₦airaland Forum

Omotehanny:
Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?

I'm sorry you are going this but kudos for recognising that the relationship dynamic with your mum isn't healthy nor normal.

Finances is often a challenge when trying to escape an abusive situation. But you cannot boil the ocean in one day. You have to take it one day at a time.

First thing is to research how much it would cost to afford the most basic accommodation outside of her home. You may not be able to afford it now but having idea of how much you will need gives you something to work towards .
Start saving towards that goal but do not let her know of your plans. It may take a while to reach it but knowing you have a plan of escape can serve as succour during these trying times.

Verbal abuse is just as damaging if not more so due to its lasting effects on the psyche. But try to drown out the hateful words if you can. Speak words of kindness to yourself and remember that words have power if only you let them. Choose the words that you give power to, and dismiss the rest.

Lastly recognise her actions for what they are, accept that she is the way is by her choice. You are not responsible for them. This is to give you the emotional distance to do what is right for you and find peace doing.

See the lesson in her actions, as reminder when you become a parent yourself (if you desire children) on how NOT to parent.

When you move on with your life ( and you will) break the cycle so that your kids don't start a thread on nairaland saying the same thing.

beekind:
The bolded is how you putting go about putting fear in people and enabling toxic parents to continue to maintain their hold on their children.
Do you have any empirical proof that children whose parents are praying for do better than those who don't ?
I mean with the way most parents pray for their children, you'd think everyone in Nigeria should be prosperous now yet most people live below the poverty line despite all the prayers of their mothers morning and night...

It is hardwork and Gods grace that makes a man prosper, a mother is a human being and cannot determine the direction a mans destiny will take except the child allows her to.

I thank God you mentioned his name in your last paragraph so at least u are a Christian. Go and read the whole of James 3, in the backdrop of what Gid said about honoring your father and mother, and come back let's talk

Jewessgratitud3:
Look, I'm a lady and i'm not judging you or trying to excuse your Moms behavior but trying to let you know all shes doing is to protect you and your siblings and prevent you from bringing her shame but because you already have a mindset that she's toxic you won't see it from that angle. Please erase that notion from your head.

Now, have you sat down to think what are those things you're doing she doesn't like... Have you examined your attitude towards her? Ok if you're calm like you claim then why is she abusing you physically? Only a mad person will attack a calm person sitting on her own.

Again, are you working? You asked if my Mom still beat me at 26.. well she was already late by the time I turned 26 but before then she still talks to me like a baby if I don't do what she wants and I know I'm the one looking for her trouble. But then I was working and as a working class lady when I get back from work I'll carry jerrycan on my head to go look for water when it's my turn on the roster if I don't want my ears to be full that day because I'm still under her roof but now if they tell you people to do certain chores you'll be forming big girl.
Even in my late 30s I still carried baff on my head to fetch water in my sisters house before her husband dug a borehole for her. That's how far a good home training can go.

Lastly, look for money and get a place of your own and seek her consent before leaving but don't use it as a license to begin to live anyhow life cos I know men, they'll be flocking around you. Don't get carried away so your mother won't say, she said it.

So all I'm saying is get off your high horses. You too will be a mother someday. Hm

Babe I have to disagree with you that woman is highly mental...not normal at all by any means

There is NOTHING a child can do to satisfy that kind of woman she describes

You can move out.


And oh pls cancel every negative words she says to you.

EOD.

Mom007:
I thank God you mentioned his name in your last paragraph so at least u are a Christian. Go and read the whole of James 3, in the backdrop of what Gid said about honoring your father and mother, and come back let's talk

Okay you think it's only Christians that know God?

Sirianese:
Babe I have to disagree with you that woman is highly mental...not normal at all by any means

There is NOTHING a child can do to satisfy that kind of woman she describes

Have you heard the womans side of the story? The op just came and painted the woman bad all through and never even mentioned one thing she did wrong at least. That 💯 blame on the Mom is what I find hard to believe. I'm not saying the Op s lying. True, there are toxic mothers but with how calm she claims she is no sane mother will treat her like that except the mother has mental issues but op is not telling us but then why is she not exibiting her madness to the boys?

You see... Any girl that keeps having problems with her mother, its either the mother didn't allow her to live anyhow life like her mates and so she feels the mother is caging her and begins to see her as toxic but they'll hide under abuse to attract sympathy and paint the mother bad. That's how most of them behave nowadays

Some won't realize the Mom is doing them good until one Street urchin impregnates them then theyll want to turn back to their Mom after bringing her shame.

