₦airaland Forum

femi4:
The couple have no issue. One is ready to bend for the other


This is 2025, the families should expect such - inter-tribal and inter-religion marriages are no longer rocket science. In situation like this, they are expected to pull out of any event their spirit don't agree with

Not with the ease of murders going on. Every caring family will be concerned. And so these are not the days to gamble with the lives of loved ones

Dtruthspeaker:
Not with the ease of murders going on. Every caring family will be concerned. And so these are not the days to gamble with the lives of loved ones

This issue has nothing to do with character but religion.

No one is being bullied or abused. Both family members are irresponsible

Infact, recent murder cases in marriages were from same religion unions

femi4:
This issue has nothing to do with character but religion.

No one is being bullied or abused. Both family members are irresponsible

Infact, recent murder cases in marriages were from same religion unions

Religion and character are one and the same thing. Bullying and evil does not easily take place before marriage. It is always after marriage.

And if murders can take place between peoples of the same religion then how would it be when they are in opposing religions?

Men, my BP has gone up just saying this. I will leave it like this

Dtruthspeaker:
Religion and character are one and the same thing. Bullying and evil does not easily take place before marriage. It is always after marriage.

And if murders can take place between peoples of the same religion then how would it be when they are in opposing religions?

Men, my BP has gone up just saying this. I will leave it like this

You are not adressing the issue based on the OP's write up. You are making stuff up here

2. Religion n character ain't the same

femi4:
You are not adressing the issue based on the OP's write up. You are making stuff up here

2. Religion n character ain't the same

I am addressing the issues you raised.
And of course religion and character are the same thing.

And it is obvious that maybe because you are married to a Muslim or many of your relations are Christians married to a Muslim is why you refuse to see that this is an explosive issue. And you do not want to see it differently.

And as you can see a good portion agree with me that if the lady has sense she should run

Well, it is op and the lady's bed to lay. We pray that it does not end as we expect it to. For as you yourself said if same religion can be that bad is it now opposing religions? Anyway, may we not hear bad news from them

Oisagbai78:
This is one of the real reasons my first marriage ended. Wife then was from a Muslim background, she got converted, her Mom Also. One other Siblings of her codedely got converted too. Father Not really a fanatic, but was pushed by his Alfas and Imams not to allow me marry his daughter. Fast forward, we Sha married. Did Court, Nikkah, Church blessing. Me a Christian o! I no do church wedding. Well, just 6 yrs later, Marriage crashed and thankfully, after 5 years of Separation, we finally divorced 2 years ago. I have Since remarried and enjoying my marriage now. So bro, na u get ur life, na u get ur decision, no go do wetin u go regret later o. Just take ur decision! There are red flags from both family already which can Make or Mar ur marriage in the future.

What you wrote does not make sense. When you read these kind of posts from. Supposedly educated Nigerians you weep for the educational situation in Nigeria.

From all the things you wrote how was interfaith marriage the reason for your divorce?

You wrote so much yet none of the things you wrote suggests that interfaith marriage was the cause.

I married my wife with non of my family in attendance, today we are enjoying our marriage .

I treat her with respect, never cheated on her and of course protect her from my family and I ensure she is well protected.

In return she loves and respects me and our home is peaceful.

I hope people reading this will learn, don't let your family intrude in your home and as a man marry a woman who respects you.

Dtruthspeaker:
I am addressing the issues you raised.
And of course religion and character are the same thing.

And it is obvious that maybe because you are married to a Muslim or many of your relations are Christians married to a Muslim is why you refuse to see that this is an explosive issue. And you do not want to see it differently.

And as you can see a good portion agree with me that if the lady has sense she should run

Well, it is op and the lady's bed to lay. We pray that it does not end as we expect it to. For as you yourself said if same religion can be that bad is it now opposing religions? Anyway, may we not hear bad news from them

Religion and character ain't the same.
Although a lot of religious Nigerians either Muslim or Christian are innately evil, they aren't faithful partners and do not understand the rudiments of building a happy marriage.

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

I just laugh when I see all these. When you were dating the lady, nobody gave you problems of religion or family talks, it is now that you want to marry her that all these trash are coming in .My dear do the simplest marriage make you rest .Fix a date and you will marry on that date whether your family likes it or not.

