₦airaland Forum

Mynd44:
This was taken from Number 5. The OP did not say you also have to be ......smart, chatty, witty etc......" the OP said "Girls dont like nice guys" which means she does not like nice guys.

She wants a taste of adventure which even though it is her opinion and choice, it is what she wants.


And we all know that there is a different between want and need

CC Ujsizzle

Did you miss the 'douche bags' too?

They are side by side. What does that tell you?
That most girls want something more. Doesn't have to be the 'taste of adventures. It could be something different tailored to her needs.

UjSizzle:
Why don't you let the OP explain what she meant by no.5?

You're a guy, and as such may see it from a guy's perspective.
I'm a woman and see it from a completely different angle.

I don't consider being nice the best of all virtues. It's still something I think is inherently wrong with this world. People should be nice. Naturally.
So just because I see a lot of douche doesn't make me swoon when I see nice too. I expect nice, so I treat nice and douche like what they both are: Humans. Only one is slightly more appealing than the other. Shineka..

That's why I used virginity to explain this stuff to the other guy.

People want a number of things, and well most times there's never really a complete package. Now's when you need to prioritize, set out what's most important and try achieving that first.

Dont I know how hard that is eh? Still has to be done anyway.

I dont have a problem when she uses it as her own choice.

When she uses it to talk about a non-existing zone you folks have tagged friend zone, I do a face palm......because there is a reason guys scream friendzone.

**buried himself back in reading Guy code 2012 release**

hilarious stuff

MzNelly:
Girlfriend, i couldn't have said it better. That's a very intelligent way to look at it. If the boys still don't get it, just let 'em be.

Lol Couldn't think of anything else.

UjSizzle:
Did you miss the 'douche bags' too?

They are side by side. What does that tell you?
That most girls want something more. Doesn't have to be the 'taste of adventures. It could be something different tailored to her needs.

Most girls?

There are more 3 billion females on the planet madam. Using most is highly inappropriate.

Yes, I love pulling the generalization card when it suits me

Mynd44:
I dont have a problem when she uses it as her own choice.

When she uses it to talk about a non-existing zone you folks have tagged friend zone, I do a face palm......because there is a reason guys scream friendzone.

**buries himself back in reading Guy code 2012 release**

hilarious stuff

Hehehe like guys didn't invent the friend zone


*goes to take a shower*

Mynd44:
Most girls?

There are more 3 billion females on the planet madam. Using most is highly inappropriate.

Yes, I love pulling the generalization card when it suits me

Akuko

I want sharwama

UjSizzle:
Hehehe like guys didn't invent the friend zone


*goes to take a shower*

If only you guys knew the friend zone is a term used to psychologically bully you people into pitying them.....

Oppps, I let it spill.

Now guy code as set forth by Tyson and Grant

UjSizzle:
Akuko

I want sharwama

I hear Laykhorn sells

d op get 25likes for the thread all I know is DAT it comes from females only

mikeomo11:
Nice one 'Nelly' if that is the name. I stumbled on ur diary and discovered u are a witness. I am also one. I would like us 2 chat pls if u can. Just pm u.

Heading for the friendzone. Don't do it bro, don't do it. Run!

@Uj
If I should go by your definition of "being nice" I could conclude that being nice is not actually the reason why most girls turn down some guys I would rather say is that they are aware all guys are nice to them, big deal cos they are girls, but some guys show a lack of interest in a girl cos they have lots of fish to fry. I don't think there is a guy out there who is a dumb head, there must be one thing or the other that make that guy stand out even if he is not funny, adventerous, or whatever, there must be an altitude that makes him stand out from other guys and that's is his selling point. If you don't like him for that and you friend zone him, there are definitely other girls who may find that altitude very appealing and loving

So I think the correct excuse should not be "I left him cos he is too nice" which is lame, IMO. but rather it should be "we weren't compatible" , which would be quite clear.

UjSizzle:
Okay, it's a lot like virginity.
Most people believe virgins are the coolest thing in God's green earth, but if it came down to making a choice, would a girl whose only appeal lies in being a virgin make the cut?
Think about what else you'd love in a woman.....a functional brain, good sense of humor, smart decent dresser, beauty etc (very subjective to individuals). So now you can say, all these other traits attracted me to her, but then she also turns out to be chaste and that super duper cool
Ok I'll take her.

