₦airaland Forum

ichidodo:
[color=#1980BC] You're now being hypocritical because you want (hook or crook) your country man to marry the girl,you stylishly avoided calling her father a tribal bigot but you accuse us of the same thing the father is keen on to avoid the predicament of his friend's daughter.......See your life. [/color]

ichidodo:
[color=#1980BC] Not our problem seeing that you're acting true to your job description sniffing goat's bottoms and ichidodo's comments...we cannot be bothered. [/color]

BABE3:
Herzumpther, I'm so sorry to burst your bubble.

Since your dad is against you marrying this guy, you'll need to let go of the emotions/butterlies and start doing your homework about the guy, logically.

The worst place to be in a marriage as a woman, is having a bad spouse and having parents that warned you against him. You'll be completely alone if you later find out this man isn't who you think he is.

so firstly,
-you said he shuttles from Nigeria to america. Have you made sure he doesn't have a second life in America?

secondly,
-you said he's a virgin and you're not. I think it's important to make sure you're sexùally compatible. I don't know how that'll happen but I believe it's important, to avoid stories that touch

sexùal incompatibility which often leads to infidelity is a leading cause of divorce.

thirdly,
-How well do you know him ? Knowing someone on the surface is way different from knowing someone on a deep level.


You should ponder on those. Get a pen and paper. Let go of emotions. Do your pros and cons list. Do a background check too.

alutacontinua:
and what next if all these come out positive?

christabeli:
Do you want to turn this beautiful thread into a war zone? you have given your advice, please let it go

Kimoni:
[s]
Alert me when you start making sense!!![/s]

alutacontinua:
Herz, I know how much you love your dad....
I happen to be my dad's only daughter, first child too and you need to see the look on the man's face when he's introducing me to people....the 'meet my only daughter' part amuses me like is that my name?
All these story just to tell you nobody understands a father-daughter bond as much as I do....
I used to think my aversion to offending my dad was out of fear until I moved faaaaar away across seas and oceans (where even if he wants to touch me, he needs a minimum of 48 hours to reach) and I still cannot stand offending the man. If the man calls me on phone now and says 'aluta, why did you do this' even with the slightest form of anger in his voice, my next 2 days don spoil be that. Na so I go dey feel terrible....that was when I knew it was just out of love that I cannot say 'no' to the man. However, over the years, I have come to realise that we cannot live our parent's lives for them. My dad is much more over-bearing, last time I came home, he was almost dictating clothes to put on for me (said I was spilling cleavage ...na just small show oo ).....At some point, you would have to look dad in the face and tell him it's Lekan you want or no-one else. The last guy I and my parents had a discussion about, myself, I had freed him anyways, so, when my mum started giving 1001 reasons not to be with him, I didn't really bother. But I know if that guy was all I wanted, we would have had to talk through those reasons. Let your dad know point blank with tears in your eyes and all the seriousness in the world that if Lekan should go, he should sha know that is it. No hubby again! I'm sure he doesn't want that

Our parenrs have lives their lives, made their mistakes, had their failures and successes, taken their risks and that is what has shapened them. Tbaba created a thread some days ago the cowardice of parents, and I totally understand them. Parents are naturally inclined to protect their children but sometimes, they overdo it even without them knowing. After all these cajoling and begging, I sincerely hope it works, but if it doesn't, it's time to a big girl for daddy for just some few minutes. It's gonna be tough, as I dey type sef, me sef no know if I fit but it's your last resort.

Your instincts, mind and all are totally with this guy, dad needs a better reason that his yorubaness to deny you of such love.


The downside to this method is that you might end up with dad's permissive will, with faith that all works out well, might take a few years for dad to finally warm up to him.
No one knows the future, anything can happen! But you just have to hope for the best. Dad's choice might be right or wrong, your choice might be right or wrong. God forbid but even if this is a mistake, you want it to be yours and not dad's!

I wish you all the best!
-Aluta!

