₦airaland Forum

humilitypays:
@op, I enjoyed your write up so much; u raised interesting points, but that portion where u said that the only mission a lady above 30-years enter into a relationship with a guy is marriage, is the part that scare men away.

No sane-thinking man wants to be pressured into marriage. No single guy in his right mind and senses want to be with a desperate lady whose mission is just to marry! It scares...it makes the guy think of so many negative things about the lady's past.

So ladies, pls don't act as if u are desperate for marriage when u are above 30yrs...be cool and have fun...making it seem like all u want from a man is marriage will scare so many reasonable men away! You can ask any man.

The major reason for high divorce rate and increase in single ladies in Nigeria is MONEY!

Money in the sense that high unemployment has reduced the number of eligible bachelors in Nigeria thereby creating scarcity of men ready to settle down just as the op pointed out.

Money in the sense that Nigerian ladies over the years started misunderstanding what men desire in a woman they would love to marry.

Many Nigerian ladies of our time thought that what men are looking for in a woman they would love to settle with is for the lady to be working and earning big money....and that once they are able to secure a good-paying job as single ladies, that all men will be after them to marry them; but they got it all wrong because in their effort to become financially independent or independent ladies like they call themselves, most forgot to develop their inner beauty (character, humility, good manner, physical attraction and home keeping skills) which happens to be the first thing majority of men look for in a woman they want to settle with....

Now, when men end up marrying these so-called financially independent ladies who think that all men need from a woman is for her to have a fat-paying career, the men get to discover that these ladies lack respect, lack humility, lack manner, can't keep home, can't take care of kids...only running to work from monday - saturday thinking that that's enough to be a good wife...hence, the conflict of who is the head and before u know it, marriage crashes like plane!

All what we guys are asking for from ladies are:

- look beautiful & attractive
- keep your body fit
- be humble
- respect us as nature/God demands
- keep the home in order
- take care of the kids
- spend wisely and let's live in peace, it is that simple!

Only foolish men run after ladies' money!

But unfortunately, most Nigerian ladies above 30years become desperate for marriage...they begin to ignore their physical beauty and start acting religiously weird which scare single guys away.

Don't get me wrong; its good to be God-fearing, but don't be a religious psycho just because u want to marry at all cost!

Stop that crap of No sex till marriage if u are a single lady above 30 years & not a virgin. If u are a virgin, that's fine...but if u aren't a virgin...just stop it! As much as it sounds immoral, that's life for u- not up to 1% of guys will take that excuse from u if u aren't a virgin.

Stop acting like his mother! You're 30yrs and not 50yrs for C'sake!!!

Even though u are above 30, u can still exhibit 20something qualities that attract most men!

Stop feeling like men should worship u because u are 30something & have a good job because most reasonable well-to-do single guys don't give a damn about how much u earn or where u work; guys aren't ladies that get moved by financial success of a guy...what move guys are ur physical beauty, intelligence, humility and character, not your money or car or job or whatever u feel u have.

Woged2005:
I recently posted my personal opinions on '6 reasons that keep Nigerian ladies above 30 from getting married.'

[url] https://www.nairaland.com/2130732/6-reasons-keep-nigerian-ladies [/url].

I was inundated by personal messages from people who found the post very insightful and helpful - Thanks to all of you. However, there are some people who wanted to know from the side of a lady above 30 how Nigerian brothers can better understand their ladies above 30 in relationships.

These are my personal opinions (but I was there too):

1. Don't Take Advantage Of Them: Ladies mature faster and ready to be wives and mothers at 19yrs, on the other hand economic hardship in Nigeria has moved the eligibility of most bachelors to above 30, as they struggle with unemployment and financial stability. Religious houses (specially churches) cash in on this to draw members teasing ladies that husbands are scarce. In fact, some make it look like being a single lady is a problem, a curse, and an epidemic. Unfortunately, most ladies buy this argument & become desperate, competing for the few 'scarce husbands' rather than pursue other goals. The truth is that it's better to marry at 38yrs to a responsible man and have a peaceful, mature family than rushing in at 23 with an immature boy, living in hell and abuse afterwards. Not all ladies above 30 are desperate to marry just any man. They simply want to settle down with a responsible man. Respect that & prove yourself!

