FOREXMARTS:


Lol e dey here if u can find ur way down to kwara state or I send it via Bluetooth. Wish u more health and strength.

Lol. Go back to oguta

Thanks and God bless. Have a blast.

Most families I hv seen have d active and passive parent?
How do u make a passive spouse active in child training?

moca:
Most families I hv seen have d active and passive parent?
How do u make a passive spouse active in child training?

Interesting question now that you raised it.

I'm sure I'm going to be the passive parent.
Passive in the department of discipline.
I don't need anyone to tell me that.

I'm a sort of pushover when it comes to friends and family. Always letting them have their way to avoid hurting their feelings and they always say I'm going to spoil my kids because if they cry, I'll just give them what they want so they won't feel bad.

I don't want to be that kind of parent but I can imagine myself losing that battle already before even starting it.

Hmmm

cococandy:

Interesting question now that you raised it.

I'm sure I'm going to be the passive parent.
Passive in the department of discipline.
I don't need anyone to tell me that.

I'm a sort of pushover when it comes to friends and family. Always letting them have their way to avoid hurting their feelings and they always say I'm going to spoil my kids because if they cry, I'll just give them what they want so they won't feel bad.

I don't want to be that kind of parent but I can imagine myself losing that battle already before even starting it.

Hmmm

Cocobaby, ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies?

carefreewannabe:


Cocobaby, ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies?

explain pls.

cococandy:
explain pls.

Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that causes those expectations to be fulfilled.
An employer who, for example, expects the employees to be disloyal and shirkers, will likely treat them in a way that will elicit the very response he or she expects.


Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/self-fulfilling-prophecy.html#ixzz3SSYDeIaS

A parent who believes that she will treat her kids in such a way that will spoil them, is likely to have spoilt children.

Do you really want to have spoilt kids?

Makes sense

Of course I don't wanna spoil my kids.

I do know what I've to do just don't know if I can be firm enough when the time comes .

carefreewannabe:


Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that causes those expectations to be fulfilled.
An employer who, for example, expects the employees to be disloyal and shirkers, will likely treat them in a way that will elicit the very response he or she expects.


Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/self-fulfilling-prophecy.html#ixzz3SSYDeIaS

A parent who believes that she will treat her kids in such a way that will spoil them, is likely to have spoilt children.

Do you really want to have spoilt kids?

cococandy:
Makes sense

Of course I don't wanna spoil my kids.

I do know what I've to do just don't know if I can be firm enough when the time comes .

You can if it is for the good of your sweet babies.

cococandy:

Interesting question now that you raised it.

I'm sure I'm going to be the passive parent.
Passive in the department of discipline.
I don't need anyone to tell me that.

I'm a sort of pushover when it comes to friends and family. Always letting them have their way to avoid hurting their feelings and they always say I'm going to spoil my kids because if they cry, I'll just give them what they want so they won't feel bad.

I don't want to be that kind of parent but I can imagine myself losing that battle already before even starting it.

Hmmm

You have to start working on that mentally now.Kids always want to have their way even when it will hurt them.
The bible says foolishness is in the heart of a child...........

I love kids a lot but sometimes you need to be firm.You just have to set limits for them and take your mind off the emotions you may have towards those instructions or orders.
I hope your spouse is a firm person.

moca:
Most families I hv seen have d active and passive parent?
How do u make a passive spouse active in child training?

There is really nothing much you can do about the other spouse who is passive.Often times it's a nature they grow up with.It's important one of them is firm.

A pastor told a story of how he visited a family and while he was sitting in the parlour,their little boy will come and pinch him,laugh and run away.The parents saw him and all they did was say, aww jnr,stop it.The boy came the third tim and this time,the parents had gone into the room.........
He gave the boy a knock and the boy wailed.When the parents came out and said what happened,he acted like he didn't know.

Parents should not be too soft on their kids.

He is.

thorpido:
You have to start working on that mentally now.Kids always want to have their way even when it will hurt them.
The bible says foolishness is in the heart of a child...........

I love kids a lot but sometimes you need to be firm.You just have to set limits for them and take your mind off the emotions you may have towards those instructions or orders.
I hope your spouse is a firm person.
There is really nothing much you can do about the other spouse who is passive.Often times it's a nature they grow up with.It's important one of them is firm.

A pastor told a story of how he visited a family and while he was sitting in the parlour,their little boy will come and pinch him,laugh and run away.The parents saw him and all they did was say, aww jnr,stop it.The boy came the third tim and this time,the parents had gone into the room.........
He gave the boy a knock and the boy wailed.When the parents came out and said what happened,he acted like he didn't know.