Kimoni:
[s]

My country man by hook or sinker

I will never call her father names because he is her father and I respect him as much as I will respect my own father. Yet, I won't agree with his tribal fears just the way his own daughter does not agree with him on this issue, however, it doesn't take anything away from our understanding of why he has taken that position but still for us, real character and true love should override tribal fears.

So I empathise with people of your generation who should know better and strive towards changing things for the better but instead, are turning out worse than our parents. Nothing can be more sickening than that my dear.

tchidi:
Hmmm...
My Mum is like your Dad. She says it has to be Igbo, so I looked everywhere and it was a Tiv man I decided to fall in love with. We still de battle am sha.

MojAyo:
is it people having problems with conception dat only need the thread?I think its also to educate people and also learn more frm there,can u send me the link

halldoran:
Tales by moonlight. You are not ready to get married. If you are, you won't be waiting for your dad's permission. This is 2015. I have a feeling you don't really like the yoruba guy, you are just using your dad as an excuse.

delightful1:
On FP again?

Lilimax:
Such an interesting thread!.
Well done Babyosisi and all the contributors?
I'm coming back to share my own experience of over 10 years

MarvellousGod:
https://www.nairaland.com/318334/trying-conceive-child-ttc

Herzumpther:
Chai aluta you really understand and I feel about my dad. All my years in school if I want to do sometimes I will just see my dad watching and I will be like dad won't be proud of me. I love him and he loves me to the extent that if he says no money in the house, my siblings will come to me because they know I will just go to a part of the house where he keeps money and bring it out and once its Herz he won't complain. He loves me too that he can afford to say no this for anybody and will say Herz come with me to my car I want you to help me with a case file and when we get there he will say take, the same thing he will tell my siblings he doesn't have. We are so close and mum calls me his left eyes. When he told me I should forget Yoruba last January I kept quiet thinking it will he easy to change his mind and funny enough, people tell this to their mum first but I told dad first before mum. The more reason why his no is confusing me because..... Its me o, its me Herz, he doesn't refuse me anything I ask for except he doesn't have. This one is so strong. Few weeks ago my cousin married a man from Oyo state. If you ask him why he keeps saying No he will say lagosians marry plenty and maltreat their wives and if I talk more he will say Herz you don't go out, you know nothing. Come and do y manicure please

Somebody said I don't love Lekan enough, that's not true, I do and he loves me too. I tried an Igbo guy but .......please, I don't have such strong heart and disobedience is one thing I didn't grow up with. How can I marry without my father's blessings? I can only hope for the best.

Aluta, to be honest this ish is one I've been silent on until i saw this thread. I've gotten advice and encouragement from here. I'm hoping it end well but if it does not...hmmmmmm.

babyosisi:
Not again
What's going on
Seun,mukina2,Royalroy kilode?

Meiji:
Babyosisi is such a sweet, wonderful person.....

Outside the politics section.

babyosisi:
Hahahahaha
Not blowing trumpets,there are very very few people who know me in real life that don't love me greatly,men and women alike
I have a very attractive personality everyone says and a giving spirit
I have friends that speak to me to hear my opinion before important decisions
Everything on this thread is me in my real elements,
forget all those yabbings and getting back at annoying folks in the politics section

babyosisi:
After all this wahala ,this Lekan must be really worth it

babyosisi:
I have made my share of mistakes,learned a world of lessons ,I have grown and matured while married to the same man a while and still very much in love with him and together we are raising some very well adjusted exemplary children.So I must have something to say about what makes marriage work and what doesn't .I know what doesn't ,I have tried them all.
I believe God gave me wisdom in marital issues because constantly young women ( and men) confide in me in real life and offline (from forum interactions )about personal issues with relationships and the response is always a big thank you for helping.
I have heard the stories of many and have counseled many also
I don't know it all so I welcome opinion from other wives on the forum who have been at this business at least for a decade
This Thread is intended to answer questions and dispel fears about men and husbands and marriage and children
How do you know he is the one?
What is appropriate?
Attitude towards inlaws?mother in law fears
Money issues
Parents say no to your intended spouse
Can't make up your mind
Time is passing by and still single,what could it be?
Bad habits you don't like in a man and how to handle it
Bedroom issues?
Handling conflicts?
Communication breakdown?
Old flames and admirers ?
His female friends how to handle that
Questions you had been embarrassed to ask people in real life,this is your opportunity to ask and have people share from their experiences truthfully.
I will be real,I promise
Physical abuse issues
Childlessness ?
You may not like the answer but I will tell you the truth uncoated
If you are too embarrassed to ask in your known moniker,you can create a new handle