2. Respect Her Time & Schedule Too: You can no longer date a responsible woman above 30 like your under-20 college sweetheart expecting her to come over to your house every weekend to cook, clean your house, and wash your clothes. At above 30+ most ladies are already working, busy and stressed out too. Some are at management positions, doing well financially too. You have to treat them with respect as partners not as your 'little girl'. You cannot shout on them or boss them around because you are a man or demand they be by your side 16hrs a day. You can't be disrespecting them in the public, pinching and slapping their behind on the streets. They are no longer teenagers!

3. It's Not About S=ex: At above 30, bones are becoming stiff. The body is no longer as flexible as that of the teenagers and under 20s, energy is wearing out too. You cannot expect to make love to her 5 times a day turning her in 7 different positions just to fulfill your fantasy at the expense of her health as you did your little girlfriend in school. Give her a break! Appreciate and understand that she may say 'No' sometimes and resist being used to experiment your new styles. It doesn't mean she's stubborn. She's mindful of her health and well-being.

4. They know What They Want: At above 30, most ladies might have been in previous relationships.They might have tasted other men and have basis for comparison. Therefore, they know when you are good or or bad in what you do. Don't take it as a criticism when they make inputs to help make the relationship better even when they try to compare you to their Exs. I know it's annoying but please understand, and pay attention to her suggestions not the man she used in comparison. We like men who listen to us. , Arrogant man is a turnoff!

5. She May Not Be A Feminist: People who say a lot have a lot to say. Sometimes it's from wealth of life experiences, though we may misinterpret them as nagging or being talkative. We learn a lot from women who teach and talk too. Except for people who argue blindly on issues they know nothing about, a lady above 30 is often educated, has life experiences, and knowledge she would like to share too. She's not argumentative, or being opinionated when she airs her views in a discussion. You may disagree with her passions but please don't shut her up, try to lord it over her or call her a 'Feminist' (if she's not) simply because she airs her views and feel passionate about them. She sees herself as a partner and you treat her like a housegirl. It hurts when you do that! As a man control the argument and close it off when it begins to drag & derail!

6. Don't Criticize Her With Her Past Mistakes: She definitely has a past, sometime not too rosy. Don't keep bringing it up, or keep using it to bring her down. Yes! Perhaps she failed in some things/relationships, perhaps married before, perhaps has a baby, perhaps had abortion as a teenager or in college, perhaps slept with a boss or pastor, etc AND SO WHAT! Mary Magdalene did yet Jesus kept her as best friend! She shared them with you to have a closure & feel close to you and not for you to bring them up and use them to judge her when you quarrel. Please never ever call a woman 'Ashawo' (prostitute). This is what you men say that hurt women most. She did what she did out of love or desperation. It's a past! Now it's all about you, give her a chance to love you.

7. Don't Waste Her Time: Finally age is not on her side; body clock is ticking, body parts have started sagging, maternal instincts have kicked in. She wants to settle down and may be impatient when you want to date her for another 3 years without taking a decision. If you don't want her for keeps please don't waste her time either. Please 6 months is enough time to decide if you want her as your wife or not.

Remember if you marry a good woman above 30 you got a Jewel! You marry a woman with maturity to handle marital challenges and mostly likely a woman most likely to bring something to the table to help both of you build a life of your dreams together.


May This Year Be A Your Year of Proposal, Marriages, Childbirths and Career Breakthroughs!!!

Woged2005:
This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

Woged2005:
This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

notoriousbabe:
Aged 30 na arugbo ojo{ancient of days}her toto go don dey squeeze mouth and dey stiff

humilitypays:
@op, I enjoyed your write up so much; u raised interesting points, but that portion where u said that the only mission a lady above 30-years enter into a relationship with a guy is marriage, is the part that scare men away.

No sane-thinking man wants to be pressured into marriage. No single guy in his right mind and senses want to be with a desperate lady whose mission is just to marry! It scares...it makes the guy think of so many negative things about the lady's past.

So ladies, pls don't act as if u are desperate for marriage when u are above 30yrs...be cool and have fun...making it seem like all u want from a man is marriage will scare so many reasonable men away! You can ask any man.

The major reason for high divorce rate and increase in single ladies in Nigeria is MONEY!

Money in the sense that high unemployment has reduced the number of eligible bachelors in Nigeria thereby creating scarcity of men ready to settle down just as the op pointed out.

Money in the sense that Nigerian ladies over the years started misunderstanding what men desire in a woman they would love to marry.

