₦airaland Forum

Hello, weldone everyone. Please, I’m in a dilemma and I need honest opinions.

The problem is that I still love her, but I don't know if I can trust her the way I used to.

Now I'm asking myself: if she eventually leaves the marriage and comes back, can I genuinely build a marriage with her again?

I also worry about the fact that she is currently married. Even if she eventually leaves, would I be making the right decision by going back to someone who once chose another man over me and is now returning because she's unhappy?

What would you honestly do if you were in my position? Would you consider taking her back and starting over, or would you let the relationship go completely?

Please, I genuinely want honest and mature opinions. Thank you.

You love being used? Isn't it clear that's what she played all along?
This is why it's good to have male friends around. ..
Cut all communication with her, There are so many much younger females out there

So.. I'm having the same problem you are having hence I'll like you to take this seriously even though I'm finding it hard to take my advice too.

You don't love her technically, she probably made you feel loved in ways nobody has "yet", then you got addicted because she chose someone else over you, now your brain thinks getting her is the biggest prize, but the truth is.. you aren't the option she wants, you are the best option that's available. The husband you want to save her from will still sleep with her again maybe tonight and after you think you've gotten her.

You won't listen but the best solution is to wait for someone who won't make you type on nairaland because you are confused.

Have a nice day.
Leave people's wives alone too captain save a hoe.

[quote author=Kelvinnchucks post=140313557]So.. I'm having the same problem you are having hence I'll like you to take this seriously even though I'm finding it hard to take my advice too.

You don't love her technically, she probably made you feel loved in ways nobody has "yet", then you got addicted because she chose someone else over you, now your brain thinks getting her is the biggest prize, but the truth is.. you aren't the option she wants, you are the best option that's available. The husband you want to save her from will still sleep with her again maybe tonight and after you think you've gotten her.

You won't listen but the best solution is to wait for someone who won't make you type on nairaland because you are confused.

Have a nice day.
Leave people's wives alone too captain save a hoe.[
Hmm, noted, thanks boss. I'm not holding anyone's wife o, since the brideprice have been paid, we haven't seen for once, same way she haven't seen the person that paid her brideprice cause he doesn't live in Nigeria

[quote author=Mut4y post=140313601][/quote]2

Always them. The ones that their boyfriend are abroad and that's what the family wants for her.

Trust me. Don't go for her, you'll only get heartbroken. Accept defeat.

Kelvinnchucks:
2

Always them. The ones that their boyfriend are abroad and that's what the family wants for her.

Trust me. Don't go for her, you'll only get heartbroken. Accept defeat.

Yes boss, have accepted my fate since last year that is over, maybe I should have blocked her since then, if have done that we prolly won't be having this conversation, I kinda feel pity for her though but I won't forget every advise I get here, I'll stay away from her.

Why are some of you men so dull?
How can a grown up man like you allow a lady to play you around like this
Wanting to eat her cake and have it
If she can leave her husband for you,then she can also later leave you for another man
Be wise

Mut4y:
➜ So, I don't necessarily blame her for choosing financial security. I was disappointed, but I accepted her decision. Now, recently, she reached out and told me she's tired of the marriage and wants to leave. She said that if I'm still available when everything is finally over, she'd like us to continue from where we stopped or start afresh. The problem is that I still love her, but I don't know if I can trust her the way I used to.
➜ There are also things I noticed during our relationship that I was willing to tolerate because I believed tolerance is important in relationships. She gets angry easily, sometimes gives silent treatment for days until there's a lot of begging, and has insulted me when she's upset. I never insulted her or raised my voice at her because I adored her so much.
➜ Now I'm asking myself: if she eventually leaves the marriage and comes back, can I genuinely build a marriage with her again? I don't have anyone else in my life at the moment, and a part of me still wants her. Another part of me feels that too much has happened and that the trust we once had may never return.
➜ I also worry about the fact that she is currently married. Even if she eventually leaves, would I be making the right decision by going back to someone who once chose another man over me and is now returning because she's unhappy? I believe love is important, but love alone isn't enough to sustain a marriage. Trust, respect, communication, emotional maturity and willingness to work through problems matter too
➜ What would you honestly do if you were in my position? Would you consider taking her back and starting over, or would you let the relationship go completely? Please, I genuinely want honest and mature opinions. Thank you.

