₦airaland Forum

Love is a decision, not a feeling.

The most important factor which decides marital success is getting it right from the beginning.

If you marry the right person, 50% of your success in life is guaranteed. If you marry the wrong person, 50% of your failure is already established.

If you marry in error, you will live in horror.

See this thread for 14 kinds of people you must never marry. https://www.nairaland.com/2156447/14-kinds-people-must-never

If you don't work on your marriage, you will walk out of it.

Marriage is a lifelong school which is pleasurable if you are dedicated,diligent and disciplined.

Marriage can be a bed of roses if you make it so.

babyosisi:
The worst thing that can happen to a woman is marry a man she doesn't love passionately.
Marriage is tough especially the early years and there will be times you will feel like packing your bags and running away
Even marriages that started very well can sour over time when they are ill managed let alone one that started with a tone of uncertainty in one's voice.
From what you have written you do love this man but not enough to spend the rest of your life with him that is why you have those doubts and misgivings.

Let me use myself as an example
I was engaged to someone else before meeting my hubby,I have shared that many times
Very very handsome and romantic man
His family adored me,my folks loved him
Very kind and generous,would give his last dime to a stranger in need
Perfect gentleman
But he is a little too boisterous in nature and had some terrible table manners
Some people may say this is minor but it bothered me a lot
The last straw was at a wedding when he motioned servers a little too loudly to get us food,I was a little embarrassed,we were in a hotel and could easily go and get food.my husband will never ever do a thing like that never!!
To make matters worse when the food came,he opened the wrap of moi moi and licked the foil and I wanted the ground to swallow me ,and that was the day my spirit left the union
I couldn't marry him,I couldn't be with a man that would embarrass me.,I just couldn't take it coupled with the fact that he wanted to get into politics and I couldn't envision myself standing on a podium campaigning.

To some these were minor things,to me they were major

You said you are not compatible sexually,can you live with that all your life?
Bad kisser,can you manage that?
If you don't feel sexually attracted to this man I wouldn't advise you to continue
It won't work

When hard marital current strikes sometimes the sexual chemistry is what will take you over the hump and if it is lacking from day one,you may be swimming against the tide.
You should be madly in love at this stage if he is the one
It doesn't sound that way from what you wrote

[color=#000099][/color]

You are giving wrong advise to these children,its your personal experience,am not married but I can tell you there are no perfect human or marriages,you were lucky,most won't be lucky like you. There are things you loathe about your present hubby that you won't make public. Give real advise please not fantasies.

Unique3:
Hertz dear, please read and digest this too. It is well

I just did.
Hmmm it is well.
Thank you everybody who has contributed one way or the other in helping me overcome this. God bless you all.

Wish I can update how last night went but I really can't. Thanks all.

Ma'am alutacontinua you eh lol.weda make I call you witch now I nor know. Oya I don't know how to pass my msg jor but I'm smiling. Good morning for me o.

Floodgater:
I had to quote this as i think it can be a stone capable of killing more than one bird. What you and Herz feel is fear which if taken away wont reduce the love, it is the fear necessary for a child but should be stopped at adulthood. You dont have to be far away to not feel so cos it as simple as train up a child the way she should go and when she is old...i mean you just cant do far away what you will not do in dad's presence as thats how you'v been trainned. This fear is partly from not being the one to let dad down as per being the favorite. It is a motivating and a retardation force-the price other kids may not spare a thought for. For Herz, the way you are going, if you dont grow up and live first before thinking of your dad, you may end up always still doing first what your dad say even after marriage. I believe you are the number one person that can convince your dad, but if your dad make his stand, you shut your mouth from stating your mind-you give up already. Your dad is not even a die-hard on this matter, talking from your sister's. Everytime, i hear you say if dad...i doubt you have given lekan a place let alone your dad giving. You may think i dont understand, but i pray life dont treat you bad before you understand that overprotection does more harm than good especially at your age. Btw, i think you are retaining your dad's eye title to your detriment without even realising it.

Thank you.

cyaa:
You are so right. So so right. In my case at least. I was sexually abused as a child and also as a teenager by house workers and close relatives respectively and deep down inside I hated men. Of course I didn't tell my family. As you said- the shame, the shame.

