₦airaland Forum

I've been married for 25 years.

My husband and I never lived together under the same roof all these years.

I lived in the South East and worked there before marriage.

After marriage, I offered to resign from my job and join him in Lagos but he rejected the idea.

He said our family needed more financial support from my job.

My Mother and Mother-in-law advised me not to resign from my job and I believe they saw the future.

I also never visited him in Lagos where he resided and worked.

The only time I attempted to visit him in Lagos led to a rift between us.

He threatened to end the marriage and our families had to get involved to resolve the misunderstanding.

He only visited when he liked and that was when it was time for another baby.

We have 4 children together.

Now 25 years later my husband has retired from his job and has moved back to the South East.

The problem is that we live like strangers.

I don't know him and we have no relationship.

We just spent about 1 week together during each of his visits.

He could be gone for over a year without visiting.

The major issue is that I feel a deep sense of resentment for him.

He returned expecting everything to be all lovey-dovey but he is unrealistic.

We never had any conversations, our relationship was so official.

I never enjoyed the marriage which is the main reason for my resentment.

I got married majorly for companionship but I found myself alone like a single woman for 25 years.

If only I knew this was what he had to offer I never would have married him.

Not only did I not have companionship, I hustled like a single mother for 25 years.

My husband never provided any financial support.

At the beginning he kept playing me around each time I asked for money.

After a while he couldn't play around anymore he told me how he didn't live in the apartment so why should he pay for it?

He said the same thing about food and other needs.

I couldn't believe it.

After a heated showdown, his Mother and my Mother had a heart-to-heart talk with me, telling me to take care of my needs as I could.

I also had to cater to our children's needs after he kept dragging his feet.

I felt like I married myself.

I had a husband yet I was hustling like I was a single Mother.

I felt so much resentment towards him.

After the birth of our fourth child, I stopped communicating with him.

He never communicated, we only talked once I called him.

Funny enough he was fine with us not communicating.

That showed me the state of our marriage.

Our oldest child is 24 and out of the house. The other children are 22, 20, and 18. They are all adults, two are graduates from the university.

The other 2 are undergraduates and out of the house.

So it's just the two of us.

Now he is making small talk trying to communicate with me like we are a loving couple.

No love ever existed between us.

Our families have asked me to forgive like everyone else.

It's always so easy to dish out advice once it's not you.

The truth is that there is no way I can relate to him as a loving husband.

Now he is staying in the very apartment he refused to pay for.

He complains that I don't talk to him and sometimes I don't come home.

What does he expect?

His presence offends me and sometimes I stop by my friend who is a widow.

She lives alone and I have spent some nights with her since our youngest child left home.

We could both do with some company.

He is accusing me of seeing another man.

Did I know what he did in Lagos for 25 years?

It's just irritating how he expects us to carry on like nothing happened and all is well.

I don't know how to get out of this situation.

I'm thinking about getting another apartment and moving out.

My greatest regret is marrying this man.

This is not the life I wanted.

I had to work overtime to ensure that I didn't dislike our children.

I'm losing my mind with the way he keeps acting like it's business as usual.

Expecting me to cater to him like we made all these loving memories all these years.

My heart is so heavy and I don't know how to heal from this because is.....
https://www.allsinglesandmarried.com/?m=1

okay cont.

Cc

What exactly dies the poster want us to tell her? To congratulate her and insult her husband? She will be happy to hear people that are certainly going to insult her husband in this thread, she can now enjoy, you have being able to carry on for all of 25 years and your children are adults now and the burden is less and it's now that you want us to advice or encourage you to leave your husband? People like me will not do that, we can only tell you y9u are still alife and a living dog is better than a dead lion, we will tell you that it's never too late to be happy with your husband, as a matter of fact, if you can overcome your self pity and accept that all THINGS work out together for good to them that love God, that are created according to the will of God, or do you think that God makes mistakes? If God had wanted, he shouldn't have allowed you to marry him in the first place.
We advice you to cleanse your mind start enjoying your marriage, and don't allow the devil to tell you what to do, if you continue in the way you are thinking now, you will never be happy in your life, if you leave Him, now for you know the type you are going to run to? He is your Cross and you have carried it successfuly, relax and enjoy your life. This is the advice if a Christian and 9nly a Christian will take a Christian advice

