aameyah:
I really appreciate your answers.

Her dad and mum are aware of some of his minor inadequacies. And her dad told her to count her losses and move on.
But what they are not aware of is all the major drama and all the insults.Because her dad washed his hands off the issue when she refused to listen. He started having his reservations right from when they started preparing for the wedding.

I think I have to talk to her to tell them. Maybe a family meeting is the way to go.

My friend is a good girl. Very hard working and all. She's also an excellent cook to booth and unlike most women who got married as virgins is very open with her husband sexually. If only he would approach her with love. I wouldn't call her frigid. How do you enjoy seks with a guy who doesn't touch your body during the act not even once. He doesn't kiss her. He doesn't caress her.
How do you enjoy watching intimacy with a stranger? When he plays it, they both sit apart watching silently. When finished, she undresses and bam, finish!

He stands up and leaves her. C'est finite.

When she cooks he eats and calls a girlfriend to tell her what he is eating. I don't know again ooh. Her parents I think are the best to be of assistance.

,

Her father has advised her but she refused to listen to him. So who are we that she would listen to? Will she read the comments here and heed to them?

You can be a virgin all you want, Be as virtuous as the woman described in the bible, be the best cook in the world, be the wh0re on bed all you want, but if a man never loved you in the begining, he NEVER WILL!! That is the bitter truth women do not like to accept. Your friend is one of them. If your self esteem as a woman is zero, nobody can help you. You will continue to fall into one pit after another. Your friend had better listen to advice and help herself. If this turns to domestic abuse, her husband wont be blamed much. She will be the one to receive the blame because he has spelt it out to her that he wants a divorce but she refused to listen.

aameyah:
I really appreciate your answers.

Her dad and mum are aware of some of his minor inadequacies. And her dad told her to count her losses and move on.
But what they are not aware of is all the major drama and all the insults.Because her dad washed his hands off the issue when she refused to listen. He started having his reservations right from when they started preparing for the wedding.

I think I have to talk to her to tell them. Maybe a family meeting is the way to go.

My friend is a good girl. Very hard working and all. She's also an excellent cook to booth and unlike most women who got married as virgins is very open with her husband sexually. If only he would approach her with love. I wouldn't call her frigid. How do you enjoy seks with a guy who doesn't touch your body during the act not even once. He doesn't kiss her. He doesn't caress her.
How do you enjoy watching intimacy with a stranger? When he plays it, they both sit apart watching silently. When finished, she undresses and bam, finish!

He stands up and leaves her. C'est finite.

When she cooks he eats and calls a girlfriend to tell her what he is eating. I don't know again ooh. Her parents I think are the best to be of assistance.

,

Seriously I really don't know why you still here typing oo. As far as I am concerned your friend doesn't need help or assistance from anyone oo. Its so annoying when grown up adults can't read the writing on the wall.

This case is not a case of a good husband turn bad after like 5years of marriage which can still be repaired. This case is totally different.

And please enough of this no sex before marriage oo abeg,which kain kasala be this na Your friend doesn't need to tell her parents anything or seek advice from anyone. Let her decide herself if she wants to be happy in life or continue like this.

The only help she needs is someone to help her carry her heavy box and bags of clothes out.

Na new year we dey enter oo.

@op: There really isn't much else to say here. Walking out is the best option but she needs to learn how to love and value herself.

People treat you the way you wish to be treated. If you present yourself as a doormat, then don't complain if you're walked over and used. My main concern now is that she better make a quick appointment to get checked for STDs / STIs and a host of sexually transmitted nasties.

Her self-esteem is at an all time low. Good thing she's got a job she can focus on after she's walked out of there. She would need some sort of support network. As her long time close friend, be there for her and make sure you've got very broad shoulders for her to cry on, because she will be devastated that her marriage failed despite her best efforts. Listen to her but also encourage her to see the bigger picture. Life goes on and the sad truth is that her marriage was over before it really began.

When one door closes, the good lord opens a window somewhere. When we pray, we may feel he doesn't listen, but the truth is that he does listen. It's just that his ways may not be what we expect.

Her baby will come. Perhaps not with this man. As long as we live and breathe, as long as there is life, there will always be hope.

I don't know what her relationship with her mum is, or if her mum is of the mindset that marriage is a do or die affair for a woman in Nigeria to maintain her self-respect. If she isn't of that school of thought, then encourage her to open up to her mother.

All the best.

I hope she gets HIV/AIDS..

That way, she can end her life and misery.

No more pity party for women who stay with men who abuse them mentally and emotionally.

obowunmi:
I hope she gets HIV/AIDS..