But at the same time I loved them and had this urge to conquer them. I loved pre-intimacy but once things got too sexual I lost interest and sometimes cowered in fear or closed up completely. I was living a pseudo-promiscuous life were I loved to entice men sexually cos it gave me the feeling of being powerful, but I actually detested the actual act. Maybe you could explain.

This followed me into my marriage and almost caused issues in the beginning but by Gods grace my husband was very patient and I also made an effort to overcome it- through prayers, chatting with married women who had a great sex life, self-counseling and putting in an effort with all the exciting things sex has to offer. I felt I had been robbed long enough and didn't want my marriage to be destroyed too.

One key thing was I opened up to my husband about my past and explained how I had been affected psychologically and spiritually. Infact I offered so many explanations but the good thing was I was willing to work at it. The more my husband and I have sex, the more I feel I am being unchained and it is such a great feeling.

Of course there are days where he gets on top of me and just starts touching me and I feel I am being sexually molested and try so hard not to scream. Sometimes I can't control myself and I push him away and just lay there scared. Thankfully, no matter how upset he is, he manages to stay calm and we talk about it much later with me ensuring I make up for it that way we keep moving forward.

I would really love to know more about this topic as it might help me and many others in our quest for total restoration.

God bless us all

Cyaa,you're in the process of healing already.Keep doing more of what you are doing now.It's a good thing you have a patient husband.
You can use the internet more and get to hear about the experiences of others and find support groups of those who have had similar experiences.

You can check this out: www.thehealingplace.info
Don't stop praying.

babyosisi:
This is funny
Practice makes perfect sha

I will be very honest
I wasn't a virgin at marriage and neither was my husband,he was far from a virgin
If asked to choose between marrying a male virgin and an experienced dude ,I will marry an experienced dude over and over again
It has advantages
God forgive me

No! No! You're not fully correct.

In bedmatics, it is learning + practice that makes perfect.

And the best setting to learn is on your marriage bed. The best man or woman to marry still remains virgins, if a man or a woman will have patience and coach the one she or he has.

Stop encouraging waywardness. Before I stopped doing the thing, I coached my girlfriend. Why will someone not make out time to coach the marriage partner?

Am a guy and we always talk about these things. And mind you guys can talk when it come to that area.

An experienced well practiced guy sometime ago told me that he doesn't like women he is making out with to get wet before he mounts, to get maximum sensation. And this guy has really practised. What did he gain from years of practicing and experience? Tell me. Wam bam action?
Do you think this kind of guy will be good in bed after marriage?

The last two people I coached directly and indirectly, are men married for over three years. Why are they not getting it better, with their years of constant practice?

On the other hand there is this virgin pastor I am coaching now, and he has read some of my books. The other day while talking about a girl that was raped by someone, he said "he won't have time to touch her so her body can get fully prepared for the show". I said in my heart that this pastor is fast becoming an expert.

How many well practiced guys knows women erogenous zones and how to handle those areas?

From experience, I still believe the best setting is a man learning and practicing on his marriage bed, ie learning on the job.

But, the problem is that human beings are no longer patient these days of instant everything, from noodles to bedroom performance.

ichidodo:
[color=#1980BC] [b] We know you're in love..you got butterflies around your eyes where it concerns lakes....but you must understand that we all must be very practical to matters such as these instead of being carried away.We must have a third party to look out for us inspite of ourselves. And that includes tribal,religious,domestic and financial matters. Example you was to put your daughter on a flight somewhere..say i don't know....Brazil? and it was common knowledge a particular airliner had experienced a spate of aircrashes recently...would you feel safe taking that risks with your daughter,even though your daughter likes the interior decor or attendants of the commercial airliner?....i don't think so....So you must look into yourself and the possibility that things may not work as planned,play it in your mind so you don't get crushed if dad says no...he loves you..wants the best for you...And we believe he will be crushed if his fears are confirmed.You can have so many loves from all tribes if you set your mind at it....but you can't repair the crushed spirit of a broken father.[/b] [/color]

At times eeh,I look at your advice with one eye closed.

thorpido:
The guys coming,do they know your genotype?Do you know theirs?How about the man in your life now?
Please make sure you are compatible(genotypically) with any man you intend marrying.