What exactly dies the poster want us to tell her? To congratulate her and insult her husband? She will be happy to hear people that are certainly going to insult her husband in this thread, she can now enjoy, you have being able to carry on for all of 25 years and your children are adults now and the burden is less and it's now that you want us to advice or encourage you to leave your husband? People like me will not do that, we can only tell you y9u are still alife and a living dog is better than a dead lion, we will tell you that it's never too late to be happy with your husband, as a matter of fact, if you can overcome your self pity and accept that all THINGS work out together for good to them that love God, that are created according to the will of God, or do you think that God makes mistakes? If God had wanted, he shouldn't have allowed you to marry him in the first place.
We advice you to cleanse your mind start enjoying your marriage, and don't allow the devil to tell you what to do, if you continue in the way you are thinking now, you will never be happy in your life, if you leave Him, now for you know the type you are going to run to? He is your Cross and you have carried it successfuly, relax and enjoy your life. This is the advice if a Christian and 9nly a Christian will take a Christian advice.

Thought the OP was someone in genuine need of advice until I saw the link and realised it's just another blog post

Madam go and get yourself a boyfriend, someone who will be fuçking your brains out

Which novel is this ?

BareFacedLies:
Madam go and get yourself a boyfriend, someone who will be fuçking your brains out

Can they take care of the boyfriend?

Women that are very stingy even to themselves.

When you agreed to marry the man, you no tell us. Na now when everything don scatter you con dey give us super story.

Your husband never supported you financially? Dey play and yet you guys have 4 kids together

This is the issue I notice with the Igbos, it's always business and no time for family..sorry ma be strong

Madam divorce him and stop making noise

LoveUdie:
I've been married for 25 years.

My husband and I never lived together under the same roof all these years.

I lived in the South East and worked there before marriage.

After marriage, I offered to resign from my job and join him in Lagos but he rejected the idea.

He said our family needed more financial support from my job.

My Mother and Mother-in-law advised me not to resign from my job and I believe they saw the future.

I also never visited him in Lagos where he resided and worked.

The only time I attempted to visit him in Lagos led to a rift between us.

He threatened to end the marriage and our families had to get involved to resolve the misunderstanding.

He only visited when he liked and that was when it was time for another baby.

We have 4 children together.

Now 25 years later my husband has retired from his job and has moved back to the South East.

The problem is that we live like strangers.

I don't know him and we have no relationship.

We just spent about 1 week together during each of his visits.

He could be gone for over a year without visiting.

The major issue is that I feel a deep sense of resentment for him.

He returned expecting everything to be all lovey-dovey but he is unrealistic.

We never had any conversations, our relationship was so official.

I never enjoyed the marriage which is the main reason for my resentment.

I got married majorly for companionship but I found myself alone like a single woman for 25 years.

If only I knew this was what he had to offer I never would have married him.

Not only did I not have companionship, I hustled like a single mother for 25 years.

My husband never provided any financial support.

At the beginning he kept playing me around each time I asked for money.

After a while he couldn't play around anymore he told me how he didn't live in the apartment so why should he pay for it?

He said the same thing about food and other needs.

I couldn't believe it.

After a heated showdown, his Mother and my Mother had a heart-to-heart talk with me, telling me to take care of my needs as I could.

I also had to cater to our children's needs after he kept dragging his feet.

I felt like I married myself.

I had a husband yet I was hustling like I was a single Mother.

I felt so much resentment towards him.

After the birth of our fourth child, I stopped communicating with him.

He never communicated, we only talked once I called him.

Funny enough he was fine with us not communicating.

That showed me the state of our marriage.

Our oldest child is 24 and out of the house. The other children are 22, 20, and 18. They are all adults, two are graduates from the university.

The other 2 are undergraduates and out of the house.

So it's just the two of us.

Now he is making small talk trying to communicate with me like we are a loving couple.

No love ever existed between us.

Our families have asked me to forgive like everyone else.

It's always so easy to dish out advice once it's not you.

The truth is that there is no way I can relate to him as a loving husband.

Now he is staying in the very apartment he refused to pay for.

He complains that I don't talk to him and sometimes I don't come home.

