₦airaland Forum

budaatum:
You called off the wedding rites?

I guess you hadn't invested so much in your relationship then, or are taking advantage of the disunity in the family. Because if I were the woman you were intending to marry, I'd call off the wedding due to what I'd perceive as your lack of respect for me.

But I'm certain I'm not taking your culture into consideration and I'm missing out a lot not being in your shoes.

So people, good advice only please. And make sure its much better than mine.

adaperry25:
learn to read and digest information

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.

Openair:
Since you guys are from same state, I think you both are familiar with your traditions. But I'm curious;
- Why do they have to wait for you to finalise the dad's rite? (abi na so the tradition be )
- It's clear they don't want the dad's family to be involved, do you know about her childhood and all, cause in some families, papa family fit no send d children at all but when's it's time for marriage they wan come siddon for high table...I think you should have a conversation with her to know why she doesn't want them involved...maybe with you she'll learn to forgive them (if that's the case).

adaperry25:
no matter what happens, the dad's family takes the major call during weddings like this. I wasn't in good terms with my late dad's brothers but when my dad died and younger sis wanted to get married, I had no option than to involve them.

My people already told me to pause

adaperry25:
no matter what happens, the dad's family takes the major call during weddings like this. I wasn't in good terms with my late dad's brothers but when my dad died and younger sis wanted to get married, I had no option than to involve them.

My people already told me to pause

Peakdesign23:
It's very normal. I remember when I did mine, we hired one man to represent my dad as uncle.

I completely understand that this is your first time, sometimes things get messy during TM, but it's left for your babe to talk to her people so that everything will be done orderly.

Wishing you Goodluck.

marlow1962:
Confused family. But what I want to ask is, are you in any position to be the one responsible for their late dad's rite? Like I don't understand, why haven't they done it since ? Or are they waiting to use the avenue of "on of theirs getting married" to do it? Or is it another form of syphoning? I'm just asking.

Now, as it stand that both the girls mother side and the fathers side are confused, best bet is to pause everything for the main time and let they sort themselves out (you should not partake in any discussion concerning that).

Brother stand your ground on any decision you make, and watch out for your girlfriend mother, she's kind of a manipulative woman.

Peakdesign23:
It's very normal. I remember when I did mine, we hired one man to represent my dad as uncle.

I completely understand that this is your first time, sometimes things get messy during TM, but it's left for your babe to talk to her people so that everything will be done orderly.

Wishing you Goodluck.

YoungBTCxchange:
guy na so igbo culture be, once the girl father is late, if any of the daughter is getting married, the husband must perform some rites before anything else, if he does not perform it, they will ban the girls mother from partake in women's activities in the villages

YoungBTCxchange:
guy na so igbo culture be, once the girl father is late, if any of the daughter is getting married, the husband must perform some rites before anything else, if he does not perform it, they will ban the girls mother from partake in women's activities in the villages

YoungBTCxchange:
that's what my senior brother did too because my father is very old already

Kobicove:
It's clear that you are from the south east

It is the's father's family that plays the major role when a daughter is getting married therefore your girlfriend's paternal uncles need to be fully involved in this process, tell her and her siblings to first go and resolve any internal issues they have with their uncles before you proceed with the marriage

YoungBTCxchange:
guy na so igbo culture be, once the girl father is late, if any of the daughter is getting married, the husband must perform some rites before anything else, if he does not perform it, they will ban the girls mother from partake in women's activities in the villages

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.

YoungBTCxchange:
guy na so igbo culture be, once the girl father is late, if any of the daughter is getting married, the husband must perform some rites before anything else, if he does not perform it, they will ban the girls mother from partake in women's activities in the villages

budaatum:
You called off the wedding rites?

I guess you hadn't invested so much in your relationship then, or are taking advantage of the disunity in the family. Because if I were the woman you were intending to marry, I'd call off the wedding due to what I'd perceive as your lack of respect for me.

[quote author=budaatum post=133839112]You are too hotheaded and you react before you think and I don't think I want to marry you anymore.

SouthSouth1914:
These are part of the things you’d see when you want to be part of someone’s life. You are not ready yet, these are minor issues you should be able to use diplomatic ways to sort out. You acted too rash calling off the wedding without anything tangible!

YoungBTCxchange:
guy na so igbo culture be, once the girl father is late, if any of the daughter is getting married, the husband must perform some rites before anything else, if he does not perform it, they will ban the girls mother from partake in women's activities in the villages

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.