That's the point..............they are all compatible when it comes to the genotype(I really feel blessed) and they don't mind settling with me...........another point is 90% of them are people who know me down to my home, and have been friends with me for a long time too

@IK77503 I like your what you said about being diplomatic and tactful.... works pretty well.

babyosisi:
You can remain platonic friends

yes,since it ended ona good note.we actually broke it off,i was just crying and laffin,but i knw God wil make us overcome it

Enoquin:
@Herz Can you please loosen up on the daddy's strings a bit? You should never aim to take decisions that would please only one person without even thinking of yourself especially as this is a decision that would affect you for life.
He coming to meet your father could go either way, it could go well or bad. By now you should know that not all things work according to plan.
My sister's friend's dad chased the fiance away, told him to take his wine with him. Was hostile to the fiance's family when they later came. Never listened to pleas from the guy's family or his late wife's family. She was in her final year and all this was because she had taken it. She was always crying in the hostel. Her father 'disowned' her. I nearly came to NL with the story to hear people's viewpoint.

People contributed to the wedding, the fiance was working though. The father never contributed one kobo. There were times he chased the daughter whenever she came. The fiance when he came. Stopped her sisters from visiting her when one of her aunties from her mother's side took her in. The wedding came and they did it. Gave a goat for the 'insult', in akwa ibom you give a 'goat of insult' if you impregnate a girl before hand especially if she was the firstborn. During the wedding, he sat a little apart from everyone.

The girl's hubby's family are very nice to her and when she gave birth, her mother-in-law came to take care of her at the hospital. Her father came but didn't carry the baby. Now, the baby is 1yr plus. The father is thawing a bit. The sisters can now visit. His grandchild now visits him too once in a while.

With all the turmoil she went through, she never carried her woes on her face. Her coursemates, lecturers and others didn't know except my sister. She had always been the smiling type. Even some hypocritical course mates taunted her but she always held her head high.

Today, they are doing okay. She will be going for service come May. Do they have marital squabbles? They would as any married couple. Will she regret sometimes? Perhaps, I cannot speak for her.

Why the long epistle? You cannot keep hoping daddy will smile and pat you for every decision. You are serving and will soon be another man's wife (awka or yoruba), start taking some decisions. Awka may later turn out to be the best for you; Yoruba may also turn out to be the best. The thing is to be able to live with the step you will finally take.

Babyosisi, cococandy, efe, bukatyne, mutter and the rest. What a calming thread. I have enjoyed it. The only people missing are debrief, aisha2, chaircover and Jennykadry

I just saw this o. Thanks a lot, this should go a Long way.

ama kip learning frm you all!

analar:
ama kip learning frm you all!

in my little experience! i gv counsel to ppl bt ds gat me disturbed! still on d matter hw to help a lady frnd who is in a serious rtnship in which both family are aware bt recently she z bin twisted in her tots abt her love 4 bf nw whom dy hv bin dating 4 2yrs nw! ..


...@ her place of work, she hz ds colleague whom she report to directly! for mnts nw dy hv grow fond of eachother she understands him& dy talk all tinz openly! a mnt ago! he openly confess his love to her! & saying he has bin keeping it 4 over 5mnts! n wz afraid to tell her cos she may tink he wants to get @ her pants!
bt , he sincere wants her& to build a rtnship into marriage!.....ds he keeps on telling her! 2weeks ago! she went to his place to pick up a impt ditto dy nided to work wit....n according to her! he couldnt ctrl himself...n a kissed&caressed her! wanting a little romance&begging 4 her approval to date!....bt she talkd him out! reminding him dt he z aware she has sum1 she z engaged to!....


...nw...4 d lady! she has sum1 she hz bin dating 4 2yrs old rtnship she wouldnt want to brk his hrt/ d family!....bt
on a 2nd tot she also hv feelings 4 her collegue who she said is nice, taller& a goodkisser compared to her bf. who is @same height wit her
...d only fear she has z her collegue z a sabath &she a Redeemite!....


...my own headache nw....
...her colleague she says knows her bf& well aware dy r dating! bt stil profess his love to her!...

why wud some men just want other ppl cake!...n also, wetin she go do...

...i told her to cut off ties wit d colleagues...bt it kinda affecting their work activities!..
...

...i gv it to d older counsellors o!

.

Write in proper & simple English so you can get good response, finding it hard to comprehend all you wrote...

firstEVA:
some marriages are sweet, but most are really tough.

Not really, No marriage is all sweet. There are good times, bad times, sweet times, in between times. There are challenges all the time good and bad. It takes a lot of patient to manage a marriage. Good times don't last, neither do bad times. You just have to stand the test of time. I tell you even marriage of 50 years break up (very strange) but it happens.