Nickydrake:
Why do you think a "court marriage" would be unfavourable to you?

Him want marry another woman in future

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

/
After your parents die... After her parents die...I wonder who will be making your life's decisions for you. You are not matured enough for marriage yet.

/

bukatyne:
Since your wife is not a serious Christian, willing to convert to Islam and you are not a Muslim, then do court wedding + Islamic rites with a neutral reception. That way, all sides are satisfied.

You have bigger issues though; if you are agnostic and your wife-to-be doesn't know, I wonder what else she doesn't know about you.

Then your fear of court wedding; what exactly are you afraid of? You think in the event of a divorce, the woman you chose and fought Jackie chan for is not worth 50% of the wealth in marriage? Isn't she going to contribute greatly by holding down the forth domestically so you have the chance to fly?

Besides, except you are planning to japa (and I don't know if Nigerian laws are upheld in the West , I don't know any Nigerian court awarding a wife 50% of her husband’s wealth).

I hope the wife is also planning for herself financially in the event of a divorce.

Olayinkabank, this is pretty solid advice up here.

I will add this: as your fiancee is willing to compromise and convert to Islam for your sake, you meet up with her family, yours and Alfa and sign a legal document that you will take no other wife except for her (even though Islam allows it, it is not mandatory). Each family should have a signed verified copy of that document.

Compromise goes both ways.

Bukatyne, the way Nigerian Men are terrified of Court Wedding is hilarious. The "Logical" gender has been so peer-and-social media influenced by Western media that they are scared that in Nigeria (a country where even Armed Robbery takes upto 10 years awaiting trial and you can even bribe to have some hapless innocent be switched for you), somehow there are Courts, Magistrates and Judges awarding half of a man's money to his wife, in Obodo Nigeria.

The Alimony settlement cases I've heard in Nigeria were literally out of court settlement and were all very wealthy educated men, the 1%.

They are surrounded by men who are balling and not pay shi shi for child upkeep and nobody can do anything about it, yet scream endlessly about "Don't Do Court Wedding, It Will Not Favour You!".

GuyInTheMirror:
Religion and character ain't the same.
Although a lot of religious Nigerians either Muslim or Christian are innately evil, they aren't faithful partners and do not understand the rudiments of building a happy marriage.

They are faithful in the evil they do, so they are practicing their religion, same way a Churchgoer is devoted to going to church and playing Christian songs in his shop.


So you see religion and character are the same

There are red flags on both ends. It is better y'all go separate ways.

I wonder why you're afraid of court wedding though. That itself is a super red flag.

Onegai:
Olayinkabank, this is pretty solid advice up here.

I will add this: as your fiancee is willing to compromise and convert to Islam for your sake, you meet up with her family, yours and Alfa and sign a legal document that you will take no other wife except for her (even though Islam allows it, it is not mandatory). Each family should have a signed verified copy of that document.

Compromise goes both ways.

@ Bold: very true

Onegai:
Bukatyne, the way Nigerian Men are terrified of Court Wedding is hilarious. The "Logical" gender has been so peer-and-social media influenced by Western media that they are scared that in Nigeria (a country where even Armed Robbery takes upto 10 years awaiting trial and you can even bribe to have some hapless innocent be switched for you), somehow there are Courts, Magistrates and Judges awarding half of a man's money to his wife, in Obodo Nigeria.

The Alimony settlement cases I've heard in Nigeria were literally out of court settlement and were all very wealthy educated men, the 1%.

They are surrounded by men who are balling and not pay shi shi for child upkeep and nobody can do anything about it, yet scream endlessly about "Don't Do Court Wedding, It Will Not Favour You!".

I honestly don't understand their terror of court marriages.

In addition to the unreliability of our legal system, we are not even a 'let's go to court' set of people. There are very few cases of a wife heading to the courts to claim part of her husband's wealth in the event of a divorce.

What we hear is Iya and Baba Sheriff going to customary court to dispute N5,000 'upkeep money' for 12 children.

I guess anything that seems to check their excesses is a threat to them.

Happy new year to you and yours.

bukatyne:
Happy new year to you and yours.

Happy New Year to you, my sister