Many Nigerian ladies of our time thought that what men are looking for in a woman they would love to settle with is for the lady to be working and earning big money....and that once they are able to secure a good-paying job as single ladies, that all men will be after them to marry them; but they got it all wrong because in their effort to become financially independent or independent ladies like they call themselves, most forgot to develop their inner beauty (character, humility, good manner, physical attraction and home keeping skills) which happens to be the first thing majority of men look for in a woman they want to settle with....

Now, when men end up marrying these so-called financially independent ladies who think that all men need from a woman is for her to have a fat-paying career, the men get to discover that these ladies lack respect, lack humility, lack manner, can't keep home, can't take care of kids...only running to work from monday - saturday thinking that that's enough to be a good wife...hence, the conflict of who is the head and before u know it, marriage crashes like plane!

All what we guys are asking for from ladies are:

- look beautiful & attractive
- keep your body fit
- be humble
- respect us as nature/God demands
- keep the home in order
- take care of the kids
- spend wisely and let's live in peace, it is that simple!

Only foolish men run after ladies' money!

But unfortunately, most Nigerian ladies above 30years become desperate for marriage...they begin to ignore their physical beauty and start acting religiously weird which scare single guys away.

Don't get me wrong; its good to be God-fearing, but don't be a religious psycho just because u want to marry at all cost!

Stop that crap of No sex till marriage if u are a single lady above 30 years & not a virgin. If u are a virgin, that's fine...but if u aren't a virgin...just stop it! As much as it sounds immoral, that's life for u- not up to 1% of guys will take that excuse from u if u aren't a virgin.

Stop acting like his mother! You're 30yrs and not 50yrs for C'sake!!!

Even though u are above 30, u can still exhibit 20something qualities that attract most men!

Stop feeling like men should worship u because u are 30something & have a good job because most reasonable well-to-do single guys don't give a damn about how much u earn or where u work; guys aren't ladies that get moved by financial success of a guy...what move guys are ur physical beauty, intelligence, humility and character, not your money or car or job or whatever u feel u have.

Funjosh:
Kai IYANGBALI nawa for you o

sirgreen:
PLEASE MEN, TURN TO A NEW LIVE!!! A WOMAN IS YOUR PARTNER NOT YOUR SLAVE WHICH YOU FEEL YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. MOST MEN ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO BE THE HEAD. MANY OF THEM DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES OVER A WOMAN- SHAME! AND SO THEY HAVE SACRIFICED THEIR GLORY, HONOUR, AND RESPECT AS THE HEAD. NEVER TRICK A WOMAN BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY RATHER BE YOURSELF BECAUSE MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBLE AND MATURED CHARACTER THAT COUNTS. A WOMAN CAN EVEN BE TAKING CARE IF YOU HAVE THESE DIGNIFIED QUALITIES. IT IS HIGH TIME MEN SHOULD WAKE UP TO SOCIAL, FAMILY, MARITAL, MATURITY, DESCENT, GLORIOUS, AND RESPONSIBILITY CHALLENGES.

POSTED BY JAMES I.M

Woged2005:
This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they
meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

Harmonyemerald:
well said. MOST IMPORTANTLY IS THE LAST POINT, a 30 year old lady is not a 22, 23 year old. At 30, her aim of entering relationship is for marriage, so after 5-6 months and you discover that she is not the one please stay away from her. DO NOT waste her time or play around or call her desperate cos u are aware of her age and priority before you asked her for a relationship. You can't eat your cake and have it, you either show and prove, if not go away.

Joavid:


5 times a day was an exaggeration i suppose?


Stiff bones you say? Lol.she's in her 30's not 50's

Woged2005:
You can't be disrespecting them in the public, pinching and slapping their behind on the streets. They are no longer teenagers!

Woged2005:
7. Don't Waste Her Time: Finally age is not on her side; body clock is ticking, body parts have started sagging, maternal instincts have kicked in. She wants to settle down and may be impatient when you want to date her for another 3 years without taking a decision. If you don't want her for keeps please don't waste her time either. Please 6 months is enough time to decide if you want her as your wife or not.

centjamie:
Sure.tradition is for man and not man for tradition.tradition should be flexible and not rigid so as to flow with the current trend.it should be subject to amendment(change).you are so right....i'm one of those guys that believe women should support their men financially in marriages and in healthy relationships whent they are capable,but i think it is more honourable and worthwhile for the man to fix the bride price alone without involving the woman.

Woged2005:
This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

soonest:
Nice! I also support that but are you also in support of men supporting their women in house chores?

Woged2005:
This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)