So perseverance is the key. To be able to bear each other and over look a lot of things. A woman that stands with her husband whether he cheated or not is a strong woman and the marriage will last for eternity (e.g David Beckham & Victoria Beckham).

These days divorce have spoilt relationships, what happened to for better for worse, till death do us part. People go into marriage with the mentality that if he just misbehave or cheat I am so divorcing ASAP. Its crazy how divorce is more now, no one wants to stand the test of time. Same applies to men, that just cant stick to one woman. But if they put you in their house as wife, then you are the ultimate. If he cheats he will come back. when he comes home and you aggravate the issue by nagging and not giving him breathing space. Then he goes out for good.

In such situation comfort him, make him feel bad for what he is doing cleverly. Do not call the lady, else you are defeated. Claim your husband by showing him more love than ever and then cleverly bring the issue up, if it get tensed change the topic but don't relent. Bring it up another time until it sinks in, prevent massive quarrels.

Marriage is an institution you can never graduate from, we pray for a blissful one, IJN. AMEN!!!!!

analar:
ama kip learning frm you all!

in my little experience! i gv counsel to ppl bt ds gat me disturbed! still on d matter hw to help a lady frnd who is in a serious rtnship in which both family are aware bt recently she z bin twisted in her tots abt her love 4 bf nw whom dy hv bin dating 4 2yrs nw! ..


...@ her place of work, she hz ds colleague whom she report to directly! for mnts nw dy hv grow fond of eachother she understands him& dy talk all tinz openly! a mnt ago! he openly confess his love to her! & saying he has bin keeping it 4 over 5mnts! n wz afraid to tell her cos she may tink he wants to get @ her pants!
bt , he sincere wants her& to build a rtnship into marriage!.....ds he keeps on telling her! 2weeks ago! she went to his place to pick up a impt ditto dy nided to work wit....n according to her! he couldnt ctrl himself...n a kissed&caressed her! wanting a little romance&begging 4 her approval to date!....bt she talkd him out! reminding him dt he z aware she has sum1 she z engaged to!....


...nw...4 d lady! she has sum1 she hz bin dating 4 2yrs old rtnship she wouldnt want to brk his hrt/ d family!....bt
on a 2nd tot she also hv feelings 4 her collegue who she said is nice, taller& a goodkisser compared to her bf. who is @same height wit her
...d only fear she has z her collegue z a sabath &she a Redeemite!....


...my own headache nw....
...her colleague she says knows her bf& well aware dy r dating! bt stil profess his love to her!...

why wud some men just want other ppl cake!...n also, wetin she go do...

...i told her to cut off ties wit d colleagues...bt it kinda affecting their work activities!..
...

...i gv it to d older counsellors o!

she is simply getting distracted.Except she has a good reason to want to leave the boyfriend,her affair with this snr colleague is making her draw away from him.The boss might really like her but young ladies often have more than one admirer.She also will always see men who are more handsome,taller,gooder(sic)kisser,bla bla bla...
She should focus on her present relationship.
Office romance often times don't go well.

.

This is the most counter thread i ever followed, i kept following like a lamb who realised he lost his way and full of mature human beings.. Though am stil immature cos i am approaching my early twenties this june but i can quite understand because this thread has made me my identity as a man.. I know this thread isn't for relationship tips but it some how connected.. I have girlish problem i couldn't approach and woo girls like those normal guys does,am not gifted with confidence and words like them i.e sugarmouth .. I find it very difficult or ashame because i expected the answer to be capital NO. The weirdest part of it was that i'll suddenly lost my sense of reasoning in their presence.. There are so many.. I need just your advice on those i mention..

Mikwus:
That's the point..............they are all compatible when it comes to the genotype(I really feel blessed) and they don't mind settling with me...........another point is 90% of them are people who know me down to my home, and have been friends with me for a long time too

In the next few days,I want you to dedicate yourself to prayers.Fast for some days if you can.Ask God to reveal His will to you.
I don't think one will continue to wait on God for 2 yrs concerning your guy marrying you and not get answers.Haba!God no dey sleep.
You're 30yrs coupled with your SS genotype status,I don't think you have any reason to wait again.
May God give you an answer speedily.

sweetbaby22:
Not really, No marriage is all sweet. There are good times, bad times, sweet times, in between times. There are challenges all the time good and bad. It takes a lot of patient to manage a marriage. Good times don't last, neither do bad times. You just have to stand the test of time. I tell you even marriage of 50 years break up (very strange) but it happens.

