₦airaland Forum

Coolis:
Been hearing of red flag, don't know if there is one here already.

Met this lady toward the end of last year in Maraba area of Nasarawa state. I reside in one-man villagers area of Nasarawa state while she reside in the lokogoma area in the FCT.
We 've been chatting. l realized she doesn't like typing much words so she doesn't give out enough information about herself. l decided we meet physically again last Saturday so we can get to know more about each other and that l would be coming to her area. I asked her to send me the address of where she stays in the FCT but she suggested we meet at one of the eateries in their area which l agreed.
She suggested ShopRite in Apo/lokogoma area and l said okay.

NOTE-
1, l like her a lot.
2, my income is about 100k in a month.
3, To and fro one-man village to lokogoma area in the FCT using public transport will take 5k or more.

I had about 15k on the day which l thought could take care of my TP and what she would eat. I knew eating out at ShopRite would be quite expensive than the regular eateries like Chicken republic and the likes.

I cut my coat according to my size. We agreed to meet at ShopRite by 3pm but l decided to get there earlier by 2pm to find out their food and snacks prices.
Meat pie and a bottle of soft drink N2500. Fried/jollof rice with a drink N6200.

I ate well from my house so as not to order their food. I also thought
that someone coming out for a date at an eatery by 3pm, would have eaten from their house and wouldn't order food but light refreshment like a snack and bottle of soft drink but l was wrong.
After a while of my friend joining me, l told her let's go to the service desk so she could make her order. Without hesitation, she told them she wanted fried rice with fish and a bottle of coke N6200. The moment l was told of her bill which must be settled before the food is given to her, l decided not to order anything at all but on a second thought, l asked they add one bottle of Schweppes(1k) for me. I know you will call me a SIMP here but it's better only her eat than the both of us to eat which would have taken all the money in my pocket and going back to my area a serious challenge.

When we were done at ShopRite, at our departure point, she was joining along taxi to her area, l gave 1k to her to settle the taxi man, she didn't want to take it but l insisted and she accepted it.

Now, here's is why l asked if there is already a Red flag.

I told her l would call her in the evening of the day, the l idea was to find out if she had a great time and if we could do it again soon. I called her around 7:30pm twice, the phone rang but no response. I called again around 9:45pm still no response. Then l sent a message to her on watsapp that it looks like l didn't measure up to her standard and that l couldn't believe she didn't answer all calls l put across to her. I told her it seems our meeting meant nothing to her.

After a few minutes later, she replied me that she went for a program that lasted more than she thought. That was why she couldn't answer. I replied her that she should have sent a message acknowledging my missed calls and l wouldn't have insinuated our meeting meant nothing to her.
I haven't reached out to her since then and haven't heard from her either.
Men and brethren, you have it all. What do you think? Is there a red flag yet? Should l still reach out and maintain contact or to forget her? Thank you

It's okay to be a novice bro but you goofed sha... I never laff like this for long

First off never put yourself under any pressure whatsoever to take a girl out for fun, NEVER!!!
She obviously saw you sweating and over calculating and hence she wouldn't want to do it again except maybe when hunger wire am and she go take you like M*g*

You dey take babe out on a first date to shoprite and na 15k dey your pocket? Why bro? Instead jump the shoprite and change location bro.. no look her face, be the controller. There are cheaper places that will fit your budget and they can be fun for her too all na your packaging bro. It makes no sense that she's ordering food and you dey order schwepps. You dey sick? Abi you want flush belle

Next time do things accordingly. Only allow her chose location when you can spend freely. As a guy you should have some coded places that offers almost everything but at low prices and also know upscale places too so that you can switch tempo when the need arises and when the pocket is happy. I have been in your kind of situation before but I never ever dey calculate I learnt my lesson back in university after blowing my weekly allowance in one night on a date and her friends . Now I must hold more than what we can consume but I never spend more than I should. One time I had this girl on a date Na me even suggest domino for the banny and she met me there. The domino dey my zone and they are familiar with me too (I'm regular there cos of my little nephews and niece) so it's like my home. Wetin she take na just Ice cream wey dem dey use that chocolate and waffles do. My only calculation was how to take the strings off those sexy legs at the end of the day nothing else concern me wetin she dey eat. I took water cos I don't do sweet stuffs which she knows cos we have been on a date before. After then I changed location to movies (already planned by yours truly) its not even expensive but it was fun, then later to somewhere else very beautiful and standard but very budget friendly and closer to my estate for a reason. Ordered drinks, we both ate one large bbq fish and chips. I didn't need to break a bank and I saw she had fun and at the end of the day she cum.

