babyosisi:


Bingo!!
That Uncle is heaven sent
Thank God your dad invited him
Use that to your advantage
You and lakes may have to pay him a visit together
To be honest with you what your dad described happens but we all know the tribe is his main issue

chisom101:
Anty babyosisi pls come to my rescue, this one is too much for me,pls how do I handle a cheating husband.

babyosisi:


My dear don't blame him o
There are many crooks out there,nobody wants their own as a victim
Me that is speaking I don't know what extent my husband may go to someday when someone comes for his beloved daughter

babyosisi:


I had a thread warning girls about these abroad spouses and some men I suspect were trying to woo and confuse girls in Nigeria came down on me ,very angry
I posted websites where they could check for the man's address,see the other people in the house with same last names,check his marriage and divorce history,criminal records and arrest history etc
The world is so small now thanks to the internet,information is at our finger tips
Almost everyone in Nigeria has a relative or close friend living in the USA,for a small fee they can run checks on this man and find out things about him.
The era of a man telling you he is a pharmacist when he is a cleaner at the pharmacy is over
You can check his state license with the state license board ,online and it's free

chisom101:
My husband praises me at home ,but goes outside telling people how bad I am .that am evil that he regret marrying me just last last month I lost my pregnancy, we shed tears together ,to my surprise he called some family members telling them I did abortion .has been like this since six years we got married. Whenever I confront him he start begging me saying he is sorry ,that it cant happen again telling me am a good woman,he love me so much,that he is ready to give his life for me ,but goes around painting me black in front of people. Pls help me ,am afraid of the future with him :

softysparky:

Now this is funny
I have witnessed something like this sha, I visited a family and was offered a bottle of soft drink, the next minute their little kids came in with big cups and I had to share the drink for them. The parents laughed and only said, this children will not kill me.

babyosisi:


Have you gathered the airtight evidence I asked you to get,forwarded those messages to your own phone ?
Do you have a job?
Supportive parents?

chisom101:
my Anty my Mon is late my father is very old but my brothers are very supportive.but am very pained today, I showed my pastor and his wife the text massage today he warned me never to torch my husband phone again,that I should go beg my husband I don't have any right to torch his phone.

chisom101:
I showed my pastor and his wife the text massage today he warned me never to torch my husband phone again,that I should go beg my husband I don't have any right to torch his phone.

cococandy:

these pastors .

That's how one was pushing a girl to go kneel down and beg her husband that has been raping her since they got married.

chisom101:
my Anty my Mon is late my father is very old but my brothers are very supportive.but am very pained today, I showed my pastor and his wife the text massage today he warned me never to torch my husband phone again,that I should go beg my husband I don't have any right to torch his phone.

babyosisi:


Am I sure it wasn't the pastor that saw this husband in a vision

cococandy:

these pastors .

That's how one was pushing a girl to go kneel down and beg her husband that has been raping her since they got married.

moca:

Can u imagine?

cococandy:

He's probably a high giver and a financial pillar in the church.
Who knows How many pastors like this one help intimidate young women into staying in abusive marriages because they don't want to speak against the man.

Poor lady. Probably Feels overwhelmed and alone.

babyosisi:


And many nigerian girls ignorantly go to the pastor to confirm a husband choice or allow the man handpick God's will for them
How foolish
A man that I will be living with to be picked by someone else
Let me not vex much I dey go church

Let me go to redeemed today jare and get my groove on

Oga is out so let me use the opportunity and worship naija style

babyosisi:
We are finally going for our isiewu dinner date
Make I go wear my mini
See you all
Happy val everyone

babyosisi:


Chisom101, I saw this thread you started feb 11
Please tell us more about this man