Now imagine a girls simply thought to herself, "I love him. I'm a virgin. He has to date me because of that." Wouldn't you think that really odd?

It's the same way with guys. We except you to be nice. Big deal. We want you to respect us and be gentlemen.....that's being nice. But when it comes down to making choices, what really attracts a woman to a guy to start with? Smart looks, quiet confidence, good sense of humor, a functional brain etc (again very subjective).
Now there are probably a zillion and one nice guys out there who like/love/wants her. Who do you think she'll choose: A random selection from all that 'niceness' or someone who fulfills other criteria?

That's what no. 5 means.
Being nice doesn't guarantee you THE girl. It only means you're nice. What else have you got to offer? What else is appealing about you?

Remind me not to argue about nice guys with you again.

Nice. I agree that being nice is the minimum requirement. What we nice guys find irksome is when a girl accuses us of being too nice for her. That is what I don't quite get. Is it too nice to pull out chairs, open doors, listen to you and give a damn about your opinions?

The confidence part is where the nice guy/bad boy debate really is. That's my observation. The mental picture is that the nice guy is dull, colorless and spineless where the bad boy is exciting, colorful and daring. So it does seem that there is something to the debate.

Where I have held ground is this: that being nice is not supposed to be an indictment against a man who woos you. How would you like being dissed for giving a damn about somebody? That's what we nice guys hate. You don't want to be with us because we like you and show it? That simply tells us that it pays far better to be jerks and never ever show that we like you if we even somehow manage to. But then who does becoming a jerk work for? The nice guy? Or the girl who wants the excitement and challenge of reconverting the jerk into a nice guy that is willing to be vulnerable again?

I think that being nice to the woman you care about is the bare minimum, like I already said. But then, like the OP said, niceness is not very nice for some girls. As for being somewhere between nice and douche, I'll say that every man should be nice to their lady and lead her too. He doesn't need to be an outlaw to be her leader. And wimpiness, spinelessness and inconfidence are not niceness. A man is necessarily daring. Some may be more outwardly daring, but every man does have some fire in him. Just like, however strong a woman might think herselff to be she still has that soft feminity that predisposes her to a lot of non-masculine things.

Ladies in the house, It has been proved there is no point being nice to you. Many girls have told me they don't like nice guy as well so don't complain when you are getting what you deserve

and when she starts 'winsh-ing/c*ck-blocking' the guy nko?

As much as you wrote well, I would hint that you were not so neutral there..

There's this popular trend..

Girl 'isn't into the guy'.

The guy painfully picks up and seeks elsewhere.

Elsewhere starts clicking well.

The old girl comes and ruins it all (Pls don't say it's unintentional)

MzNelly:
Yes, yes, the all-too familiar topic...

For the few majority who have no idea what 'Friend-zoning' implies, let me paint you a picture:

Boy meets Girl, Boy Likes Girl, Boy Asks Girl Out, Girl says: "I'm sorry, but we can ONLY be friends". Boy whines about being 'Friendzoned'.

Typical eh?

Here are 5 reasons why men should suck it up and quit whining:

1. She Has a Type And You're Not it.
Yes. You may be the most caring person you've ever known-nice, sweet and gentle(good for you!), however the fact remains that the heart wants what the heart wants. I see guys complain about this but have you ever really stopped to wonder what the girl in question is interested in.....


2. She can't control Her Feelings.
This goes without saying. Don't trivialize her feelings by claiming you've been friendzoned. Don't expect her to hook up with you because you talk to her on Facebook late at night. Don't expect her to feel the same way you do just because you've been nice to her. That's prossstitution and that makes you a douche.

3. She's Been Hurt too.
Only guys sit down and make up a name of something that is actually...pretty normal. I've been hurt as well, i've liked people who didn't feel the same way. So? Would i sit and lick my wounds or move on? The same applies to the so-called 'Nice Guys' out there. Be a man about it and move on.

4. The Friendzone is an Excuse.
It's an excuse for when a guy likes a girl but the girl doesn't like him right back. It's a sense of entitlement. It's the idea that just because a guy gives a girl his time or affection, she's in the wrong for not giving him sexual or romantic favors back. It's a defense mechanism, a way for the guy to make the girl seem coldhearted or callous or dumb for simply acting on her feelings, or rather lack of feelings.