Parents should not be too soft on their kids.

thorpido:


A pastor told a story of how he visited a family and while he was sitting in the parlour,their little boy will come and pinch him,laugh and run away.The parents saw him and all they did was say, aww jnr,stop it.The boy came the third tim and this time,the parents had gone into the room.........
He gave the boy a knock and the boy wailed.When the parents came out and said what happened,he acted like he didn't know.

Parents should not be too soft on their kids.

Now this is funny
I have witnessed something like this sha, I visited a family and was offered a bottle of soft drink, the next minute their little kids came in with big cups and I had to share the drink for them. The parents laughed and only said, this children will not kill me.

cococandy:
He is.

Lucky you then, you both can't be firm at the same time.

softysparky:

Now this is funny
I have witnessed something like this sha, I visited a family and was offered a bottle of soft drink, the next minute their little kids came in with big cups and I had to share the drink for them. The parents laughed and only said, this children will not kill me.

. I don't like it when children act in that manner,
My two lovely kids (nieces) wanted to start that, i had to stop them before could become a habit.

Happy birthday FOREXMARTS, bigger you i pray.

Herzumpther, wishing you and Lakes all the best today. Waiting to hear your testimony .

thorpido:
You have to start working on that mentally now.Kids always want to have their way even when it will hurt them.
The bible says foolishness is in the heart of a child...........

I love kids a lot but sometimes you need to be firm.You just have to set limits for them and take your mind off the emotions you may have towards those instructions or orders.
I hope your spouse is a firm person.
There is really nothing much you can do about the other spouse who is passive.Often times it's a nature they grow up with.It's important one of them is firm.

A pastor told a story of how he visited a family and while he was sitting in the parlour,their little boy will come and pinch him,laugh and run away.The parents saw him and all they did was say, aww jnr,stop it.The boy came the third tim and this time,the parents had gone into the room.........
He gave the boy a knock and the boy wailed.When the parents came out and said what happened,he acted like he didn't know.

Parents should not be too soft on their kids.

Won't it have effect on d children later.
Something like'mum/dad is wicked,always punishing me.
Yea,i know a guy who is so into his mum cos of the way daddy disciplined him that they were more like two strangers in d same house when he has grown.
He said he overheard dad telling mum that she made him(d guy) hate him(d dad)
Mum defended herself by saying it was the way he treated the boy when he was young.

This guy felt it and tried to make amend(d dad is a man to be reckoned with in d society yet this broke him)
So anytime d guy is home and daddy is watching telly,he will come and join him.
Asking him this and that.
It eased tension.

Also it makes children have preference.
Is it not better to balance it?
Personally, I don't like it.
Mummy and daddy should hv one voice.
Makes it hard to chose.

moca:

Won't it have effect on d children later.
Something like'mum/dad is wicked,always punishing me.
Yea,i know a guy who is so into his mum cos of the way daddy disciplined him that they were more like two strangers in d same house when he has grown.
He said he overheard dad telling mum that she made him(d guy) hate him(d dad)
Mum defended herself by saying it was the way he treated the boy when he was young.

This guy felt it and tried to make amend(d dad is a man to be reckoned with in d society yet this broke him)
So anytime d guy is home and daddy is watching telly,he will come and join him.
Asking him this and that.
It eased tension.

Also it makes children have preference.
Is it not better to balance it?
Personally, I don't like it.
Mummy and daddy should hv one voice.
Makes it hard to chose.

They should have one voice in correcting the children but you know we are not all of the same personality.That's why it's good to marry a partner who compliments you.
There's a proverb that says you discipline a child with one hand and you draw the child to you with the other hand.It's about getting a balance.
Some parents are too hard on their children like the example you gave.The father didn't know how to balance it.

cococandy:

Interesting question now that you raised it.

I'm sure I'm going to be the passive parent.
Passive in the department of discipline.
I don't need anyone to tell me that.

I'm a sort of pushover when it comes to friends and family. Always letting them have their way to avoid hurting their feelings and they always say I'm going to spoil my kids because if they cry, I'll just give them what they want so they won't feel bad.

I don't want to be that kind of parent but I can imagine myself losing that battle already before even starting it.

Hmmm

Now that you brought this up, let me share what you must never do sweetie pie
never say yes to the kids when my inlaw says no
I have been there and it's no fun
Children can be very manipulative and if they know you are the more likely to say yes( just like myself) they will come to you for approval of things they know their dad won't approve, you grant the request and the atmosphere in the house heats up for days.
Always confirm what your husband thinks before saying yes
I am not talking simple stuff like should I drink soda,can I eat a bar of candy but more serious stuff like should I go for a sleep over,go for a movie with Daniel and co and you know your husband doesn't particularly like your son hanging with Daniel,or promising them a certain gift or toy that Oga had already said could wait. when they get to their teens and can drive you better be speaking with one voice to bring up well balanced children.