What does he expect?

His presence offends me and sometimes I stop by my friend who is a widow.

She lives alone and I have spent some nights with her since our youngest child left home.

We could both do with some company.

He is accusing me of seeing another man.

Did I know what he did in Lagos for 25 years?

It's just irritating how he expects us to carry on like nothing happened and all is well.

I don't know how to get out of this situation.

I'm thinking about getting another apartment and moving out.

My greatest regret is marrying this man.

This is not the life I wanted.

I had to work overtime to ensure that I didn't dislike our children.

I'm losing my mind with the way he keeps acting like it's business as usual.

Expecting me to cater to him like we made all these loving memories all these years.

My heart is so heavy and I don't know how to heal from this because is.....
https://www.allsinglesandmarried.com/?m=1

This gender again , What exactly do you want? You complained that he has not be coming home all this years because of work and now he has retired and back home fully, yet you still have issues with that, whenever, a woman is acting funny in the way you're doing she is already seeing someone else, the someone else may be a man or woman but definitely there is no smoke without fire. If you really want your home back , get closer to your husband, pretend as if he didn't do anything wrong and shower him more love than ever before.

Sorry for your ordeal, but I'll be u. He never was there for u for the 25yrs that you've been married, and yet you provided him with 4kids. Na wa. Right from the time that he almost ended the marriage cos u wanted to come be with him in Lagos, u should have ended the marriage and go your way.

LoveUdie:
I've been married for 25 years.

My husband and I never lived together under the same roof all these years.

I lived in the South East and worked there before marriage.

After marriage, I offered to resign from my job and join him in Lagos but he rejected the idea.

He said our family needed more financial support from my job.

My Mother and Mother-in-law advised me not to resign from my job and I believe they saw the future.

I also never visited him in Lagos where he resided and worked.

The only time I attempted to visit him in Lagos led to a rift between us.

He threatened to end the marriage and our families had to get involved to resolve the misunderstanding.

He only visited when he liked and that was when it was time for another baby.

We have 4 children together.

Now 25 years later my husband has retired from his job and has moved back to the South East.

The problem is that we live like strangers.

I don't know him and we have no relationship.

We just spent about 1 week together during each of his visits.

He could be gone for over a year without visiting.

The major issue is that I feel a deep sense of resentment for him.

He returned expecting everything to be all lovey-dovey but he is unrealistic.

We never had any conversations, our relationship was so official.

I never enjoyed the marriage which is the main reason for my resentment.

I got married majorly for companionship but I found myself alone like a single woman for 25 years.

If only I knew this was what he had to offer I never would have married him.

Not only did I not have companionship, I hustled like a single mother for 25 years.

My husband never provided any financial support.

At the beginning he kept playing me around each time I asked for money.

After a while he couldn't play around anymore he told me how he didn't live in the apartment so why should he pay for it?

He said the same thing about food and other needs.

I couldn't believe it.

After a heated showdown, his Mother and my Mother had a heart-to-heart talk with me, telling me to take care of my needs as I could.

I also had to cater to our children's needs after he kept dragging his feet.

I felt like I married myself.

I had a husband yet I was hustling like I was a single Mother.

I felt so much resentment towards him.

After the birth of our fourth child, I stopped communicating with him.

He never communicated, we only talked once I called him.

Funny enough he was fine with us not communicating.

That showed me the state of our marriage.

Our oldest child is 24 and out of the house. The other children are 22, 20, and 18. They are all adults, two are graduates from the university.

The other 2 are undergraduates and out of the house.

So it's just the two of us.

Now he is making small talk trying to communicate with me like we are a loving couple.

No love ever existed between us.

Our families have asked me to forgive like everyone else.

It's always so easy to dish out advice once it's not you.

The truth is that there is no way I can relate to him as a loving husband.

Now he is staying in the very apartment he refused to pay for.

He complains that I don't talk to him and sometimes I don't come home.

What does he expect?

His presence offends me and sometimes I stop by my friend who is a widow.

She lives alone and I have spent some nights with her since our youngest child left home.

We could both do with some company.

He is accusing me of seeing another man.

Did I know what he did in Lagos for 25 years?

It's just irritating how he expects us to carry on like nothing happened and all is well.