1. She was not unfaithful to you while the two of you dated. Her parents were ready to marry her off, and you were not ready. So what is it that makes her untrustworthy? 🤔🤔

2. You were willing to tolerate it, but have now chosen to make red flags out of it, meaning you probably only wanted her because someone else wanted her? 🤔

3. You probably only wanted to possess her because you could not stand that you lost her to someone else. Call her back and tell her you are no longer interested, but are merely OK with being friends. Let the woman be, abeg! 🤔

4. All these worries somehow surfaced after you realized that you may no longer have competition for her very soon, abi? Call the girl and tell her to do her best in her marriage; that you are not interested, abeg! 🤔

5. Stop stalking married women and giving them false hope! 🤔

@ Kobojunkie is needed here...OP y u nomas her about the spiritual compatibility

Kobojunkie:
1. She was not unfaithful to you while the two of you dated. Her parents were ready to marry her off, and you were not ready. So what is it that makes her untrustworthy? 🤔🤔
She gave me assurance when she knew after service she would go for the man, how do you trust someone that assures you several times and was very convincing about it.

2. You were willing to tolerate it, but have now chosen to make red flags out of it, meaning you probably only wanted her because someone else wanted her? 🤔
That's what you think? Someone i loved so much and cared for, there are some details I left out about the sacrifices and things I did for her because it's in the past and people here might call me mumu, if I could tolerate her then she choosed someone else over me because I couldn't offer the financial security needed at that time, it's fair for me to also have a second thought about tolerating the red flags.

3. You probably only wanted to possess her because you could not stand that you lost her to someone else. Call her back and tell her you are no longer interested, but are merely OK with being friends. Let the woman be, abeg! 🤔
I didn't hold her, she has always been the one reaching out,not me. I took my loss already.

4. All these worries somehow surfaced after you realized that you may no longer have competition for her very soon, abi? Call the girl and tell her to do her best in her marriage; that you are not interested, abeg! 🤔

5. Stop stalking married women and giving them false hope! 🤔

How am I stalking her? Anyways, thank you for your input.

Mut4y:
➜How am I stalking her? Anyways, thank you for your input.

You harbored feelings and kept in touch even after she was married. If you had a wife and she kept in touch with a lover from her past who was like you, would you have tolerated it? 🤔

Move on.You are not her best option but the available option.
If she didn't insist on marrying you when you dated,then someone better is there for you.

Kobojunkie:
You harbored feelings and kept in touch even after she was married. If you had a wife and she kept in touch with a lover from her past who was like you, would you have tolerated it? 🤔

We spent a year together, and she had already broken up with the man who eventually paid her bride price six years ago. According to her, there had been no communication between them during that period; he only communicated with her family. He paid her bride price a month after NYSC, and before that, he had only seen her once after several years.
So do you really think it would be that easy for her to completely cut off communication with someone she was in love with and had been with until after NYSC?
Also, for context, she was usually the one who reached out to me first. She felt that whenever I tried to cut communication, it meant I hated her, which wasn't the case. I still cared about her and didn't hate her.
I'm here because I genuinely want honest advice, not to defend what she did or justify anything.

You are a very big phuul and SIMP if you are even still thinking of accepting that girl back. When someone sincerely loves you, she is meant to stick with you through thick and thin, which she didn't do cos she backed out and went for the grass that wasn't really greener on the other side. Go for a lady who really loves for who you are because I'm certain this your ex will bail out again if you accept her back and along long the line you get to face a little financial crisis

thorpido:
Move on.You are not her best option but the available option.
If she didn't insist on marrying you when you dated,then someone better is there for you.

Okay boss, thank you.

Astonmartin:
You are a very big phuul and SIMP if you are even still thinking of accepting that girl back. When someone sincerely loves you, she is meant to stick with you through thick and thin, which she didn't do cos she backed out and went for the grass that wasn't really greener on the other side. Go for a lady who really loves for who you are because I'm certain this your ex will bail out again if you accept her back and along long the line you get to face a little financial crisis

Hmm, okay boss, noted, thank you.