5. Because No Girl Just Wants A 'Nice Guy.'
You need to be more than an innocent little boy. You need to be a smart, witty, funny, charming and confident man. Girls don't like 'nice guys' or 'douchebags', they like guys who are real, just like guys like girls who are real. If you think a girl owes you something simply because you're a 'nice guy', then you have a warped sense of entitlement with the females, man.

The friendzone is the ineffectual tool of an ineffectual male. Stop using it as an excuse. There's a girl out there for you but you can't expect it to be me and blame me when it isn't, Capish?

The Friendzone is an Excuse.
It's an excuse for when a guy likes a girl but the girl doesn't like him right back. It's a sense of entitlement. It's the idea that just because a guy gives a girl his time or affection, she's in the wrong for not giving him sexual or romantic favors back. It's a defense mechanism, a way for the guy to make the girl seem coldhearted or callous or dumb for simply acting on her feelings, or rather lack of feelings

this is the summary .

Best article I've read in ages. well articulated, straight to the point, and very informative. Guys, listen up. The female folks have been complaining about this 'Nice' thing. It's high time you changed it.

If a lady friendzones you its curtsy, she dosen't want to hurt your feelings*

But realize this,
it's either becos you're just another nice guy or you aint got game*

Ladies have taste and the particular type of guy they like,
but trust me, they would make an exception if you get your 1st impressions right.

As a guy,
you tell a lady you really like her, if she friendzones you, reject that, but you don't have to tell it to her,

Just draw a line. ..

ofcourse u'd still be friends with her, but dis time u won't be hoping she changes her mind and starts loving you,
you've closed dt chapter*

if u allow ur self to be friendzoned, the fact u really like her will keep haunting u with useless thots and feelings"
Dats Torment

jahstech:
@Uj
If I should go by your definition of "being nice" I could conclude that being nice is not actually the reason why most girls turn down some guys I would rather say is that they are aware all guys are nice to them, big deal cos they are girls, but some guys show a lack of interest in a girl cos they have lots of fish to fry. I don't think there is a guy out there who is a dumb head, there must be one thing or the other that make that guy stand out even if he is not funny, adventerous, or whatever, there must be an altitude that makes him stand out from other guys and that's is his selling point. If you don't like him for that and you friend zone him, there are definitely other girls who may find that altitude very appealing and loving

Perfect! The sooner guys understand this, the better.
You are just not it for her, but could be for some other woman.
There's no need to make her feel like a terrible person for having a choice. Where would we be without the option of choice?

N not a single week goes by without a friendzone topic.... Itz getting too cliché jor

Ihedinobi2

What did I do biko?

Nice. I agree that being nice is the minimum requirement. What we nice guys find irksome is when a girl accuses us of being too nice for her. That is what I don't quite get. Is it too nice to pull out chairs, open doors, listen to you and give a damn about your opinions?

Erm 'Too nice' some times is a subtle replacement for 'boring' (subjective again).

No one says nice is bad. Nice is good, if nice means polite and attentive and giving a damn (which we want anyway).
Nice is not a couch potato.
Nice is not 'smothering' love (I could punch someone like this).
Nice is not always agreeable.
Nice is not "you can do no wrong".
Nice is not 'no spontaneity'.
Nice is not 'lets talk serious all the time'.
Nice is not a bunch of things people think it is.

If people complain about 'nice guys' (nasty name), it's because a good number of people who describe themselves as such just spend way too much time trying to please the woman, and less time being the guy they are. So it's no longer anything new, and it's not exciting.

That's not to say 'bad boys' (who are these anyway?) call dibs on being all of that. They just appear to be more in touch with their masculinity (maybe while being jerks because they're scared being any better would make them lose it ....a lot like bullies) and women want that masculinity.

It's just like you already said, being nice is the bare necessity, so what else is new?


