₦airaland Forum

Hi ladies, I am in a good mood and really wished to give ladies a simple, honest advice as a happily married man who was once single, had numerous single male friends and colleagues too, heard their reasons for walking away from different ladies they were dating.


Right now I have a very beautiful daughter and I will do my best to raise her well, tell her the truth and guide her towards making a great choice of partner, and not just by my power but with God's help and mercy.


This was supposed to be a secret message to single ladies but since ther is no way to reach out to only single ladies, then I have no other option but to make it public and open to both guys and ladies.



Now let's dive into the main topic; what to do as a single lady that keeps having a breakup with different guys.


First, stop thinking it is normal and that the fault is completely from the guys, this is the number one mistake most ladies make.


There is no way all guys will be at fault whenever they come in contact with you, it's not possible, and yes some guys do have a problem in life, especially with ladies, but still it's not possible for all guys that you met to be the ones at fault.


So first things first, as a single lady that keeps having this repeated breakup with guys, you must admit that something is wrong; it could be from you, it could be from the guys, but something is definitely wrong and to help discover the source of the problem, you must look inwards first, do a self-diagnosis of yourself, not just character wise, but complete diagnosis of your personality and whole being, is everything alright?


1.) Start from your family background because that matters a lot.


Is there a recurrence of unmarried aunts or female relatives who remained unmarried till old age or divorced and never remarried?

If yes, then there is a family spiritual pattern that needs to be addressed.


Again, anybody that tells you that there is no spirituality in life is deceiving you because there is. You maybe wondering why white people don't do all these spiritual things, they do, some don't and they also experience spiritual issues but because they have a working government and system that ensures every citizens gets access to basic amenities of life plus their care home for the elderly system, it makes them worry less about spirituality even when they maybe going through one form of spiritual issue or the other, but in Africa, spiritual matters are taken serious because we have failed governments and system which makes our situations worse when you ignore the spiritual aspect of life and life throw you off balance.


What am I saying in essence?

As a lady that keeps having issues with different guys you come across with, please if you are sure you don't have serious character deficiency, then you need to address your spiritual source. Some ladies are spiritually possessed from birth, and some are lucky that their own spiritual source isn't jealous or violent, so they don't disrupt their personal life but some ladies are unfortunate, so their spiritual source does everything possible to prove their presence and disrupt their personal life on earth.


This disruption can come in the form of:


1.) Anger issues

2.) Physical violence, reason you see some ladies or girls become physical violent or destructive when they are angry or when you anger them.

3.) Sexual waywardness; some ladies can't even explain why they are sexually lose and wayward even when they make up their mind to live a chaste life

4.) Relationship issues; you will keep getting issues with guys even for trivial matters that can be settled amicably, your boyfriend or fiance overreacts and take things too serious to the extent of walking away despite your pleas or promise to change, it's not the guy's fault sometimes

5.) Difficulty in attracting serious-minded single guys. Some ladies only attract bad guys, playboys and time wasters that come in different forms, some caused this through their own personal actions and lifestyles too, but some are beyond ordinary, so look inwards to know what the problem is.


If you have a spiritual husband; some are aware some are not even aware, seek for spiritual help as soon as possible before it becomes too late because women's life are time-bound.

6.) Difficulty in giving birth after getting married. Some are beyond fertility issue, some have spiritual undertone, seek for spiritual help asap.

7.) Some have hard luck or bad luck. Your spiritual source can be causing your hard luck or bad luck in your personal life. Any man you start dating or got married to becomes broke, looses his job, start losing business deals, things start going South for him. Your one time successful partner start witnessing setbacks here and there, please my sister seek for urgent spiritual help before it becomes too late, don't be too stubborn.


It can also cause you not to attract well to do men, or get good paying jobs or promotion at work, or business setbacks or whatever you lay your hands on, seek for help.



To be continued.......

Dnt waste your time..its the fault of the guys..

2.) Another big issue is; high expectations from the other gender....


In life, if you want to live a fulfilled life with less disappointments and issues, please don't expect much from people; be it your boyfriend, lover, fiance or husband. Always expect less from people.


Having the mentality that you are too special and cannot settle for less will most times land you in too many fake relationships with unreal guys who would promise you heaven on earth or may appear like the Prince Charming you had been waiting and praying for whereas on the inside they are empty and not the big deal for you.



But when you lower your expectation and rather focus on making yourself a lady of value who add value to the life of any man she comes in contact with, believe me, you will stand a greater chance of meeting worthy men than when you place a tag on yourself believing that you are too special for some certain kind of guys or men.