Good question🙋

Kobojunkie:
You harbored feelings and kept in touch even after she was married. If you had a wife and she kept in touch with a lover from her past who was like you, would you have tolerated it? 🤔

Mut4y:
➜We spent a year together, and she had already broken up with the man who eventually paid her bride price six years ago. According to her, there had been no communication between them during that period; he only communicated with her family. He paid her bride price a month after NYSC, and before that, he had only seen her once after several years. So do you really think it would be that easy for her to completely cut off communication with someone she was in love with and had been with until after NYSC?
➜ Also, for context, she was usually the one who reached out to me first. She felt that whenever I tried to cut communication, it meant I hated her, which wasn't the case. I still cared about her and didn't hate her.
➜ I'm here because I genuinely want honest advice, not to defend what she did or justify anything.

Why put the onus on her when you said you accepted the fact that another man had claimed her, yet continued to remain in communication with her even after that? 🤔🤔

2. In this day and age, you could have easily blocked her number with an easy click of a button. So why didn't you? If you had simply blocked her number and asked all your friends to ignore calls from her, she might have simply moved on eventually. But here you are literally saying she is the excuse for why you did not block her. How do we reason that one now? 🤔

3. If you are honest, you would probably need to admit to yourself something like, "The only reason I held on to communication with this girl probably had to do with the fact that my ego felt bruised that another man took her from me when I had nothing to offer her." I mean, you clearly didn't really love her because now that she is almost available, you aren't hoping to have her at all. (And yes, some men would do exactly that to get back the woman they loved.)

Tell that woman that you are not waiting for her, so she does not ruin what she has(assuming it is salvageable and worth salvaging) for your sake. 🤔

Kobojunkie:
Why put the onus on her when you said you accepted the fact that another man had claimed her, yet continued to remain in communication with her even after that? 🤔🤔

2. In this day and age, you could have easily blocked her number with an easy click of a button. So why didn't you? If you had simply blocked her number and asked all your friends to ignore calls from her, she might have simply moved on eventually. But here you are literally saying she is the excuse for why you did not block her. How do we reason that one now? 🤔

3. If you are honest, you would probably need to admit to yourself something like, "The only reason I held on to communication with this girl probably had to do with the fact that my ego felt bruised that another man took her from me when I had nothing to offer her." I mean, you clearly didn't really love her because now that she is almost available, you aren't hoping to have her at all. (And yes, some men would do exactly that to get back the woman they loved.)

Tell that woman that you are not waiting for her, so she does not ruin what she has(assuming it is salvageable and worth salvaging) for your sake. 🤔

Okay, now I'm the one that didn't really love her?
I'm seeking opinion to be sure I'm not about to make a mistake, have told her not to make any decision because of me and she said she's not making the decision because of me, she said she has pleased everyone and wants to please herself, she said by time she makes her decision, if I'm still available good, if I'm not, it's all good. I'm not trying to hurt her or anything, I just want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.

Mut4y:
➜Okay, now I'm the one that didn't really love her?
➜ I'm seeking opinion to be sure I'm not about to make a mistake, have told her not to make any decision because of me and she said she's not making the decision because of me, she said she has pleased everyone and wants to please herself, she said by time she makes her decision, if I'm still available good, if I'm not, it's all good.
➜ I'm not trying to hurt her or anything, I just want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.

1. Remember, be honest with yourself! You are the one here asking us questions about your past with this girl. Why? Because suddenly a future with her seems possible, and you are hesitant. That ain't love! 🤔

2. Good! She should go find herself, and then find a man who will love her regardless of her shortcomings, and she, too, will love him. 🤔

3. OK! Let her be, abeg! You go find yourself the woman who you will not need to write a long explanation about and will not hesitate to love and embrace. 🤔

Kobojunkie:
1. Remember, be honest with yourself! You are the one here asking us questions about your past with this girl. Why? Because suddenly a future with her seems possible, and you are hesitant. That ain't love! 🤔

2. Good! She should go find herself, and then find a man who will love her regardless of her shortcomings, and she, too, will love him. 🤔

3. OK! Let her be, abeg! You go find yourself the woman who you will not need to write a long explanation about and will not hesitate to love and embrace. 🤔

Alright, thank you boss.

