₦airaland Forum

Today was one of those boring days when it felt like time was moving in slow motion. Out of boredom, I started searching the house aimlessly, looking for nothing, when I stumbled on something interesting.

An old, dangerously handsome picture of myself. I was dressed in a black suit (well, what was trying to be a suit) with an oversized trouser so big I could probably still fit in it today.. I must have been 5 or 6, maybe 7. But it wasn’t just random overdressing. I was the ring bearer for one of my uncle’s weddings.

I can’t remember much about the day except that we travelled all the way to Ibadan, and I slept through at least half of the event. But looking at the picture got me thinking.

One day, I’ll probably wear a similar outfit again. This time, in a properly tailored one, doing my wedding. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be wide awake for that one. But then again, who knows?

But I was about to move on when another thought crept in...do I even want a wedding?

Not the marriage part. Marriage is fine. Love is fine. Companionship is fine. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

But the whole “invite 500 people, rent a hall, prostrate and roll on the floor 1,000 times, feed strangers you haven’t spoken to in five years, and smile till your jaw cramps” part?

I’m not so sure.

Weddings have a way of feeling like a long movie you didn’t ask to be cast in.

Still, the idea of my own wedding feels… different.

Because I feel weddings are like graduations.

They’re not really for you; they are for everyone else to see that you did the thing.

The couple is basically the entertainment for the day, paraded around like a pair of rare zoo animals, while aunties you didn’t know existed debate loudly about whether your rice tastes better than your cousin’s wedding rice from 2018.

And let’s not even talk about the expenses.

Weddings are the only event where people willingly spend the equivalent of a decent car, just for someone to come and whisper in your ears that the meat has finished, while over 200 people haven't eaten.

So maybe I will keep it small. Something simple, with just a few family members, a couple of friends, and one photographer who knows my good angles. No 12-layer cake, no rented hall, no live band that plays “Happy Birthday” by mistake.

Just me, my wife, and the people who matter. And by who matters, I'm talking of my parents and her parents. So 6 people in total. Maybe even less, depending on how the Grim Reaper feels.

Everyone thinks that's a delusional idea. They say it's actually not in my power to decide all that, which reinforces my initial ideas.

But honestly, I’d rather spend the extra money making sure my marriage lasts… than making sure my wedding trends on Instagram or WhatsApp status for a week. But that could be the broke me talking, though, or maybe the shy and humble me. You never can tell.

U made sense bro

If u do simple wedding, mf will say na because u no get money.

Bride n Groom, parents of both, few friends n siblings. Done deal.

Dat money for hall go buy rice n foodstuff dat can last.

One of me homies did one recently, bride family spent the most, hall used was my place of work, so its 900k. People choke, security was protecting groom like Putin.

Truth be told, a week later, bride was in a street store to buy 2 cups of rice and others.
No bigdeal we thought, more days came and she was buying rice n stuff in small quantities, including filling 1kg gas.

After some digging, most money made was used to settle debts incurred b4 n during the wedding.

Its a sorry scenario. Somtin simple is good whether u rich or poor.

Many men. Many many many many men bro, planned their weddings in the same way you hope to plan yours..

But guess what happened at the end of the day bro...

They still did all the things they said they wouldn't do. And more!!!

Wananonly:
Many men. Many many many many men bro, planned their weddings in the same way you hope to plan yours..

But guess what happened at the end of the day bro...

They still did all the things they said they wouldn't do. And more!!!

I acknowledged that part. More often than not, those men succumb to pressure from the bride’s side, and maybe even his own side too. So maybe it's not in our power after all.

Natbrowny:
U made sense bro

If u do simple wedding, mf will say na because u no get money.

Bride n Groom, parents of both, few friends n siblings. Done deal.

Dat money for hall go buy rice n foodstuff dat can last.



One of me homies did one recently, bride family spent the most, hall used was my place of work, so its 900k. People choke, security was protecting groom like Putin.

Truth be told, a week later, bride was in a street store to buy 2 cups of rice and others.
No bigdeal we thought, more days came and she was buying rice n stuff in small quantities, including filling 1kg gas.

After some digging, most money made was used to settle debts incurred b4 n during the wedding.