What I'm saying is never put yourself in a position where you will be over calculating abeg. It's childish lol you really make me laff. You for trek go house

Okay. Thank you

ILoveFaith:
If I get the right understanding of things, you're the one trying to fix things. Trying to make out/up. You didn't even care about welfare. All you were asking is about yourself and something to oil your ego as if she's a wife. You barely just know her. Give this things time. Do you know if she's seen a ton of people like you who turn out to be people that's not worth the time? Stay different and you'll get different response

verminnel:
Take this from a female , she isnt interested in u and her reason for coming on that date was just to measure u up.sad but its the truth. U spending roughly 6k on a date isnt something u should be whining about .she was even very considerate ordering just a plate of rice,fish and a bottle of coke.U initiated the date and she showed up . U may be a nice guy but she doesnt see anything working between u both hence the nonchallance from her. After the date not even a " Thank You"?Big red flag stop hoping on another date except maybe u want to be santa.Dont be a simp bro!!!

At this point, I have nothing else to add.

@Coolis, summon courage and move on. This is Normal stuff, it happens. And never stop being kind not just to ladies but to everyone around you, every kind act has it own equivalent rewards.

Coolis:
You are hard on me but l can understand. Not trying to paint her in a bad light. Still very much interested in her. I will take your points to mean there's no red flag yet. Thank you

You were interested in her? I didn't get that at all from your post. It read more like you were trying to conquer her while spending just enough from what you typed up there. You entire OP reads more like a Nairaland how-it-went for someone who took tips from one of the toxic characters in this section. Those tips only work on hookup gals and not on real dates. 🥱🥱

By the way, leave this gal alone if she already rejected you. Like you, women want men who are interested in them, not trying to rest or size them up while hyperfocused on nickle-and-diming their interactions.🥱🥱

When you want to date someone, your mind needs to be interested in the person and not how much the person should spend or not spend or your money. Think carefully about that for next time. Maybe you should consider dating someone who is well within your bracket. Someone who will not mind mama put instead of an expensive joint, etc. 🥱🥱

Coolis:
Yeah, l already did that but if you love and care about someone, giving to them shouldn't be a problem. For those of us that are of the Christian faith, it's biblical to Give. John 3:16 For God so love that He gave. Love and giving go hand in hand. Thank you guy women don't think like you dey think o

You need to first understand their mentality before dealing with them otherwise, they'll use your arse and feel no remorse sef

My girlfriend of 8 months has been doing on and off of recent. She wants to wrestle "power " from me. If i ever dare beg her lasan, she don go be dat

I just dey laugh. Very soon she go come back to her senses and even like me more


Just understand their mentality and you'll DEAL DECISIVELY with them

Match energy.

If you're the one always reaching out and texting first, disembark. When you perceive low interest from a woman, it is not a signal to put more effort. Respect yourself and refuse to be a slave to emotions. A woman who likes you will suffocate you with attention and affection.

Unfortunately, the dating scene is filled with dragons and parasites out to drain you and give nothing of value in return.

Okay, thanks.

Kobojunkie:
You were interested in her? I didn't get that at all from your post. It read more like you were trying to conquer her while spending just enough from what you typed up there. You entire OP reads more like a Nairaland how-it-went for someone who took tips from one of the toxic characters in this section. Those tips only work on hookup gals and not on real dates. 🥱🥱

By the way, leave this gal alone if she already rejected you. Like you, women want men who are interested in them, not trying to rest or size them up while hyperfocused on nickle-and-diming their interactions.🥱🥱

When you want to date someone, your mind needs to be interested in the person and not how much the person should spend or not spend or your money. Think carefully about that for next time. Maybe you should consider dating someone who is well within your bracket. Someone who will not mind mama put instead of an expensive joint, etc. 🥱🥱

Thank you

ReacherSaidNoth:
Match energy.

