babyosisi:


Yours will be too
Just look beyond the physical and material and go for substance in a man.that will never fade
Many of these girls chase after wealth and marry eediots then turn around to call him a monster when he was a monster from day one
Look for a good man with a good head on his shoulders and most importantly a man who respects the sovereign authority of GOd
The winds will blow but the foundation will stand firm

Amen....
I already found him, I'm getting married in less than two months.. Thanks for your wise words

Remain blessed. ..

babyosisi:


To be truthful yes I did cheat if you put it that way
My mind was already over him,i had fallen out of love before accepting this date,I couldn't tell him,he was faraway ,I wish I told him first but I didn't
He found out weeks later
I was young,I was 23 and maybe would do it differently if it were today and I wouldn't advise anyone to cheat but leaving him was the best decision I made,I have never regretted it.
,

Ok ma, I wasn't trying to be judgmental, just wanted to connect the dots

That being said, yours was against the norm cos you were in a relationship & also started something with okey, it ended well for you. Thanks be to God

For some others, loverboy will use & dump them while okey will also let go, at the end they loose both ways

Any one that wants to follow ur path will do so at his/her risk, if it works out fine, if it doesn't, they should live with it

In counseling, the norm is always advised

Thanks so much for this thread.

MarvellousGod:
Amen....
I already found him, I'm getting married in less than two months.. Thanks for your wise words

Remain blessed. ..

Glad for you.

babyosisi:


Yes
I am njide and that is my true life story
We talk about it still from time to time and he always says thank God for that heavy rain
When the rough times come I always remember how we started and the passion and we try to rekindle that because we started well.
The love notes,the letters,the cards,the trips,dinners,planning on our future,picking out names for the children to come
So you see why I cannot understand getting married without passion
It won't work for me
I have to be madly and hopelessly in love first ,maybe by my nature

Awwwww.

harveyspec:


Ok ma, I wasn't trying to be judgmental, just wanted to connect the dots

That being said, yours was against the norm cos you were in a relationship & also started something with okey, it ended well for you. Thanks be to God

For some others, loverboy will use & dump them while okey will also let go, at the end they loose both ways

Any one that wants to follow ur path will do so at his/her risk, if it works out fine, if it doesn't, they should live with it

In counseling, the norm is always advised

Thanks so much for this thread.

This is why I started with a disclaimer that I am by no way perfect and has never claimed to be
I told my real life story without a gun to my head
I would have told it to suit whichever way I wanted but I chose to share my story exactly like it happened it was not in relation to any advise.


On a side note,do you know that I have no clue what it is or feels like to be dumped
I have never been dumped
Maybe because I never even gave the light of day to any man that wasn't a potential husband material and gave no face to players or was ever swayed by material possession.

thorpido:
Yes there will be moments of anger and frustrations on the part of both of you but you will keep developing and overcoming it.You both know you are working together which makes it easier.

@ thorpido thanks so much for the link. Been reading through various articles on there and it has empowered me to embrace my full healing. God bless you. And you too babyosisi for creating this thread. Marriage is challenging but very very sweet by Gods grace. Xx

thorpido:
Glad for you.

Thank you

Herzumpther:
Hello. Good evening to you too. I don't think you missed much sha, only that aunty Osisi has not competed that her story o. or as she? Make I check again.

I've not really been around here, I've been at the kitchen . I got a mention here only for me to see that is a mention I've long chosen to ignore. No time abeg.

Odillz xup?

Kk dear, how did did the first reading go with popsy?

FOREXMARTS:


Kk dear, how did did the first reading go with popsy?

Can you locate the kitchen thread? I posted it there....


Still a No tho but the meeting holds tomorrow.

babyosisi:


Hehehehehe
I didn't tell you of our first class adventure train ride from the east to Kaduna
Chai
We had to buy the ticket as mr and Mrs before we became mr and mrs or they wouldn't sell
Imagine 2 nights in a train cabin alone with a man you love passionately
Kai Menene
As we were chopping mosquitoes were chopping us kwa
But nne the guilt was bothering me and he felt bad because I would feel bad
Memories that remain with us till today

OMG!!

See proper romance, Naija style. So you guys were on a choo-choo train all the way from the East to up North? Oh la la

I'm thinking of that James Bond movie where he was with the girl in the train and at one point, had to fight off the bad guy with the metal arm. Gosh what's the title again? Live and Let Die?