Be the best you can be, pray to your maker and hope for the best but don't expect too much or look down on any guy based on his initial appearance or state of condition at the time of approaching you.


Some men are like diamond, they will never look attractive while in their raw form, but pick them up and polish, then you will remain forever grateful to yourself for picking them up in the first place.

3.) Don't make yourself unapproachable through some unnecessary fashion sense or overdressing....


Dear Ladies, if you know what it takes an average man to walk up to you to say hi, I like you or to even start a conversation, then you will respect men and give them an audience whenever they make such moves.


Guys maybe forming hard and strong, but the truth is, they become cowards and lily livered when it comes to approaching a lady or girl of their dreams or any stranger girl they fancy, it's one of the most difficult task for most men, especially in their formative years.


So make it easier for genuine single guys to approach you by dressing modestly and toning down on your Superfly lady dressing style.


Always remember that you are a single lady and if you overdress or turn yourself to a celebrity with your dressing and other accessories, I promise you that it's mostly rich, confident and experienced married men and playboys that will be approaching you most of the time.

4.) The next point has been overemphasized upon but I will still say it loud; ladies please stop the habit or the practice of offloading all or most of your life expenses and financial burden on your boyfriend or fiance! This habit has scared so many genuine guys away from the lady they wanted to settle down with!


Have some pride, have some self-worth. The global economy is not smiling anywhere in the world, pestering your boyfriend or fiance for money always will overwhelm him and possibly scare him away.


Funny enough, this practice is not just common to unemployed ladies, even the ladies that are gainfully employed and earning well still do this and it's not cool. Stop allowing social media and influencers flaunting luxury life to deceive you, be focused, be contented with your life and the things you can afford, give that young man some breathing space, stop choking him with financial and material demands!


Many young men ended their promising relationships because of excessive demands from their girlfriends and most times men won't tell you this is why they are walking away, they will just disappear silently without altering a word.

5.) When it comes to marriage or settling down, every man, or let me say most men are looking for a lady that will help them fulfill their life goals without much drama - as a single lady, if you think men marry because of sex then you are completely wrong.


Most men don't marry because of sex.

In Nigeria for instance, most men marry for procreating in wedlock and to have an heir, to make their life easier in terms of home keeping, to organize their financial life, for growth (career, political, migration, etc).


So you must make sure that aside sexual satisfaction, you have other appealing qualities to offer to a man to make him take that difficult decision of taking you to the altar.


So as a single lady, please don't just sit idly waiting for a husband to come, nope, please develop yourself, have a dream of how you want your life to be and try doing things on your own to achieve that dream while single.


I know it's not easy for some ladies born into poor family but just try your best and leave the rest for God okay?

What a beautiful thread bro..

But trust me,this sweet advice would definitely fall upon deaf ears

We, the guys are always at fault.

Also, I've learned to stop wasting my time on advising ladies. Cuz, what's on their minds is what they're gon do.

Please don't tell your daughter this nonsense. Peace of mind matters more than marriage.

Is she your biological daughter, or did you adopt her?

Poor child; she is so unfortunate to have a father who believes women have to live like rats.

I DON LOSE GUARD SO MANY GIRLS OH.

MORE TO COME...

Sonnobax15:

What a beautiful thread bro..

But trust me,this sweet advice would definitely fall upon deaf ears

We, the guys are always at fault.

Also, I've learned to stop wasting my time on advising ladies. Cuz, what's on their minds is what they're gon do.

lol

Merry100:
Please don't tell your daughter this nonsense. Peace of mind matters more than marriage.

Is there a place I discouraged ladies from seeking for peace of mind?


If you have ever lived abroad or know anyone that worked in aged peoples home or care facility abroad, you will get to understand that many ladies abroad that refused to marry or procreate usually have it rougher at old age than those that procreate because they usually have their family and kids coming to visit them at their facilities while those that refused to marry or have a child remained perpetually lonely till death and they always feel the heat of their decision not to marry not procreate despite the government having a system that caters for aged people.


If you have a way of following the natural principle of life without compromising your life, why not do it than trying to do otherwise in the name of thinking that you have known more than others?

Merry100:
Is she your biological daughter, or did you adopt her?

Poor child; she is so unfortunate to have a father who believes women have to live like rats.

She is my biological daughter.


I must raise her to become a valuable woman and not a woman seeking for a man to rescue her disorganized life. or a woman searching for a man to become her financial benefactor, my daughter will never be any of those and will never become a liability to anybody instead she will become a woman of value anywhere she goes and anywhere she finds herself.


Is that wrong to aspire?