That way, she can end her life and misery.

No more pity party for women who stay with men who abuse them mentally and emotionally.

Awwwwww. please dnt say that na. Thats not fair.

Sophyrocks:


Awwwwww. please dnt say that na. Thats not fair.

My wife...

obowunmi:


My wife...

When did we wed?

What you typed aint fair.

aameyah
Her decision was not to date him. Moreover, she had her childhood sweetheart. And so they parted amicably.
Hello, is it her childhood sweetheart that she got married to? Or

Sophyrocks:


When did we wed?

What you typed aint fair.

Aren't you tired of sappy stories?

MARRAIGE
My greatst feear in life.
My only fear in life.
I don't even knw,wether to say the age diffrence betweeeen her and this child hood friend hiz much
Shee rushed into diz marriage,people change u knw
Pls just tell ha to kip calm,pray harder,start having tym for herself and concentrate on making ha self happy at all time
Adoptin a child would help her too
She should care less about iz attitudes
Threat him like a stranger too buh kip praying
Ion hink divorcee iz an option ryt now
Buh if it appears like he becomes brutal in d mariage pls save ur life and let him be
Even d bible says d only reason y u can divorce iz ween ur husband or wife iz unfaithful



MARRIAGE my worst fear in life

obowunmi:



Aren't you tired of sappy stories?

I am.

#sighs#

What next!

The man is being a sadist to her in and out of bed.
She is in a critical situation!

dhardline:
Hmmm..see problem

Esigbo problem obu nwata

aameyah:


When she cooks he eats and calls a girlfriend to tell her what he is eating.

Hian!! Which kind of nzuzu is this?

byvan:
We women should learn to be more rational and logical with our thinking. Why struggle to make a baby with a man that isn't ready to be a husband, let alone a father? What exactly does she intend to achieve with a pregnancy from this man? This man is even descent enough to show his disgust and has requested for a divorce, he is a better man than those that will string you along only to betray you at last. The society she is worried about will move on with their lives even if she dies today, so why on earth is she worried about peeps that really don't give a shi*t? Tell your friend to have some self esteem, let her love herself, if she develops HBP, this man will keep banging, she dies, banging continues, so what does she want out of this life? To answer Mrs or to live, which ever she choses is ok by me but let her stop the complaints.

Absolutely brilliant Byvan!

This is her prime opportunity to completely cut off from this person. Yet she crying, praying and hustling for what will keep her in more bondage to the man. One has to pause and apply common sense at some point nau.

Her father already told her to leave him? And she's still confused? I have no words.

Nobody can decide for her. I know her thoughts and what is really going through her head right now but change will only come from within.

even married couples with kids separate, not to talk of d one without kids. There is high unfavourable balance in dat marriage. she is not even trapped yet, but she behaves like unlearn somebody who feels so overwhelmingly lucky to marry her man. Her man on d contrary feels he made a foolish mistake taking such a substandard woman much less of his class to d aisle.

Her husband's mind is already bent on correcting dat mistake, hence his actions. I think ur friend is yet to see d worst of him should she adamantly remain dere in total disregard of her husband's warning and signs. very soon, her man will step up his attitude in order to rid her off his life. Sadly too, dis sometimes resort to death wen d man feels trapped for life against all strategies. There s absolutely nothing ur friend can do to change dis man, am afraid.

Samyj247:
aameyah
Her decision was not to date him. Moreover, she had her childhood sweetheart. And so they parted amicably.
Hello, is it her childhood sweetheart that she got married to? Or

It wasn't her childhood sweetheart she married But the guy she met as a teenager. The one who stayed in my vicinity....

@all

I guess I'll do as advised. I'll tell her to sing like a canary to her Parents....

op, I feel yur friend is having a tough time facing reality that her husband NO longer wants her as his wife. Rejection from a loved one, staying under the same roof is a harsh reality to accept. BUT she should understand almost every human gets rejected in one relationship or marriage or the other. If she truly loves herself, she must makeup her mind to pack out and divorce the stranger she's living with. Let her know that high hbp will not kill her quietly where she is... neither will death come and whisk her away in her sleep.. She will continue to live in misery and deep emotional sufferings until one day, God forbid her brain cant take it anymore, she will be placed in a mad home, where mentally unbalanced people are kept, and then her husband will heave a huge sigh of great relief and marry one of his lovers. This scenario has happened before in some homes, it only takes a woman who loves and cherish herself and her unborn to take a decisive step and set herself free from such bondage.
Cause she's in bondage, whether she admits it or not... she clearly wants to continue living in that bondage. If she lives her life there, imagining what people will say if she moves out , then she's indeed doomed for misery. how long she will become miserable ? I honestly cant predict. But one thing, I can predict is that , Her husband No longer wants her or Loves her, infact she disgust him, whether being married as a virgin or not.. and he will not change his stand.. the card of victory is in her hands. Choose to leave with her remaining diginity, if she still have left? or stay there and be miserable for as many years, as she desires, but one day he will virtually throw her out himself, with her belongings when his patience has run out.

aameyah:


It wasn't her childhood sweetheart she married But the guy she met as a teenager. The one who stayed in my vicinity....