You get heart sha. Lemme see...in my own case, I arrived here in August, then we went back home to get married in March...August - March, seven months of living in chronic sin, away from my parents' and family's watchful eyes. Good girl gone baaaad!

Look eh, that era where we had no mobile phones / email but just NITEL and NIPOST was the era of suspense. I had to endure that for 2 whole years. If you're lucky, you receive your letter after 2-3 months. I remember he wrote to me at my home address, and since I'd already left for school, it was forwarded from South-South to the East where I schooled. Took another couple of months to reach me, by which time dem don open and cellotape and re-open and re-cellotape my letter from Obodo London.

P.s: Re: the bolded, I'm still laughing here!

Nice thread... my question is. this.Is. it weird for a 23 year old lady not to.have suitors.,not..even a single serious guy...

Lolx! Not funny tho. Am in same shoes. But not too worry, someone wld come along soon.

kayceemadu9:
Nice thread... my question is. this.Is. it weird for a 23 year old lady not to.have suitors.,not..even a single serious guy...

Herzumpther:
Can you locate the kitchen thread? I posted it there....


Still a No tho but the meeting holds tomorrow.

hmmm the kitchen section has many threads, wish u the best in the second reading.

Tomorrow Sunday 22nd February is my birthday and on that note i wish u best of luck and understanding from popsy.

harveyspec:


Ok ma, I wasn't trying to be judgmental, just wanted to connect the dots

That being said, yours was against the norm cos you were in a relationship & also started something with okey, it ended well for you. Thanks be to God

For some others, loverboy will use & dump them while okey will also let go, at the end they loose both ways

Any one that wants to follow ur path will do so at his/her risk, if it works out fine, if it doesn't, they should live with it

In counseling, the norm is always advised

Thanks so much for this thread.

You say it's not your intention to be judgemental, but your post reeks of it, bros.

Okay, look at it this way...do you not think it's better to break-off an engagement (now), if you feel your heart isn't in it, rather than go ahead and marry the spouse out of pity? Only to break up later, probably with kids involved by then?

Yes, it would be painful for the one being dumped and also not fair, but is life eve fair? Besides, it takes two to make a marriage work. Both hearts must be completely in it for the foundation to be solid. There are lots of examples on here about struggling marriages where one person tries to steer the ship alone and the other can't be bothered because they feel they married the wrong person.

If it's not working out pre-marriage, then please break it off. This advice is for both sexes. Both parties MUST be happy to tie the knot else that marriage could easily turn out to be hellish. I don't believe in "managing" someone in matrimony for the next 30, 40, 50, 60+ years of your life, just because you didn't want to hurt their feelings from the onset. Better to hurt them now than hurt them everyday, for the rest of their life.

#My two cents worth.#

FOREXMARTS:
hmmm the kitchen section has many threads, wish u the best in the second reading.

Tomorrow Sunday 22nd February is my birthday and on that note i wish u best of luck and understanding from popsy.

Awwww happy birthday in advance o. I hope the cake will get to me? Tomorrow I won't forget to wish you HBD again.

Words on marble

@bold

babyosisi:
I think one of the reasons I do threads like this is that I had questions as a young wife in my twenties and times I needed counsel and help from an older person and had no one to talk to.i didn't want people to judge me,spread rumors about us,think I was weak,a bad wife,etc so I kept these feelings to myself and just tried to move on .
We would argue and have disagreements sometimes on simple stuff and I will be so hurt and just wished he could understand my feelings and felt he was insensitive and I could never convey my true feelings.

I am a pretty emotional person so this weighed me down greatly.
I knew he loved me but I felt he didn't show me that or show it enough
At times I even felt he was heartless ,I am being plain here
I made my mistakes,o boy did I make mistakes.

But the good thing is that I learned ,some were light bulb moments
And over the years I have learned loads
The way I handle issues now is totally different because I have matured a great deal
In my quest to change my spouse,I was the one that changed and that change produced the change I craved
I can almost say that we love each other more today than when we first met and it was hardwork to get there



Hopefully I can advise someone ,a young wife from what I have learned,that is the so,e purpose of this thread and the reason I am laying myself bare because I believe in the institution of marriage
Marriage can be enjoyed to the max

kaylawil:
Hmmm, I've bn following dis thread for sometime now n I must say I he learnt a lot of tinz. Tnx to babyosisi, forexmart, uju, n others. Its truly a matured thread.
At this point I need to share my issue here.