I will give her the best education, I will also equip her with the necessary skills to survive and make a living out of life outside her academic qualification, and I will also teach her how to become a woman of value that will offer value to any man lucky enough to be her partner, is that compromising her happiness to you? or is that making her live like rat to you?


So I should raise my daughter to hate men and despise men and marriage, and to make her believe that being forever single will make her happier in life and not live like rat? God forbid that because my daughter will be successful in her chosen career and in her marriage and family life, God helping us

franchasng:
She is my biological daughter.


I must raise her to become a valuable woman and not a woman seeking for a man to rescue her disorganized life. or a woman searching for a man to become her financial benefactor, my daughter will never be any of those and will never become a liability to anybody instead she will become a woman of value anywhere she goes and anywhere she finds herself.


Is that wrong to aspire?


I will give her the best education, I will also equip her with the necessary skills to survive and make a living out of life outside her academic qualification, and I will also teach her how to become a woman of value that will offer value to any man lucky enough to be her partner, is that compromising her happiness to you? or is that making her live like rat to you?


So I should raise my daughter to hate men and despise men and marriage, and to make her believe that being forever single will make her happier in life and not live like rat? God forbid that because my daughter will be successful in her chosen career and in her marriage and family life, God helping us

Anyone quoting or replying this post with the intent of watering down your sincere motive or honest opinion needs to be cross examined
Nice write up by the way, I pray God helps you do that which you said you will to your beloved girl

I read the points and not the whole body. Good issues raised

First things first, Poverty is rife in Nigeria, the mentality of ladies with orphan behavior needs to stop 📌💯.

NobleRhyme2all:
Anyone quoting or replying this post with the intent of watering down your sincere motive or honest opinion needs to be cross examined
Nice write up by the way, I pray God helps you do that which you said you will to your beloved girl

Amen
I have three girls, God help me too.

franchasng:
5.) When it comes to marriage or settling down, every man, or let me say most men are looking for a lady that will help them fulfill their life goals without much drama - as a single lady, if you think men marry because of sex then you are completely wrong.


Most men don't marry because of sex.

In Nigeria for instance, most men marry for procreating in wedlock and to have an heir, to make their life easier in terms of home keeping, to organize their financial life, for growth (career, political, migration, etc).


So you must make sure that aside sexual satisfaction, you have other appealing qualities to offer to a man to make him take that difficult decision of taking you to the altar.


So as a single lady, please don't just sit idly waiting for a husband to come, nope, please develop yourself, have a dream of how you want your life to be and try doing things on your own to achieve that dream while single.


I know it's not easy for some ladies born into poor family but just try your best and leave the rest for God okay?

U correct 💯

Thanks 🙏🏾 at least I learn one or two things

franchasng:
lol

Dede,

Thank you for your post. I'm curious, what do you say about married women who intentionally deny their husbands sexual pleasure even when the men have tried their possible best?

Throwing pearls to swines... One don already dey rebel op like they usually do just because she wants to prove a point that's pointless

YoshihideSuga:
Dede,

Thank you for your post. I'm curious, what do you say about married women who intentionally deny their husbands sexual pleasure even when the men have tried their possible best?

lol, this one pass my power my brother

yeyedu:
Amen
I have three girls, God help me too.

AMEN!!!

Gotocourt:
First things first, Poverty is rife in Nigeria, the mentality of ladies with orphan behavior needs to stop 📌💯.

This things are not even peculiar to ladies from family background


I am sorry to mention this, I have done some personal research, DJ Cuppy the Otedola daughter seems to be having one or two issues I addressed on this thread and reason she has been finding it difficult keeping a healthy relationship for long that transcends to lifetime commitment.


So it's beyond poverty to me

franchasng:
She is my biological daughter.


I must raise her to become a valuable woman and not a woman seeking for a man to rescue her disorganized life. or a woman searching for a man to become her financial benefactor, my daughter will never be any of those and will never become a liability to anybody instead she will become a woman of value anywhere she goes and anywhere she finds herself.


Is that wrong to aspire?


I will give her the best education, I will also equip her with the necessary skills to survive and make a living out of life outside her academic qualification, and I will also teach her how to become a woman of value that will offer value to any man lucky enough to be her partner, is that compromising her happiness to you? or is that making her live like rat to you?


So I should raise my daughter to hate men and despise men and marriage, and to make her believe that being forever single will make her happier in life and not live like rat? God forbid that because my daughter will be successful in her chosen career and in her marriage and family life, God helping us

Men should focus on advising men because too often they speak rubbish and present it as fact. So I should blindly follow outdated principles created by flawed humans instead of challenging them? Did all the women who followed these rules in the past have positive experiences? What am I, a sacrificial lamb?

I don't mind being called a "know-it-all." I just won't entertain illusions.