Its a sorry scenario. Somtin simple is good whether u rich or poor.

The bride family should take care of the family na.

sakaba:
Reaper indeed...'cramping jaw from smiling' cracked me up .
You write well or is it AI...Toh
Grim reaper want s get hitched, to Harley McQueen.

True words nonetheless. Hilarious too.

Wetin AI go cause no be small thing 😏

Wananonly:
Many men. Many many many many men bro, planned their weddings in the same way you hope to plan yours..

But guess what happened at the end of the day bro...

They still did all the things they said they wouldn't do. And more!!!

Lol. Same way many other men put down their foot and did it like they said.

I can’t be eating beef everyday, buying bags of rice and buying things in bulk as a bachelor only to go back to buying cups of rice & no meat because of I succumbed to impressing people who don’t give a damn about me and went past my original budget.

Any woman who supports expensive weddings knowing her husband can’t afford it or she won’t support substantially doesn’t have the man’s interest at heart either. And you know women, this won’t be the last time they would pressure you if they see you how you easily fold.

60% of wedding guests are there for the food.
35% are there to please a member of the family of the bride of groom & the food.
Only 5% or less are there because they truly care for the couple.

Well, different strokes for different folks. My own wedding was loud and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Firstly, I had the opportunity to meet some of my people whom I haven't met in a long time. The fact that they all gathered because of me was touching. The way they were all over me that day ehn, they were like you this boy has made us proud. I felt the love and it still melts my heart till date. Funny enough, I haven't seen or met some of them before that day. And I was like; "So I have influential people like this as family members?".

Secondly, a night to my wedding, we the youths (from my family, my wife's family, my friends and my wife's friends) all gathered at a hotel for our bachelor's night. It remains the best night of my life. We booked the whole ground floor and used every inch of space to our satisfaction. Music, shayo, smoke, food, dancing, games and even ....... full ground. That was one night that I saw youths in my family committed atrocities without any repercussion. Nobody cast anybody because we were all participants.

Things really sup that night! Although our families (both I and my wife) were strictly Islamic, people no even send anybody that night. They committed atrocities without any care in the world. Even the bride to-be (my wife) sneaked out to come join us. It was that night I knew our marriage would last a lifetime because I don finally jam person wey bad like me. Nobody even send my papa that night, he was calling on phone and threatening us to shut down the party, for where? Nobody listened. Well, he was far away from us and couldn't stop us.

Then came the D-day! It was marvelous! Seeing how proud my parents were melted my heart. My papa just dey fling him agbada every time he walks, acting like one rich senator from Abuja. My step-mum was all over me. My family members from everywhere full ground. Men mount full ground!

My mum's sister that we used to call "Second Mother" wey dey flog us when we dey small. Auntie still talk am publicly sey if I ever maltreat my wife, she will show up to whoop me. It was a gathering of love! Most importantly, I met a great number of my wife's family. After that day, I don't need any more introductions in their house again. Although I was high that day, I was still able to compose myself.

The aftermath was even lovely as well! We proceeded to our hometown to perform the remaining rites. Another round of faaji erupted there, but that one was strictly Islamic as it was under the watchful eyes of my dad. My uncle kept reminding him severally that he should retire to his room to perform his prayers. Dad refused, he knew something would sup if he left us alone.

In summary, it was an unforgettable day for me because I felt special to see that all those people were gathered because of me and my wife. Seeing most people whom I haven't seen in a long time was remarkable. Funny enough, the money was just flowing from everywhere. My rich uncles & aunties wey I never chop their money before spend am that day. It was joyous! I wish I can have the wedding again!

In conclusion, there's no harm in having a lavish wedding (especially if one can afford it). It's one of the most special day in a person's life. Thinking about money should be the least of one's problem. The keyword here is that; "If one can afford to". No go do pass yourself o because after WEDDING comes MARRIAGE and that one LONG WELL WELL.

"Everyone thinks that's a delusional idea. They say it's actually not in my power to decide all that, which reinforces my initial ideas."


Op, this your paragraph sums everything up.


Sometimes you just wanna settle down quietly, you come jam bride wey her parents are willing to fall the heavens on their child's big day...