If you're the one always reaching out and texting first, disembark. When you perceive low interest from a woman, it is not a signal to put more effort. Respect yourself and refuse to be a slave to emotions. A woman who likes you will suffocate you with attention and affection.

Unfortunately, the dating scene is filled with dragons and parasites out to drain you and give nothing of value in return.

Thank you, noted

narite:
At this point, I have nothing else to add.

@Coolis, summon courage and move on. This is Normal stuff, it happens. And never stop being kind not just to ladies but to everyone around you, every kind act has it own equivalent rewards.

My brother na big red flag, a lady told you that she doesn't like typing and you still decided to take her out, hope you know that ladies break all rules for the guy they like. I will advice you to stop now before she serve you breakfast. Those genders are ruthless and don't show mercy once they noticed that you like them more, just count your losses and move on. I'm 100% sure she has a guy she ready to give everything for free and also chat with all day without complaining. Never ever date or be in relationship with a lady that didn't give you signal from the beginning unless you want to cry or feel the pain of disappointment. Any lady you have to stress yourself in order to like you doesn't deserve your love

Okay, thank you. I intend to get things right and not to make another mistake. Your advice is appreciated

verminnel:
Take this from a female , she isnt interested in u and her reason for coming on that date was just to measure u up.sad but its the truth. U spending roughly 6k on a date isnt something u should be whining about .she was even very considerate ordering just a plate of rice,fish and a bottle of coke.U initiated the date and she showed up . U may be a nice guy but she doesnt see anything working between u both hence the nonchallance from her. After the date not even a " Thank You"?Big red flag stop hoping on another date except maybe u want to be santa.Dont be a simp bro!!!

The truth is, income of 100k isn't a huge one. One is only being prudent in spending. And no, I'm not stinging. I actually called her 3 times after l got to my place last Saturday to ask her if she had a great time and if we could do it again soon. I'm willing to give/spend on her according to my strength and ability. l only want to be sure she's into me as much as l'm into her, that's all.

NotOfThisWorld:
Which one is "l realized she doesn't like typing much words so she doesn't give out enough information about herself". What sorta excuse of denial is this? If you've been communicating or attempting to communicate with someone you met last year and they're barely responding to your or your questions, then they're not interested or might be in another relationship already, which means you should stop wasting your time and move on.

Which one is "I ate well from my house so as not to order their food.... I also thought that someone coming out for a date at an eatery by 3pm, would have eaten from their house and wouldn't order food but light refreshment like a snack and bottle of soft drink but l was wrong". If you're taking someone out on a date and it's you who asked them out and the person suggested a restaurant, then you should have enough money for both of you to eat! You saying you ate well from your house and thought she would've also eaten from her house is rubbish. If you're broke or cheap, then just say that instead of talking nonsense. Of course, she should also have her own money, but if you're taking someone out, as the man who did the asking, it should be YOU who pays. She didn't even order much; she ordered fried rice with fish and a bottle of coke, which came to N6200. That's just $4.57 USD and 5.47 CAD. So that was too much for you to spend and to the extent that you couldn't order anything for yourself but a bottle of Schweppes for 1K? You seem like a cheapo or a miser. If I were her, I wouldn't pick up your call again either. I'm not saying someone should be on a date with you and be ordering expensive food but what she ordered wasn't costly and if you can't afford that, then you've no business taking anyone out on a date.

BOTH of you are red flags. It's likely that she wasn't interested from the get-go, while you are a cheapo/miser/stingy somebody anyway.

Honestly once a lady likes you, it'll been seen in her actions even when she's trying to conceal her feelings.
How was the date with? did she ask you why you ordered for only Schweppes ? Was she free with you and constantly engaging in good conversation with you ? Or were you the one doing all the talking while she was busy munching down the food and busy with her ?

Back to the main deal, I think you are good man and wants the best for her but I believe now is the time for you to sit back and let nature take its course. If she really loves you and would like to take it to the next level, it is now left for her to work for it, probably show you some positive signs and make things a little easier for you.