I don't know how to get out of this situation.

I'm thinking about getting another apartment and moving out.

My greatest regret is marrying this man.

This is not the life I wanted.

I had to work overtime to ensure that I didn't dislike our children.

I'm losing my mind with the way he keeps acting like it's business as usual.

Expecting me to cater to him like we made all these loving memories all these years.

My heart is so heavy and I don't know how to heal from this because is.....
https://www.allsinglesandmarried.com/?m=1

mbaise1000:
What exactly dies the poster want us to tell her? To congratulate her and insult her husband? She will be happy to hear people that are certainly going to insult her husband in this thread, she can now enjoy, you have being able to carry on for all of 25 years and your children are adults now and the burden is less and it's now that you want us to advice or encourage you to leave your husband? People like me will not do that, we can only tell you y9u are still alife and a living dog is better than a dead lion, we will tell you that it's never too late to be happy with your husband, as a matter of fact, if you can overcome your self pity and accept that all THINGS work out together for good to them that love God, that are created according to the will of God, or do you think that God makes mistakes? If God had wanted, he shouldn't have allowed you to marry him in the first place.
We advice you to cleanse your mind start enjoying your marriage, and don't allow the devil to tell you what to do, if you continue in the way you are thinking now, you will never be happy in your life, if you leave Him, now for you know the type you are going to run to? He is your Cross and you have carried it successfuly, relax and enjoy your life. This is the advice if a Christian and 9nly a Christian will take a Christian advice.

You can leave away from your wife like that, which kain long distance marriage be that.

Actually, you guys were never married.
That Man has another Wife/Woman and that's where he spent his money on.

If indeed he Fathered those your Children just know that He's never going to be Daddy to Them and may Never be Husband to you.

Just cook and give him food to eat so that he would not die and please pity him for the sake of God and Forgive but to Forget ehn...

Wow!

mbaise1000:
What exactly dies the poster want us to tell her? To congratulate her and insult her husband? She will be happy to hear people that are certainly going to insult her husband in this thread, she can now enjoy, you have being able to carry on for all of 25 years and your children are adults now and the burden is less and it's now that you want us to advice or encourage you to leave your husband? People like me will not do that, we can only tell you y9u are still alife and a living dog is better than a dead lion, we will tell you that it's never too late to be happy with your husband, as a matter of fact, if you can overcome your self pity and accept that all THINGS work out together for good to them that love God, that are created according to the will of God, or do you think that God makes mistakes? If God had wanted, he shouldn't have allowed you to marry him in the first place.
We advice you to cleanse your mind start enjoying your marriage, and don't allow the devil to tell you what to do, if you continue in the way you are thinking now, you will never be happy in your life, if you leave Him, now for you know the type you are going to run to? He is your Cross and you have carried it successfuly, relax and enjoy your life. This is the advice if a Christian and 9nly a Christian will take a Christian advice

Thr man is a bad man. No one want to live with a bad person. He was not involved in their lives for 24 years financially, emotionally physically and any other other ally

He rejected his family and should stay away for good.

Just forgive him and play along my dear or alternatively, try another preek.

Madam forgive him and try to have your peace of mind nothing really dey this world

mbaise1000:
What exactly dies the poster want us to tell her? To congratulate her and insult her husband? She will be happy to hear people that are certainly going to insult her husband in this thread, she can now enjoy, you have being able to carry on for all of 25 years and your children are adults now and the burden is less and it's now that you want us to advice or encourage you to leave your husband? People like me will not do that, we can only tell you y9u are still alife and a living dog is better than a dead lion, we will tell you that it's never too late to be happy with your husband, as a matter of fact, if you can overcome your self pity and accept that all THINGS work out together for good to them that love God, that are created according to the will of God, or do you think that God makes mistakes? If God had wanted, he shouldn't have allowed you to marry him in the first place.
We advice you to cleanse your mind start enjoying your marriage, and don't allow the devil to tell you what to do, if you continue in the way you are thinking now, you will never be happy in your life, if you leave Him, now for you know the type you are going to run to? He is your Cross and you have carried it successfuly, relax and enjoy your life. This is the advice if a Christian and 9nly a Christian will take a Christian advice

You made no sense bro. You are very insensitive. In order words it's not out of place for an absentee and irresponsible man to abandon and never bond with his wife and kids? You actually think you were making sense but it's giving irresponsibility.
Someone lived his life as he pleases for over 25years and expect an open arm from the people he abandoned and somehow the wife should carry the cross? Don't tell people how to react to a situation you have never experience, whatever decisions she takes God will surely be with her. Stop your subtle gaslighting

Na this type of advise kill that nyamri woman Osinachi

qtguru:
You can leave away from your wife like that, which kain long distance marriage be that.