So perseverance is the key. To be able to bear each other and over look a lot of things. A woman that stands with her husband whether he cheated or not is a strong woman and the marriage will last for eternity (e.g David Beckham & Victoria Beckham).

These days divorce have spoilt relationships, what happened to for better for worse, till death do us part. People go into marriage with the mentality that if he just misbehave or cheat I am so divorcing ASAP. Its crazy how divorce is more now, no one wants to stand the test of time. Same applies to men, that just cant stick to one woman. But if they put you in their house as wife, then you are the ultimate. If he cheats he will come back. when he comes home and you aggravate the issue by nagging and not giving him breathing space. Then he goes out for good.

In such situation comfort him, make him feel bad for what he is doing cleverly. Do not call the lady, else you are defeated. Claim your husband by showing him more love than ever and then cleverly bring the issue up, if it get tensed change the topic but don't relent. Bring it up another time until it sinks in, prevent massive quarrels.

Marriage is an institution you can never graduate from, we pray for a blissful one, IJN. AMEN!!!!!

this is an excellent write up, with this kind of orientation, marriages will not fail. Lots of youths today already have the mentality that if it doesn't work out, i will quit the marriage, no more spirit of tolerance. The only situation a woman or man should run from his/her spouse is if life is being threatened, any other situation, i think both couple can work it out. God bless you for this.

prissyluv:
At times eeh,I look at your advice with one eye closed.

[color=#1980BC] How come? Babe enter d moto first before you look wetin den write for im body... [/color]

thorpido:
Cyaa,you're in the process of healing already.Keep doing more of what you are doing now.It's a good thing you have a patient husband.
You can use the internet more and get to hear about the experiences of others and find support groups of those who have had similar experiences.

You can check this out: www.thehealingplace.info
Don't stop praying.

Thankyou very much for the support. I really thank God my husband is patient and I try not to take it for granted. The few times he gets angry I forgive him immediately because I also understand what he is going through. When we are making love and the devil wants to intrude I ask God to help me and he does. God has really equipped me with mad skills in bed and I sometimes look forward to seducing husbi.
It is tough but it is surmountable and I pray God continues to give me the grace to heal fully and take back what the devil is tryna steal from my marriage. I just see the chains falling.
I will check out that site and give you feedback.
God bless you

Madam Osisi, please permit me to chip in here . . . I want to talk about this to address some ladies who may be wondering if they are with the right person.

Growing up, I was the mills and boon reading type. I believed your heart had to stop anytime you thought of your husband to be, for him to be the right person. So I dated guys who made my heart stop . . . And yes, I had wonderful relationships, but i ended up marrying neither of them.

I may not be an expert on marriages because mine is just going on 4 years and is certainly NOT Eldorado. . . but from the little I have seen, marriage is not Mills and Boons . . . Infact, it is quite the opposite.

You have to WORK on your marriage to make it work . . .


When I was ready to get married, I went on my knees and prayed. I prayed because like most young women searching for 'the one', I was very very confused. I needed to know who the right person was . . . . and God led me to my husband.

You need to understand that my husband wasn't even on 'the list' . . . he didn't make my heart stop. I didn't love him 'desperately' . . . he just wasn't my choice. But he was God's choice for me . . and for that singular reason, I married him. He was a friend, someone I had known for a long long time with no romantic interest towards. Of course like most guys who came my way, he asked me out when we met (for quite a long time), but I turned him down and we eventually settled into a comfortable friendship. . .

He didn't get down on his knees to propose. He didn't promise me the world and everything in it . . in fact he proposed in an off-hand manner . . 'why don't we get married'? (. . And I think a part of me resented that). I never got the show-stopping proposal I have always dreamt off.

But you see, all my life I have trusted God to make major decisions for me. . . and I have never been dis-appointed. So when he brought my husband my way, I had no choice. And no I wasn't 'thrilled' about it . . but I trusted God.

I have to admit, there were days in my marriage when I wondered if I have been misled. Days I was so convinced I mis-understood God's plans for me . . . Days I was ready to just up and leave . . . There was no fire, none of all that romance I read about and I just knew I was in the wrong marriage. Even though I married a good man, I wasn't really happy because I didn't get the mills and boons romance I always dreamt of.