Limit your call/texting times with her, if she puts in the efforts of regularly checking on you, then you are good to go.
Always remember you are the man, the pride and you definitely she be putting yourself first before any woman you're planning to date because she's never doing you any much favor just being in a relationship with you

NotOfThisWorld:
Which one is "l realized she doesn't like typing much words so she doesn't give out enough information about herself". What sorta excuse of denial is this? If you've been communicating or attempting to communicate with someone you met last year and they're barely responding to your or your questions, then they're not interested or might be in another relationship already, which means you should stop wasting your time and move on.

Which one is "I ate well from my house so as not to order their food.... I also thought that someone coming out for a date at an eatery by 3pm, would have eaten from their house and wouldn't order food but light refreshment like a snack and bottle of soft drink but l was wrong". If you're taking someone out on a date and it's you who asked them out and the person suggested a restaurant, then you should have enough money for both of you to eat! You saying you ate well from your house and thought she would've also eaten from her house is rubbish. If you're broke or cheap, then just say that instead of talking nonsense. Of course, she should also have her own money, but if you're taking someone out, as the man who did the asking, it should be YOU who pays. She didn't even order much; she ordered fried rice with fish and a bottle of coke, which came to N6200. That's just $4.57 USD and 5.47 CAD. So that was too much for you to spend and to the extent that you couldn't order anything for yourself but a bottle of Schweppes for 1K? You seem like a cheapo or a miser. If I were her, I wouldn't pick up your call again either. I'm not saying someone should be on a date with you and be ordering expensive food but what she ordered wasn't costly and if you can't afford that, then you've no business taking anyone out on a date.

BOTH of you are red flags. It's likely that she wasn't interested from the get-go, while you are a cheapo/miser/stingy somebody anyway.

abeg no make d guy enter depression o

⁸

Kobojunkie:
A women is not a toy but a living breathing entity exactly like you. The only difference is that she has a different plumbing system than you do. That is all. 🥱🥱

Reading this post of yours, I will recommend that girl never contact you again because all it shows is that you are not ready to date anyone at all. How can you say you are wanting to date anyone only for you to hyper focus on the mundane and not on what matters which is supposedly chemistry between the two of you? 🥱🥱

If that girl had come concerned only about how much she would obtain from you, would you consider her sensible? 🥱🥱

SORRY IVE BEEN OBSERVING YOU MAKE INSINUATIONS LIKE THIS BEFORE BUT THIS IS NOT TRUE, WOMEN ARE CONTROLLED BY THEIR HORMONES AND NOT VAGINA AND WOMB AND BREAST. THEIR ACTIONS AND REACTIONS ARE NOT PLUMBING INDUCED BUT BY INTRICATE HORMONE MECHANISMS, WHICH THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.

HENCE THEIR EMOTIONAL REACTION TO ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

GET THAT RIGHT IF YOU ARE A WOMAN AND KNOW THAT YOU CAN NEVER BE A MAN EVEN IF YOUR WOMB WAS REMOVED AND VAGINA TURNED TO PENIS, WITH YOUR BREAST rFLATTENED LIKE THAT OF MAN.

WHY DO TRANSGENDER MEN KEEP INJECTING THE EXPENSIVE MALE HORMONE
6

My brother, you said your salary is only 100k monthly, and in one move you've spent 15k, what is remaining, I would advise you to back out from the rubbish this world glorifies and focus on yourself. Imagine saving 15k monthly in another account, by December you'll have 180k in your account plus little interest, do that for another 3 years you'll have 720k, enough to start something or even learn a professional skill.

The greatest problem we have as men is not sitting back and reflecting, by the time you develop yourself in five years time from that little salary, the standard you talked about that you're not up to will become history.

Follow God's advise it is for our own good.

Wish you the best

Dating a Nigerian girl is like dating an orphan, she might expect you to order Uber for her and even take away because they never eat jollof in their family house for a long time.

God bless you, appreciate



M

capnies:
My brother, you said your salary is only 100k monthly, and in one move you've spent 15k, what is remaining, I would advise you to back out from the rubbish this world glorifies and focus on yourself. Imagine saving 15k monthly in another account, by December you'll have 180k in your account plus little interest, do that for another 3 years you'll have 720k, enough to start something or even learn a professional skill.

