₦airaland Forum

Dpsychologist:
Marriage is one topic that will never stop shaking tables, and today, we’re going to drag one uncomfortable truth into the open.

👉 Many women don’t actually marry the man they truly love or feel sexually attracted to.
👉 Instead, they marry the man who is ready — the one with money, stability, and seriousness, even if their heart isn’t fully in it.

After the wedding, sex becomes a duty — something she tolerates just to have children. But once she’s done giving birth, the pretending ends. No more intimacy, no more affection, no more spark. What’s left? A cold partnership where both partners are simply co-parenting under the same roof.

This raises tough questions:

Is marriage in today’s world really about love, or just about timing and convenience?

Can attraction and passion be “manufactured” after marriage?

Is society’s pressure forcing too many people into unions built on endurance rather than happiness?

And for men: are you sure the woman you married actually desired you — or just settled because you were available?

The truth is, pretense in marriage always has an expiry date. Once the acting is over, reality kicks in. That’s why many homes lose their intimacy after kids arrive.

So, Nairalanders, over to you 👇:
Do women really marry who they love — or just who is ready?
And men, how do you know you weren’t just “the available option”?

Let’s debate this. No holding back.

SultanOfPuna:
A girl I was dating went behind my back to marry a guy she meet couple months.

When I saw their wedding picture I was so confused. The guy look weak and his face look like he is already tired of life

I guess he is more richer than me because I fine pass the guy scatter.
The guy also look like someone that his wife will control anyhow.

Maybe I'm wrong but this marriage thing don cast. Looks like she choose who she can control as husband
90% of married men lack all those things you mention. Let's stop deciceving ourselves

Hespee93:
➜Once a girl noticed that you’re smart and intelligent, she will see you as a red flag especially those forming feminism. They need a man that can’t say no to their demands.

Hespee93:
Once a girl noticed that you’re smart and intelligent, she will see you as a red flag especially those forming feminism. They need a man that can’t say no to their demands.

SultanOfPuna:
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. She told me I was too stubborn. And I out smarted her when she wants to manipulate me. It all make sense. She was looking for a Simp to settle down with

GenFunction:
Presently they marry who is ready. Then learn to love him along the line i.e if the nigga na more of provider than lover.

SultanOfPuna:
A girl I was dating went behind my back to marry a guy she meet couple months.

When I saw their wedding picture I was so confused. The guy look weak and his face look like he is already tired of life

I guess he is more richer than me because I fine pass the guy scatter.
The guy also look like someone that his wife will control anyhow.

Maybe I'm wrong but this marriage thing don cast. Looks like she choose who she can control as husband
90% of married men lack all those things you mention. Let's stop deciceving ourselves

Jman06:
Women's "love" cannot sustain a lifelong marriage relationship unlike men's. For this reason, marriages should be based on the man's love ie the man should be more inlove because that's what would enable him carryout his responsibilities to his wife and children with his full chest. Wise ladies understand this while the immature ones force themselves on men who doesn't care much about them and suffer the consequences

Tohsynetita1:
➜Imagine you need something to eat because you are really hungry, if you don’t eat anything soon , you might die, what would you do when your favorite food isn’t coming?

Fryx:
➜In my opinion. It’s better for a woman to be in love with a man than for the man to be more invested. When it comes to relationships, women have more advantage.
I am not much of a feeler. But once I see a woman is very much into me. First, I stress her to see how she can endure. If I am satisfied, I will try my best to make her happy. I may not have deep feelings, but I will show much care, knowing fully well her love towards me is what is keeping the relationship. I am a loner by default.

Kobojunkie:
Yes, you stress her because you are fully aware that no matter what, endurance is what she would need to remain by your side. Awon, "my wife is an endurance wife" men. 🙄🙄🙄

Fryx:
➜Well, she knows who I am. She understands what’s at stake.

Fryx:
➜Well, she knows who I am. She understands what’s at stake.

Dpsychologist:
Marriage is one topic that will never stop shaking tables, and today, we’re going to drag one uncomfortable truth into the open.

👉 Many women don’t actually marry the man they truly love or feel sexually attracted to.
👉 Instead, they marry the man who is ready — the one with money, stability, and seriousness, even if their heart isn’t fully in it.

After the wedding, sex becomes a duty — something she tolerates just to have children. But once she’s done giving birth, the pretending ends. No more intimacy, no more affection, no more spark. What’s left? A cold partnership where both partners are simply co-parenting under the same roof.

This raises tough questions:

Is marriage in today’s world really about love, or just about timing and convenience?

Can attraction and passion be “manufactured” after marriage?

Is society’s pressure forcing too many people into unions built on endurance rather than happiness?

And for men: are you sure the woman you married actually desired you — or just settled because you were available?

The truth is, pretense in marriage always has an expiry date. Once the acting is over, reality kicks in. That’s why many homes lose their intimacy after kids arrive.

So, Nairalanders, over to you 👇:
Do women really marry who they love — or just who is ready?
And men, how do you know you weren’t just “the available option”?

Let’s debate this. No holding back.

Kobojunkie:
Understanding is not what she has. Rather, acceptance imposed on her by her fears and anxieties is what she holds on to. Any woman who has self-love and self-awareness would never do that to herself. A broken woman, however, would accept even the worst and also go as far as to proclaim that it is what she needs or deserves. Look around at all the religious women around you to see this for yourself.

Fryx:
➜She is not broken. She was brought up with love and has loving parents and siblings.
➜ She isn’t scared of me. I made sure she isn’t scared of me. We play a lot. A lot, beyond your imagination.
➜ And I encourage her to speak her mind.
➜ If my relationship is built on whatever I suspect to be false, I won’t consider it a relationship. I will not take it seriously.

Kobojunkie:
1. Brought up with love as interpreted by you or by her own emotional conditioning? 😏😏

2. I said nothing of her being scared of you.😏😏

3. A lot of people claim to speak their minds but are not even emotionally self-aware, nor have self-love. 😏😏

By the way, mentally healthy loners who are mentally know not to commit to relationships with others; how can someone not even aware of the meaning behind what he claims believe himself capable of assessing others?

Jman06:
Women's "love" cannot sustain a lifelong marriage relationship unlike men's. For this reason, marriages should be based on the man's love ie the man should be more inlove because that's what would enable him carryout his responsibilities to his wife and children with his full chest. Wise ladies understand this while the immature ones force themselves on men who doesn't care much about them and suffer the consequences

Samantha125:
It depends on her family background... If you're from an advantaged background, you marry who you love, but if you're from a disadvantaged background, you marry who is ready, you can even get married to an old man.

maberry:
Nigerian women typically marry for security... period!!!

Smartguyboy:
➜Not only Nigeria women It’s a world wide problem

maberry:
Nigerian women typically marry for security... period!!!

Jman06:
The save "love" of theirs that end up putting them into the hands of bad men that turn them into punching bags? By then they'll now start crying back to their families and all those who advised them against such marriage hitherto? See ehn, I have seen things that made me conclude that a man's love is more important in marriage than a woman's.

Kobojunkie:
. Sounds like you have been in one of the endurance marriages described by the OP.