₦airaland Forum

The Ring Didn’t Kill the Desire,Your Habits Did.

Why do people get married and suddenly stop having sex?
Why does desire seem to fade the moment commitment becomes official?

It is easy to blame marriage. That is the wrong target.

Attraction does not disappear overnight. It fades quietly when it is no longer maintained.

Most couples do not lose desire because they are married. They lose it because they slowly stop doing the things that created attraction in the first place.

Think about the early stage.

You paid attention.
You dressed well.
You flirted.
You created mystery.
You made effort.

Now look at what often happens after marriage.

Comfort replaces effort.
Routine replaces excitement.
Familiarity replaces curiosity.

And then people are shocked that the spark is gone.

Here is the uncomfortable truth.

Attraction is not a one time achievement. It is a continuous process.

You cannot switch from being intentional to being passive and expect the same results.

Desire feeds on a few key things.

Effort. When you stop trying, attraction notices.
Novelty. Repetition without variation kills excitement.
Respect. Emotional neglect weakens physical connection.
Individual identity. When you lose yourself in the relationship, you become predictable and less interesting.

Another mistake people make is turning marriage into pure responsibility.

Bills, children, work, stress. These are real. But when a relationship becomes only about survival, intimacy becomes optional. And what is optional is often ignored.

Sex is not just physical. It is emotional, psychological, and even strategic. It reflects how two people see, value, and engage each other.

So when it fades, it is usually a symptom, not the root problem.

The solution is not complicated, but it requires honesty.

Start dating your partner again.
Bring back intentional effort.
Create new experiences together.
Communicate openly about needs and frustrations.

Most importantly, stop assuming that love will automatically sustain attraction.

Love can exist without desire. That is the part many people do not want to admit.

If you want both, you have to actively build both.

Marriage did not kill the spark.
Neglect did.

And the same way it faded slowly is the same way it can be rebuilt, if both people are willing to do the work.

Nice thread indeed.

Just like someone who was complaining about his wife refusing to kiss him whenever he initiates it. He forgot that in most marriages,such things die naturally. But one thing that I've come to realize about why most marriages collapse is that they do so,because they fail to continue doing the things they did that ignited and made their relationship awesome immediately they got married.

I don't believe all that is written up there, I have come to realize that marriage is luck, if you're lucky to marry your best friend as a husband where you're compatible in 99% aspect then you will enjoy marital bless.

Although, Satan will interfere but your connection will drive him off.

fyzaila:
I don't believe all that is written up there, I have come to realize that marriage is luck, if you're lucky to marry your best friend as a husband where you're compatible in 99% aspect then you will enjoy marital bless.

Although, Satan will interfere but your connection will drive him off.

You started with saying it's luck then you ended up saying Satan will interfere. So which is it? Cos your point has just become weak.

How would it not die? Look at the people who marry. Who does not know that they shouldn't marry?

Then there's not need to marry na

Dpsychologist:
You started with saying it's luck then you ended up saying Satan will interfere. So which is it? Cos your point has just become weak.

Well, we all know Satan doesn't want anything good especially marriage. It's biggest achievement is breaking marriages.

So he will definitely make attempts on peaceful and happy marriages but the compatibility and bond of the couple won't let him succeed.

But when a marriage is already suffering from lack of compatibility, differences here and there, so he make us of those gaps in breaking the marriage.

How can you eat one soup for 20 years

We like to eat egusi, ogbono, okro
Different taste, different vibes

Even women that love to use dilda
They buy like 5 or 7 different sizes.
Different Length and girth

Because everybody love VARIETY

Then they select which one they want based on their mood. That is how man feels too

Chai. These people always scaring me with this marriage talk. Approaching 50 like this . Una sure say person go marry so ?

I like this thread.

So I was dating this lady with the intention and plans of getting married, and everything was cool. A few weeks into the relationship, I asked my prophet whether I should marry her, and he strongly advised against it. Citing that she would later be all about money, money, money, and nothing else. I noted his advice and still went on dating. There was no sign of these issues.

This time, everything was perfect, like secondary school, you know, the butterflies, satisfying intimacy, and all. Fast forward to 3 months later, and I began to dread her "good morning" text. Why? Because before she would text 10 replies, a bill would have been posted. So, communication died. From talking up to 10 times daily to talking once or twice weekly with me now full of excuses.

Intimacy was now like a chore. From multiple times a day to once a month, and before long, we had to make the breakup official because we were waiting for the other party to throw the axe. She did want it multiple times weekly, but solely because she wanted to cuuum and sqquirt. Once that satisfaction was gotten, she lost interest completely.

Many things happened that killed intimacy, but the summary is her billing became sooooo excessive, asking in the millions or hundreds of thousands for a person wey still dey find life footiing. (I remembered my prophet had mentioned this). Communication died. As I wasn't giving, she stopped loving,

So if you are facing this in marriage, you MUST TRACE THE ROOT AND BE 100% HONEST WITH YOURSELF, GOOD OR BAD.

Intimacy doest just die. It always happens in a SLOW FADE. There is ALWAYS A CAUSE. If you can find it and address it, things will be better than before, not instantly though, but a process. It's not something fixed with one gesture or one big act.

Yes, another thing I have noticed too is that, if I make her cum and squirt first orally, she'll be satisfied and sometimes sleep off, or glitchy due to increased sensitivity in the clitoris. But when i dont do this first, she'll be game. The point is to observe your process and see the unsaid words.

My 2 cents contribution.

fyzaila:
I don't believe all that is written up there, I have come to realize that marriage is luck, if you're lucky to marry your best friend as a husband where you're compatible in 99% aspect then you will enjoy marital bless.

Although, Satan will interfere but your connection will drive him off.