Eyaaaaa, I for say, her child hood sweetheart is the real guy for her, but maybe she couldnt wait nd enjoy him. That guy doesnt love her but only have a lost for her, nd since he has gotn what he wnt, which is sex, the lost has gone nd now becomes hate. She made a mistake not sticking with her childhood sweetheart, bcus dat is d person dat likes her for who she is.

my advice to her *I dont know what to say cus the mistake has been done* she should visit her church for advice.

op, I feel yur friend is having a tough time facing reality that her husband NO longer wants her as his wife. Rejection from a loved one, staying under the same roof is a harsh reality to accept. BUT she should understand almost every human gets rejected in one relationship or marriage or the other. If she truly loves herself, she must makeup her mind to pack out and divorce the stranger she's living with. Let her know that high hbp will not kill her quietly where she is... neither will death come and whisk her away in her sleep.. She will continue to live in misery and deep emotional sufferings until one day, God forbid her brain cant take it anymore, she will be placed in a mad home, where mentally unbalanced people are kept, and then her husband will heave a huge sigh of great relief and marry one of his lovers. This scenario has happened before in some homes, it only takes a woman who loves and cherish herself and her unborn kids to take a decisive step and set herself free from such bondage.
Cause she's in bondage, whether she admits it or not... she clearly wants to continue living in that bondage. If she lives her life there, imagining what people will say if she moves out , then she's indeed doomed for misery. how long she will become miserable ? I honestly cant predict. But one thing, I can predict is that , Her husband No longer wants her or Loves her, infact she disgust him, whether being married as a virgin or not.. and he will not change his stand.. the card of victory is in her hands. Choose to leave with her remaining diginity, if she still have left? or stay there and be miserable for as many years, as she desires, but one day he will virtually throw her out himself, with her belongings when his patience has run out.

ileobatojo:



Absolutely brilliant Byvan!

This is her prime opportunity to completely cut off from this person. Yet she crying, praying and hustling for what will keep her in more bondage to the man. One has to pause and apply common sense at some point nau.

Her father already told her to leave him? And she's still confused? I have no words.

I don't know what went wrong with some women's mind. She should be happy she won't be saddled with the offspring of a errrhmmmm....... .

Tales that prick the heart. Ur friend is the only one that can help herself. She needs a psychiatrist and a psychologist ASAP. i mean a prolong visit to these 2 professionals is what I best believe can help her

As regards the hubby's sex life, i think it was something that started as a teen or so cos I remember used to having that issue when I met my ex gf. I had to imagine or watch porn 2 be in the mood

Aameyah please dont give up on your friend. Try and bring her to see what has been said so far. Forget being civil about this, force a change like you would for a sis/daughter, satisfy your conscience. Involve her parents yourself if she refuses to. HER PROBLEM which is esteem issues started when the doctor advised her to get pregnant within one year which made her rushed into marriage and is getting worse cos she believes when her hubby tells her she is barren due to the op. SHE IS MAJORLY STAYING TO PROVE HIM WRONG alongside with the fear of not having another chance of proving him wrong as well as the fear of doctors predictions. Get her to open up these fears of hers. Let her see that she has lived over two years without a regrowth and can live many more so. Tell her she can only give her self that chance outside the marriage and not where her esteem is continually eroded by an IMPOTENT COWARD of a husband who knows very well that he is infertile yet is turning tables against her. Make her see she risks death by hypertension, stis etc. Why does she want to die trying to get pregnant by an infertile man? is that a course, let alone worthy?

Hmmmm, I think I'm about to burst a vein reading this.

Let her stay on. On day she would wake up to realize how much time has passed, how much her fertility has dwindled and how old and battered she has become. By then, it will be clear to her that it is important everyone acts in his/her best interest! Forget what the society expects of you in terms of following the norm as they will be the first to use your sad tale as a lesson for theirs about to thread same path you did. Every man for himself, God for us all!

aameyah:
I really appreciate your answers.

