₦airaland Forum

But I requested this thread be closed! Moderators please close the thread. I've gotten what I needed. Thanks.

You guys need to talk.
Invite her out (she may decline ur invitation because she seems to have lost every respect 4 u). If u can get an ederly person she loves and respect to convince her abt it. Afta she accept, both of u should pray hard b4 u go out 2gder.
Find a good place where u two can discuss alone.
Both of u should try and say everthing u've done to each other that u don't like then apologize genuinely.
Now promise each other never to repeat those things again.
Schedule a meeting again afta 2 wks to review the outcome of ur first meeting (nb: there should be no 3rd party).
What both of you need are communication and mutual respect. I wish u best of lucks!

disturbedman: But I requested this thread be closed! Moderators please close the thread. I've gotten what I needed. Thanks.

Нaнaɑº°˚=Dнaнaɑº°=D=D Ʊ go fear closing thread

musKeeto: its an anonymous forum, not facebook.. u blockhead

Kai! Una no go ki pesin with laff!

Carius: Why is everyone taking d side of d erring wife?why should d OP be d one to roll on his back and beg d wife to love him?women are capricious,even when they're wrong,they would still want d man to take d blame.a wise woman builds her home with her mouth.i cringed when i read d part were she exchanged words wit u.this means she has started questioning ur authority as d head of d home.don't grovel for her.it would make things worse.i noticed she never mentioned her own faults or occassional failings in her email,meaning she doesn't want to resolve issues.women file for divorce 70% of d time.hence,if she wants to pull down her home,dia's very little u can do.

so the man as the head of the home has d authority to insult his wife! d breed of some men!

pro01: Lol. She for kuku marry Prophet T.B Joshua or whoever the Bleep else is a clairvoyant that can read her fickle mind. And by the way, LOL to "be swift in attending to those needs". What can I say? Smh for this self-appointed Queen without a tiara.

Anyways, @ Topic
I read the the post dispassionately. . .and unfortunately, the one thing I am sure of is that that woman is having a passionate affair currently. . .and it's clear she's enjoying it, and that's why she comes home to you feeling discontented with her reality (i.e. you). Only a woman whose heart/mind is in another man's loins can write such a noxious, conceited, impudent letter to her husband. And to be very honest, do NOT underestimate the role money (or the lack thereof) is playing here: If you read between the lines of her poisonous letter, you would see abundant evidence of this.

In any case, it is your decision to make; your cross to carry (or cast aside). The choice is entirely yours.

if u have nothing sensible to say, please excuse. if you don't know what your duties will be as a husband, please learn before it's too late. not very man with balls hanging between his legs is a husband material.

[quote author=prince_onx]@poster:
One more thing in addition to what everyone have said, beware of some so called marriage counsellors out there especially in our western world! A lot of them are in it for pure business and most times even advise you to do what they themselves can't even do! Some will advise you as if you're a white man! my wife boosted out laughing during one of our own visit when the lady was advising me on some things to do things like buying her flowers! She knew I'll rather buy her a car, jewelry, take her shopping than flowers! I am speaking from experience and trust me if you can pull through for 10+yrs in a marriage you are good and can do better! Sometimes we think or believe that our wife shouldn't complain about little things after all we're doing the big things but bro sometimes it's those small things that make them happier! Don't ask me how or why just remember that they are product of one rib! Lol!

Chaircover in my own opinion is the best counsellor out there cux her advise is based on an African knowledge! she know us and how we dey think and feel when challenged! She nailed it in the head and most men especially we African men! Then break that down to we Nigerian men are all guilty of that whether you agree or not. We have too much pride in us! We get upset when challenged especially by our wife not to talk of being insulted but guess what bro, it's not a big deal! Na your wife and who will you forgive if you can't forgive her? Forgive her for your own self because if you don't and break up with her you will move on to the next relationship with all that memory and every single time the new wife disagree or challenges you, you will be reminded of the whole thing again. So bro, call your wife when she get home from work, sit her down and talk with her one on one. Please listen to her when she talk and believe it or not we are 80% of what[/quote]. God will give you the wisdom to be a better husband.

QueenAw: Lol @ most of the above comments

@ OP, I'm sure you're already regretting coming to table your case on nairaL. As if the insults from your wife never do, see as them join their own put!! Lol at you!
Hope you won't suffer depression sha?