How did you meet him,how much did you know him and what attracted you to this man
Besides cheating and the racy text messages,he seems to have some major flaws in his character
[size=18pt]
Please stick to the two kids for now,no more pregnancies till this ish is sorted out[/size]

chisom101:
I met him in our church he was a very devoted Christian then,very calm very nice infant very body likes him .he approached me said he love me and want to marry me,our vicar and his wife then told me to marry him that he is a good man.he meet my people and marriage rite take place.to tell u the truth I don't know him well enough to marry him,but he promisedme that very thing will be alright that he will be a good husband to me.and we got married traditionally.after that I got pregnant for him our Reverend called him to fixed our wedding date he told him that he is not ready that we just did our traditional marriage.that was how we leave that Church. Till today

moca:
Herz

A
@chisom101, u r a beautiful woman.
Love ur pix but pls, bring it down for now.
I maro ndi oso chi egbu.
Dust urself up and be ready for freedom.
R u doing something now?
If not get busy. Even if it's selling akara.
Simply be busy.
Ignore him completely.
As per that ur church,if going to another church will cause problem,forget church for now and hustle.
When u have gathered enough money, u can organize a meeting. Ur folk and his and table ur grievance.
Listen with ur ear and mouth. His and his folks action will determine if u will still give d union another chance.
But if he is not remorseful and ready to change,dear separate.

U and u alone r responsible for ur happiness.
U r too young to start groaning. Till when?
A single day of happiness is better than living in a mansion without it.
Also think about d kids.
Contrary to what people say. Kids in a dysfunctional home have lots of baggage.

Nne,i bu asa nwa,i nugo.
I zulu ezu na nwanyi.
And u should be very proud of urself.
Pamper urself so that u will look like d one I saw in d picture.
His bad,not urs if he doesn't retract.
All d best.

babyosisi:


Your pastor is very stupeed,you showed him a text about a woman talking about how she can't wait to see and ride his hard deek and he asks you to go beg the husband?
He is probably doing same on his wife
Listen to me and listen good
Do not beg anything
You heard me right,you've done nothing wrong,don't beg anybody ,not him,don't!



Please answer my other questions
Can your shop support you?
Did the pastor find you this husband?
Also answer the questions in my post about how you met this sicko
Then I will give a more detailed response when I return from church

Nonsense!

chisom101:
I met him in our church he was a very devoted Christian then,very calm very nice infant very body likes him .he approached me said he love me and want to marry me,our vicar and his wife then told me to marry him that he is a good man.he meet my people and marriage rite take place.to tell u the truth I don't know him well enough to marry him,but he promisedme that very thing will be alright that he will be a good husband to me.and we got married traditionally.after that I got pregnant for him our Reverend called him to fixed our wedding date he told him that he is not ready that we just did our traditional marriage.that was how we left that Church. Till today so after six months I discovered that he don't love me,loved him unconditional, hopeing that he will start loving me someday.love never come .last year before he would make love to me I will beg him,we hardly make love like husband and wife ,sometimes one year sometimes six months. Yes I have a small business am managing.

babyosisi:


This is sad
First of all go and get tested for diseases including HIV,if it is positive ,that's another story
If negative read on
you are married and there are two children
Your mom is late bless you,do you have two reliable no nonsense aunties that are a little like me?,preferably mom's sisters?
You need one or both of them
Tell them everything going on in this marriage
Then go back home and confront this man with your findings and that you have told your family about this because you don't want to be infected with aids or have someone treat you like dirt and spread viscous lies about you.
Then get the crazier of those aunties to call and fix a date for the visit to discuss the issues in the marriage.Let the aunty ask him to invite a family member of his in that discussion
Some men at this point may plead that they don't want an outside intervention and promise heaven and earth, don't buy into this,things have gone too far and This discussion must hold
Do you think you can do this?