Her dad and mum are aware of some of his minor inadequacies. And her dad told her to count her losses and move on.
But what they are not aware of is all the major drama and all the insults.Because her dad washed his hands off the issue when she refused to listen. He started having his reservations right from when they started preparing for the wedding.

I think I have to talk to her to tell them. Maybe a family meeting is the way to go.

My friend is a good girl. Very hard working and all. She's also an excellent cook to booth and unlike most women who got married as virgins is very open with her husband sexually. If only he would approach her with love. I wouldn't call her frigid. How do you enjoy seks with a guy who doesn't touch your body during the act not even once. He doesn't kiss her. He doesn't caress her.
How do you enjoy watching intimacy with a stranger? When he plays it, they both sit apart watching silently. When finished, she undresses and bam, finish!

He stands up and leaves her. C'est finite.

When she cooks he eats and calls a girlfriend to tell her what he is eating. I don't know again ooh. Her parents I think are the best to be of assistance.

,

If she has a prophet, one who speaks into her life, I'd advice she seek advice from him.
There's no perfect marriage and there's no marriage that can't be fixed. Problems in marriage is like a chain reaction and not one sided as many thinks.
Permit me to deviate a little... Don't say yes to a man or propose to a lady if you can't identify one person he/she has this awe for, that no matter how angry they bend to the instruction of this person. Preferably a mentor but not their parents.
If her husband does have somebody like that who can speak some sense into his head, call for him asap. And, if she and her hubby are members of the same denomination, I think it'd be easier for the pastor to address him...
Most essentially, she shouldn't stop asking God for help and showing the husband love.

All will be well - IT IS POSSIBLE!

She is not serious one bit. She should keep staying with the guy till they poison her out of the house. A man that calls his girlfrinds in your presence, abeg which other sign she wan see to know her marriage is over or is she waiting for a parting gift like HIV? Na wa o

jearile:

If she has a prophet, one who speaks into her life, I'd advice she seek advice from him.
There's no perfect marriage and there's no marriage that can't be fixed. Problems in marriage is like a chain reaction and not one sided as many thinks.
Permit me to deviate a little... Don't say yes to a man or propose to a lady if you can't identify one person he/she has this awe for, that no matter how angry they bend to the instruction of this person. Preferably a mentor but not their parents.
If her husband does have somebody like that who can speak some sense into his head, call for him asap. And, if she and her hubby are members of the same denomination, I think it'd be easier for the pastor to address him...
Most essentially, she shouldn't stop asking God for help and showing the husband love.

All will be well - IT IS POSSIBLE!

What do you mean "speak some sense into his head"? Does the man's request for a divorce sound unreasonable to you? Is he a confused child? Are you not aware that sometimes, it's best to stop flogging a dead horse? Why should she try to fix what doesn't want to be fixed?

A virgin and a pro? She needs to work on her bedmatics. Please guys if you are a sex maniac and not willing to be patient with naive nature of a virgin then look for another sex maniac to marry. I've had 3 opportunities to deflower different V's but guy my conscience dey there abeg.

aameyah:
She says she has forgotten what a kiss feels like either in bed or out of it. He dives straight between her legs without preamble, immediately after watching Indecency without kissing or touching her.
She said he sometimes loses turgidity during the act, causing him to lash out at her in anger and telling her it is a testimony of their incompatibility, that his girlfriends always have to beg him to stop when he sleeps with them.

He told her it has happened even on their bed and that if she doubts it she can watch him call another girl and listen to her beg for mercy when he's sleeping with her.

Blood of Jesus, which kain thing be this, is he a human being at all?.

mutter:
Your friend met the man ten years earlier and felt nothing for him because she also had a childhood sweetheart.
Now ten years later she met the same man, while in the hospital and because the doctor had advised her to get a baby fast, she married him fast.

The problem is that the man was probably in love with that teenage girl he met ten years ago as a young man. His feeling for her was also complexly intertwined with his youth and the young and carefree time. Meeting a woman from the past he felt taken back in time.
Once he got married he suddenly discovered that the dream he had of her then was not the reality that he got.

The woman too could not work on it, because she was not attracted to the man , not ten years ago and not now. The man left so shortly after the wedding and you did not mention why she did not follow him.

She does not arouse the man and cannot join in his fantasy because she is doing it to get pregnant and he has a vivid imagination and wants a partner he can live it out with, while she is frigid.

The man is being secretive because he somehow feels betrayed and used.

So the question is what next?

Mutter, I think you have something here . The situations we get ourselves into, it's hard to be a grown up