Anyway, my own 2cents is act sad around her for a few days or so. She might feel bad about the mail she sent & apologize. Use that as your chance to apologize too. Tell her you will be a better man, & mean it.. If nothing comes forth after 2 days, go & apologize o... That one means say water don pass gari be that!

must the wife apologize before the husband does? can't the OP feel truely sorry and save his marriage? must he manipulate his wife to do what he wants? she wrote a letter complainin about he, u didn't tell him to try to resolve issues, instead he should guilt her into apologizin. na wa o!

bukatyne: if u have nothing sensible to say, please excuse. if you don't know what your duties will be as a husband, please learn before it's too late. not very man with balls hanging between his legs is a husband material.

Look at this bush woman. You think say NL na your mama kitchen? Excuse you from where to where? BTW, what makes you think I am on Nairaland to 'form' husband material for faceless, probably hairy nippled, one-breasted freaks like you? Carry your single breast go siddon for one corner jare. Swegbe.

Wud drop my comment in d morning...pweety late now! Buth b4 I go 2bed; Av dis

Wud drop my comment in d morning...pweety late now! But b4 I go 2bed; Dis is 4u

disturbedman: Let me add that there is no question about my love for her. But she has become insulting and very disrespectful even at the slightest opportunity. For example, there was an argument sometimes ago and I said to my wife "O go fun nkan ti o so yen (you are stupid to have said that)" to which she replied "iwo naa go. O go o fi enu ho ara (you are more than stupid as well)"

Of course her mail is full of exaggerations but disputing the contents is not my motive here. I very well know that she does not really want a divorce. But how do you forgive and forget this type of insults from your wife whom you are already quarreling with over similar issues?

First of all sir with all due respect,stop being small minded and look at the big picture here. Your woorries should not be about 'insults' infact as far as am concerned there was no insults. She was only telling you how she feels! Your job as her husband is to LISTEN. Did u even ask yourself why she mailed it to u?? does she feel you won't listen to her, or maybe when she tries to talk to you u turn it into a quarrel? These are things you should be asking yourself! Why will a woman who lives in the same house with you send you a mail instead of talking with you! If you want to save your marriage swallow your ego, and TALk to her! Infact I ll suggest you send her a mail too. Why not? I bet she. Was able to pour out whatever she has been harbouring all these years to you, now you know what SHE is thinking. Tell her what YOU are thinking. She has her faults am sure, all those things you can't stand, write it in a long mail and send to her. Let her be aware of how you feel too. Then when you both have gotten it off your chest, then and only then can you start working towards finding a solution. 10 yrs of marriage is not easy. By now you have been exposed to the good, the bad and the ugly of yóur spouse. But if u try and work at it? It WILL get better, our society is not a divorce society, so that's not an option for you, so instead of posting your very private mail from your wife, why don't you go home and WORK on your marriage! No offence!!!

disturbedman: Dear NLders, your constructive input is needed at this critical time of my life. I have been married to my wife for over ten years now and we are blessed with three very lovely children. Our marriage was more than relatively peaceful for the first 4 to 5 years or so. However, it has been a life of cat and mouse for the better part of the last 5 to 6 years. On few occasions, privileged relatives from both sides have intervened to settle some tough marital issues for us.

Two days ago we had another quarrel and we have been keeping our distances. That is, avoiding real communication and only talking when necessary. Yesterday I tried to start a reconciliation with my wife by texting her jokingly that I was outside playing with my daughter but not playing with her thinking that she will reply appropriately and we can get talking again. But she didn't! Just as I was thinking how to sit her down for a chat after returning from her work, I opened my mail and got this very annoying mail from her! I am seriously upset and disturbed right now that I feel like a failed man. My reply to her mail was "Noted. As your lordship pleases".

Now dear friends, what do you think I should do?

Her is her mail:



Let me add that there is no question about my love for her. But she has become insulting and very disrespectful even at the slightest opportunity. For example, there was an argument sometimes ago and I said to my wife "O go fun nkan ti o so yen (you are stupid to have said that)" to which she replied "iwo naa go. O go o fi enu ho ara (you are more than stupid as well)"

Of course her mail is full of exaggerations but disputing the contents is not my motive here. I very well know that she does not really want a divorce. But how do you forgive and forget this type of insults from your wife whom you are already quarreling with over similar issues?