She ran away before and the mother begged her to come back. A toxic mother will not care or bother to beg her. Thats to tell you the woman still has feelings and is avoiding something. That is why I said she should go and test that freedom she thinks she's missing. No be people wen we don handle their type before?

Jewessgratitud3:
Have you heard the womans side of the story? The op just came and painted the woman bad all through and never even mentioned one thing she did wrong at least. That 💯 blame on the Mom is what I find hard to believe. I'm not saying the Op s lying. True, there are toxic mothers but with how calm she claims she is no sane mother will treat her like that except the mother has mental issues but op is not telling us but then why is she not exibiting her madness to the boys?

You see... Any girl that keeps having problems with her mother, its either the mother didn't allow her to live anyhow life like her mates and so she feels the mother is caging her and begins to see her as toxic but they'll hide under abuse to attract sympathy and paint the mother bad. That's how most of them behave nowadays

Some won't realize the Mom is doing them good until one Street urchin impregnates them then theyll want to turn back to their Mom after bringing her shame.

She ran away before and the mother begged her to come back. A toxic mother will not care or bother to beg her. Thats to tell you the woman still has feelings and is avoiding something. That is why I said she should go and test that freedom she thinks she's missing. No be people wen we don handle their type before?

This is something I've seen before and not even recently...you're quite right

Jewessgratitud3:
Look, I'm a lady and i'm not judging you or trying to excuse your Moms behavior but trying to let you know all shes doing is to protect you and your siblings and prevent you from bringing her shame but because you already have a mindset that she's toxic you won't see it from that angle. Please erase that notion from your head.

Now, have you sat down to think what are those things you're doing she doesn't like... Have you examined your attitude towards her? Ok if you're calm like you claim then why is she abusing you physically? Only a mad person will attack a calm person sitting on her own.

Again, are you working? You asked if my Mom still beat me at 26.. well she was already late by the time I turned 26 but before then she still talks to me like a baby if I don't do what she wants and I know I'm the one looking for her trouble. But then I was working and as a working class lady when I get back from work I'll carry jerrycan on my head to go look for water when it's my turn on the roster if I don't want my ears to be full that day because I'm still under her roof but now if they tell you people to do certain chores you'll be forming big girl.
Even in my late 30s I still carried baff on my head to fetch water in my sisters house before her husband dug a borehole for her. That's how far a good home training can go.

Lastly, look for money and get a place of your own and seek her consent before leaving but don't use it as a license to begin to live anyhow life cos I know men, they'll be flocking around you. Don't get carried away so your mother won't say, she said it.

So all I'm saying is get off your high horses. You too will be a mother someday. Hm

This woman is dumb dumber dumbest Kai…..
You just dey gba kai very dumb shithead

rayvelez:
This woman is dumb dumber dumbest Kai…..
You just dey gba kai very dumb shithead

I'm not surprised, no manners, that is all you get from a generation of dumbos who lack respect and don't tàke to corrections but want their rights protected .

They don't know anything, (no brain) other than fast life that will soon consume them ( with exceptions to the OP). You'll learn the hard way.

Omotehanny:
Thanks realtalk19

I do much appreciate what you've said

So you said you moved away from her house. How was it for you. Did you feel guilty like I did the first time when I left home?

No I didn't feel guilty I felt peace and was happy.i had to work hard to pay my bills and it was worth it

MOG6670:
how do you deal with her attitude toward u?

Enduring all my life..

BobbieZion:
Enduring all my life..

i'll advice that u get and apartment "if u're financially capable" to regain and heal from wound. You can neve discover true "YOU" in that kind of enviroment. You may probably suffering from low self-esteem and depression now

MOG6670:
i'll advice that u get and apartment "if u're financially capable" to regain and heal from wound. You can neve discover true "YOU" in that kind of enviroment. You may probably suffering from low self-esteem and depression now

Thanks!!
Appreciate that......

Talismann:
Omo you need therapy first before anything else.

Na so oo! But as e be so, she probably can't afford it or she will run to one pastor saying she is trying to get counseling.

You have a Narcissistic mother, just like me. I'm just recovering from the depression she made me go through. My healing didn't start until i moved far away from her

Omotehanny:
Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?