You started well but ended your paragraph poorly.
Wetin consign Satan with marriage?

fyzaila:
I don't believe all that is written up there, I have come to realize that marriage is luck, if you're lucky to marry your best friend as a husband where you're compatible in 99% aspect then you will enjoy marital bless.

Although, Satan will interfere but your connection will drive him off.

Nothing like luck in marriage.

Most marriages fail because they were driven by lust instead of true love......If you truly love someone you wouldn't want to lose the person, when argument come both of you would iron it out without making noise.

I have 4 girlfriends that I have come to realise they're wife materials and I want to propose to all of them and will first discuss the idea of polygamy with them.
I hope they accept it.

COMRADES, I think people should try to distinguish between couples and soulmates

AI has been a menace since it was introduced. People don't even put effort anymore. They just dump AI slop on us. Pathetic.

Dpsychologist:
The Ring Didn’t Kill the Desire,Your Habits Did.

Marry first and you will understand

Eating rice everyday can be boring

As a man, some of the things they never tell you before you make the vow which you sincerely need to brace yourself up for is that;

1. Some time will come that the love, sex affection will drop, but you need to pick it up again if you want to enjoy marriage.

2. You get older in marriage, so automatically your libido level reduces.

3. No matter how beautiful and sexy your wife looks, you will still be attracted to someone else that is not as pretty as your wife.

4. Most husband cheats on their wife in less than a year of their marriage.

5. Prepare for the storm that must come especially 5th or 7-10th year of your marriage.

Dpsychologist:
The Ring Didn’t Kill the Desire,Your Habits Did.

Another mistake people make is turning marriage into pure responsibility.

Bills, children, work, stress. These are real. But when a relationship becomes only about survival, intimacy becomes optional. And what is optional is often ignored.

Most importantly, stop assuming that love will automatically sustain attraction.

Love can exist without desire. That is the part many people do not want to admit.

If you want both, you have to actively build both.

Marriage did not kill the spark.
Neglect did.

And the same way it faded slowly is the same way it can be rebuilt, if both people are willing to do the work.

Dpsychologist:
The Ring Didn’t Kill the Desire,Your Habits Did.

Pressure of life is the greatest killer of marriage. Now it comes in several ways. Courteousness is one

RollinTNDA:
How can you eat one soup for 20 years

We like to eat egusi, ogbono, okro
Different taste, different vibes

Even women that love to use dilda
They buy like 5 or 7 different sizes.
Different Length and girth

Because everybody love VARIETY

Then they select which one they want based on their mood. That is how man feels too

Ah!

Your opinion is not popular.

Beware of HIV and Hepatitis

Ẹ rọra O, Buọda Ẹlẹpọn Bulu!

Crisis in marriage kill intimacy. The spark of intimacy gradually fade when abuses, curses, insult and unpleasant responses towards any of the party.

As nice as this sounds, it takes a lot of effort and leaves room for ambiguity. When is the effort enough to create a spark. What if one party feels he/she has done enough and the other party says its not enough. This can not be the foundation.

There has to be a foundation upon which this can thrive. A base-line coming together based on a decision to love. The other part about excitement will be the icing and the extras on top.

Ebenezer2021:
I have 4 girlfriends that I have come to realise they're wife materials and I want to propose to all of them and will first discuss the idea of polygamy with them.
I hope they accept it.

Before you propose to them, dig 4 graves, that's where you're going to bury your happiness!!

Dpsychologist:
The Ring Didn’t Kill the Desire,Your Habits Did.

Yes, a lot comes into sustainable married life.
And there's the aspect of how both couples look at each other. Respect, Response, Reciprocal Resistance to negative emotions are key to keeping the spark...unfortunately habits and character changes fueled by too much expectations are triggers to killing marriages

fyzaila:
I don't believe all that is written up there, I have come to realize that marriage is luck, if you're lucky to marry your best friend as a husband where you're compatible in 99% aspect then you will enjoy marital bless.

Although, Satan will interfere but your connection will drive him off.

Gbam

In addition, attraction is continuous work

Dpsychologist:
The Ring Didn’t Kill the Desire,Your Habits Did.

But you made no mention of social media with women ,the attention they get from there as one major reason for most break ups? The kind of attention you as a man can never match because right now women are being sold an illusion online. They all believe they can achieve more with all the male attention they are promised...These are things I have personally gone through which I bet you cannot relate with because you have never been married and divorced. So bros leave all these textbook explanations you are making and see the deeper, authentic reasons why marriages are failing.

Sonnobax15:

Nice thread indeed.

Just like someone who was complaining about his wife refusing to kiss him whenever he initiates it. He forgot that in most marriages,such things die naturally. But one thing that I've come to realize about why most marriages collapse is that they do so,because they fail to continue doing the things they did that ignited and made their relationship awesome immediately they got married.

You are correct. I have been married for 7 years yet I still do those things I did to woo my wife when we met.

She's currently in her father's house with the children for Easter.

Tomorrow I'll be going there with a pack of roses to pay her a surprise visit.

These little things, admittedly not quite convenient as life's struggles do not give a lot of time and resources to perform them; are the things that keep your marriage ignited and burning.

When you enter into that new phase called marriage, then you will know all that glitters are not gold.
The most common reason ppl get married now is just to fill the vaccum of singleness, for survival, cus they're getting old, they don't want outsiders to laugh at them. Nobody is getting married to be called a father or a mother, nobody is getting married cus they genuinely love and care for who they want to spend the rest of their life with.
When you get married to your best friend (some that loves you and someone you love, both genuine love and interest in one another) you won't be experiencing all these bs.

The truth is, it takes effort to keep a relationship/marriage alive

If for any reason the efforts drop, intimacy will automatically drop

Don’t allow bills and life responsibilities reduce intimacy

Choose each other everyday
Make out time to spend quality time together with zero distractions