₦airaland Forum

I'm married with two kids aged 5years and 3 years respectively... Six months ago my wife confessed to me about the real father of our first son which happens to be her ex. I was really hurt that i sent her out of my house, but after about a month i forgave her and brought her back including the child. But the thought of the betrayal and also taking care of another man's child is really dealing with me, so i've decided to tell my wife to take the child to his original father so this trauma could leave me. I've sought advice from different people but some will say I should just accept the child as my own, but the truth is that no matter how much i accept the child and continue taking care of him, it doesn't still make him my child. The father can still come one day to calim his child since he's already in aware. So please guys help me with your advice... Am i wicked if i tell my wife to take the child back to his real father? What if she chooses the option of leaving the marriage instead of separating her children because the wife i have will never agree to separating the children including her family.

The "TRUTH" shall set you "FREE".

Afonja101:
I'm married with two kids aged 5years and 3 years respectively... Six months ago my wife confessed to me about the real father of our first son which happens to be her ex. I was really hurt that i sent her out of my house, but after about a month i forgave her and brought her back including the child. But the thought of the betrayal and also taking care of another man's child is really dealing with me, so i've decided to tell my wife to take the child to his original father so this trauma could leave me. I've sought advice from different people but some will say I should just accept the child as my own, but the truth is that no matter how much i accept the child and continue taking care of him, it doesn't still make him my child. The father can still come one day to calim his child since he's already in aware. So please guys help me with your advice... Am i wicked if i tell my wife to take the child back to his real father? What if she chooses the option of leaving the marriage instead of separating her children because the wife i have will never agree to separating the children including her family.

If this your story is true, what's the need of raising someone else's child in this hard times when you know well that the real father might come for him at anytime?
And I wonder how men forgive a cheating partner,not just that she cheated with her ex,they had a baby while she's in your house.

my advice to you is to do a paternity test on the second child. Just send both the mother and any child that doesn't belong to you away.

But I doubt the realness of this story cos a man must act when he needs to.

Afonja101:
I'm married with two kids aged 5years and 3 years respectively... Six months ago my wife confessed to me about the real father of our first son which happens to be her ex. I was really hurt that i sent her out of my house, but after about a month i forgave her and brought her back including the child. But the thought of the betrayal and also taking care of another man's child is really dealing with me, so i've decided to tell my wife to take the child to his original father so this trauma could leave me. I've sought advice from different people but some will say I should just accept the child as my own, but the truth is that no matter how much i accept the child and continue taking care of him, it doesn't still make him my child. The father can still come one day to calim his child since he's already in aware. So please guys help me with your advice... Am i wicked if i tell my wife to take the child back to his real father? What if she chooses the option of leaving the marriage instead of separating her children because the wife i have will never agree to separating the children including her family.

Apologies for the hurt and pain suffered. This is not an easy case.
Nature vs Nurture.
Since you have discovered that you are not the father. Does the father want to be involved in the son’s life. If yes, then you will need to be matured and accept that you are the child step father.
If not then you can go on and love the child, remember it isn’t the child fault so don’t bring up his parentage every time he makes a mistake .

First of all your name is funny.

Okay, for the rest of your issue, here's my take:

Your main challenge is taking a decision whether to continue with your marriage or not.
That is the MAIN issue.
You said your wife would never agree to separating with the child, and that is where the koko of the matter is.
The fact that this child came from her ex also makes it exceptionally tricky emotionally for her (love that produced a child is almost impossible to erase).
If this were from a one off encounter with a stranger, I suspect that she would have agreed to hand the child over to his biological father.
I would have liked to see a scenario whereby your wife (after much genuine crying and agony) offered to hand the child over to his bio father, as a way to show that she values your marriage more than anything else, and at the very last minute, you stop her and tell her that everything would be okay, and try your level best to be the boys father.
She didn't offer to do this, and that tells me that she values the connection between her and her ex (which the boy represents) more than your marriage.
Parting with an ex-love that produced a child is difficult (though not impossible) for a woman.

That is why some of us are fierce (even militant) advocates of marriage, and I in particular hate the talk of "marry only virgins" because men dis-virgin women, sometimes saddle them with children (as in your case) and then take off looking for virgins to marry.