Something about marriage just irritates the hell out of me and this OP's introductory post exemplifies it.

Olumide31: Dont try to always be the boss in all issues.Forget d mail she sent.Call her nd say u ar sory for evrytin.U wont die sayin it.Giv her a chanc to expres her mind on isues nd alow her take some decisions too.Let her see reasons why som decisions shld nt be accepted bt always acept her contributons at first evn though u wil stil go agnst it ltr but in a matured way.Show love to her always nd let her feel wanted.Let there be good comunication btw u always.See her always has ur half,ur sista nd mother

Seconded; Don't see ur slf as d Boss,say Sorry,ignore d insults rained on you in the mail,see her as ur Mother & jus let it go. Frm her conclusions,its obvious she dosnt want a divorce,she needs her Man back again to Love & Touch her. So Mr Man,let it go,show her you are a Real Man,let d onus be on you by calling her,dnt say anything but I'm Sorry,chikena!!
I'm Sorry,I'm Sorry...,u'l see she's gona cry,u jus let d tears flow,and u'l see how Her Kiss is gona Heal it all.
And again,make sure you both do all this in the appropriate Dispute Resolution Zone(Ur BEDROooM),you go thank me latr wit the results,trust me.
Goodluck.

Olumide31: Dont try to always be the boss in all issues.Forget d mail she sent.Call her nd say u ar sory for evrytin.U wont die sayin it.Giv her a chanc to expres her mind on isues nd alow her take some decisions too.Let her see reasons why som decisions shld nt be accepted bt always acept her contributons at first evn though u wil stil go agnst it ltr but in a matured way.Show love to her always nd let her feel wanted.Let there be good comunication btw u always.See her always has ur half,ur sista nd mother

Seconded; Don't see ur slf as d Boss,say Sorry,ignore d insults rained on you in the mail,see her as ur Mother & jus let it go. Frm her conclusions,its obvious she dosnt want a divorce,she needs her Man back again to Love & Touch her. So Mr Man,let it go,show her you are a Real Man,let d onus be on you by calling her,dnt say anything but I'm Sorry,chikena!!
I'm Sorry,I'm Sorry...,u'l see she's gona cry,u jus let d tears flow,and u'l see how Her Kiss is gona Heal it all.
And again,make sure you both do all this in the appropriate Dispute Resolution Zone(Ur BEDROooM),you go thank me latr wit the results,trust me.
Goodluck.

The Yoruba people have an adage, 'Agba a gbo t'enikan da ejo, agba oshika ni' - meaning: One does not judge an issue based on a one sided argument/story (Forgive my written Yoruba, na Igbo boy I be)
That being said, i feel this issue will be appropriately addessed with the other side if the story (from Madam) is heard.
Be that as it may, the Yoruba's also have an adage, 'Owo omode o'to kpekpe, ti agba o wo akeregbe' - meaning: there are certain expectations from a child which an elderly person should not engage in and vice versa. Ti omode ba n se bi omode, agba a fi agba han.
In my own opinion, I feel you let it gets this far. Patience is a virtue. I used to have issues with my wife when we were dating, issues that almost cost us our relationship. But i have come to realize one thing, respect and mutual understanding is reciprocal in such relationship. You guys are coming from two different background and misunderstandings are definately going to come up, how the issues are trashed out is all up to you as the man of the house. You should have NEVER let an argument or misunderstanding degenerate to a level where you guys start insulting each other, aponle l'ara fe.
Besides, gbo gbo ojo t'oba ro ko ni a n gbe, you should learn to let some things go. As a man, your pride should be the last thing to put into play when it comes to your relationship with your wife, set it aside and settle your differences. Then when things are much better and in a more condusive environment, you can call her and tell her that your ego was bruised (not in a quarrelsome manner though) then you will see that she will apologize and try to avoid such future occurrences.
I hope you guys sort out your differences and save your marriage. 10 years and 3 kids are worth fighting for. Please, don't let it all be a waste because it will be more painful to loose all those good years and time you've had together.