The greatest problem we have as men is not sitting back and reflecting, by the time you develop yourself in five years time from that little salary, the standard you talked about that you're not up to will become history.

Follow God's advise it is for our own good.

Wish you the best

Noted, thank you. I appreciate your input

Astonmartin:
Honestly once a lady likes you, it'll been seen in her actions even when she's trying to conceal her feelings.
How was the date with? did she ask you why you ordered for only Schweppes ? Was she free with you and constantly engaging in good conversation with you ? Or were you the one doing all the talking while she was busy munching down the food and busy with her ?

Back to the main deal, I think you are good man and wants the best for her but I believe now is the time for you to sit back and let nature take its course. If she really loves you and would like to take it to the next level, it is now left for her to work for it, probably show you some positive signs and make things a little easier for you.

Limit your call/texting times with her, if she puts in the efforts of regularly checking on you, then you are good to go.
Always remember you are the man, the pride and you definitely she be putting yourself first before any woman you're planning to date because she's never doing you any much favor just being in a relationship with you

Cut your coat according to your size.
The only reason you sent such a harsh message is because the amount of money you spent is paining you. You don't expect someone you invited on a date to be calculating cost with you. Besides she only had one meal which I think is quite sensible. If you succeed in dating her, you would always have a money problem with her
Find ladies in your locality who are in the same level as you.

For me personally,I don't know about anyone else, if the energy / feeling is not mutual and on the same wavelength,it's a red flag for me.Love should not be one sided.

Coolis:
Been hearing of red flag, don't know if there is one here already.

Met this lady toward the end of last year in Maraba area of Nasarawa state. I reside in one-man villagers area of Nasarawa state while she reside in the lokogoma area in the FCT.
We 've been chatting. l realized she doesn't like typing much words so she doesn't give out enough information about herself. l decided we meet physically again last Saturday so we can get to know more about each other and that l would be coming to her area. I asked her to send me the address of where she stays in the FCT but she suggested we meet at one of the eateries in their area which l agreed.
She suggested ShopRite in Apo/lokogoma area and l said okay.

NOTE-
1, l like her a lot.
2, my income is about 100k in a month.
3, To and fro one-man village to lokogoma area in the FCT using public transport will take 5k or more.

I had about 15k on the day which l thought could take care of my TP and what she would eat. I knew eating out at ShopRite would be quite expensive than the regular eateries like Chicken republic and the likes.

I cut my coat according to my size. We agreed to meet at ShopRite by 3pm but l decided to get there earlier by 2pm to find out their food and snacks prices.
Meat pie and a bottle of soft drink N2500. Fried/jollof rice with a drink N6200.

I ate well from my house so as not to order their food. I also thought
that someone coming out for a date at an eatery by 3pm, would have eaten from their house and wouldn't order food but light refreshment like a snack and bottle of soft drink but l was wrong.
After a while of my friend joining me, l told her let's go to the service desk so she could make her order. Without hesitation, she told them she wanted fried rice with fish and a bottle of coke N6200. The moment l was told of her bill which must be settled before the food is given to her, l decided not to order anything at all but on a second thought, l asked they add one bottle of Schweppes(1k) for me. I know you will call me a SIMP here but it's better only her eat than the both of us to eat which would have taken all the money in my pocket and going back to my area a serious challenge.

When we were done at ShopRite, at our departure point, she was joining along taxi to her area, l gave 1k to her to settle the taxi man, she didn't want to take it but l insisted and she accepted it.

Now, here's is why l asked if there is already a Red flag.

I told her l would call her in the evening of the day, the l idea was to find out if she had a great time and if we could do it again soon. I called her around 7:30pm twice, the phone rang but no response. I called again around 9:45pm still no response. Then l sent a message to her on watsapp that it looks like l didn't measure up to her standard and that l couldn't believe she didn't answer all calls l put across to her. I told her it seems our meeting meant nothing to her.

After a few minutes later, she replied me that she went for a program that lasted more than she thought. That was why she couldn't answer. I replied her that she should have sent a message acknowledging my missed calls and l wouldn't have insinuated our meeting meant nothing to her.
I haven't reached out to her since then and haven't heard from her either.
Men and brethren, you have it all. What do you think? Is there a red flag yet? Should l still reach out and maintain contact or to forget her? Thank you

@ bold:

An insecure man after a first date?