For smtim now I've bn battling with my marr.

I met dis men who I later married in a church. He wasn't my spec thou but for reasons I cnt really comprehend we got married. I felt I had married my dream man. He wasn't financially buoyant but was Ok for his level. I'm from a well to do home.

Its four years since I got married with kids n I fink I'm fed up already with d union. No love, no affection, just discovered he has house somewia in town. U have to beg for practically every tin from kids, sch fees to feeding to rent n so on....
Lies about me to whoever cares to listen, never sees any tin good bout me. And to tink ds was smone u met on d low n packaged him to d level he s hw supported n saw him thru school. Got a good job and disregards me n d kids.... I'm so confused cos I'd always tot mine wld be heaven on earth but d reverse is d case.
Lies a lot, is selfish n self centred....

I'd made up my mind to leave cnt bear a day withnsmone who treats u like trash. Mind u I was a graduate even befr I convinced him to go back to sch n finish up.

Really confused... I feel sad for my children cos all I had wanted for dem was d best growing up under d arms of loving parents just as I did.:-)

I think you should go back in there and fight for your marriage sister.

As long as there isn't any domestic violence and he isn't cheating on you, then your marriage is absolutely salvageable. Obviously something got broken along the way and this is where you and your hubby need to get back to the drawing board with one mind to find where the fault is and fix it.

All that you mention, i.e him telling you lies, moving ahead without letting you know about his plans (i.e: building a house), treating you like trash, and so on and merely symptoms of the problems plaguing your union. You need to find the root cause and treat that, rather than the symptoms. Once you find where the problem is, and you both work to resolve it, the love will flow back and those symptoms will be washed away.

I also think you need to stop resenting his humble background and comparing him to your well-off background. He can't change where he comes from and the circumstances surrounding his upbringing as it's no fault of his. Stop throwing it into his face that you were already a graduate when you met, him a non-graduate, and that if not for you / your family's input, he wouldn't be where he is today. Like I mentioned in an earlier post on this thread, men have pride and they they too feel hurt. Most men aren't half as verbal as we women can be, but that doesn't mean they too don't feel pain. Him treating you the way he does is his way of retaliating. Be wise with how you use your words on him, dear. Yes, I understand that you're frustrated, but you did chose to spend the rest of your life with him.

I think this is just a difficult phase that will pass. And when it does pass, you both will be stronger and better equipped to tackle the next challenge that comes your way (and there will be plenty of those). Life in itself is a learning process. Work with your man and you will overcome this.

All the best.

EfemenaXY:


You say it's not your intention to be judgemental, but your post reeks of it, bros.

Okay, look at it this way...do you not think it's better to break-off an engagement (now), if you feel your heart isn't in it, rather than go ahead and marry the spouse out of pity? Only to break up later, probably with kids involved by then?

Yes, it would be painful for the one being dumped and also not fair, but is life eve fair? Besides, it takes two to make a marriage work. Both hearts must be completely in it for the foundation to be solid. There are lots of examples on here about struggling marriages where one person tries to steer the ship alone and the other can't be bothered because they feel they married the wrong person.

If it's not working out pre-marriage, then please break it off. This advice is for both sexes. Both parties MUST be happy to tie the knot else that marriage could easily turn out to be hellish. I don't believe in "managing" someone in matrimony for the next 30, 40, 50, 60+ years of your life, just because you didn't want to hurt their feelings from the onset. Better to hurt them now than hurt them everyday, for the rest of their life.

#My two cents worth.#

Oh oh, my apologies ma

I have no issue with her calling it off, after all I'm in a similar situation

it was just that she was with someone already at that time while having another encounter with this other guy.

She has explained it all, my apologies once more

^^Nice points Efe.

In addition, she should advance her own career and rebuild her self confidence and have some independence. I'm suspecting some resentment on her part that he's now ahead of her career wise and financially. It's up to her to progress in life and not dwell on past glories. Her hubby is wrong for refusing to do his duties at home and that must be addressed, but she will also need to buckle down and get her self going.

ileobatojo:
^^Nice points Efe.

In addition, she should advance her own career and rebuild her self confidence and have some independence. I'm suspecting some resentment on her part that he's now ahead of her career wise and financially. It's up to her to progress in life and not dwell on past glories. Her hubby is wrong for refusing to do his duties at home and that must be addressed, but she will also need to buckle down and get her self going.