I don't know why a guy can't be nice and cool though. It would seem men confuse themselves just as often as they claim women do. And yet the latter feeds off the former.

jahstech:
@Uj
If I should go by your definition of "being nice" I could conclude that being nice is not actually the reason why most girls turn down some guys I would rather say is that they are aware all guys are nice to them, big deal cos they are girls, but some guys show a lack of interest in a girl cos they have lots of fish to fry. I don't think there is a guy out there who is a dumb head, there must be one thing or the other that make that guy stand out even if he is not funny, adventerous, or whatever, there must be an altitude that makes him stand out from other guys and that's is his selling point. If you don't like him for that and you friend zone him, there are definitely other girls who may find that altitude very appealing and loving

You have made my day

UjSizzle:
Ihedinobi2

What did I do biko?


Erm 'Too nice' some times is a subtle replacement for 'boring' (subjective again).

No one says nice is bad. Nice is good, if nice means polite and attentive and giving a damn (which we want anyway).
Nice is not a couch potato.
Nice is not 'smothering' love (I could punch someone like this).
Nice is not always agreeable.
Nice is not "you can do no wrong".
Nice is not 'no spontaneity'.
Nice is not 'lets talk serious all the time'.
Nice is not a bunch of things people think it is.

If people complain about 'nice guys' (nasty name), it's because a good number of people who describe themselves as such just spend way too much time trying to please the woman, and less time being the guy they are. So it's no longer anything new, and it's not exciting.

That's not to say 'bad boys' (who are these anyway?) call dibs on being all of that. They just appear to be more in touch with their masculinity (maybe while being jerks because they're scared being any better would make them lose it ....a lot like bullies) and women want that masculinity.

It's just like you already said, being nice is the bare necessity, so what else is new?


I don't know why a guy can't be nice and cool though. It would seem men confuse themselves just as often as they claim women do. And yet the latter feeds off the former.

I think you are still getting me wrong. Lets talk about a marriage setup, you are now in a marriage would you prefer a guy who is really nice and super caring to a guy who according to you "has masculine whatever" and never even shows affection or even doesn't give a crap since that what you are trying to tell me nice is "HORRIBLE"

jahstech:
I think you are still getting me wrong. Lets talk about a marriage setup, you are now in a marriage would you prefer a guy who is really nice and super caring to a guy who according to you "has masculine whatever" and never even shows affection or even doesn't give a crap since that what you are trying to tell me nice is "HORRIBLE"

You're becoming defensive, hence missing my point.
You should read my siggy.

And I wouldn't marry a guy who isn't attentive or caring, so I couldn't possibly be stuck in this situation you just painted.

UjSizzle:
Ihedinobi2

What did I do biko?

Nothing...if you don't count taking people to the cleaners.

Nice is not a couch potato.

Yup. That would be lazy, not nice. Some playboys are that when they aren't clubbing or spinning lines

Nice is not 'smothering' love (I could punch someone like this).

I know about this. "I'm just pregnant not an invalid." You gotta know a man likes to spoil his baby. To fuss over her sometimes. It's just masculine protectiveness spilling over. Can't hang us for being men nau, can you?

Nice is not always agreeable.

Mmh. That's spinelessness. About the only thing about Stefan I didn't quite like. I don't think people in love should be afraid of fighting and disagreeing. Hell, for me, the fact that you aren't afraid to disagree is what proves that there's love there. *sighsforlostlove*

Nice is not "you can do no wrong".

Pedestal things Who isn't scared of being placed on a pedestal? Everyone wants to be given latitude to mess up sometimes. After all, it's practically inevitable. So I call that not niceness but cluelessness.

Nice is not 'no spontaneity'.

No one is THAT boring!!!

Nice is not 'lets talk serious all the time'.

Oh please! That's just mean! You saying being a professor and talking in intellectualese isn't nice?! You couldn't possibly be meaner!

If people complain about 'nice guys' (nasty name), it's because a good number of people who describe themselves as such just spend way too much time trying to please the woman, and less time being the guy they are. So it's no longer anything new, and it's not exciting.

That's not to say 'bad boys' (who are these anyway?) call dibs on being all of that. They just appear to be more in touch with their masculinity (maybe while being jerks because they're scared being any better would make them lose it ....a lot like bullies) and women want that masculinity.

It's just like you already said, being nice is the bare necessity, so what else is new?

I feel you women's pain, lol.

I hope you never forget that masculinity = pride = male ego. We men are proud by definition. And pride is a defence for vulnerability. Add to that the fact that Love necessarily is disarming by nature.