I don't see the importance of all that has been written. The only potential of posts like this is that they fuel the egos of men who already lack manners and make gullible women even more gullible.

What are men; embassy consulates? You expect women to unreasonably shrink themselves to fit men's checklists? If a man wants specific qualities in a woman, let him look for women who already have them. Women are not clay to be molded.

Your care-home example is inaccurate and irrelevant. Most elderly care home residents are visited by their children, not partners, because many are widowed, divorced, single, or have absent partners.

Loneliness or having children is not an excuse for living a miserable life. Marriage doesn't always protect against loneliness, and there are other ways to have children these days, even without sex. Many married people are even lonely.

Peace of mind, not marriage, should be the baseline. Marriage only works if both partners are responsible and accountable. It is not just about "God forbid"; be wise as well. God will not spoon-feed anyone when He expects them to use common sense. Are those who fail in marriage serving the devil?

It is commendable that you want your daughter to be prepared for life, but to protect her properly, she must understand that peace of mind comes first; not marriage. This will help her navigate life without falling prey to the wrong people. You better don't turn your daughter into a desperate woman or give her unnecessary pressure. Setting boundaries, maintaining standards, and choosing wisely are crucial because being a man doesn't mean being reliable. It is better for her to take her time and make the right choice, rather than avoiding breakups as if marriage were a competition that awards gold medals

The world is tough; especially for good people. Equipping a female child should go beyond education and technical skills. She must also be equipped with emotional intelligence, survival skills, and relationship skills to thrive in life.

Even the kindest person married to a bad partner is likely to live a frustrated life. I don't endorse hating men or oppose marriage, but I encourage women to know themselves best and choose what works for them.

The harmful principles that shrink women have continued because our foremothers remained silent. These patterns should be broken to prevent them from being passed down to future generations.

The post about Osa Ighodaro's marriage shocked me. She is beautiful, talented, and she was already doing well even before marriage, yet she had a hurtful experience. There are commenters who blamed her without knowing her personally. This is the society we live in, where women are always the ones to be blamed.

Merry100:
Men should focus on advising men because too often they speak rubbish and present it as fact. So I should blindly follow outdated principles created by flawed humans instead of challenging them? Did all the women who followed these rules in the past have positive experiences? What am I, a sacrificial lamb?

I don't mind being called a "know-it-all." I just won't entertain illusions.

I don't see the importance of all that has been written. The only potential of posts like this is that they fuel the egos of men who already lack manners and make gullible women even more gullible.

What are men; embassy consulates? You expect women to unreasonably shrink themselves to fit men's checklists? If a man wants specific qualities in a woman, let him look for women who already have them. Women are not clay to be molded.

Your care-home example is inaccurate and irrelevant. Most elderly care home residents are visited by their children, not partners, because many are widowed, divorced, single, or have absent partners.

Loneliness or having children is not an excuse for living a miserable life. Marriage doesn't always protect against loneliness, and there are other ways to have children these days, even without sex. Many married people are even lonely.

Peace of mind, not marriage, should be the baseline. Marriage only works if both partners are responsible and accountable. It is not just about "God forbid"; be wise as well. God will not spoon-feed anyone when He expects them to use common sense. Are those who fail in marriage serving the devil?

It is commendable that you want your daughter to be prepared for life, but to protect her properly, she must understand that peace of mind comes first; not marriage. This will help her navigate life without falling prey to the wrong people. You better don't turn your daughter into a desperate woman or give her unnecessary pressure. Setting boundaries, maintaining standards, and choosing wisely are crucial because being a man doesn't mean being reliable. It is better for her to take her time and make the right choice, rather than avoiding breakups as if marriage were a competition that awards gold medals

The world is tough; especially for good people. Equipping a female child should go beyond education and technical skills. She must also be equipped with emotional intelligence, survival skills, and relationship skills to thrive in life.

Even the kindest person married to a bad partner is likely to live a frustrated life. I don't endorse hating men or oppose marriage, but I encourage women to know themselves best and choose what works for them.

The harmful principles that shrink women have continued because our foremothers remained silent. These patterns should be broken to prevent them from being passed down to future generations.

The post about Osa Ighodaro's marriage shocked me. She is beautiful, talented, and she was already doing well even before marriage, yet she had a hurtful experience. There are commenters who blamed her without knowing her personally. This is the society we live in, where women are always the ones to be blamed.

you wouldn't be quick to say all this long talk if your mind we remind you again dt it is the male dt approaches the female to ask for a relationship or marriage not the order way round. request for marriage in particular. woman no dey ask man for marriage.