Mut4y:
Yes boss, have accepted my fate since last year that is over, maybe I should have blocked her since then, if have done that we prolly won't be having this conversation, I kinda feel pity for her though but I won't forget every advise I get here, I'll stay away from her.

Youngman, you talking wit two mouth. You said this

The problem is that I still love her, but I don't know if I can trust her the way I used to.

Dos red flag you observe Abt dt gal is wat she was dishin out to her husband.. getting angry.... insulting....silent treatment and oda red flags.
The husband maybe a no nonsense person dt wasn't giving her any space to display her madness. DTS why she is saying she is tired and wants to leave the marriage .
And you sef tink she said dt out of love for you. Dnt be fooled. She wants to com bk to you because she knows how to press ur mumu button and get tins done in her own way.

:::


Alot of water has passed under the bridge.


That relationship can never be as it used to before. It can never ever be the same again.


:::

Not wishing bad but bro 'you go cry' if you ever go back to her.

Kill that part of her and move

God saved a nigga but he wants to put himself back into the trouble


She is not a marriagaeable person

Bro you go cry!

Eh yaaah, life can be very funny, it is well

nawa oooo mr op you need to quickly search for redpill thread and read from page one to 100page. cuz yer a bl00dy simp

gracias124:
nawa oooo mr op you need to quickly search for redpill thread and read from page one to 100page. cuz yer a bl00dy simp

Stop trying to deceive him with that nonsense! Dem use una make money, come move on, but I see some of you still never learn una lesson. 🤔🤔

gerizzim:
Youngman, you talking wit two mouth. You said this

The problem is that I still love her, but I don't know if I can trust her the way I used to.

Dos red flag you observe Abt dt gal is wat she was dishin out to her husband.. getting angry.... insulting....silent treatment and oda red flags.
The husband maybe a no nonsense person dt wasn't giving her any space to display her madness. DTS why she is saying she is tired and wants to leave the marriage .
And you sef tink she said dt out of love for you. Dnt be fooled. She wants to com bk to you because she knows how to press ur mumu button and get tins done in her own way.

she would do the same to you 200% you need to skedaddle. God loves you. she is narcissistic

Kobojunkie:
Stop trying to deceive him with that nonsense! Dem use una make money, come move on, but I see some of you still never learn una lesson. 🤔🤔

He needs to swallow the redpill because he is about to be used by an evening newspaper. a young guy like him I pity him

My bro you are the retirement plan.

I will fault you because, when you actually found out that the man that she was pressured to marry was her ex, that automatically should send you a message that you ought to block and forget anything about her.

There was no family pressure, she only left you with one leg still at your side because she thought the other leg was going to a greener grass, but she was disappointed.

Imagine she audacity to still ask if your available so you two will continue where you guys stopped. Omo she no rate you, except you're captain come and save the ho.

Get rid of the love you have for her, do not ever reconcile and continue from where she abandoned you.
If you do that, it means after nysc you never still know yourself.

See as you want take be boy boy for first relationship before she leave you, cun still continue the boy boy the second time.

Brother grow up.

gracias124:
He needs to swallow the redpill because he is about to be used by an evening newspaper. a young guy like him I pity him

Pity him because you assume him to be some sort of victim or oppressed individual in all of this? Nonsense! 🥱🥱

Also, only mentally disconnected individuals looking to be thoroughly mind-raped need that redpill nonsense! What OP needs is to fess up to the fact that he does not want this girl... probably never did... and would be better off finding his own peace and maybe some partner elsewhere. 🥱

Kobojunkie:
Pity him because you assume him to be some sort of victim or oppressed individual in all of this? Nonsense! 🥱🥱

Also, only mentally disconnected individuals looking to be thoroughly mind-raped need that redpill nonsense! What OP needs is to fess up to the fact that he does not want this girl... probably never did... and would be better off finding his own peace and maybe some partner elsewhere. 🥱

azuka, I just sent you something for the week. Don't forget to show appreciation.