So, to summarize:

(1) Tell her to take the child to his father, but carefully watch and observe her behavior. If she offers to do so after much agony, forgive her and tell her to keep the child in your marriage. Do your best to love that child as your own. Forget about the future because only God knows the future for sure. But if she refuses flatly and inclines towards divorce, you should divorce her ASAP and move on.
Life is too short to waste marrying another man's wife and raising his child.
OR
(2) Accept your fate and continue your marriage as if nothing happened if she and the child make you happy and fulfilled.
It is YOUR marriage, and you can do whatever you want in it provided you are prepared to accept the consequences.
I know some men who don't even care about their kids paternity, and they are happily married, living their lives to the fullest while others cry for them, while they don't give a flying fkc.

Bottomline is that you have to do you.
You know yourself more than anyone, and should do what would make you happy.
I only pity an innocent child whose fate has become a victim of adult love games.

You're very stupid, someone cheated and you forgave her, God punish you, stupid SIMP

Afonja101:
I'm married with two kids aged 5years and 3 years respectively... Six months ago my wife confessed to me about the real father of our first son which happens to be her ex. I was really hurt that i sent her out of my house, but after about a month i forgave her and brought her back including the child. But the thought of the betrayal and also taking care of another man's child is really dealing with me, so i've decided to tell my wife to take the child to his original father so this trauma could leave me. I've sought advice from different people but some will say I should just accept the child as my own, but the truth is that no matter how much i accept the child and continue taking care of him, it doesn't still make him my child. The father can still come one day to calim his child since he's already in aware. So please guys help me with your advice... Am i wicked if i tell my wife to take the child back to his real father? What if she chooses the option of leaving the marriage instead of separating her children because the wife i have will never agree to separating the children including her family.

How are you sure the second kid is for you when you are yet to do DNA

Hmmm ... this is serious. In my view it makes no sense sending off the child to his father. After 5 years you have already built a strong bond between you and the child. Do you really believe you can just make it disappear just like that? Do you really believe not having the child in your face would take much of that burden off your chest? The root of the problem is not the child ... it is your wife. Your wife is a snake... why would you want to keep it in your house? What does her actions tell you about her? How old is your marriage should tell you if she maybe had a parting romp with her ex that resulted in the child .... or if it was a thing that went on after marriage resulting in the pregnancy. Do you really believe she was with you only all the while? ... or been sleeping out with the ex all through the marriage? Try finding out if the child know its father ... maybe as Uncle Something. That can speak volumes. Did you for a moment think about why she decided to confess only now? ... that the father is probably now demanding to his son and threatening to spill the beans? Ask her who is the father of the second child ... then take the child for a DNA test. There is a strong possibility that you are also not the father .... neither the father of the other child. What should you then do? ... what would you do? I suggest you let the snake go ... or you were likely to be bitten again.... snakes have no loyalty and no empathy .. cold blooded period... it is their nature. It's not too late to start looking for a wife .... but just don't use the same approach.

helinues:
How are you sure the second kid is for you when you are yet to do DNA

the second child look like me that there is no need for DNA

Afonja101:
the second child look like me that there is no need for DNA

Hahahaha, would you have suspected the first child not to be yours if she didn't tell you about it?

Honestly you have made the right decision by asking her to return the boy to the father. But I must commend you for your magnanimity to forgive such a woman. Why got married to another man when you are yet to fully detach from your ex.? How does she expect you to live with the pain of raising a boy that he knows is not his Son.?
You must stick with you decision that she take the boy back to the father. Take the 2 children for DNA test and know where you stand. The second child might be the ex's child as well. Some women are just devil. Serpent

1. The bare truth is that you will never have peace of mind until you have a son that is yours.

2. If your wife takes the boy reluctantly to the father and comes back to you, her mind will be over there, her money will be going over there and close proximity to the ex is dangerous over time

3. Every time you see her, you see betrayal, to keep her around require a great deal of healing and counseling.
The easier way out is to send her and the boy away and remarry (and marry someone that accepts your daughter) . However, you must try and make your wife and the boy comfortable wherever they are

helinues:
Hahahaha, would you have suspected the first child not to be yours if she didn't tell you about it?

yes, I've always had doubt due to the fact that she got pregnant before we married, so she said it was mine not knowing that she was sleeping with the guy whole we were dating

Afonja101:
yes, I've always had doubt due to the fact that she got pregnant before we married, so she said it was mine not knowing that she was sleeping with the guy whole we were dating

How are you sure she stopped sleeping with her ex after the wedding?