The sum is this: when men love a woman, letting down their pride to invite her in is the first thing they do. They don't stop being men or proud and masculine.

That is why a man might be the most attentive and caring boyfriend and at the same time be a ruthless businessman with no known weaknesses. His vulnerability belongs to only the woman he has chosen to trust.

I don't know why a guy can't be nice and cool though. It would seem men confuse themselves just as often as they claim women do. And yet the latter feeds off the former.

Lol. I'm a nice and cool guy

You just nailed my point, we might be thinking about the whole issue from a different stand point, but I always prefer looking at this whole story of friend zone from the most important angle "MARRIAGE" instead of the gf /bf angle billions look at it from. Cos in the long run you would definitely be looking for this girl or guy you would like to spend the rest of your life with, so who is more husband or wife material? A guy or girl who wants you to be someone else or a guy or girl who just loves and appreciate you for just who you are?

walearoy:
Friendzoned - Bleeping = Complains
Friendzoned + Bleeping = No Complains

Have a friend who friend zoned me but i fall under category 2, I'm fine being friend zoned.

Hmnn

The only point i have a problem with in the Op is Number 5. Please please please, ladies should endeavor to stop confusing the preferences of others with that of theirs. Who told you Nice guys are boring, are not self confident and all the other bad qualifications you have given them? This is a way of saying what is bad is good and what is good is bad. You cannot associate a good word as "Nice" with something bad. There are many guys who are nice and confident and not boring as well. If you see a guy who is boring, dnt call him Nice. Just say he is boring. simple. if he doesnt have swag or good dress sense, just say so. dnt call him nice. if he has body/mouth odour, stick to that. If you are not physically attracted to him at all, say it. Even a cheat and an abusive guy can form Nice guy for you in the begining to trap you before he unleashes his inner "demons". Anybody can be Nice. Focus on the issues that dnt seem to attract you at all. Thats all. Its pure fallacy that Nice guys are geeks, boring, have no swag and bla bla bla. Too many guys out there have a mixture of qualities so you cannot paint every Nice guy with the same brush.

And by the way, ladies, you will be making a huge mistake sending the wrong signals/messages to guys out there with the ridiculous fallacious statement "Girls dnt like Nice guys". I pity you all who stand by that statement. If you dnt get a good husband, blame no one but yourself. I'm a lady but i gotta say the truth. Ladies, you have used your mouth to drive nice guys away but you keep talking about getting a God fearing man. You are not encouraging men to be Nice in the actual sense of the word and you are not encouraging them to be responsible with this fallacious statement. You will get what you think you deserve. Stop being confused beings. Its disgusting!! Stick to what doesnt appeal to you in a guy. Leave the word "Nice" out of it.

@Sophyrocks
Sam Smith is Gay?
Dammit!!!


@Ihedinobi2

I feel you women's pain, lol. I hope you never forget that masculinity = pride = male ego. We men are proud by definition. And pride is a defence for vulnerability. Add to that the fact that Love necessarily is disarming by nature. The sum is this: when men love a woman, letting down their pride to invite her in is the first thing they do. They don't stop being men or proud and masculine. That is why a man might be the most attentive and caring boyfriend and at the same time be a ruthless businessman with no known weaknesses. His vulnerability belongs to only the woman he has chosen to trust.

Hmmm. Yeah sucks to deal with pride *suitable emoticon missing from list*


Anyway, I want a nice guy

And biko who told you that you're nice?
This one you've been screaming "WE nice guys" since

jahstech:
You just nailed my point, we might be thinking about the whole issue from a different stand point, but I always prefer looking at this whole story of friend zone from the most important angle "MARRIAGE" instead of the gf /bf angle billions look at it from. Cos in the long run you would definitely be looking for this girl or guy you would like to spend the rest of your life with, so who is more husband or wife material? A guy or girl who wants you to be someone else or a guy or girl who just loves and appreciate you for just who you are?

I agree with Sophyrocks though. The problem here is associating this thing with being 'nice', which is just another word taken out of context again.

Nice is good. Not nice is bad. People have personal preferences when it comes to others. And I can't imagine there's anyone who doesn't want to be treated right (nice).

So where did this confusion spring from again
That's why I like to encase the word in pretty apostrophes....completely bastardized.