You are the red flag.

Coolis:
How man go do now? Sometimes, it's wisdom to behave like a SIMP to get what one want. Thank you

Oh, you are a 'nice' guy and not a genuinely kind man.

Perhaps she saw through you.

Kobojunkie:
A woman is not a toy but a living, breathing entity exactly like you. The only difference is that she has a different plumbing system than you do. That is all. 🥱🥱

Reading this post of yours, I will recommend that the girl never contact you again because all it shows is that you are not ready to date anyone at all. How can you say you want to date anyone, only for you to hyper focus on the mundane and not on what matters, which is supposedly chemistry between the two of you? 🥱🥱

If that girl had come concerned only about how much she would obtain from you, would you have considered her sensible? 🥱🥱

Lucifer don show face😂😂

NotOfThisWorld:
Which one is "l realized she doesn't like typing much words so she doesn't give out enough information about herself". What sorta excuse of denial is this? If you've been communicating or attempting to communicate with someone you met last year and they're barely responding to your or your questions, then they're not interested or might be in another relationship already, which means you should stop wasting your time and move on.

Which one is "I ate well from my house so as not to order their food.... I also thought that someone coming out for a date at an eatery by 3pm, would have eaten from their house and wouldn't order food but light refreshment like a snack and bottle of soft drink but l was wrong". If you're taking someone out on a date and it's you who asked them out and the person suggested a restaurant, then you should have enough money for both of you to eat! You saying you ate well from your house and thought she would've also eaten from her house is rubbish. If you're broke or cheap, then just say that instead of talking nonsense. Of course, she should also have her own money, but if you're taking someone out, as the man who did the asking, it should be YOU who pays. She didn't even order much; she ordered fried rice with fish and a bottle of coke, which came to N6200. That's just $4.57 USD and 5.47 CAD. So that was too much for you to spend and to the extent that you couldn't order anything for yourself but a bottle of Schweppes for 1K? You seem like a cheapo or a miser. If I were her, I wouldn't pick up your call again either. I'm not saying someone should be on a date with you and be ordering expensive food but what she ordered wasn't costly and if you can't afford that, then you've no business taking anyone out on a date.

BOTH of you are red flags. It's likely that she wasn't interested from the get-go, while you are a cheapo/miser/stingy somebody anyway.

See as you dey talk anyhow, converting #6500 to foreign currency might mean nothing to you but to the next man/person beside you it means a lot to them. Na una follow contribute to how dis our country don spoil reach ooo. You go need come down from ur high horse sir/Ma'am

jom28gy:
You better you forget about her, she is coming for your money,

But he doesn't have money.
For someone who earns about £50/month
That's too low

You are whyning and feeling pained cos you didn't have the chance to sleep with her on top of your 6200 that she ate. Lol
If you had succeeded, you wouldn't have been calling or texting her.
She would have been the one trying to communicate while you will avoid avoid her, feeling like a King Kong.

Your gender people keep bragging on social media that they don't need women but I'm surprised that a man who earns just 100k in a whole month is looking for a woman.
For what exactly?

bukatyne:
Oh, you are a 'nice' guy and not a genuinely kind man.

Perhaps she saw through you.

Where you see genuinely kind man for Nigeria?
Even here in Europe, they are known to have ulterior motives for dating/relationship and even marriage

So a man that earn 100k in a month is less than a man? He should just commit suicide. He shouldn't interact or relate with the opposite sex. I'm not going into crime to impress anyone. You have no slightest idea about the struggle so l don't blame you. You might not be more intelligent, you might not have graduated with better result than me . Time and chance happened to us all. Life and Nigeria happens. But then, l 've resolved not to be depressed. I shall emerge stronger and better

spiceadole:
You are whyning and feeling pained cos you didn't have the chance to sleep with her on top of your 6200 that she ate. Lol
If you had succeeded, you wouldn't have been calling or texting her.
She would have been the one trying to communicate while you will avoid avoid her, feeling like a King Kong.

Your gender people keep bragging on social media that they don't need women but I'm surprised that a man who earns just 100k in a whole month is looking for a woman.
For what exactly?