Some ladies are wicked actually. You are planning to get married to someone but still sleeping with your ex . Hahaha

Originalsly:
Hmmm ... this is serious. In my view it makes no sense sending off the child to his father. After 5 years you have already built a strong bond between you and the child. Do you really believe you can just make it disappear just like that? Do you really believe not having the child in your face would take much of that burden off your chest? The root of the problem is not the child ... it is your wife. Your wife is a snake... why would you want to keep it in your house? What does her actions tell you about her? How old is your marriage should tell you if she maybe had a parting romp with her ex that resulted in the child .... or if it was a thing that went on after marriage resulting in the pregnancy. Do you really believe she was with you only all the while? ... or been sleeping out with the ex all through the marriage? Try finding out if the child know its father ... maybe as Uncle Something. That can speak volumes. Did you for a moment think about why she decided to confess only now? ... that the father is probably now demanding to his son and threatening to spill the beans? Ask her who is the father of the second child ... then take the child for a DNA test. There is a strong possibility that you are also not the father .... neither the father of the other child. What should you then do? ... what would you do? I suggest you let the snake go ... or you were likely to be bitten again.... snakes have no loyalty and no empathy .. cold blooded period... it is their nature. It's not too late to start looking for a wife .... but just don't use the same approach.

you are really on point.... It's not easy for me.

Afonja101:
I'm married with two kids aged 5years and 3 years respectively... Six months ago my wife confessed to me about the real father of our first son which happens to be her ex. I was really hurt that i sent her out of my house, but after about a month i forgave her and brought her back including the child. But the thought of the betrayal and also taking care of another man's child is really dealing with me, so i've decided to tell my wife to take the child to his original father so this trauma could leave me. I've sought advice from different people but some will say I should just accept the child as my own, but the truth is that no matter how much i accept the child and continue taking care of him, it doesn't still make him my child. The father can still come one day to calim his child since he's already in aware. So please guys help me with your advice... Am i wicked if i tell my wife to take the child back to his real father? What if she chooses the option of leaving the marriage instead of separating her children because the wife i have will never agree to separating the children including her family.

Hmm to me you haven’t done anything wrong
Isn’t she lucky that you’re still in the marriage

U still de trust that kknd woman?

Bro let her go...try and conduct a DNA test too.....

Mchewww...for goodness sake accept the child and carry on with your lives.
Whatever will be,will be.
If you no wan experience this type of thing as a man or woman,DO NOT GET MARRIED.

Ojagun:
Mchewww...for goodness sake accept the child and carry on with your lives.
Whatever will be,will be.
If you no wan experience this type of thing as a man or woman,DO NOT GET MARRIED.

Rubbish

Afonja101:
I'm married with two kids aged 5years and 3 years respectively... Six months ago my wife confessed to me about the real father of our first son which happens to be her ex. I was really hurt that i sent her out of my house, but after about a month i forgave her and brought her back including the child. But the thought of the betrayal and also taking care of another man's child is really dealing with me, so i've decided to tell my wife to take the child to his original father so this trauma could leave me. I've sought advice from different people but some will say I should just accept the child as my own, but the truth is that no matter how much i accept the child and continue taking care of him, it doesn't still make him my child. The father can still come one day to calim his child since he's already in aware. So please guys help me with your advice... Am i wicked if i tell my wife to take the child back to his real father? What if she chooses the option of leaving the marriage instead of separating her children because the wife i have will never agree to separating the children including her family.

Wont tell you to accept it or not
Is the father dead?
Lets say u accept does the father know
Will the child accept you as his later years. Wont he see it as punishment all the discipline or maltreatment.
Will you not be foolish if you dont watch your back. The father might come back and plan your murder with your wife as accomplice?
Will you bear to know later that all this plans were in to get you in
Have you not thought you were under a spell before she could confidently tell you.
Have you thought that the child could make you see your child as better or worse.

If you can bear all this.

You are santa claus.
So you know. She will still Bleep another dick

If truly you Dey go babalawo house him for dun show you all this things since
Abi babalawo work na only for money?

A thoughtful perspective is given

If i were in your shoes, since i have decided to forgive my wife for the atrocity she commiited, and accept her back, i will equally accept and raise the innocent child as well as my children together. Love them all equally and unconditionally. but i will also try as much as possible to keep my parent and my wifes parents in the know about the circumstances surrounding the birth of the child. (It wont be a secret between me and my wife alone) i will also warn against discrimination my child .