shevon:
The Yoruba people have an adage, 'Agba a gbo t'enikan da ejo, agba oshika ni' - meaning: One does not judge an issue based on a one sided argument/story (Forgive my written Yoruba, na Igbo boy I be)
That being said, i feel this issue will be appropriately addessed with the other side if the story (from Madam) is heard.
Be that as it may, the Yoruba's also have an adage, 'Owo omode o'to kpekpe, ti agba o wo akeregbe' - meaning: there are certain expectations from a child which an elderly person should not engage in and vice versa. Ti omode ba n se bi omode, agba a fi agba han.
In my own opinion, I feel you let it gets this far. Patience is a virtue. I used to have issues with my wife when we were dating, issues that almost cost us our relationship. But i have come to realize one thing, respect and mutual understanding is reciprocal in such relationship. You guys are coming from two different background and misunderstandings are definately going to come up, how the issues are trashed out is all up to you as the man of the house. You should have NEVER let an argument or misunderstanding degenerate to a level where you guys start insulting each other, aponle l'ara fe.
Besides, gbo gbo ojo t'oba ro ko ni a n gbe, you should learn to let some things go. As a man, your pride should be the last thing to put into play when it comes to your relationship with your wife, set it aside and settle your differences. Then when things are much better and in a more condusive environment, you can call her and tell her that your ego was bruised (not in a quarrelsome manner though) then you will see that she will apologize and try to avoid such future occurrences.
I hope you guys sort out your differences and save your marriage. 10 years and 3 kids are worth fighting for. Please, don't let it all be a waste because it will be more painful to loose all those good years and time you've had together.

Settled 3yrs ago.

disturbedman:
Well, I have read every one of the comments here. Let me say thank you to those who have put in constructive contributions. Worth special mentioning is Chaircover and e_prynce. I appreciate all of you guys efforts.
As someone said here, there will be many advice but it's up to me to choose what to do. Yes, and I've chosen the right ones. I engaged my wife with an open mind to talk things over. It was difficult at first especially with her exaggerated claims. It's difficult to just look on and listen to those "very trivial" issues from her so there were arguments again in the process. However, I sincerely apologized to her for whatever reasons and she also finally regretted her action and apologized as well. At least I now know that those "trivial" issues are very dear to her! Na wa.
@ those who think and conclude that I am a bad man and evil. I don't have any comment for you other than to tell you that YOU ARE WRONG. I now that I am caring, loving and understanding (at least I should be able to assess myself to some degree).I spend time with my family, play all sorts of games with my kids, I don't have any programs not known to my wife and I don't "close late from work because of tight schedule", no social vices as well. So what is fundamentally wrong with me? It's really unfortunate that when you marry a verry loving wife you have to contend with her high expectations of you, just as explained by e_prynce.
To those who think that I am a CHEAT, I don't really know what to tell you guys. How you arrived at that conclusion from that mail baffles me. FYI, my wife is also not seeing another man as suggested by some here. I am 100% sure of these two statements.
Yes, I still believe that finance plays some part in our squabbling but it was out of necessity we got here. I am still the bread winner of my family in every sense of the word and the question of being jealous of my wife is completely out of it. We got where we are on her insistence on doing certain things with significant financial commitment after she has offered to support out of her own will.
To the unmarried ones who think I am not patient enough, I'll say wait till you marry.MArriage is not always what you thought it to be before going in. I am now married for 11.5 years. If you add the 6 years of courtship you'll know that I've been there long enough. I can qualify as a "marriage counselor" in my own right as I have helped settle a few marital issues. Though I am now ready to play the fool more than ever in order to make my marriage work and have peace in my home.
Finally, I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND MY WIFE; AND THEY LOVE ME BACK I BELIEVE. JUST THAT I THOUGHT THE MAIL WAS OVER THE LINE.
Thanks once again to those valuable contributors. You know yourselves.



@ Moderators, please kindly close this thread by 1.00 PM. Thanks for granting my wish.

What I find most amazing is your wife is hurt, said she had lost love and interest in your marriage and your main concern is "if she is rude and disrepsectful" for writing the letter.
Anyway, it could be one of the famous "fake nairaland" stories, if it is true, I advice you to humble yourself and count your teeth with your tongue, if its false I hope you find whatever you are looking for

We all have been contributing constructively here, but am so amazed dat we fail to see the fault of the woman in this whole issue, all arguments have been centered ard the man, I believe this problem is btw the couple and the man too has vein running through his his body and dats why he came up to share his marital issues, so let's try and find a common ground with our advises on both parties.