You should always be on the same page with him as far as kids are concerned
My hubby ,like my dad can be very strict and in some things I would really want to go against him to do it and have,it is one if those mistakes,I have made in the past,don't do it,not worth it.
Instead appeal to him in the bedroom,away from the children and advocate for them
If he insists on saying No,that too should be your answer.
You need to present a united front always
Never ever undermine your husband's authority before the children,men don't take kindly to that

@ the younger ladies,everything I have written here especially my last point is not hard to do when you know you married a good man
By good I mean someone you love,someone you can reason with who respects and regards you and a man of good morals
Half the future headache is wiped away by marrying the right man
If you said hasta la vista to that boyfriend that pushed,shoved or hit or threatened you,you have reduced your chances of physical abuse
If you get with that Don Juan sleeping with every hot girl in town and you managed to take him to the altar,you don't expect your marrying him to change who he is
I couldn't say this louder
Finding/ marrying the right spouse is the most important adult decision of your life and that is for males and females
Look for substance in a man not the size of his pocket ,his fame or physical qualities as many do
And do not let your parents and family push you into marrying anybody for their selfish interests,you will regret it
Fall in love with a man's character before anything else and if it doesn't feel right during courtship,go no further please end it there

Let me tell this true story
There is a man in this United States that saw the picture of this drop dead gorgeous girl and went home and married her
Tall slim,light skinned and beautiful just like the average nigerian man wants them
The girl supposedly was a graduate of ESUT
Hardly any courtship,he carried wine,did a wedding,brought her over

This girl can barely make one full sentence in clear English,couldn't have been a graduate
A total "blockhead" even in mundane things but a beauty to behold
She did the written driving test over 7 times before passing and till today has not learned to drive,cannot pass the test
She has done the nurse assistant course numerous times and hasn't passed it till this day.
So this man has a wife who doesn't drive,doesn't work ,cannot communicate well except in Igbo and with two young kids
How miserable is that
I heard he is now planning to send her to live in Nigeria because he has to drive her everywhere and drive to all the children's appointments and he is the sole bread winner and is a unable to do all that and cope with his job.
That was a man whose only criteria for a wife was physical beauty.

It could have easily been an intelligent girl ending up with a wicked efulefu man that punches her for sport ,a man she barely knew all in the name of coming to Obodo Oyibo

babyosisi:
Let me tell this true story
There is a man in this United States that saw the picture of this drop dead gorgeous girl and went home and married her
Tall slim,light skinned and beautiful just like the average nigerian man wants them
The girl supposedly was a graduate of ESUT
Hardly any courtship,he carried wine,did a wedding,brought her over

This girl can barely make one full sentence in clear English
A total "blockhead" even in mundane things but a beauty to behold
She did the written driving test over 7 times before passing and till today has not learned to drive,cannot pass the test
She has done nurse assistant course numerous times and hasn't passed it till this day.
So this man has a wife who doesn't drive,doesn't work ,cannot communicate well except in Igbo and with two young kids
How miserable is that
I heard he is now planning to send her to live in Nigeria because he has to drive her everywhere and drive to all the children's appointments and he is the sole bread winner and is a unable to do all that and cope with his job.
That was a man whose only criteria for a wife was physical beauty.

There are many women like that
It could have easily been an intelligent girl ending up with a wicked efulefu man she barely knew all in the name of coming to Obodo Oyibo

Lol,there are quite a no of men who have married like that especially men who come from abroad to pick wives.They like what they see on the net and that's it for them.Some erroneously think because she's in Nigeria she will be a good 'home bred'.They marry such women and realise marriage is more that just a woman with good looks.The frustration begins to tell a few years down the line.

thorpido:
Lol,there are quite a no of men who have married like that especially men who come from abroad to pick wives.They like what they see on the net and that's it for them.Some erroneously think because she's in Nigeria she will be a good 'home bred'.They marry such women and realise marriage is more that just a woman with good looks.The frustration begins to tell a few years down the line.