Next moment you're seated facing a crowd of 500 friends, families and haters...


I still dey find my stunt double Incase my wedding clash with Man utd match, after kissing my bride, stunt double takes over make I go watch ball small. I'll come continue reception later...

Interesting read 😃

How I intend to enjoy things while on Earth depends on decency and affordability.

White wedding isn't religiou based or part of our culture ..nobody should take it serious

For me wedding is like buying a car ,if u don't have money for Lambournie or Porchester, nobody will advise you to buy the fairly used cheap cars u can afford

Public massive weddings are a power move to show how much a simp the man is.


That's okay

Traditional marriage is enough .
White wedding is some ceremony from the foreign land .
Still , if you have the money to spend , go for it.
People spend money to celebrate their birthday every year .
So let those that have the cash go for a white wedding .
(As long as you do not go and be borrowing money up and down and incurring some hefty debt just to do wedding )

Well that's your style. It doesn't have to be everybody's ways.

Nothing makes your style better. It's just one style. Everybody is entitled to the style that makes them feels good.

Op you are too funny, though you are right I see some weddings as an unnecessary spending

They’re not really for you; they are for everyone else to see that you did the thing.

“Weddings are the only event where people willingly spend the equivalent of a decent car, just for someone to come and whisper in your ears that the meat has finished, while over 200 people haven't eaten.“

You couldn’t have said it better!

The both family, from the man and lady meets for the traditional wedding.Just a handful of people and that is it.We should stop the nonsense "copy copy"about white wedding and all the pomp and pageantry.Go home and make plans for family building and not spend time and money on frivolities like white wedding.Our family structure as a people has collapsed.

Poverty has restructured Africans into wanting little weddings.

You don't get wedded everyday, so why do so little towards it?

hahahaha wedding is not for you its for your Wife. so many of them dont care if you run into debt..in their emotional mind "just give me a damn good wedding, what will my friends say, what will people say bla bla bla"..it depends on the kind of woman you want to marry...if not she will nag you to depression...

The onus is if your woman share the same simple wedding ideology with you.

Note: An average woman, especially many of this modern women...are obessed with having a memorable wedding day...

Omo I love this comment, na to find my stunt double 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Jacktheripper:
Today was one of those boring days when it felt like time was moving in slow motion. Out of boredom, I started searching the house aimlessly, looking for nothing, when I stumbled on something interesting.

An old, dangerously handsome picture of myself. I was dressed in a black suit (well, what was trying to be a suit) with an oversized trouser so big I could probably still fit in it today.. I must have been 5 or 6, maybe 7. But it wasn’t just random overdressing. I was the ring bearer for one of my uncle’s weddings.

I can’t remember much about the day except that we travelled all the way to Ibadan, and I slept through at least half of the event. But looking at the picture got me thinking.

One day, I’ll probably wear a similar outfit again. This time, in a properly tailored one, doing my wedding. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be wide awake for that one. But then again, who knows?

But I was about to move on when another thought crept in...do I even want a wedding?

Not the marriage part. Marriage is fine. Love is fine. Companionship is fine. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

But the whole “invite 500 people, rent a hall, prostrate and roll on the floor 1,000 times, feed strangers you haven’t spoken to in five years, and smile till your jaw cramps” part?

I’m not so sure.

Weddings have a way of feeling like a long movie you didn’t ask to be cast in.

Still, the idea of my own wedding feels… different.

Because I feel weddings are like graduations.

They’re not really for you; they are for everyone else to see that you did the thing.

The couple is basically the entertainment for the day, paraded around like a pair of rare zoo animals, while aunties you didn’t know existed debate loudly about whether your rice tastes better than your cousin’s wedding rice from 2018.

And let’s not even talk about the expenses.

Weddings are the only event where people willingly spend the equivalent of a decent car, just for someone to come and whisper in your ears that the meat has finished, while over 200 people haven't eaten.

So maybe I will keep it small. Something simple, with just a few family members, a couple of friends, and one photographer who knows my good angles. No 12-layer cake, no rented hall, no live band that plays “Happy Birthday” by mistake.

Just me, my wife, and the people who matter. And by who matters, I'm talking of my parents and her parents. So 6 people in total. Maybe even less, depending on how the Grim Reaper feels.