I am keeping your brothers out for now so they don't kill the guy

If this man doesn't promise in front of your family members that he will treat you right,stop cheating on you and stop making up and telling wicked lies about you,you need to leave him

Odillz:
Good morning my people .
Please I dreamt that Herzumpther's father accepted Leks and as I was dancing,I threw my phone inside water .
Somebory shout 'AMEN'.

babyosisi:


Gbam
Same here

Marriage is a partnership and with all partnerships there is an agreed contract written or implied
He keeps to his end of the bargain,you keep to yours
The same rules guide us all

harveyspec:
I'm in a fix kind off

I'm 28, she is 23, she is my first, we are clocking 1yr6months. I have gone to see her father, not to declare my intentions per say but based on invitation, he wanted to know the man dating his daughter. His questions bothered on my job & my family

We haven't had sex but there has been romance. The thing is I'm tired of the relationship.
Am I bored? No
Have I found someone else? No
Do I love her? Yes
Is our communication level good? Yes & no

Why the burnout?
I really poured in my best into the relationship, wanting to know about her, showing care & love in every aspect of her life (academics,finance,siblings, spiritual, physical etc)

Now that I'm tired, some things I had previously ignored, seems a
Big deal to me & also there is this psychological feeling of she is my first, try someone else too


I taught her something about open lines of communication, so when there is an issue we talk about it but it seems she kind of took advantage of it, knowing fully well that I will want to play by such rule. Gradually I began to feel cheated, seeing all the effort I put in & not seeing her's up to a commensurate level.

There was a time I told her I wasn't doing to put in any effort & that it was her time to work, but that yielded no result.

In this 1yr6months, I have called off the relationship on 4 counts, on all counts she cried & pleaded, because I loved her & also the fear of her hurting herself, I find myself rescinding my decision.

What I resolved to do was next occurrence, I won't call it off but withdraw gradually, well it happened again, I withdrew but it was abrupt & we haven't spoken for 2weeks now

She has tried everything & I haven't bulged & don't plan to.

I have resolved that the next relationship, I won't put in 100%, but unleash them in increasing level slowly to prevent this kind of burnout(I'll give myself time before I start the next one, my plan is to make friends: no strings attached)

Herein lies my concern

1. Where do I start from( this was my first relationship, I don't know how to flirt or chase after girls, dont even have them as friends per say)

2. Will I find someone better, folks have been drumming it in my ears that the devil you know.....

3. Hope I ain't making a mistake

Finally, I have my own faults, one being am very principled & whenever there was an issue, she always took the reconciliation step.

Thanks

Cc:babyosisi, cococandy, freecocoa

djon78:
Adanne babyosisi thank you so much for this wonderful thread, it has educated me so much concerning marriage.

Honestly I now know that if I had ventured into marriage b4 now, I would have made a mess of it because I was never prepared for it. I am in my mid 30's, came accross a lot of ladies in the past 2 years, but none realy gave me the inner convictn or peace. I wasnt even praying seriously then, adding to that my mum was calling me every week to drum on concerning wife. Honestly that was when I knew I had to pray seriously to God to find my wife, as I did sometime last year, I met a young woman in her mid 20's, gotten her masters, working, very homely, sows and designs her own clothes, bakes and designs quality cakes, deeply spiritual, naturally beauty, infact she is an embodiment of virtous woman in Proverbs 30. I did not waste time oh, I made my move immediately, she no gree oh that last year, but I was led not to give up, I persisted, was real to her, she saw me for whom I am when she gave me the chance, our wedding is coming up soon.
I have now come to realy understand what marriage is, that you have to die to self and the flesh to succede. God had previously dealt with me concerning sex, cos I was chasing skirts like most guys but I ve learnt abstinence, infact by Gods grace adultery has been programmed in my mind as a no no, this my body only belongs to my wife, no other woman, though it isnt easy because am still flesh, but with God it is well.
That is why threads like this is good, it teaches a lot because many people get into marriage not prepared, that is why many marriages are breaking up. A childhood friend of mine, got married last dec in the east, he has a very rich dad. I cldnt make it to his wedding so I visited him at home, I was like wow when his wife came to greet me, I gave her 98% on the scale of beauty, she was like one of those super models. 3 days later I was hanging out with friends, I discovered that my friend that just did his wedding 3 days before who was supposed to be enjoying honeymoon with his gorgeous wife, lodged another woman in a different hotel. I was so angry, sad and disgusted when I got to know of this, it then dawned on me that a lot of people just marry to fulfil all righteousness, they dont take it serious and end up making their partners life with sorrow and misery.