I had a thread warning girls about these abroad spouses and some men I suspect were trying to woo and confuse girls in Nigeria came down on me ,very angry
I posted websites where they could check for the man's address,see the other people in the house with same last names,check his marriage and divorce history,criminal records and arrest history etc
The world is so small now thanks to the internet,information is at our finger tips
Almost everyone in Nigeria has a relative or close friend living in the USA,for a small fee they can run checks on this man and find out things about him.
The era of a man telling you he is a pharmacist when he is a cleaner at the pharmacy is over
You can check his state license with the state license board ,online and it's free

Herzumpther please how did that meeting go?

delightful1:


Herzumpther, wishing you and Lakes all the best today. Waiting to hear your testimony .

babyosisi:


I had a thread warning girls about these abroad spouses and some men I suspect were trying to woo and confuse girls in Nigeria came down on me ,very angry
I posted websites where they could check for the man's address,see the other people in the house with same last names,check his marriage and divorce history,criminal records and arrest history etc
The world is so small now thanks to the internet,information is at our finger tips
Almost everyone in Nigeria has a relative or close friend living in the USA,for a small fee they can run checks on this man and find out things about him.
The era of a man telling you he is a pharmacist when he is a cleaner at the pharmacy is over
You can check his state license with the state license board ,online and it's free

The internet makes the world a small place.I hope the young girls will observe due diligence and not be blinded by 'love' obodo oyinbo.

babyosisi:
Herzumpther please how did that meeting go?

Good evening ma'am.

As you advised I did not run to anywhere, I stayed because I need to start acting like the adult I am and not daddy's little girl. Lakes came in the morning and with his best friend. Also he came with drinks.

Lakes- Good morning sir.
Dad- Good morning ( he was busy devouring his food)

me stylishly left and went inside the store. Dad called my sister to clear the plates.

Lakes friend- sir we are here in respect of your daughter.

Dad- which of my daughters?
Lakes friend- Herz.
Dad -Okey.

Lakes- sir I'm here to ask for Herz's hand in marriage.
Dad- Really?
Lakes- yes sir.
Dad-okey. Picks his phone and called his brother who stays not too far. He also called my mum to come inside.

Dad opened the drink saying drink that goes to a woman's house never goes back whether their reason of coming goes well or not.


Dad-you say you want to marry Herz eh?
Lakes- yes sir.
Dad- why do you want to marry her? (Why do you want to marry her was dad's first question) Do you know her that much? Why do you think she is the one for you?
Lake- bla bla bla.
Dad-who are your parent? What do you do? Where are you from? How long have you known her? Who are your parent? What are their occupation?

Babayosisi I can't remember all the questions again but omo see questions. Within me I was just saying but dad you are not interrogating a criminal na.

Dad brother enters and dad told him they said they want my hand in marriage. He is a retired solder and he started his own bombarding of questions....

Dad- you said you are from Lagos state?
Lakes- yes sir
Dad- I'm sorry you can't marry my daughter
Lakes started to talk o........dad's futher questions and at a point I gave up.
Well at the end of the over 4 hours interrogation, dad finally said I will get back to you.

Dad escorted them to their car. Me was busy peeping from up stairs. See dad's eyes shining as he was busy looking at the plate number and using his hands like he was writing it down.

Dad enters the house, carried his key and left for his club meeting. That's all for now.

Herzumpther:
Good evening ma'am.

As you advised I did not run to anywhere, I stayed because I need to start acting like the adult I am and not daddy's little girl. Lakes came in the morning and with his best friend. Also he came with drinks.

Lakes- Good morning sir.
Dad- Good morning ( he was busy devouring his food)

me stylishly left and went inside the store. Dad called my sister to clear the plates.

Lakes friend- sir we are here in respect of your daughter.

Dad- which of my daughters?
Lakes friend- Herz.
Dad -Okey.

Lakes- sir I'm here to ask for Herz's hand in marriage.
Dad- Really?
Lakes- yes sir.
Dad-okey. Picks his phone and called his brother who stays not too far. He also called my mum to come inside.

Dad opened the drink saying drink that goes to a woman's house never goes back whether their reason of coming goes well or not.


Dad-you say you want to marry Herz eh?
Lakes- yes sir.
Dad- why do you want to marry her? (Why do you want to marry her was dad's first question) Do you know her that much? Why do you think she is the one for you?
Lake- bla bla bla.
Dad-who are your parent? What do you do? Where are you from? How long have you known her? Who are your parent? What are their occupation?

Babayosisi I can't remember all the questions again but omo see questions. Within me I was just saying but dad you are not interrogating a criminal na.

Dad brother enters and dad told him they said they want my hand in marriage. He is a retired solder and he started his own bombarding of questions....

Dad- you said you are from Lagos state?
Lakes- yes sir
Dad I'm sorry you can't marry my daughter
Lakes stared to talk o........dad's future questions and at a point I gave up.
Well at the end of the over 4 hours interrogation, dad finally said I will get back to you.

Dad escorted them to their car. Me was busy peeping from pp stsair. See dad eye shining as he was busy looking the plate number and using his hands like he was writing it down.