Na very stupid comment he made and e come long sef. Gaslighting a woman who has held it down for years for an obvious irresponsible man. Man wey no even send his kids.

I do not believe the part where OP said her husband did not contribute towards payment of house rent...if he was not paying the rent why then did you go on to have 4 kids for him?

BareFacedLies:
Madam go and get yourself a boyfriend, someone who will be fuçking your brains out

Story! Life is not all about Bleep. Get sense

So why are you telling us?

You have endured for 25 years, what else is left to endure?

Abeg go and sit down and enjoy your marriage.

"For better or worse" ... no be child's play.

If u are my sister , I will advise u to quit the marriage

Coolsat:
You made no sense bro. You are very insensitive. In order words it's not out of place for an absentee and irresponsible man to abandon and never bond with his wife and kids? You actually think you were making sense but it's giving irresponsibility.
Someone lived his life as he pleases for over 25years and expect an open arm from the people he abandoned and somehow the wife should carry the cross? Don't tell people how to react to a situation you have never experienced, whatever decisions she takes God will surely be with her. Stop your subtle gaslighting

Na this type of advise kill that nyamri woman Osinachi

So your own advice to her will be to keep living in self pity and unforgiveness and unhappiness? I would have really wanted to hear your own advice to her.
And yes, everyone on this earth has a cross to carry just that it can come in any form, again I said, that my advice is a Christian advice and can only be accepted by a Christian so I am not surprised that not everyone will see sense in it because it's not everyone that is a Christian, so it's understandable the way you see it, it takes ONLY a Christian to really forgive and it's ONLY a Christian that will understand what the bible meant by
"" all things work out together for good to them that love God and to them that are called according to His will""
So to you, I didn't make sense, but to every Christian, I made a lot of sense

otipoju:
Thr man is a bad man. No one want to live with a bad person. He was not involved in their lives for 24 years financially, emotionally physically and any other other ally

He rejected his family and should stay away for good.

That is the way you see it, but the man is back to his house, now for whatever he is thinking, are you telling the woman to leave his house for him or that the man should not come back to his roots as he wishes according to the woman or are you saying that the woman should continue to be in this unhappiness since there is a possibility that she can find happiness again with her husband?
BTW I never said I am in support of the way the man treated his family in the first place.
What advice will you give the woman? Remember I am not the one needing the advice here

qtguru:
You can leave away from your wife like that, which kain long distance marriage be that.

I never said I will live that kind of life or that I will treat my wife that way or that I support the way the man treated his family, what I am saying basically is that the woman still have a chance at happiness with her husband and that she should try it instead of BEING in self pity and hatred of the man, what is your own advice for her?

Pzpropertylimit:
If u are my sister , I will advise u to quit the marriage

Then what? That will not be enough, will quiting the marriage give her the happiness that she wants or desires according to her story?
Quiting the marriage is certainly not the solution to those things she wants, so don't give your sister a bad advice

mbaise1000:
Then what? That will not be enough, will quiting the marriage give her the happiness that she wants or desires according to her story?
Quiting the marriage is certainly not the solution to those things she wants, so don't give your sister a bad advice

I agree to this

mbaise1000:
That is the way you see it, but the man is back to his house, now for whatever he is thinking, are you telling the woman to leave his house for him or that the man should not come back to his roots as he wishes according to the woman or are you saying that the woman should continue to be in this unhappiness since there is a possibility that she can find happiness again with her husband?
BTW I never said I am in support of the way the man treated his family in the first place.
What advice will you give the woman? Remember I am not the one needing the advice here

The house rent is being paid by the woman. The man refused to pay rent saying he can't be paying for rent in lagos and paying another rent for his family back home