Untill, I learnt to accept this man who God has given me for who he truly is. To let go of the 'dream' I longed for all my life. Not concentrate on the negatives, but celebrate the positives. And gradually, things turned around in our marriage. Gradually, those things I longed for started coming with no effort on my part to make them come . . The fire I thought was not there was only been covered up by my unrealistic expectations . . . and when I let things come naturally, it grew from a tiny flicker to a burning flame.

Because beyond the romance, who else would live with me and love me in this way . . . even after seeing me at my very worst? Who else would look beyond my imperfections and love me just the way I am. Who else would stand by me, despite all odds . . and say I love you, even when I am at my worst?

And just like magic, the bitterness is gone. The quarrels, the fights, the anger. And in it's place a love so strong that all I think of is how to make him smile. On Val's day . . for the first time in 4 years, I got on my knees thanked God for this man he sent my way.

Unconditional love, patience, forgiveness . . . . and above all, trust in God is the key to a happy home.

cyaa:
Thankyou very much for the support. I really thank God my husband is patient and I try not to take it for granted. The few times he gets angry I forgive him immediately because I also understand what he is going through. When we are making love and the devil wants to intrude I ask God to help me and he does. God has really equipped me with mad skills in bed and I sometimes look forward to seducing husbi.
It is tough but it is surmountable and I pray God continues to give me the grace to heal fully and take back what the devil is tryna steal from my marriage. I just see the chains falling.
I will check out that site and give you feedback.
God bless you

Yes there will be moments of anger and frustrations on the part of both of you but you will keep developing and overcoming it.You both know you are working together which makes it easier.

I have been following this thread for some time and I feel its only right I drop a piece of my mind.
Why do I have this gnawing feeling our women are fast losing their sense of duty as the days go by?
Why do I get this nagging feeling that role reversal is fast becoming popular?
The Word of God clearly prescribes the role of each gender in a relationship. There are exceptions where on mutual consent, things may tilt a bit.
If there is any snippet of doubt about a partner, never attempt the plunge. But God's opinion on the matter is key, and chief.

sweetbaby22:
Not really, No marriage is all sweet. There are good times, bad times, sweet times, in between times. There are challenges all the time good and bad. It takes a lot of patient to manage a marriage. Good times don't last, neither do bad times. You just have to stand the test of time. I tell you even marriage of 50 years break up (very strange) but it happens.

So perseverance is the key. To be able to bear each other and over look a lot of things. A woman that stands with her husband whether he cheated or not is a strong woman and the marriage will last for eternity (e.g David Beckham & Victoria Beckham).

These days divorce have spoilt relationships, what happened to for better for worse, till death do us part. People go into marriage with the mentality that if he just misbehave or cheat I am so divorcing ASAP. Its crazy how divorce is more now, no one wants to stand the test of time. Same applies to men, that just cant stick to one woman. But if they put you in their house as wife, then you are the ultimate. If he cheats he will come back. when he comes home and you aggravate the issue by nagging and not giving him breathing space. Then he goes out for good.

In such situation comfort him, make him feel bad for what he is doing cleverly. Do not call the lady, else you are defeated. Claim your husband by showing him more love than ever and then cleverly bring the issue up, if it get tensed change the topic but don't relent. Bring it up another time until it sinks in, prevent massive quarrels.

Marriage is an institution you can never graduate from, we pray for a blissful one, IJN. AMEN!!!!!

Dearie,

There are different types of marriages for different people

And not every woman is 'strong enough' to show 'more love' to a cheat

Not every man is interesting in such strong women either

There are some men (and women) who have stayed faithful to their partners for decades... they do not have 2 heads

Rather than encourage men to desecrate their wedding vows, encourage them to either avoid marriage or stay faithful.

Have a great weekend

Justfollowit:
The kids lives are more important than her life. It is this kind of marriages that breed psychopaths and sociopaths. If she is a good mum, there is no reason why she cannot rear them alone. Her children will grow up fine to become responsible citizens.

It takes a man with a small mind to beat his wife and a woman with a smaller mind to endure it.