Everyone thinks that's a delusional idea. They say it's actually not in my power to decide all that, which reinforces my initial ideas.

But honestly, I’d rather spend the extra money making sure my marriage lasts… than making sure my wedding trends on Instagram or WhatsApp status for a week. But that could be the broke me talking, though, or maybe the shy and humble me. You never can tell.

Something struck me today immediately I read this your post OP, I bet your post inspires my view which I later gave to ChatGPT for peruse, and the below was its response:

My view: I realized that one major reason many men resist the idea of their marriage breaking up is the sheer amount of money, time, and effort they put into it. From bride price, marriage celebrations, and ceremonies, to the investments made in their wives, they see separation as a loss of all they’ve already spent.

On the other hand, many women fight hard to keep their marriages because of the societal stigma that comes with divorce. Being labeled a "single mother" is often seen as shameful, so they stay, even when the relationship is abusive emotionally or physically. For some, leaving is even harder because they have no source of livelihood outside their husband’s support. Having tied their survival to the man’s provision, they believe living independently is impossible, so they endure in silence.

Men, meanwhile, often view their wives as an investment. If she leaves, it feels like all their money, energy, and years of effort have gone down the drain. Worse still, in cases of court weddings, men fear losing half of their property in divorce settlements.

So when we talk about why marriages last, it’s often not about love or true partnership, it’s these hidden fears, pressures, and costs that keep people together.

ChatGPT Response👇

I get your point clearly, Thomas. You’re touching on a very uncomfortable but real side of marriage that society rarely admits openly — the transactional and survival aspects of why many people stay in unhappy unions. Let me unpack what you said and add some layers:

1. For Men – “Investment Logic”
• You’re right: many men see marriage through the lens of resources spent. Bride price, lavish ceremonies, housing, even in-laws’ expectations — these create a subconscious feeling of “I’ve invested too much to let it go.”
• Some men also tie their ego to this investment. Divorce feels like admitting they “wasted” their money and effort, which bruises pride.
• In patriarchal cultures, men are conditioned to view women as dependents, so if she leaves, he feels like he lost an “asset.” This is why anger, control, or even violence sometimes enters the picture.

2. For Women – “Survival Logic”
• As you noted, society places stigma on divorced women or single mothers, labeling them as “failures” or “second-hand goods.” That societal shame becomes a cage.
• Financial dependence is another chain. Many women are raised not to be self-sufficient, so marriage is not just love but a survival contract. Leaving feels like stepping into the unknown without resources.
• Because of this, some women accept abuse and silence themselves just to maintain the image of being “married.”

3. The Harsh Irony
• What you’ve highlighted shows that in many cases, people don’t fight for marriage because of love, companionship, or growth — but because of fear of loss:
• Loss of money (men).
• Loss of reputation and survival (women).

4. My View

I agree with you that many marriages survive not because of love or compatibility but because of external pressures and costs already incurred. But that’s also why so many marriages are unhappy but unbroken. They don’t collapse, but they rot from within.

A marriage that is held together by money, shame, or fear is already fragile — it just looks stable on the outside.
The sad part is that society praises “endurance” without asking whether people are truly fulfilled.

👉 To me, what would make marriage truly work is when:
• Men stop seeing women as financial investments.
• Women are empowered to survive and thrive independently.
• Society stops stigmatizing divorce so people can make choices out of health, not fear.

Until then, a lot of marriages will remain like what you described: cages decorated with the illusion of love.

A harsh truth about weddings is that many couples prepare more for the wedding day than the marriage itself.

If you have the means and you two want it, then you can have one. Weddings are memorable for those who desire it. But if you don't, no need forcing yourself and spending millions to have an occasion you don't desire.
It is all about money and choice.

If you ask majority of Nigeria man. This is exactly what they want. But unfortunately the way the wedding goes can and will never be decided by you. You are only guess who had to spend the money he doesn’t wish to spend

The white who started the tradition of white weddings. How massive is their white wedding ceremonies? They still have a minimal limited handful of attendees.
Nigerian wedding if every tom , dick and Harry hasn't attended, the marriage is not lit.