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Buyer’s regret or remorse is common in the exchange of goods and services. A similar feeling can also creep into marriage, although the emotional consequences are far deeper. You meet someone, and they seem angelic. They tick all the boxes for you. Suddenly, five years into the marriage, their dark sides begin to emerge in full force. You start nursing regrets and wondering whether you made a mistake. It is a feeling that can be difficult to explain to anyone.

You both begin to keep up appearances and live like “partners”, as they call it abroad. Even sex is no longer fun. It becomes an exercise in ticking boxes. Some people begin to look outside their marriages for succour. They dress up more, attend events, talk to people more frequently, become more active on social media, and upload beautiful pictures that might attract potential suitors. It becomes a means of escapism, something people engage in consciously or unconsciously.

Sometimes, it innocently starts with having that opposite-sex “bestie” at work. That person you enjoy talking to. He or she has a way of distracting you from the rigours of your marriage. At some point, it crosses your mind that you like this person, but you choose to live in denial.

People working long shifts in the United Kingdom can find themselves in situations where emotional boundaries gradually become blurred. One day, the handshakes turn into hand-holding, then hugs, until one party becomes so attached to the other that they stick together like bedbugs.

There was a story making the rounds at a popular workplace in the UK about a married woman who allegedly slept with a close colleague during a night shift. According to unconfirmed reports, things escalated quickly during their break in the dead of night. They allegedly hid under a massive conference table in a meeting room, and the man invaded the ‘place’ viciously like a bandit. It was a big blast like Ukraine’s attack on energy facilities in Russia.

According to the mental pictures painted, he did it like the opportunity was never going to present itself again. There is a saying that: “There is no meat that is as sweet as a stolen one”; it comes with a different flavour, taste and satisfaction. That’s a joke, though.

Whether the story happened exactly as reported or not, it illustrates how a situation that begins as an innocent friendship can cross boundaries when attraction, opportunity, and poor judgement come together. Infidelity in marriage is not peculiar to any country. However, in some cases, people may remain in unhappy marriages because of practical considerations, including their immigration status. When that becomes part of the equation, the marriage can turn into something people endure rather than nurture.

When people make such mistakes, the experience can feel like love. They begin to imagine how much better life would have been if they had met the person they are cheating with earlier. The person having an affair may even claim to be unhappy in their marriage as a way of justifying their behaviour and satisfying their desires.

But is it really love, or is it the excitement of something new? Sometimes, what people interpret as love is simply infatuation, sexual attraction, or an escape from the problems they have refused to confront in their marriages.

Nobody is perfect. Beauty fades with time. The firm and pointed breasts you are tripping for today may fall like the Berlin Wall after childbirth. That unique shape that intrigues you may not remain the same forever. The money you love a man for might not be there tomorrow. He might not remain as fresh as Poco Lee after a couple of years.

But this is where commitment comes in. You learn to love the person beyond their physical appearance, financial status, and the excitement they brought into your life when you first met. You understand that marriage is not a destination; it is a journey that requires patience, sacrifice, forgiveness, and a willingness to keep choosing each other.

Of course, this does not mean that people should remain in abusive or irreparably broken marriages. Sometimes, relationships end, and people genuinely find love again. But there is a difference between leaving a marriage that has run its course and secretly pursuing another person while pretending to be committed to your spouse.

So, is there anything like finding the love of your life after marriage? It remains debatable.

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Every soul knows what is good and what is bad, they just want to eat their cake and still have it.

What you are doing for your wife/husband, if he/she does it for you, how will you feel? .
You should first ask yourself, this honest question. Which only you should answer within yourself.

With a work bestie, it's not that much of a big deal because you have an option to change jobs and cut the person out of life permanently, unlike when you have a secret crush on your cousin because you're literally stuck with the person for the rest of your life since he or she is a family member.

Only if there was a medication to specifically stop married people from being attracted to any other people except their spouses.

Samantha125:
With a work bestie, it's not that much of a big deal because you have an option to change jobs and cut the person out of life permanently, unlike when you have a secret crush on your cousin because you're literally stuck with the person for the rest of your life since he or she is a family member.

Only if there was a medication to specifically stop married people from being attracted to any other people except their spouses.

To your last paragraph, attraction is always natural and there’s nothing both genders can do about it.


The mind is the foundation of negative or positive thinking. Negative thoughts grows when nurtured with lust, without self respect, dignity and respect for the institution of marriage and family.


Not allowing negative access with ruthless boundaries is the only solution and that’s discipline. There will never be medication and there’s nothing wrong to crush on strangers, colleagues and cousins.



Another man’s wife is no go area for men with wisdom and a wise man can never have personal closure with any married woman be it at work or family.

Fidelity is never negotiable with firm boundaries.


It’s always foolishness for a man to be a bestie to another man’s wife and a woman to be bestie to another woman’s husband.


“The only approved bestie to a woman is her husband and to a man his wife “

Even the Bible said two shall become one when married.

I get your point, but this is still nothing compared to being attracted to the cousin that you only just recently met and he happens to be the only family member working and living in the same province as you.

As a result, your parents expect you guys to have a close cousin relationship, be buddies, and have each other's backs like your other cousins that you grew up with... It shall never be well with my uncle for marrying late in life.

ManknowThyself:
To your last paragraph, attraction is always natural and there’s nothing both genders can do about it.


The mind is the foundation of negative or positive thinking. Negative thoughts grows when nurtured with lust, without self respect, dignity and respect for the institution of marriage and family.


Not allowing negative access with ruthless boundaries is the only solution and that’s discipline. There will never be medication and there’s nothing wrong to crush on strangers, colleagues and cousins.



Another man’s wife is no go area for men with wisdom and a wise man can never have personal closure with any married woman be it at work or family.