Dad enters the house, carried his key and left for his club meeting. That's all for now.

Lol @ the highlighted
Your father is a real jagwuda


I am glad about this
This went well,tell lakes not to worry,the ice has been broken.it will get better from here.He has done what a man serious about a girl will do and your dad knows that.
Great move going with a friend and going with drinks too

Dad opened the drink saying drink that goes to a woman's house never goes back whether their reason of coming goes well or not.

Same exact thing in Igbo culture

Thank you

babyosisi:


Now that you brought this up, let me share what you must never do sweetie pie
never say yes to the kids when my inlaw says no
I have been there and it's no fun
Children can be very manipulative and if they know you are the more likely to say yes( just like myself) they will come to you for approval of things they know their dad won't approve, you grant the request and the atmosphere in the house heats up for days.
Always confirm what your husband thinks before saying yes
I am not talking simple stuff like should I drink soda,can I eat a bar of candy but more serious stuff like should I go for a sleep over,go for a movie with Daniel and co and you know your husband doesn't particularly like your son hanging with Daniel,or promising them a certain gift or toy that Oga had already said could wait. when they get to their teens and can drive you better be speaking with one voice to bring up well balanced children.

You should always be on the same page with him as far as kids are concerned
My hubby ,like my dad can be very strict and in some things I would really want to go against him to do it and have,it is one if those mistakes,I have made in the past,don't do it,not worth it.
Instead appeal to him in the bedroom,away from the children and advocate for them
If he insists on saying No,that too should be your answer.
You need to present a united front always
Never ever undermine your husband's authority before the children,men don't take kindly to that

@ herzumpther approach that your Uncle and sell Lakes to him
Work on your mother too
Maintain your grounds with your father ,have a way of driving down the message of

" dad you know I love you very much and have never disobeyed you and I also know you want the best for me,I have had 9 suitors this one year alone and out of all of them,this is the man I want to spend my life with,he comes from a good home,is very respectful,family oriented,a good christian man etc"

[size=18pt]Give your father bullet points that he will lay in bed and think about [/size]

babyosisi:



Lol @ the highlighted
Your father is a real jagwuda


I am glad about this
This went well,tell lakes not to worry,the ice has been broken.it will get better from here.He has done what a man serious about a girl will do and your dad knows that.

He told my uncle he doesn't want me to marry Yoruba and my uncle demanded to know why. He just kept saying No in my dialect . my uncle he should stop being a tribalist that the young man sounds guenin and looks it. He told dad to look beyond tribe dad just kept saying no way

Can you believe he even asked lekes his age and where he stays? Lakes said he shuttles and dad said that's it, you want to decieve my daughter after having a wife in America. I trained my daughter well so she is not desperatly looking for how to go to America and mind you I can send her there if she wants. My uncle and mum just started laughing and dad was like I'm serious o.

Herzumpther:


He told my uncle he doesn't want me to marry Yoruba and my uncle demanded to know why. He just kept saying No in my dialect . my uncle he should stop being a tribalist that the young man sounds guenin and looks it. He told dad to look beyond tribe dad just kept saying no way

Can you believe he even asked lekes hisbage and where he stays? Lakes said he shuttles and dad said that's it, you want to decieve my daughter after having a wife in America. I trained my daughter well so she is not desperatly looking for how to go to America and mind you I can send her there if she wants. My uncle and mum just started laughing and dad was like I'm serious o.

Bingo!!
That Uncle is heaven sent
Thank God your dad invited him
Use that to your advantage
You and lakes may have to pay him a visit together
To be honest with you what your dad described happens but we all know the tribe is his main issue

babyosisi:
@ herzumpther approach that your Uncle and sell Lakes to him
Work on your mother too
Maintain your grounds with your father ,have a way of driving down the message of

" dad you know I love you very much and have never disobeyed you and I also know you want the best for me,I have had 9 suitors this one year alone and out of all of them,this is the man I want to spend my life with,he comes from a good home,is very respectful,family oriented,a good christian man etc"

[size=18pt]Give your father bullet points that he will lay in bed and think about [/size]

Chai see as dad just dey act all anti robbey on him. If it was the awka guy it would have been easy. When he returns from his club meeting I will know his mind.

Herzumpther:
Chai see as dad just dey act all anti robbey on him. If it was the awka guy it would have been easy. When he returns from his club meeting I will know his mind.

My dear don't blame him o
There are many crooks out there,nobody wants their own as a victim
Me that is speaking I don't know what extent my husband may go to someday when someone comes for his beloved daughter

Anty babyosisi pls come to my rescue, this one is too much for me,pls how do I handle a cheating husband.