Classic

@bold:

If staying in abusive marriages helps the kids, by now... abuse should be the thing of the past

I read a poster on NL some years back who said if his mother could endure his father, he did not see any reason why any woman shouldn't endure him

Enoquin:
Babyosisi, cococandy, efe, bukatyne, mutter and the rest. What a calming thread. I have enjoyed it. The only people missing are debrief, aisha2, chaircover and Jennykadry

Thanks a lot

bisiswag:
If marriage is dz difficult,then y do women who have been married for so long glamourize and make it seem like happily ever after? Suffice to say,women are the greatest pretenders and it will do us good never to throw our "so called marital bliss" into other women's faces.

Marriage is not difficult, it depends on the players in it

And yes, some people have happily ever after

Pray God gives you your own

sweetbaby22:
Not really, No marriage is all sweet. There are good times, bad times, sweet times, in between times. There are challenges all the time good and bad. It takes a lot of patient to manage a marriage. Good times don't last, neither do bad times. You just have to stand the test of time. I tell you even marriage of 50 years break up (very strange) but it happens.

So perseverance is the key. To be able to bear each other and over look a lot of things. A woman that stands with her husband whether he cheated or not is a strong woman and the marriage will last for eternity (e.g David Beckham & Victoria Beckham).

These days divorce have spoilt relationships, what happened to for better for worse, till death do us part. People go into marriage with the mentality that if he just misbehave or cheat I am so divorcing ASAP. Its crazy how divorce is more now, no one wants to stand the test of time. Same applies to men, that just cant stick to one woman. But if they put you in their house as wife, then you are the ultimate. If he cheats he will come back. when he comes home and you aggravate the issue by nagging and not giving him breathing space. Then he goes out for good.

In such situation comfort him, make him feel bad for what he is doing cleverly. Do not call the lady, else you are defeated. Claim your husband by showing him more love than ever and then cleverly bring the issue up, if it get tensed change the topic but don't relent. Bring it up another time until it sinks in, prevent massive quarrels.

Marriage is an institution you can never graduate from, we pray for a blissful one, IJN. AMEN!!!!!

I disagree a lot with u. Some r more than 80% all good and sweet.
I went into marriage with hundred percent assurance that I will enjoy it and I'm yet to be disappointed. This is what I believed in and I'm working daily to make it constant.
If the two of u know b4 hand what u r walking into, how to deal with issues when they occur maturely,make plan ahead of time if there will be issue of barrenness, work and work schedule etc,why won't u enjoy ur marriage?
All d things happening in my marriage r not strange. We have looked into them prior marriage and still looking into them more as a couple.

D problem is that most times we r not ready yet we say we r ready.

FOREXMART:
Preach!!!!!!!!!!, Word, hard truth. (got banned, this is my alternate moniker). There are four phases in the life of most ladies.
1 Shakara phase (18-24 years). Here the lady just wants to have fun and not ready to take any man serious. I find it very hard to flow with these age brackets cos when ur talking future and something serious they busy talking kim kardashian and telemundo.

2. I think i know what I want (25-29]. Here she is testing the waters but not ready to bear any man's name, just switching guys like she on the freeway switching lanes. Only few escape from these phase of utter dilemma into marriage.

3 werey phase aka "put a ring on it right now am behind schedule"(30-34). Here her body is speaking, she's vulnerable to the bad azz players cos she desperate and her mates are on the second or third issue. At this point u see em join ministries in church where they can be noticed like choir, ushering and greeters department for advertisement.

4 Oh lord have Mercy/I don't need any damn man (35-............). Self explanatory, soup don sour so they on clearance sales,80%offf, at this point even if a he goat purposes she will accept.

God bless the wise sisters who got their eureka moment in the second phase and may God grant the heart desires of sisters in the third phase.

Not every lady is like this

I met my husband when I was 17...

Quite a number married before 25...

Mikwus:
That's the point..............they are all compatible when it comes to the genotype(I really feel blessed) and they don't mind settling with me...........another point is 90% of them are people who know me down to my home, and have been friends with me for a long time too

Pray God show you the man He prepared for you

I believe there is that special one

Hv obeyed the clarion call,Can't thank God enough 4 a successful service year and my POP yesterday was cool,still using every medium to thank God blc my service in Abuja l can't forget in a hurry,God saw me through all this while,granted me so much favour in a strange land pls my fellow NL help my n give some KPOZAA to baba God.as for the topic at hand,ladies even as we look out for physical qualities in men, we still need to pray harder too let God direct us,it's well with us.