Like this small analogy:

If you as a female go to a shop or the mkt to buy an item, would you pick the one dt is defective. you and I know your answer. No sensible person will pick a defective item.

the item only sits on the shelve weda good or bad, it is now left for the man to open his eyes to see and look very well before he picks the good item.

Op is more like talking to the buyer than the seller of that item.

If a guy approaches a lady and sees some characters he isn't comfortable with , he will take a detour.

similarly, a lady will also take a detour wen she too starts seeing some red flags she isn't okay with dt is after she has already agreed to go and stay in dt relationship wit dt guy for a while.

It is the man dt does the approaching and he is the one dt finally decides if to marry you or not.

The op is talking to the first main gender btw the two gender wc is the man dt puts leg first to ask for a relationship/marriage. wat follows next is for ur gender to either accept or not. your gender is not the one doing the asking.

He is saying the oda gender shud get themselves ready be removin any defect in them so dt wen the man see's her in a good characteristic form, he will like to make her his own.

no crucify our op mbok.

Merry100:
Men should focus on advising men because too often they speak rubbish and present it as fact. So I should blindly follow outdated principles created by flawed humans instead of challenging them? Did all the women who followed these rules in the past have positive experiences? What am I, a sacrificial lamb?

I don't mind being called a "know-it-all." I just won't entertain illusions.

I don't see the importance of all that has been written. The only potential of posts like this is that they fuel the egos of men who already lack manners and make gullible women even more gullible.

What are men; embassy consulates? You expect women to unreasonably shrink themselves to fit men's checklists? If a man wants specific qualities in a woman, let him look for women who already have them. Women are not clay to be molded.

Your care-home example is inaccurate and irrelevant. Most elderly care home residents are visited by their children, not partners, because many are widowed, divorced, single, or have absent partners.

Loneliness or having children is not an excuse for living a miserable life. Marriage doesn't always protect against loneliness, and there are other ways to have children these days, even without sex. Many married people are even lonely.

Peace of mind, not marriage, should be the baseline. Marriage only works if both partners are responsible and accountable. It is not just about "God forbid"; be wise as well. God will not spoon-feed anyone when He expects them to use common sense. Are those who fail in marriage serving the devil?

It is commendable that you want your daughter to be prepared for life, but to protect her properly, she must understand that peace of mind comes first; not marriage. This will help her navigate life without falling prey to the wrong people. You better don't turn your daughter into a desperate woman or give her unnecessary pressure. Setting boundaries, maintaining standards, and choosing wisely are crucial because being a man doesn't mean being reliable. It is better for her to take her time and make the right choice, rather than avoiding breakups as if marriage were a competition that awards gold medals

The world is tough; especially for good people. Equipping a female child should go beyond education and technical skills. She must also be equipped with emotional intelligence, survival skills, and relationship skills to thrive in life.

Even the kindest person married to a bad partner is likely to live a frustrated life. I don't endorse hating men or oppose marriage, but I encourage women to know themselves best and choose what works for them.

The harmful principles that shrink women have continued because our foremothers remained silent. These patterns should be broken to prevent them from being passed down to future generations.

The post about Osa Ighodaro's marriage shocked me. She is beautiful, talented, and she was already doing well even before marriage, yet she had a hurtful experience. There are commenters who blamed her without knowing her personally. This is the society we live in, where women are always the ones to be blamed.

I understand your point; personal happiness should be prioritized first before any other thing, and I never disputed or argued that.


The way and manner you presented your opinion makes it look like you are an anti-marriage and anti-Male activist which you pointed out towards the end of your post that you are not.


There is no law that says a woman or man can only be happy if he or she remains unmarried to avoid ending up with the wrong partner.


I know that it is very possible for a woman or man to live a happier and fulfilled life being married at the same time. I am a happily married man, married to a wonderful lady and we are building an enviable home together and I know my wife has always been super grateful for marrying me, I brought more dignity, honor, respect, comfort, happiness and peace of mind to her, so my daughter too must live same life.


My elder sister is married, happy and fulfilled, in fact she has always cried and wailed after her husband died, she has never remained the same despite being a super kind of woman that started building empire before getting married, so remove that wrong mentality that marriage makes people not to live a fulfilled life, it's only when they marry wrongly through wrong beliefs and mindset that they regret ever getting married, which was why I started this thread from the bottom of my heart to advice single ladies that wish to learn from my perspective as a happily married man who was once a bachelor on some of the things single guys look out for in a woman, and of course before a man starts to look for who to marry, he must have prepared himself too, men even prepare more for marriage than women who just believe their being a woman is more than enough to qualify them for marriage, and that is what I am also trying to correct, peace