battle to hunt them….

If not for children, a divorced man is like a bird freed from a cage. 😎

I cope very well. No problems at all

Dem still de do child support fot Nigeria

Bloody feminist and evening newspaper.

She'll never give good advice, her aim is to see all men doomed .

pocohantas:


1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

They are your kids. Soon they'll become adults, and support will seize.

There is always a consequence for marrying the wrong spouse, and many times divorce or separation cannot solve the pain or strain that comes with that decision. Narcissistist ladies make it their ambition to poison the mind of their kids against their dads when separation happens. You may fund the children's housing and education, yet they look at you as the devil.

Men should never learn from their own experience, but should learn from the experience of others. Never marry a lady assuming she will change. Never say yes to a man hoping you can train him either.

In the end only God heal broken hearts, and out of seemingly chaotic situations Men and women who know God have become so successful, that funding their children's care becomes the very least of their trouble. People's ex send them regret messages hoping they can mend things when their ex partners make real quantum leaps in life. That's what you should pray for.

PonziHater

There's been a number of divorce posts hitting frontpage lately. Wetin dey happen ?

Afodot0022:
Honestly you can say that again, with my experience I don't think I can reason marriage again cos with what my eyes have seen, it's not just worth it especially for the man, it's nothing like a cage for the man,

You better go and marry, unless you want to die quicker like married women with children. Single men/Married Woman die quicker than Married Men/Single Women.

RealNiggaDee:
Bloody feminist and evening newspaper.

She'll never give good advice, her aim is to see all men doomed .

I swear down...weather she likes it or not, men and women are not the same thing

unless no be my mama born me, if my wife cheats on me, she is 100% going back to her father's house..no two ways abt dat...pocohontas, u can eat ur heart out

You can say that to a naive and novice man, being with a toxic and contentious woman will even end your life earlier than been single

BloomingDale:


You better go and marry, unless you want to die quicker like married women with children. Single men/Married Woman die quicker than Married Men/Single Women.

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Why not learn manners so that you can have a blissful union.

My case was a bit different and easy because there was no child involved. Had it been the marriage produced children, I would have considered my kids and keep on ensuring the marriage. But as Pikin no dey, it was so easy and there was no fight whatsoever on having custody of any child/Children. Well today, I am happily remarried and having a blissful marriage.

Afodot0022:
Well I don't know you and you are entitled to your comment, am sure if you went through half of what I went through in my marriage, you would have exited earlier than I did, it's not all marriages you fight for cos some are just destined to crash-land. If you are in a situation where you gave your all for a marriage, work hard to cater for your family and go extra mile to be sure everyone is comfortable and what you get from your wife is for her to be having an affair with another man, even if you fight for such marriage and continue as a man, you can never have peace in that marriage again, even the bible gave infidelity as a ground for divorce and mind you, I never said am finding it difficult to move on, even if the feeling was like that at the beginning of the separation, it's not the same again now, I have healed and moved on since, I brought this discussion up cos I believe so many divorced men are going through same and I think if you are in such scenario, you will definitely understand better

Always resist the urge to shalaye.... Cant u see u are being mocked by that moniker?? Sigh!!

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

I feel your pain some women are using the monthly stipends their ex sends for children upkeep to remain beautiful for other men...look at Davido baby mama.

Afodot0022:
Thanks for your words Poco, your comment is embedded with knowledge and wisdom. True there is no perfect marriage out there but attimes taking a break is just necessary. Cheating from her was even the least of what she does, for me to back out, have already out way the negative and positive and realize leaving will be more advantageous to me.she is not supportive, she is disrespectful, she belittle me to every tom dick and harry, she doesn't cover her family affairs but rather expose to the public, she is more loyal to her family than her own immediate family,to crown it up, she added infidelity to it, this is just too much to take from a woman as a man, even though there is no perfect person,some people are more better than the others. The reason why I don't get bothered about this new babe am with now despite discovering some trait in her, I don't see myself getting into marriage again cos I don't see any advantage marriage is to a man except just responsibility and bills. Anyways thanks Poco.

Bro everything that happened to you here is exactly the same thing that happened to me except that she left with my 2 yrs old daughter whom i love so much. I haven't fully recovered yet but I'll pull.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

don't mind those saying trash, if your first child is of age like 13 above, communicate with him or her regularly, buy him/her phone, let the child open an account, deposit whatever you want to give out in it, anything you do aside that is a waste of resources, you Ex wife will definitely tell the kids how irresponsible you are. She will speak bad of you to the children.

PrinceofSarcasm:


Why do you always come off like this most times? Why? What is the matter actually?
For your information no man who was breastfed by his mother will take back a cheating woman, so if she likes she can compare how men cheat to all day it won't change anything

That's what happens when u allow nairaland men give u PTSD

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

don't mind those saying trash, if your first child is of age like 13 above, communicate with him or her regularly, buy him/her phone, let the child open an account, deposit whatever you want to give out in it, anything you do aside that is a waste of resources, you Ex wife will definitely tell the kids how irresponsible you are. She will speak bad of you to the children...

The fact that the OP hasn't done a DNA test , is worrisome. A key that can open any lock is a master key , a lock that can be opened by any key is useless .

men needs to learn or they'd perish. When we preach the redpill ,we aren't saying "hate women" but become enlightened about women's underhand tactics .

Orlu13:



I swear down...weather she likes it or not, men and women are not the same thing

unless no be my mama born me, if my wife cheats on me, she is 100% going back to her father's house..no two ways abt dat...pocohontas, u can eat ur heart out

Oga pay your child support and leave us alone, who you wan make e pay am before?

You can ask for the custody of the kids if e dey pain you.

Give what you can afford and find love again.

advanceDNA:


That's what happens when u allow nairaland men give u PTSD

How can Nairaland give anyone PTSD? That right there is a sign of some deeper underlying issues.
If total strangers on a forum can give you PTSD.

RealNiggaDee:
The fact that the OP hasn't done a DNA test , is worrisome. A key that can open any lock is a master key , a lock that can be opened by any key is useless .

men needs to learn or they'd perish. When we preach the redpill ,we aren't saying "hate women" but become enlightened about women's underhand tactics .

yes DNA should be done so he won't be cheated twice...bfr nigga starts taking care of another man's children

What the fuck_ do you mean by cope?

Were they not doing just fine as bachelors before them bitches entered their lives ?

Damn!

Orlu13:



I swear down...weather she likes it or not, men and women are not the same thing

unless no be my mama born me, if my wife cheats on me, she is 100% going back to her father's house..no two ways abt dat...pocohontas, u can eat ur heart out

You want your wife to dey manage just your weak akamu when better jollof, egusi, edikankong with better meat, brokoto etc dey outside? You must be a very wicked and selfish man. Una like to sample different dishes but want women to just manage una unpalatable akamu. The devil is a liar.