Fidelity is never negotiable with firm boundaries.


It’s always foolishness for a man to be a bestie to another man’s wife and a woman to be bestie to another woman’s husband.


“The only approved bestie to a woman is her husband and to a man his wife “

Even the Bible said two shall become one when married.

Samantha125:
I get your point, but this is still nothing compared to being attracted to the cousin that you only just recently met and he happens to be the only family member working and living in the same province as you.

As a result, your parents expect you guys to have a close cousin relationship, be buddies, and have each other's backs like your other cousins that you grew up with... It shall never be well with my uncle for marrying late in life.

I understand better now, all you need is self control and never let your guard down cos he’s your cousin and blood.


Blood is thicker than water, you guys are family.

🤔

We're not biologically related, he's my uncle's step-son that was recently introduced into the family when he married his mother... Even so, in my tribe, it is culturally allowed to date and get married from your maternal uncle's house.

When my uncle's mates were getting married in their prime years, he was busy womanizing, now that he's tired and has decided to settle down, I'm now expected to be cousins with my spec, it shall never be well with that old man called my uncle... My husband is a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve any of this.

ManknowThyself:
I understand better now, all you need is self control and never let your guard down cos he’s your cousin and blood.


Blood is thicker than water, you guys are family.

Samantha125:
We're not biologically related, he's my uncle's step-son that was recently introduced into the family when he married his mother... Even so, in my tribe, it is culturally allowed to date and get married from your maternal uncle's house.

When my uncle's mates were getting married in their prime years, he was busy womanizing, now that he's tired and has decided to settle down, I'm now expected to be cousins with my spec, it shall never be well with that old man called my uncle... My husband is a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve any of this.

Are you looking for someone to justify your lust for this your uncle’s step son? Just sleep with the guy and stop ranting. I believe your husband will understand when he finds out you couldn’t help it.

Okay, thank you for your advice.

oglalasioux:
Are you looking for someone to justify your lust for this your uncle’s step son? Just sleep with the guy and stop ranting. I believe your husband will understand when he finds out you couldn’t help it.

Samantha125:
We're not biologically related, he's my uncle's step-son that was recently introduced into the family when he married his mother... Even so, in my tribe, it is culturally allowed to date and get married from your maternal uncle's house.

When my uncle's mates were getting married in their prime years, he was busy womanizing, now that he's tired and has decided to settle down, I'm now expected to be cousins with my spec, it shall never be well with that old man called my uncle... My husband is a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve any of this.

Kill that lust in your mind with immediate alacrity!!!!!!!!

It’s not going to worth it as you think, life is all about choice but some choices are always going to hurt us at the end with regrets.

Your husband deserves better and you know it deeply in your heart.

Don’t act with emotions but with empathy, clarity and self respect to your immediate family.

Look within with dignity and you guys will be fine as just cousins.


Life is all about choice and integrity is what we do rightly when no one is watching.

Don't worry, I don't plan on acting on the crush, as long as he stays in his lane, I stay in mine, and we only meet during special occasions, I believe we'll be just fine.

With time, the crush will eventually fade away... I just don't understand why would someone in his or her late 40s or 50s with grown children would still want to get married and expect his or her grown children or niblings to be forming new sibling or cousin relationships with their grown step children... Our cousins and siblings should only be those that we grew up with or grew up knowing about.

ManknowThyself:
Kill that lust in your mind with immediate alacrity!!!!!!!!

It’s not going to worth it as you think, life is all about choice but some choices are always going to hurt us at the end with regrets.

Your husband deserves better and you know it deeply in your heart.

Don’t act with emotions but with empathy, clarity and self respect to your immediate family.

Look within with dignity and you guys will be fine as just cousins.


Life is all about choice and integrity is what we do rightly when no one is watching.

Samantha125:
Don't worry, I don't plan on acting on the crush, as long as he stays in his lane, I stay in mine, and we only meet during special occasions, I believe we'll be just fine.

With time, the crush will eventually fade away... I just don't understand why would someone in his or her late 40s or 50s with grown children would still want to get married and expect his or her grown children or niblings to be forming new sibling or cousin relationships with their grown step children... Our cousins and siblings should only be those that we grew up with or grew up knowing about.

You are always special to your husband and family. Keep that light shining!!!!!!!


Yea time heals and as you said with time you guys will be fine.


Don’t blame your uncle for his life choice to marry now cos this might be the wife he has been waiting for ever since.

Samantha125:
We're not biologically related, he's my uncle's step-son that was recently introduced into the family when he married his mother... Even so, in my tribe, it is culturally allowed to date and get married from your maternal uncle's house.

When my uncle's mates were getting married in their prime years, he was busy womanizing, now that he's tired and has decided to settle down, I'm now expected to be cousins with my spec, it shall never be well with that old man called my uncle... My husband is a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve any of this.

Madame no go pipe ur Step-Cousin oo
(or whatever it's called in proper terms).
I almost concluded dat u're stylishly seeking validation 4rm us to go ahead with ur plot. 😁

So Work bestie done join abi? No be ordinary bestie again. So now there's different categories to besties lol. There's also work husband and wife... Promiscuous people will always invent ways to rebrand cheating

Why would I seek validation when I could've just went ahead and done it if I wanted to? I mean he's just one phone call away... My man takes good care of me and I have no intentions of double crossing him...😌😌😌

In fact, the week of our grandmother's funeral back in July would've been a perfect time for me to make my move if I wanted to since as age mates, the family would mostly be sent us on errands together and he'd always insist that we use his car... That was the longest week of my life, but hey, I survived it...

Astromania:
Madame no go pipe ur Step-Cousin oo
(or whatever it's called in proper terms).
I almost concluded dat u're stylishly seeking validation 4rm us to go ahead with ur plot. 😁