True that.

And having kids doesn't make putting your career, goals, and aspirations, on hold any easier. I can see where the frustration is coming from. Four years of marriage and kids. Probably under four years of age. If she's in Naija, then she should look into getting someone / paid help to assist with the kids. Childcare costs back home are nothing compared to what we see daily over here.

EfemenaXY:


True that.

And having kids doesn't make putting your career, goals, and aspirations, on hold any easier. I can see where the frustration is coming from. Four years of marriage and kids. Probably under four years of age. If she's in Naija, then she should look into getting someone / paid help to assist with the kids. Childcare costs back home are nothing compared to what we see daily over here.

Very true.

babyosisi:


This is why I started with a disclaimer that I am by no way perfect and has never claimed to be
I told my real life story without a gun to my head
I would have told it to suit whichever way I wanted but I chose to share my story exactly like it happened it was not in relation to any advise.


On a side note,do you know that I have no clue what it is or feels like to be dumped
I have never been dumped
Maybe because I never even gave the light of day to any man that wasn't a potential husband material and gave no face to players or was ever swayed by material possession.

Me too, confidence is a very good thing I tell ya .

Ujujoan:
Just to add . . . .

Sometimes we expect God to bless us based on our own expectations, it may not always be that way. But God always gives us what we need at every point in our lives. God's choices always have what is best for us, but it may not necessarily be in the package we will recognize. Untill you open it up and look inside, you may not see it as the answers to the prayers you offered because it wasnt packaged in the way you expected.

A lot of us have lost a lot of blessings in this way.

Looking back now, i see why God chose him for me. We are alike in soooo many ways . . . . Something i would never have seen if God hadnt led me to him because i would never have given us a chance otherwise. I never believed in destiny, but i know now that from the day we were created, we were both destined to be man and wife. This is becoming obvious each passing day.

God Bless you for your posts on this thread.

Ujujoan:
Just to add . . . .

Sometimes we expect God to bless us based on our own expectations, it may not always be that way. But God always gives us what we need at every point in our lives. God's choices always have what is best for us, but it may not necessarily be in the package we will recognize. Untill you open it up and look inside, you may not see it as the answers to the prayers you offered because it wasnt packaged in the way you expected.

A lot of us have lost a lot of blessings in this way.

Looking back now, i see why God chose him for me. We are alike in soooo many ways . . . . Something i would never have seen if God hadnt led me to him because i would never have given us a chance otherwise. I never believed in destiny, but i know now that from the day we were created, we were both destined to be man and wife. This is becoming obvious each passing day.

God Bless you Ujujoan for your posts on this thread!

I have always had this feeling that i will be in ur shoes when God leads me to who he has chosen to be my spouse. I still hope that i will be attracted to and fall crazily in love with him like babyosisi but if i don't, your experience has given me courage to trust more in God's plan than my desires.

amareto:


Well, Herzumpther could not answer my question. I just don't understand what she was complaining about when nobody forced her to post her family history all over nl. The way some people loves attention sha.

just imagine o,re we those people dat post our relationship history on nl,re we fools

Happy birthday FOREXMARTS.

Herzumpther:
Happy birthday FOREXMARTS.

Lol Nne thanks, really appreciate it. But wait oh, what u doing up by 1am? Hope ur not loosing sleep on the matter?

FOREXMARTS:


Lol Nne thanks, really appreciate it. But wait oh, what u doing up by 1am? Hope ur not loosing sleep on the matter?

Lol. I'm very use to sleeping during the day but up at night + I'm a bit down.

I'm not loosing sleep on the matter o, it will either be a yes or no in the end so ...

Where is our cake na?

babyosisi:



Looks like you are not meant for each other.
I wish it were the girl writing this ,I would have asked her to move on and someone who loves her truly will come along.
How can a boy break up 4 times with a girl and she begs to be taken back
Why do girls cheapen themselves in this manner
Please tell her plainly that it's over,stop sleeping with her and messing with her head if you really care about her well being

I respect you ma'am but you didn't do justice at all to the plight of a seemingly sincere and bothered mind. Thank you.

Herzumpther:
Lol. I'm very use to sleeping during the day but up at night + I'm a bit down.

I'm not loosing sleep on the matter o, it will either be a yes or no in the end so ...

Where is our cake na?

Lol e dey here if u can find ur way down to kwara state or I send it via Bluetooth. Wish u more health and strength.