Alright ladies,aunty babyosisi is waiting.

babyosisi:
No girl should marry without the consent of her parents especially father unless he was an absentee no good father
His blessing is needed.
[s]If you don't regard your dad,there are those who hold theirs to a very high esteem.[/s]

Herzumpther:
Please help me beg the mods to hide my post and I will not post here again. I promise.

So exposing our lives is worth the traffic?

babyosisi:
The worst thing that can happen to a woman is marry a man she doesn't love passionately.
Marriage is tough especially the early years and there will be times you will feel like packing your bags and running away
Even marriages that started very well can sour over time when they are ill managed let alone one that started with a tone of uncertainty in one's voice.
From what you have written you do love this man but not enough to spend the rest of your life with him that is why you have those doubts and misgivings.

Let me use myself as an example
I was engaged to someone else before meeting my hubby,I have shared that many times
Very very handsome and romantic man
His family adored me,my folks loved him
Very kind and generous,would give his last dime to a stranger in need
Perfect gentleman
But he is a little too boisterous in nature and had some terrible table manners
Some people may say this is minor but it bothered me a lot
The last straw was at a wedding when he motioned servers a little too loudly to get us food,I was a little embarrassed,we were in a hotel and could easily go and get food.my husband will never ever do a thing like that never!!
To make matters worse when the food came,he opened the wrap of moi moi and licked the foil and I wanted the ground to swallow me ,and that was the day my spirit left the union
I couldn't marry him,I couldn't be with a man that would embarrass me.,I just couldn't take it coupled with the fact that he wanted to get into politics and I couldn't envision myself standing on a podium campaigning.

To some these were minor things,to me they were major

You said you are not compatible sexually,can you live with that all your life?
Bad kisser,can you manage that?
If you don't feel sexually attracted to this man I wouldn't advise you to continue
It won't work

When hard marital current strikes sometimes the sexual chemistry is what will take you over the hump and if it is lacking from day one,you may be swimming against the tide.
You should be madly in love at this stage if he is the one
It doesn't sound that way from what you wrote

babyosisi:
Thanks for this
I am waiting for the younger wives to ask real questions and I will use my own mistakes as examples
You will grow grey hairs overnight trying to change your spouse
You can never succeed and you will be very miserable and if you nag,
Ha
if he ever wanted to change sef ,his entire testosterone will come out full force and challenge you to do your worst
There are women who have gone mental in their marital homes trying to change their spouses
You will die and he will marry another wife and keep on strutting
So don't bother
There are ways to have a man eating literally out of the palms of your hand and people think it's juju
No juju at all
Wisdom is the key

babyosisi:
I emailed Royalroy

BABE3:
Herzumpther, I'm so sorry to burst your bubble.

Since your dad is against you marrying this guy, you'll need to let go of the emotions/butterlies and start doing your homework about the guy, logically.

The worst place to be in a marriage as a woman, is having a bad spouse and having parents that warned you against him. You'll be completely alone if you later find out this man isn't who you think he is.

so firstly,
-you said he shuttles from Nigeria to america. Have you made sure he doesn't have a second life in America?

secondly,
-you said he's a virgin and you're not. I think it's important to make sure you're sexùally compatible. I don't know how that'll happen but I believe it's important, to avoid stories that touch

sexùal incompatibility which often leads to infidelity is a leading cause of divorce.

thirdly,
-How well do you know him ? Knowing someone on the surface is way different from knowing someone on a deep level.


You should ponder on those. Get a pen and paper. Let go of emotions. Do your pros and cons list. Do a background check too.

babyosisi:
Our Tiv inlaw is the best